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Saturday, June 19th, 2010

Subject:A Rose
Posted by:lonelydrone.
Time:1:40 pm.
I watched the rose peddles fall on my floor so many memories lost that way. How the years have gone by since I watched my first rose wither with all my love I tried to keep it alive. Thought about it as I sat there in my chair dreaming of days past. It is funny how you remember those days now about to be married I feel so fulfilled this rose some how is different. IT has a real meaning to me it means love real love not just any ordinary love.

The redness of it reminds me of the soft tender kisses and the feeling of her mouth on mine especially when I am not feeling well. The softness of her skin like a smooth cream. Always so inviting making me feel like I am finally home when I am in her arms. She is so strong but at the same time so tender with me she is everything I ever wanted in a woman. Before you paint a scene of us in your head let me tell you my lover is a butch and I am a soft butch. Ok that said I can continue.

As I sit here now and stair at the rose I dream of all the passionate nights I have had. I sat in my leather jacket and a black thong which is my favorite. There is nothing like black leather the hard feel of it the smell of it to make you feel free as you ride the wind on a bike the freedom that makes you feel a live if not for a second in life. I turned then to face my lover and she smiled at me and I smiled back I had a wonderful surprise for her waiting. I went in to our bed room got dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a red t shirt and told her to follow me.

We walked out to the street where I pulled a tarp off of a new bike that shone with the fresh new baby blue paint I had it pained for her with red flames. With black velvet seats it was so hot I couldn't believe it was ours and I smiled and handed her a helmet. That was blue and white and matched mine. She smiled and took me in her arms and kissed me passionately with out a word we both got on it and I held on to her almost in a hug and she started up the bike. We rode to a deserted area I knew and she turned around on the bike and balancing it started to finger fuck me as I rubbed her shaven head and kissed her so longly. I could not help but think how I wanted this for so many years.

Then I slipped my fingers inside her leather pants and played around with her clit until I felt the heat and juices dripping down my fingers and I kept feeling her. I stuck a finger inside her to feel her warm insides god it felt like bliss.

I looked around the deserted road it was so quite and the stars were shining it was so perfect. "I love you" she said as I staired into her blue eyes some times I think I can fall right into them. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small box I knew it had to be jewelry I loved jewelry so much. " I know this has been coming for sometime but will you marry me?" she asked as sweat beat down her forehead. I smiled and hugged her yes I will I said. We got back on the road and road into the early morning it wasn't until one am when we got back to our house.

I felt like the happiest woman alive on earth I finally had everything I ever wanted a warm home with our cat and each other. I took off my clothes with a smile on my face and climbed into bed soon I would be the wife of the one person in this world that matter so dearly to me. That I would die for and more.

The next morning I woke to breakfast made on my nightstand I was in awe and a half a dozen roses and a poem on a slip of paper. I looked over and there was my butch daddy standing in the door way already dressed in a t shirt and dark blue jeans and work boots. She walked over to me and kissed me tenderly. "How is my wife to be?" she asked as I staired at her "very well" I said looking at her she was the most beautiful thing I had every seen.

The rest of that morning few by in a blur I don't remember what else happened now I sit here and think about it.

Now I sit here in my chair and look at the last rose and stair at its red pedals and pray that our marriage will be great as I scroll threw wedding dresses on the computer.Oh... well she is home I have to go make her dinner sigh.
Read more at lesbian dating lesbian stories
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Subject:moment
Posted by:daybreakmemory.
Time:4:01 pm.
Mood: pissed off.
it's been almost a month. maybe it's been split forever. the last kiss goodbye was the end of the tale. i fight for it as much as i fight against it. that good for nothing, low-down mother fucker. does it get any worse? i let emotionality flow in the wrong direction. i should cherish my possessions rather than throwing them to a darkened shadow hunched at my feet. fleeting adoration is just that. i must break the tie that binds. me to him...not him to me. i hesitate a step in his direction. only for a second did i think i should. he calls, he asks me to follow. the fur instantly stands up on the back of my neck. my eyes narrow slicing his assumption in half. every chink in my armor has left a mind numbing scar. i need to remove myself from the present and set myself into the future. i need to be 850 miles away. call it running. call it healing. call it what you will. it doesn't matter to me because no one knows what this feels like to me. no one knows because no one would dare. no one would dare to face the wild current of an unconditionally bad man.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

