Alex never cried.
She always used to cry when she lived with her parents. She would scream and cry at her parents because she wanted her way. She wanted to piss off her parents. She wanted to be sixteen. She wanted to be something.
Alex cried when she realised she was in love with a girl. She was overcome with so many emotions at once. She was happy to have found someone to connect with, be with. She was scared, but she was thrilled. She cried because she realised that she was different and that her life was going in a very different direction from that moment on.
But the last time Alex Kelly cried was when her parents found about her relationship with Jody. That was the last straw, they said. They had had enough. Alex was angry and fed up as well. She cried and yelled at them while Jody was standing with her by her side, telling them that there was nothing that could keep her and Jody apart. Alex cried and shook while she threw all of her clothes and belongings into her bags after her parents told her to get out of their house.
Yet later that night, after many bottles of beers, kisses with Jody, and a new tattoo, Alex told herself not to cry anymore. She believed that she had already cried her eyes out too much to cry anymore. That part of her life had to be put behind her.
Alex had never shed a tear since then.
But as she stood in her empty apartment with her bags at her feet, she found it hard to keep herself composed. After her breakup with Marissa, she had decided that it was time to move on. Alex thought of maybe moving back home with her friends for a while before finding a new place to go. She couldn’t stay in Newport anymore. It had too many memories of all of the things she had done, and all of the things she had fucked up. Marissa’s vanilla scent lingered in the air of her apartment. Seth’s smell of fresh laundry still lingered in her bedroom. It was time to go.
Alex never cried. But with her bags packed resting on the concrete stairs outside of her apartment, and Alex sitting on those very stairs, she figured that she could shed a tear. Alex could cry. She could cry for Seth, the first boy she thought she could actually fall in love with. She could cry for Marissa, the most beautiful girl that screamed perfection in every step she took, the one that she fell hard for but couldn’t have. She could cry for herself. She could cry for Alex Kelly, the girl that she should have been crying for all along.
Alex’s head snapped up. It was Seth, probably the last person she wanted to see. He was tilting his head to the side curiously, wondering why she was sitting there. She sniffed and tucked her hair behind her ear.
“Hi.” Her greeting came out much more strangled than she intended it to be. She cleared her throat.
Seth leaned on the railing next to Alex. “Are you uh, going somewhere?” He asked tentatively.
Alex cleared her throat again. She didn’t want to see Seth at that moment. The last time she saw him, he had informed her about her girlfriend being in a tent with someone else. He was the bearer of bad news. Seth always had to fuck things up.
“What do you want, Seth?” She demanded, annoyed.
Seth stood in front of her and put his hands up in defense. “Sorry, sorry. I just came by to tell you I’m really sorry about slipping about Marissa and Ryan the other day. I mean I didn’t know that Marissa didn’t tell you, so I just assumed, which was really stupid because assuming is the worst thing anyone can do so-“ Seth stopped himself from rambling. “I’m sorry. I hope we can still be friends.”
Alex stared up at him for a moment before looking away. She thought it wasn’t right to leave Seth without parting with good terms, so she guessed that it was okay that he was here to apologise for his stupid mistake. Even if she hated him for it. He was the only one she didn’t really say goodbye to, anyway.
“I hoped that we could still be friends too, Seth.” Alex said to him.
“Hoped?” Seth asked, leaning on the railing next to her, putting on his pouty face. It nearly drove her to tears. Alex didn’t know what she was going to do without having Seth light up her day with his ramblings and lame jokes that always made her smile.
“I’m leaving, Seth.” She turned away from him and looked straight ahead.
“What?” Seth said. His hands dropped from holding the railing and he stared at her, his mouth wide open in shock from the news.
“Yeah.” Alex suddenly found her hands in her lap very interesting.
Seth walked around the railing to sit down next to her. He tried to look into her eyes. “Why?”
“I don’t know,” she snapped, “I just have to go.”
Alex feared that if she started telling Seth everything, she was going to cry. She didn’t want to cry. She couldn’t cry. She had left that part of her behind.
Seth looked at her with sad eyes. “I know this sounds really selfish, but if it’s because of what I said-"
“No, Seth, it wasn’t just about what you said.” Alex tucked her hair behind her ear again. “I mean what you said had something to do with it, but it…it was so many other things.”
