I have always (and still do) consider myself ugly. I have acne, even at age 28. I'm pale (and, although I like being pale, society doesn't like paleness). My nose is too big, and so are my feet. I wear glasses. I have somewhat severe scars on my arms (and some on my legs, too) from self-injury. To make matters worse, I'm 40-50 pounds overweight, due to a thyroid disorder (I have to take medication for my thyroid problem; I didn't used to be overweight until I developed Hashimoto's Thyroiditis).
I'm bisexual, and I currently have a girlfriend (our relationship is polyamorous, because we are both allowed to date guys, too, but not other girls). She tells me I'm beautiful, but I know it isn't true, definitely not physically. The only guy who ever showed interest in me was a rapist. So...
A couple of weeks ago, I was outside near the big local college campus (I currently live near the campus). I was talking on the phone, when a rather alternative looking guy (the type of guy I am usually attracted to) stopped to look at me. I thought perhaps he was admiring my tee-shirt (The Smiths). Then, I realized that he used to be one of my neighbors, so that was why he was looking at me. It wasn't because he liked me or my style.
Then, a couple of nights ago, I was at a nearby gas station buying ice cream. As I waited in line, I heard a guy behind me say: "Hey, how are you?" Random people never talk to me, so I did not respond. Then, he said: "I'm talking to you..." I turned around, and sure enough, the guy was talking to me. I thought the guy was kind of cute, so I said "hello," and I couldn't believe that he was talking to me. But, then, he told me that he lived across the street from me. So, that was the only reason he was actually talking to me. We ended up talking about my dog for a minute or so (he'd often seen me walking my dog around the neighborhood).
Tonight, I was walking my dog, and the guy across the street was on his porch. He apparently remembered what I'd told him my dog's name is, because he said hello to my dog, calling her by name. I laughed and said that my dog was probably wondering: "How does that guy know my name?" The guy laughed, and then he asked how I was doing. I responded, and that was all.
I feel bitter when guys are friendly to me. Because, if I was pretty, I'd think maybe certain guys were flirting. But I'm not pretty, so I always feel either pitied or mocked.