Subject:indefinitely...
Posted by:daybreakmemory.
Time:10:26 am.
Mood: crazy.
I need to write to get it out. Writing brings recognition and forced acceptance. He wanted to keep a piece of me...FOREVER. A child would bring an unbreakable bond with him. He wanted that from me. A piece of me. FOREVER. But not me. He can only love to a point. A very sharp, fucked up point at that. I loved him unwillingly. I hindered giving anything while silently falling to my own demise. A piece of me. FOREVER. An unmistakable image of him and I meshed together into one. A tantalizing waltz that left me with a broken heel. One misstep and an ankle twist. There is no turning back. What's done is done. A piece of me. FOREVER. Me and him. Him and I. A piece of me. And now him. Engrained in me. I'm unrecognizable. A twisted, malicious game we play. I succumb to defeat. A piece of me. There is no getting back what is lost now...FOREVER.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Posted by:daybreakmemory.
Time:10:30 am.
Mood: mellow.
it's a chess game. i won't move my piece until i figure out your strategy. you say tomorrow. i say now. you call tomorrow. i ignore you. i pick the day after that. you ignore me. i call you. you answer coolly. i was working. you know i wasn't. you call me out. but i could have been. how would you ever know? today is too late. you're already somewhere that isn't very far away. i want now. it's all about me, not your convenience. your voice is calm and soothing. i'm not anxious like i always seem to be. i actually feel something there that i wish i could believe. it'll all fall apart when you crash into me. tomorrow...tomorrow you can see me. right now, you're just too far out in the country. mmhmmm. i have to work, i have a wake. what i need right now is to have you here in an embrace. i need comfort. i need love. i need something more than my blankets pulled tightly across my shoulders. can you give me that? at least? i need a moment for my soul to grieve. out of me and onto you. just for a moment. just for this once. i need you to love me when i need you to....
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

Subject:madness
Posted by:daybreakmemory.
Time:8:58 am.
Mood: blank.
why i loved him i don't know. i want to say not out of need, but i'm not sure. i knew he was a bad boy the day i laid eyes on him, number one. he gave a sly smile and waved. i just wanted to flee to the door on my side of the duplex. the attention down south has always unnerved me. i've felt more uncomfortable there in my few short three years than i have anywhere else my entire life. it was the way his eyes soaked in my entire body. it gave me chills on a late august day. i looked down, around and continued as the rest of the crowd turned and mumbled. i watched from the inside. lights out with the front and back door opened. he sat on the two steps that led to the mailboxes out front smoking his certain style of black and milds. i watched people come and go but i focused on him. i couldn't see his eyes but i could feel them. he focused on my and i enjoyed it. i would swagger to my back door, smoke a cigarette, act as though i didn't notice as i drank in his silhouette against the smoke rising in the evening sky. i was intrigued. i doubted his pursuit. but he did. quicker than i thought. smoother than i imagined. til i found myself craving every part of him no matter the madness. i waited. and waded. manipulation was in the air. three words made me partially believe him. we feel what we feel no matter how fucked up we are. it is what it is and i would later find that this all would leave me resistless. his capability plummeted as my other three words broke into the madness leaving only resentment. i refused tears as those other three words exploded from my lips. there was no hesitation. okay followed by a head nod. tears then flowed from days to weeks almost uncontrollably. one word turned into nothing. nothing left me hollow no matter how abundant i was. reality screams louder than the madness of this ride. i grab ahold just barely in time. i fear the aftereffects of apathy and a frigid concrete room. i close my eyes and swallow every bit of emotionality, knowing it'll all be different when i exit this ride. the doors bust open as tears instantaneously fall from my eyes. i'm overwhelmed by the solitariness of loss in every aspect of my life. i weep for it all. just as i weep for everyone. everyone the madness had possession of.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, October 8th, 2009

