Genre: CRACK... humor.
Summary: Johnny wants to make more money. So what does he do? He buys SM Entertainment! Stuff happens.
A/N: This is the second chapter, in which SuJu actually makes an appearance (but says little. I really should stop trying to call this a SuJu fic. I'm sorry.) I apologize in advance for crappy characterization.
Both the Johnnys and the Super Junior members stood (or for the Johnnys, lay) in shock, attempting to comprehend what had happened in the last thirty seconds. On the other hand, Ueda and Maru, who for some inexplicable reason had run to the door along with the other ones, both knew exactly what had happened, but were not inclined to share, and so simply thought it over in their heads. (The only thing they didn't understand was why they had run along with the rest of the mob. Both eventually blamed it on the group mentality.)
After thinking, they did the only rational thing to do, and untangled themselves from the pile of bishounen and walked back to the TV and began watching a nature program on sea urchins. Maru really liked sea urchins. They were good to eat, fun to look at, and most people were scared of them, so Maru never had to fight over them with anyone. While it was hard to be Maru, he attempted not to make it harder by having interests similar to any of his acquaintances. This had worked quite well while he was a student, but now that he had met so many people, his interests were down to professional slug racing in Bermuda and collecting nail clippers. And sea urchins.
This was but one of the reasons he was not particularly interested in meeting Super Junior, as at least one of the members, he figured, must like slug racing, sea urchins, or nail clippers. Ueda simply did not want to be completely and totally embarrassed by the pretty predictable actions of his bandmates.
Back at the open door, everyone, having finally worn off the shock, realized they had absolutely no idea what to say. The Johnnys stood up, hoping it would lend inspiration, but all that registered was bruises.
Everyone, that is, but a Super Junior member (none of the Johnnys knew which, no one was focused on the individual members) who somehow managed to hold the smile plastered on his face even as Junno banged into his knee trying to stand up.
"Hey man, wassup, yo, man~" he said in English with all the swagger of an American rapper, walking in like it was his own home, and wrapping an arm around Koki's shoulders. When Koki just looked confused, he pointed to the roof and nodded knowingly, "Nice weather!"
Before anyone could look at Jin, or even before Jin could think "Wait, that doesn't make any sense!", Koki had realized that he had found a kindred spirit to mangle English with by imitating various parts of American rap songs. Of course, his thoughts were more along the "OMG I FOUND A HOMIE!!1!!" line, but everyone would have known what he meant anyway.
"Yeah, yeah, wassup, I'm Joker, who you, bro?" Koki said, nodding and holding his hand out. "How's it going?"
If nothing else, Koki felt at ease in this situation. This was one of the first people he had met who talked like him, which obviously meant that he was a fan. Since Koki rarely had time to listen to any other Japanese music but JE artists, he somehow forgot that there were other Asian rappers out there, and so thought that any Asian people who enjoyed rap did so because of him.This never got him into trouble, as he was avoided by the other Asian rappers since he was in a seriously corporate boyband.
However, this did not stop Jin, who had actually seen real "gangstas", from thinking he was going to puke if this kept going on. Meanwhile the others rolled their eyes (Ryo), looked confused (Yamapi), raised an eyebrow (Kame), smiled for no apparent reason (Junno), and watched themselves look like idiots in a CM (Ueda and Maru).
Sadly for Koki, who could carry on a conversation using only the words "yeah", "no", "what", and "Joker", his newfound "homie" didn't have anything to say to his "How's it going". Instead, he spoke quickly in Korean, gesturing and smiling. And no one had any idea what he was saying, especially not Koki, who was standing right in front of the biggest language barrier he had ever seen. So he did what he knew best, which happened to be shouting random English words that rarely made sense. Thankfully, this time, it did.
"NO!" Koki said loudly. "What?!"
Jin cringed. (It is helpful to note that while Jin spoke and wrote decently in English, he was still the Bakanishi and was hopeless when it came to logic, reasoning, and other things that normal people from all around the world are able to comprehend.) Ueda and Maru walked back over, having finished the CMs and the nature programs. The next show was a rerun of 1 Litre of Tears, and neither wanted to give Ryo another chance to fawn over himself. He did so frequently, and was now banned from owning mirrors, foil, metal utensils, CDs, or pretty much anything that reflected images. After speaking quietly to Junno about what had transpired, they cringed as well.
