heartmeili (heartmeili) wrote in thinspirations_,
heartmeili
heartmeili
thinspirations_

hi

 Hi I'm new to this community. I'm full chinese and my name is Meili and I just recently turned 15. I am in the 10th grade. The heaviest I have ever weighed recently was 58.9 kg (130 lbs) and the lightest I weighed recently was 45 kg (about 100lbs). I never really thought about weight until my mother started making comments about my weight in 9th grade. I have always had a high metabolism and I used to eat so much food and never gain a pound. I was always underweight my entire life until 9th grade. I was about 5'5'' and 100 lbs in the beginning of 9th grade. I know that is underweight for BMI but that is just how my body is. There was lot of drama in my life during the 9th grade and suddenly I started gaining weight. At first I was happy because I was finally not the skinny girl in class, but I started worrying when my weight gain was not stopping. By the middle of 9th grade I had gone from 45kg to 53kg (from 100lbs to 120lbs). I started feeling fat. By the end of 9th grade, I had my first relationship with this guy I knew for a while. I remember it all hit me one day when I was talking to him casually and somehow that topic of weight came up. I didn't say anything about my weight but I found out that he was 49kg (about 110lbs) and 5'8''. I know that sounds really skinny but he has high metabolism too and he eats ALOT. At that moment I felt like a pig because he was about 10lbs lighter than me. I knew I had to do something so thats when I started dieting. At first I just started eating more fruits and veggies. It helped and I got down to 110 lbs again. But I started getting obsessed with weight and I started starving myself. Yes. I was diagnosed with anorexia. Ever since then, weight has been a struggle. As I started going to therapy, I started gaining weight again and got up to 130 lbs. I was shocked and scared. I felt so fat. Later my boyfriend broke up with me and I think it was because I was getting so fat. :( Right now I'm about 125lbs but I want to get back down to 110lbs. I know that sounds really unhealthy but my body burns fat really fast. I'm just having a hard time trying to loose weight because I know how much trouble it got me into earlier. Help anyone? Support?
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