Subject:wednesday
Posted by:daybreakmemory.
Time:8:29 pm.
Mood: blah.
and there i was...back in his arms. it's like nothing has ever happened before. he's dangerous for me. lethal even. i can remain silent only so long. i have to poke at the beast. open the door for it, my legs, my bed. i say everything curtly. it's all so matter-of-fact. i patiently await a response, a reaction. i wait for anything. his eyes say nothing. his mouth speaks only that which i want to hear. i understand this time. i scrutinize every syllable. don't patronize me. i want to swat his hand away as he pats me on the head. there, there now dear. he doesn't understand. i want to give him a big fuck you too. a slap in the face. a degree on any of the turmoil that he's lain upon me. he really doesn't even know me. although he says he does. at least three quarters of the way. i laugh at his lies. i laugh in his face. he reaches for my hips. i almost hesitate. i let us turn into dust. i let everything become nothing.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

Subject:don't you know?
Posted by:daybreakmemory.
Time:8:37 pm.
Mood: mellow.
So steady they came…
Day after day
Turned into night after night.
I couldn’t wait till night fell
Or when day broke.
I would just lie there,
Intertwined fingers
Wrapped up in his embrace.
I woke happily
To the freshly brewed coffee
And the eyes of this man.
Every moment left a heavy footprint
As he cleared out the dusty corners of my mind.
Like it or not,
Accept it,
As I did not,
This man is more than just nothing.
I did not,
Because I could not.
Although I did want more.
More that neither him
Nor In
Could supply.
I knew this
I knew it well
But it mattered not
I buckled
I made sure to fall right in
Into day and night
Him and I
Freshly brewed coffee
And the eyes of this man.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, September 7th, 2009

Subject:sure
Posted by:daybreakmemory.
Time:12:12 pm.
Mood: lethargic.
smoke another's brand of cigarettes right after i fucked him. he sleeps soundly as i puff away and think of where i've been. the man in my bed reeks of dead ends and wrong turns. i let myself fall into his arms craving that which can not be solidified. he loves me. he leaves. i crave more but never call. what i crave comes from the one who's cigarettes i smoke. the clock shifts to 4am. unhappiness sinks in over satisfaction. i'm left fumbling with how it is. i pull a blanket over my shoulders. lying under his arms felt unnatural. i sleep in the living room instead. the morning brings freshly brewed coffee and his eyes that i've come to adore. he grabs me, loves me, i can spare a few moments more. off to work as i smoke the same cigarette's. i think of the man for which i smoke these and how he would kiss my bare shoulder blades while he thought i was asleep. i miss that man. my calls go unanswered. my heart aches but i shake it off as i open the door. i exhale the last hit of him as i flick the cigarette hoping there's still one more...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