The sun was setting then, painting the sky with light purples, oranges, and pinks. Alex watched as the sun was moving lower and lower in the sky. She knew that she was going to be okay. She was going to miss these sunsets by the beach, feeling the soft breeze and the glow of the sun against her face, feeling that life was perfect and all she needed was alcohol, good music, and her friends. She still needed those essentials for her life. She would still have them, too. But she won’t have them in Newport Beach anymore.
Seth observed Alex as she stared out at the beach and the water. He watched the emotions that were shown on her flawless, beautifully intense and passionate face. He was still confused and sad about the news that she just broke to him. Alex had put him through a lot, but he still wanted her as a friend.
“It’s just time for me to go.” Alex tried to say defiantly, but failed. She failed, but she failed beautifully, with her blue-green eyes glowing from the orange light of the sun and her lips shining and her teeth biting her lower lip to keep from trembling and with that Seth put his arm around her shoulder and finally, she cried.
Alex sobbed into Seth’s shoulder and Seth only pulled her closer, holding her close to him. She shed her tears that she had kept inside over the past year, weeping into Seth’s neck, finally letting herself go. Seth’s shirt was going to be soaked with her tears afterwards, but he didn’t care. Alex was his friend, and he wanted to be there for her no matter what. Seth didn’t know exactly why she was crying, but he had a feeling why. Everything that had happened over the past year probably just took its toll on her, and she hadn’t been able to relieve herself from it until now. And he was glad that he was the one there to support her, not one of those ex-con friends of hers. They wouldn’t understand. They wouldn’t understand because she would never let them see her cry.
Seth kissed the top of her hair. “Shh…” He soothed. Seth whispered comfortingly in her ear as she continued to cry. He rubbed her shoulder softly, even offering her to scratch his cornea or bend his arm in a way that it shouldn’t bend if she needed a way to release her bad feelings.
After a few minutes, Alex laughed about his offer. She shook her head and leaned her head on his shoulder for a little while longer to calm herself down. The sun had set by then, the skies then just orange dotted with specks of purple. Alex lifted her head to wipe her eyes, but Seth stopped her and did it himself. He wiped her tears away softly and she laughed quietly.
“I look like shit,” She told him, and he shook his head. Seth kissed her forehead before looking back down into her eyes.
“No, Alex. You’re beautiful.”
Alex smiled up at him. She immediately regretted wanting to punch his lights out when she saw him standing in her driveway earlier. She was so thankful to have met Seth. And now she is regretful again, because of the way she had toyed with his heart and made him miserable. But she never liked to regret and she knew that his heart was set on Summer, so for that moment, she was just happy being with him.
She pulled him into a hug, and Seth willingly put his arms around her. “Thank you, Seth.” Alex said into his chest.
“Anytime, Alex.” He replied. Seth pulled back to look at her. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Do you promise to come back and visit and tell me about all of the cool ex-cons that you met and all of the alcohol and cigarettes you consumed at really great parties and who’s the latest girl you’ve been dating?”
Alex laughed. “Of course.” She placed her hands in her lap. “I promise, Seth.”
"And about that last one – would you mind providing me with pictures, so that I could have a great visual –"
Alex smacked Seth in the chest. “Oh shut up, Seth!”
They were play fighting each other before Alex heard a car pull up. It was her friends that she was going to stay with for a while before maybe getting her own place. Seth looked up at them and then back to Alex.
Seth cleared his throat. “So I guess this is it, huh?”
Alex nodded. She looked at Seth, wanting to remember his face. He was looking down at her bags deep in thought, and that was when she took a mental picture. She took a mental picture of her perfect indie boy.
Alex moved then to kiss him on the cheek.
“Bye Seth,” She breathed, before getting up slowly to pick up her bags. Seth stayed where he was, still looking at the space where her bags were.
As Alex was walking towards the car, she turned around to look at him. He locked eyes with her, and at that moment, they both knew that they would see each other again. They had this unspoken bond between each other that was too strong to be forgotten and left behind. They didn’t know when they would see each other again, but they knew it was going to happen. Seth and Alex knew that it would be a beautiful collision.
She stood stock still as she looked into his hazel eyes, her lower lip starting to tremble slowly again.
“Don’t cry,” Seth whispered, and Alex smiled as she read his lips. She nodded and smiled at him, giving him a small wave before turning around to continue walking to the car.
And as Alex drove away, she knew she couldn’t wait for that beautiful collision.
I had a lot of fun writing this. Meaning that I was almost driven to tears and I was choking up. Yay. Haha. Don't repost this anywhere, or I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish. Yeah you heard me.
Comments/feedback would be great. Ah thank you. :)