Brit 3

(no subject)

The holidays are an especially turbulent time for the Sisters Anglin... with our Dad "trying" illegal street drugs in his study, our Mom forever moaning and bitching about that damned yellow wallpaper, and the constant remembrance of the gruesome details of our horrifying love lives (j/k)!

Only one thing can help us keep it real in these cutthroat times - TV!

From the new Anna Nicole Smith ad for Trimspa (baby) - actually the best commercial ever made, to the #1 television show of our modern age - Cheaters!

Naturellement my pen and sensibilities were inspired by the exercizes in infidelity so artfully conveyed on the progwamme, and so, dear Joey Greco, from one poetaster to another, I dedicate thus to thou...

To my beloved Carly,

O! Faithless is Woman!

The pain of no smart blow
could compare
to the pain of finding you
brazen and bare
with him in the motel
behind the clink,
and, my Carly,
to only think -
had I not called "Cheaters"
I would not be
cruelly informed
of your inconstancy!
Nor would I be
recompensed handsomely
for permission to air
my likeness on TV!

It peirced my heart
when you said
that Corey is
'the bomb' in bed.
It peirced my skin
if you care - the right shin,
when he sprayed and stung
me with his paintball gun.

You will hear from my lawyer
for I plan to sue,
until then, I remain,
forever yours - adieu.

<3 Tyrone.

(no subject)

ITS rhythmboxXXMAS and the moobie's getting fat! With the shopping season upon us- it's sometimes difficult to wade thru the crap to find the gifts people actually want- well, luckily for us, registering for gifts isnt just for hetero's en route to matrimonial bliss anymore! I have a wish list at amazon.com, don't you? Of course you do, everyone does! Who needs the hassle of actually putting some effort and thought into getting the right gift for your gal or pal when they can tell you exactly what to buy them? Hell why bother even choosing a gift, let's all register with PayPal so we can buy our own presents! Maybe I can even register with my local drug dealer and skip the whole pawn shop/gift return hassle on Boxing Day!

Anywayz, why am I off on a rant about gift giving? Because I love surprises more than anything in the world (as long as they dont involve me having to travel or require feeding or topical cremes)! I have a Wish List because I intend to buy those things for myself, (using LP's credit card mind you) but I'm not quite ready to get them for whatever reason. Also I usually get a gift certificate from Amazon from my folks each year and I wanna be ready!

Anywayz, this all started in a happy place so let me bring us all back to it: A very special lady has opened a very small window into her soul by way of her wish lists!

Wish List one

and two!


I have decided to forego my disdain towards registering for gifts and get her the Serious Black And Red Sheer Mesh Safety Pin Top cuz I dont know about you, but I can just imagine how awesome those flame-retarded titty-nips would look under this "serious" chain link shirt!

Happy Holidaze babies!
Drew 4 Prez

(no subject)

STARVE STYLE-WATCH: Lolly-Pop Heads!!

A new fashion craze is sweeping hollywood, and here at Starve we give you the latest lowdown on celeb style! Thanks to lo-carb, vegan, liquid-only diets, female stars are sporting increasingly emaciated bodies, and with their glamourous up-do's they're looking like walking lolly pops! Although they have to spend most of the day on the toilet, and their bones have the consistency of waxed paper, these celebrity lolly-pop heads are looking as sweet as candy!Collapse )

(no subject)

OMG I just ate the condensation on a diet coke and I swear I gained like .00003 ounces on my left thigh-bone. Im going to have to shave off all the little hairs on my body to compensate otherwise I daren't approach the scale for the 11 pm weigh in!!

Does anyone know if reggae is fat free?
Drew 4 Prez

(no subject)

THE DOUBLE CONFESSIONS OF A DESPERATE DRAG QUEEN! By Reba Jukes.



A crowd of Bacchanalian revellers were dumb-founder Friday when Glow staffer and drag-diva Todd Batowlo revealed, after months of circulating rumours, that a staff of doctors had indeed diagnosed him as legally retarded.

Batowlo, who is also known under drag name Miss Jocelyn, had been an active member of the KW GLBT community for years when Earth Mother/Club Renaissance owner Fran Duhamel noticed a decline in his mental capacities. After luring him to retardation specialist Dr. John Debt under the pretences of a routine ear, nose and throat check up, Duhamel said: "It was awful when he realized where he was. He was like a scared animal, flinging himself at the windows."

News of his retardation is just another case in a disturbing pattern of the Kitchener-Waterloo gay community causing mental decline. Handsome seasoned dance-clubber Talib Jones, who was once pegged for a career as a nuclear physicist, can now be found harrassing holiday shoppers in a fluffy parka in KW's glorious food courts.

A researcher on the phenomenon points to the suggestively titled shooters, Celine Dion techno remixes, and the deadly diet pills popular at such GLBT hotspots as Club Renaissance.

Batowlo also stated that it is a rare nasal condition, not a personality defect, that makes his voice sound perpetually annoyed, in response to homo heart-throb, "J.J." Pilon's remark that Batowlo "talks like an asshole".

Batowlo, naturally, is now banned for life from Club Renaissance and GLOW events, in an attempt to contain the retardation strain, but proceeds from this year's Naughty Butt Nice pageant will go towards keeping little Jocelyn off the streets.

This development comes as a stern warning to the constraining KW gay community. Ironically, LouAnne Jones, victim Talib's mother, once famously remarked that "I'd rather my son be handicapped than gay." starve_ magazine warns all parents out there to be careful what you wish for - you just might get it.