Subject:you already know
Posted by:daybreakmemory.
Time:8:24 pm.
Mood: melancholy.
i like the way the rain felt on my skin so i took my time finishing my cigarette. kids. the dream. when love is the problem nothing can solve it. he nudges the flap in the back corner of my mind. he wants in. he's already in. how many times can i let him in again? i like my corners dusty; filled with the reminiscences of this, that and what have you. i like to leave them dormant, undisturbed. he nudges himself in, kicking up his heels and stirring up my well settled dust. i break out for a moment. open the car door and let the rain continue to wet the rest of my skin. i want to sit in the rain, get drenched in the rain, breathe in deeply and exhume all the pain and bitterness in my exhale. i trudge along instead. it seems too unrealistic. i buy myself a cup of coffee. the french brew with a little room for cream. he walks as a shadow behind my eyes. my heart pulsates and my hands shake. an unperfect beginning and crashing halt in the end. far too deep. i was far too deep in the way he would say my name. the man hands me $3.00 in change. i smile unwanting to make eye contact or meaningless conversation. the coffee is very hot, he just brewed it. i pick up the cardboard cup with the cardboard holder. i add some cream and there he is standing in my kitchen. 6am any weekday morning. he pours my cup even before his own. he bravely adds my cream and stirs it without even asking. i hate for him to leave but beg that he go. i find an empty table. it's toward the back a little off to the right. i make myself comfortable. the coffee singes the tip of my tongue as my eyes divert every which way, drinking in the melancholy scene. i digress. everything is sad when one is sad. even if it only creeps in through the cracks of the sunset. i sit. i watch. i refuse to listen. nothing anyone has to say could interest me. i'm lucky i find any interest in each day let alone a stranger with dark eyes. the dark eyes he had would stare at me intently, holding each gaze carefully as so it wouldn't break. he would hold my face, hold my hand as he laid kisses down ever inch of my neck. i held him silently. i held him questioningly. i held him unconditionally. a couple enters. he eyes me in a leering way as if wondering if i'm wearing any panties. his girlfriend doesn't notice as she orders coffee for them. i pause long enough to make him uncomfortable. he moves over to place his hand on her lower back. always someone else. it was always her. it was always me. who was it more of? he breathed i love you and vanished in the dark. he created a stronger bond and i had no choice but to break it. each moment became increasingly harsher and i fell apart not screaming but weeping. he didn't pick me up though. he refused to look, he refused to notice. i finished my coffee and walked quickly out the front door. the rain still spilled from the sky. i inhaled deeply. please let this exhale be the one which i can exhume each moment, each memory, each loving touch he ever laid upon me. let it erase it all, from the very beginning to the unsweetened end.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, February 23rd, 2009

Subject:New Music Community
Posted by:1unique_user.
Time:2:28 pm.
Mood:accomplished.
Hey, I didn't see anything in the community info saying this wasn't allowed. So if it isn't, feel free to delete it.

---

I have created a new music sharing community called, Music_Pillagers

This community will basically function like a p2p client, except the whole premise is "You've got to give to get." So if you're looking for an album or a song, you can request that someone uploads it and shares the link. Easy peasy right? I thought so. It also saves you the drama of actually having to download a p2p client that can be full of all kinds of nasty viruses.

Every week I will also upload an album that is either hard to find or something I think is worth listening to.

Now since the community actually has a following of 1 right now, I decided to start things off with the music I have available to share.

Originally, I wanted to actually post a list of my library here on lj; however, I quickly realized my library was simply to big to post here. So - For the complete list of the music I have available to share, go here.

Impressive, no?

How can you get your hands on some of that music you ask?!

Join & Promote of course!







Seriously, everyone likes music. How could you NOT join?
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, January 24th, 2009

Subject:how it feels
Posted by:daybreakmemory.
Time:12:28 pm.
Mood: melancholy.
sex is sex.
a fuck is just that.
you have no control over me
even if i'm lying on my back.
legs around your waist.
a groan with each thrust.
i lose a little more respect for you
after each time i come.
you think you're the man,
i think you're a child.
a liar,
a cheater,
a boy on which i shouldn't waste my time.
you lie to my face
and i smile right back.
i keep telling myself it's no skin off my back.
smoke a cigarette.
wish for a joint.
i look into your eyes
questioning the point.
the smoke rises to the ceiling.
you set your beer on my hardwood floor.
i listen to you banter.
sometimes i keep my head in the clouds.
i crave much more
than the fickleness you breathe.
fuck friends,
bed buddies,
it's all the same to some degree.
baby this
and
baby that.
how easily the emotion flows
when you're at the climax.
you devour me in kisses
covering my mouth,
neck,
and top of my shoulder
leading to my back.
i wish this was more.
i mourn that it's less.
you leave with a silence
the cool air tingles with your exit.
you're gone again
in some essence.
it's just me.
i stare at the door
aching for you to return,
yet wishing you'd leave forever.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, November 24th, 2008

Subject:Remembrall
Posted by:knuffs.
Time:10:16 pm.
TO REMEMBER:

thinking is neither bad or good per se; it's just that certain thoughts evoke weird or bad feelings... and that's the one fact that truly sucks about life in the grand scheme of things.
 
