Pairing: Hyukhae(beginning); Kanhae (end)
Rating: PG-13 for Language
Summary: Donghae loved Hyukjae with everything he had. He would do anything for him, but apparently Hyukjae didn't feel the same.
A/N: Written to the lyrics of Speechless by Lady Gaga. Haven't written anything for a while, so hopefully you guys will enjoy this :D Oh by the way the lyrics are in parenthesis.
(I can't believe what you said to me. Last night we were alone. You threw your hands up. Baby you gave up, you gave up.)
"Hyukjae let's just fix our problems. With work and determination I know we can pull through. I love you and I can't afford to lose you" Donghae said to Hyukjae. Silence filled the room as Donghae looked at Hyukjae with hurt filled eyes. He was about to get off the bed to go stand next to him, but Hyukjae stopped him.
"Who are we fooling? We will never work out. Our problems are too deep for us to fix. I'm falling out of love with you Donghae and I have been for a while now" Hyukjae said as he began to walk towards the door. Tears began to fill up Donghae's eyes, clouding his vision.
"WAIT! Please don't do this....you....you don't mean it. Don't give up on me......on us" Donghae pleaded with the older boy.
"I wont sacrifice my happiness for a relationship that is already beginning to crumble. Goodbye Donghae" Hyukjae said as he turned and walked out the door. Donghae stared at the boys fading silhoutte. Tears furiously ran down his face as he slammed the door shut and slowly slid to the floor.
(I'll never talk again. Oh boy you've left me speechless. You've left me speechless so speechless. And I'll never love again.)
Knock Knock* (5 days later)
"Donghae?! You in there?" Kangin yelled from outside the door.
"We brought cookies!" Sungmin and Ryeowook yelled in unison. Donghae didn't budge. He remained on the couch where he'd been since Hyukjae left. Tears still flowed down his face occasionally. Things seemed to be even harder without Hyukjae around. He missed the laughter and the good times they shared. Hell, he even missed the bad times, the screaming and the fighting because even though they fought Donghae knew Hyukjae was still there....still his.
"DONGHAE?! Quit moping! Open this door!" Kangin yelled again snapping Donghae back to reality. He managed to get his stiff and numb body off the couch long enough to unlock the door. Kangin took a good look at Dongahe and saw just how bad he was taking the breakup. Donghae looked horrible, disgusting even. Huge dark circles lived under his blood-shot eyes. His hair was sloppy and tangeled. Old love letters from Hyukjae lay scattered around the room. A box of kleenex laid next to the couch. The room was slightly lit due to a small amount of light peeping through the window. Donghae climbed back onto the couch. Sungmin and Ryeowook sat on the floor in front of the couch comforting Donghae. Kangin sat on the arm of the couch and looked at the three of them. As he sat there for a little bit he realized something was wrong about the situation. Donghae never responded to Sungmin or Ryeowook's questions.
"Guys could you please give me a minute with him?" Kangin asked as the two nodded and went into the kitchen. Kangin got up and sat on the edge of the couch next to Donghae. He took his hand and sighed. "Donghae, look at me" Kangin said but Donghae continued to stare at the floor. With his other hand, Kangin pulled Donghae's chin towards him. "Why are you doing this to yourself? You act as though your life is ending" Kangin said to him. Donghae stared into Kangin's eyes and said nothing. Kangin saw all the hurt, suffering, and rage that was inside of Donghae. "He hurt you bad didnt' he?" Donghae nodded. "I understand, but by doing all this won't solve your problems. Yeah sitting here feeling sorry for yourself is okay and everything, but what will it solve? Nothing at all. So what if this relationship didn't work, you'll find someone else" Kangin said.
"I don't want anyone else! I want Hyukjae! My Hyukkie......"
Donghae replied. Kangin wiped the tears from the younger boy's face.
"Donghae, why would you want someone who doesn't love you anymore" Ryeowook asked comnig in. Donghae didn't answer. All he did was point at all of them, then towards the door. They got the message, but before they left Kangin placed two letters on the table.
"One's from me and one was on the doorstep when we got here" Kangin said as he shut the door. Donghae glanced at the two letters before drifting off to sleep.
(And after all the drinks and bars that we've been to would you give it all up? Could I give it all up for you? And after all the boys and girls that we've been through would you give it all up? Could you give it all up?)
After ten days of being in teh house, Donghae finally decided to go out. When he walked outside, the sun made his eyes burn. The birds chirpping made his ears hurt. Seeing couples kiss made his stomach knot up. He wanted to retreat back to the couch, but he didn't. He knew Kangin was right, he couldn't let the pain control him anymore. He took a deep breath and started his walk towards the bar. Unknown to him, it would be the worst place to go today.