Cringing was something that Ueda and Maru had down to a fine science, since they did it quite often.
The rest of the SM boys had come in now and shut the door. Ueda noticed that some of them were cringing as well, and he gained a little hope. (This put his proverbial hope meter at about -5%, instead of -10%.) One of the cringing ones stepped in front of them, and in slow, but good, English, said, "Um... hello, we are Super Junior. Nice to meet you." All the Super Junior members bowed, except for Koki's gangsta friend, who was still trying to figure out what Koki said.
Unfortunately, they were all talking to Koki, who didn't even know what he was saying on a regular basis. Koki bowed back politely and then mouthed "HELP ME" in Japanese to Jin, who just shrugged and began speaking in English in the general direction of the one who had spoken. "Hello, we are KAT-TUN," Jin said, as everyone turned around and stopped staring at Koki, who was comparing his Pumas to the pink Converses of the boy beside him. "Hajimemashite." He bowed, and Ueda, Maru, Junno, and Kame all took the cue. Unfortunately, so did Ryo and Yamapi. Koki was still in shock at the pink shoes.
This weird anonymity was getting to Junno, who felt that nothing should be too ambiguous. Ambiguous things that he didn't particularly enjoy were live concerts, blind dates, cartoon KAT-TUN episodes, and getting stared at for doing handstands when he was bored on the Hanayome to Papa set. So he jumped forward with all his Junno-esque energy and announced in English, "I am Taguchi Junnosuke! Yoroshiku~!" Following Junno seemed a bit odd to both Maru and Ueda, but nevertheless they followed suit, introducing themselves, and adding a bow that Junno made up for by bowing super low and smiling a lot. No one seemed impressed but Junno himself, but that was usually the case, anyways.
Ryo began with a long introduction in Japanese, that no one, not even the native speakers, could understand as he was talking very quickly and overusing adjectives. At the end, he muttered in English, "... and I'm Nishikido Ryo. Yoroshiku."
Kame paused before beginning, as Ryo usually was a bit long winded, and interrupting him was a bad idea. But since Ryo just cleared his throat and shook his head around a little more, he figured it was okay to start. "I am Kamenashi Kazu-"
But Kame was cut off by Ryo's ever-present hairbrush coming out of his back pocket and violently striking him in the jaw, causing him to end with "yargh" instead of "ya". This was a bit ironic, as Kame had purchased this hairbrush for him, so that Ryo would stop stealing his. Kame was very particular about his hairbrushes, and went every year to a certain store in Osaka to buy new ones. Even though Ryo continued to call him a "brush otaku" and Junno sometimes melted them by accident in one of his "experiments" that often included matches.
"I WASN'T FINISHED!" Ryo yelled, looking hurt, though not as hurt as Kame, who had a huge red welt on the side of his face that reminded Ueda of a radioactive turtle he had seen on TV once. Ueda did not notice that this, to anyone else, would be taken as a sign that he watched too much television. Typically Ueda rarely listened to outside opinions, especially not ones that would affect his daily lifestyle.
After sniffing at the injustice, Ryo took a breath and, pushing Koki roughly apart from the Korean guy, yelled right in the face of the Super Junior member who had introduced them.
"NOW WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!"
As expected, Ueda, Junno, Yamapi, Kame, Jin, Maru, and even Ryo cringed. The others cringed because it made a horrible impression, was weird, made them look like assholes, etc. etc. etc.
Meanwhile, it is important to note that none of the Super Junior members thought this was strange. They were frightened a little - what else would you be if some random guy yelled in your face? But they all just stood there with blank smiles and talked in Korean. Koki edged back towards them, eager to start a conversation about what had happened in his quasi-English.
It took the Japanese boys a minute to realize what was going on, and why none of the Super Junior boys were yelling at them or looking vaguely menacing. But the moment he did find out, Ueda did a mental faceplant.
In his fury, Ryo had spoken in Japanese. None of the Super Junior members had any idea what he had just said.
Ueda socked him, imagining radioactive turtles appearing on Ryo's cheek.