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, September 19th, 2008

Posted by:1unique_user.
Time:9:31 pm.
Tonight is one of those nights. The type everyone knows. Or maybe not. It's a quiet night. Not quiet as in the absence of sound. But quiet as in the absence of time. Still. Yet not empy. Full. Yet not overwhelming. It's a night full of streaming thoughts. Thoughts of life. Thoughts of love. A night where introspection isn't fueled by regret. Tonight. Night isn't simply the absence of light. Nor is it the presence of Dark. Tonight is a night where everything simply is.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, August 30th, 2008

Subject:should
Posted by:daybreakmemory.
Time:10:44 am.
Mood: contemplative.
SHOULD
her eyes lift to his
silent
but
screaming.
this moment is locked
yet she refuses to tremble.
she stands with her hip cocked
and one hand propped up.
coyly he eyes
the gentle curve of her back.
hypnotized,
or perhaps mezmerized,
what's hers is his
without him even asking.
his penetrating gaze
makes her unable to refrain
when he takes her hand
to bring her crashing into him.
both exuding the same
unwanting of this sentiment
to collapse
and
shatter
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, October 1st, 2007

Posted by:telegram_.
Time:11:26 pm.
  I wrote this while literally asleep. Of course I cleaned up most of the spelling and grammar afterwards, but yeah, I only half remember typing it. I don't know how to explain it...except I'm weird. :]



Anymore, Not Making Sense

 

He could not understand a word she was saying. He couldn’t understand because he didn’t want to, and perhaps that was the main reason why he’d fucked it all up in the end. He stared at her intensely and nodded his head, as if to suggest that the words were really sinking in, as if to suggest that he was interested.

 

But in reality he was drifting off completely, envisioning new worlds and new ideas and new things and why can I not write anymore? My head feels empty, I would write some sort of simile but I can’t think of one. And I can’t even remember what a simili is, or a pronoun, or an adverb, or how you spell any of those bloody things.

 

I just want to write. Is that too much to ask for, God? I just want to write something so hauntingly beautiful or disturbingly funny or shocking or thought provoking, so thought provoking that my name will be remembered forever. In the canon. I think that’s what my literature teacher calls it. The canon. A bitch.

 

It isn’t hard to write, really. You just think of an idea, and you type it into existence. Suddenly the words become real. Suddenly people you’ve created are walking and breathing on this earth, a different earth, but earth all the same. You can talk to these people and they can talk to each other and they can keep you company on a rainy day. On a lonely day. I write because I have no one to talk to and I have no one to talk to because I write. “That’s a paradoxical statement,” said Professor Ard A Bitch.

 

But my eyes are stinging, are burning. I want to sleep. I want to drift off. I want my fingers to write for me. I want the genius to treacle out from the tips, slowly but surely. Is not happening. Because it’s all here, in my head. The truth, the reality I wish so desperately to get out onto paper and into the world.  In my head. In my head I’m a genius and outside I’m just an adolescent girl.

 

I see flashes of pink paper and starlight and fire and sadness. I see blank expanse upon blank expanse, and red in the midst of black, and a Bright White Light. I’ve always thought the backs of my eyelids were the inside of my mind. I’ve always thought that if I concentrated hard enough, I could see all my future in the flesh.

 

But it’s all blindness when I close my eyes, all confusion. Nothing makes sense. Nothing is not confusing. Streaming in and out of consciousness, I am. And I can feel people watching me. I’m in the computer lab and there are people watching me. Because my fingers are clicking away, I can feel them, and they feel good but the click clackity noise is annoying as all hell and I don’t expect them to take it and I know they all hate me to smithereens.