*At the bar*
Hyukjae sat at the bar with some girl he picked up the night before. Unlike Donghae, he turned to prostitutes and alcohol. The pain was too unbearable for him to face head on. Leaving Donghae was a mistake, and he wished he could make this all go away and return home with his little fish. The past ten days have been hell for him. He had been in and out of peoples beds and getting wasted afterwards so he wouldn't remember how many people he slept with. No matter what he did the pain still lived with him. It began to surround his mind and he thought he'd start to go crazy.
"Wanna go have some fun babe?" the young brunette whispered in his ear. He nodded. As they got up, Donghae walked through the doors. Hyukjae froze and stared at Donghae as he sat down at the counter. "Come on babe, I have other clients you know" she told him.
"Go ahead" he replied as she snarled and walked away. Hyukjae walked toward Donghae and sat next to him.
"Donghae?" Donghae sat still. Something about the voice seemed familiar to him. He turned slowly in the direction of the voice and saw that it was Hyukjae. "My fishy, oh how I missed you. I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I was a complete fool for letting you go and I wish I could take it all back. This whole thing has made me realize that I need you more than anything" Hyukjae said to Donghae. He sat speechless for a while trying to comprehend what was going on. For the past ten days, this was what Donghae wanted, what he wished for, but now that he was in the moment he didn't want to be here.
"Why did it take you all this time to realize that you need me? How do I know you won't do this to me again?"
"Babe, absence makes the heart grow fonder and"
"Don't fucking use quotes to support your reason. I want to hear what you're truly feeling, not some made up lies. I'm a changed person. I'm not the same Donghae you once knew" Donghae said.
"Hyukjae sighed and said "It took me this long because I'm scared of commiting to things. I'm scared to give up things that I think I need to survive"
"Guess I wasn't one of those things
That's not what I meant"
"But it's what you said" Donghae replied. "Look I read your letter, and you said you'd give up everything to be with me again. So I'm asking you, right now, are you willing to give up everything to be with me? Donghae asked. Hyukjae sat dumbfounded.
"Ummm...well......sure I am" Donghae shook his head.
"Exactly what I thought. You are just a liar. You can't be honest, not even with yourself. I was willing to give everything up to be with you, but now I finally see that you and me will never work. Goodbye Hyukjae......forever" Donghae said as he paid his bill and left. Donghae smiled as he walked back toward his house. Even though a little piece of him wanted to run back to Hyukjae, he knew life would be better off without him. He could finally live at peace and not be in a constant war with someone he loved. When he arrived at his house a note was attached to his door.
You're right. I never was gonna fully commit to you and I'm sorry I put you through hell. It was wrong for me to pull you along like I did. I wish things could've gone better for us than they did. I hope you find true happiness with someone and I hope they will give you the love you deserve. Sorry for everything,
Signed the asswhole who broke your heart....Hyukjae
Donghae folded the letter and walked into his house. He placed in the box with all the other letters Hyukjae ever wrote him. Donghae was about to put the box away when something on the table caught his eye. He picked it up and realized it was Kangin's letter. He opened it and began to read it.
You truly are an amazing person and I can't believe someone like Hyukjae would want to break your heart. Why can't you see he doesn't love you? When will you see he will never commit to you? When will you see you need someone better? Someone like......well me. There I said it....or somewhat. Donghae I have always loved you. I'd give up everything to be with you. When I see you, it kills me. When you're happy, I'm happy. When you needed a friend, I was always there. Now when you need someone to be your lover,your boyfriend, I hope I can be yours. I understand if you don't feel the same way.
P.S. If you don't share these feelings just act like you never read this okay?
Donghae put the letter in his jacket and ran out the door. He couldn't believe Kangin loved him. He always thought he'd go for someone more popular like Hangeng or someone he seemed really close to like Eeteuk. After ten minutes, he finally arrived at Kangin's house. He knocked on the door and waited. Yesung opened the door."What are you doing here?"
"Is Kangin here?"
"No he's at the lake. He left about thirty minutes ago" Yesung replied.
"Thanks Yesung" Donghae said running towards the lake.
"DONGHAE!!!!" Yesung yelled as Donghae turned around. "Take these" he said handing Donghae is car keys. "Just don't damage it or get anything on the seats" Yesung said as he winked.
"You're sick" Donghae said smirking and got into the car. He sped towards the lake and when he arrived he saw Kangin sitting on a bench staring out towards the calm lake. Donghae walked up towards him. "Hey Kangin"
"Donghae what are you doing here?"
"Am I not allowed to see you?" Donghae asked.
"Thought you were with Hyukjae? I saw you earlier with him. I bet you jumped right back into his arms"
"See I knew it......wait you didn't?"
"No I didn't. I realized you were right. I need someone who truly loves me" Donghae replied. He leaned in and kissed Kangin gently. He pulled away and whispered "like you". He pulled Kangin into another kiss and for like he truly in love. This time the love was real and so was the commitment between the two. Finally everything was perfect.
After that day, Donghae was never speechless because he could always say three little words......I love you