 

Maybe Ill leave in a few moments. Maybe I’ll open my eyes and walk home. Maybe I’ll stay here and fall asleep in this chair and tiptoe into the Fiction section at three in the morning for a midnight snack. Not eating makes me happy. And so does not sleeping. And so does not feeling, or rather pretending not to feel, and pretending to be deep dark mysterious hole. I’ve always hated commas.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, September 24th, 2007

Subject:the writer's sketchbook
Posted by:telegram_.
Time:10:37 pm.
 

Meeting The Parent

“All that creamy white looked wrong, perverse, floating placidly in the cup on the table before me. That glass looked like the sort of thing you drank hard liquor out of, not something as embarrassingly good for your health as whole milk.”


Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, September 6th, 2007

Subject:and
Posted by:booffiegirl.
Time:12:26 pm.
Mood: crazy.
up and down, back and forth as well as side to side. it's all the same. the fabric of friendship, the way it's woven together. see that fray inevitably become an unraveling hole? over and under. the hardest thing and the right thing can be the same. i perch ever so rigidly on the edge of the green leather stool. my hand almost slips from the damp, sweating glass clenched within my fist. watch and ponder. it's all understood. i know i'm not the last to get here. i caught the first train out at 6:30. drift and wander. hello again. how are you this fine day? i watch every slight movement the eyes attempt to make. i assess from the back, down, then over and up again. shift and stutter. my eyes stir with an intensity that once would unnerve me. my capacity screams into another entity. all words fall broken but silent. breathe in and breathe out. the exhalation makes it all sit a slight more comfortably. i slowly begin to step back into my own skin. i look up to the sky without the stars beginning to streak. to know it and to be humbled by it. i don't hesitate before turning on my heels. i situate my knapsack to the other side of my back. i allow the stars to lead me down that uncharted path.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, July 12th, 2007

Subject:snippet
Posted by:knuffs.
Time:8:57 pm.
Sentence of the week:

When arguing with a stupid person, make sure that he isn't doing the same.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007

Subject:PULL
Posted by:booffiegirl.
Time:11:37 am.
Mood: okay.
pull me in.
close.
too close.
i can't breathe.
that's too close for my comfort.
fuck yours.
a sneer snakes across my lips.
i said it.
i don't mean it.
but i pretend to as i place the crumbled pieces of stone back into my wall.
the slow hands of time burn across the sky.
yesterday's voice was nothing more but a mere cry.
a yearning set forth from a mutes mouth.
part of me somehow dissolves as each piece is touched,
maneuvered,
fondled,
then let go again.
it's just me
and the midnight sky.
nothing more, nothing less.
my emotionality is more intense than the next.
i cough over the mere crumb while you choose to choke on it.
pardon me?
i'm sorry.
we're all out of water.
it's inevitable.
it always is.
i flinch ever so slightly as i duck my head against the wind.
reality seeps from the outside in;
my wool sweater weighs down my shoulders once again.
face turned toward the stars brings more discomfort than answers.
i can break
but i refuse to shatter.
that is definitely not the answer
nor is the step i've taken in this chapter.
my words feel paper thin
coating my throat and the top of my mouth.
it's more than a dust cloud.
more like a whirlwind attack.
you will for me to stay as i struggle to go.
it's not as easy as before;
bumping,
crashing,
colliding
into so many different things.
bouncing off corners and doors
wondering where is all begins.
if i can just trace my way back
hanging a left at that dusty bottle of SOCO
the clouds have the possibility of being ever so thin.
but i can't trace it all back.
moving up and stepping forward are the only options left.
my eyes omit a blank stare to the open vastness,
you,
and back again.
it's all so much to handle in a moment,
in this time,
that one day will be so easily forgotten
and left behind.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, November 21st, 2006

Subject:Woah
Posted by:1unique_user.
Time:1:30 am.
So there's been zero activity here since the end of September. Obviously I'm not one to talk as I created the community but have not recently updated either. To a degree it's rather depressing, I'd hoped this community would take off.

By and by... Someone posted this collection of Quotes over on the Quote's community and I wanted to share them with you fine people of Rage____

the QuotesCollapse )
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

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