BG (lrigelbbub) wrote in miracle______,

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[fic] YehSungxKiBum - Hesitation - [1/1]

Title: Hesitation
Author: BG
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don’t own them.
Pairing: YehSung/KiBum
Comment: Thank you to CF.
Prompt: Famous Last Words

NB: If i have posted this before, please tell me.....I went through the memories but I couldn't find it so I dont think I have....O_O

Teaser: KiBum was gay? I mean, KiBum wasn’t gay? What?

Today started out like any other. I woke up before my alarm again; I’m beginning to wonder why I even bother to set it. I stumbled to the bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth, fought a battle with the comb and my hair to get it to look semi reasonable and after all that I walked down the hall towards the kitchen.

I didn’t think anyone else would be up. It’s a reasonable thought; I am usually the only one up at this hour. As I neared the kitchen I could hear voices. They were talking in hushed tones so I couldn’t really make it out. I thought about announcing my presence but my innate curiosity won out over my desire to give them some privacy.

So I ended up huddled up just out of sight, my ears straining to pick up their whispered words. I wanted to peek around the corner to see who it was but I didn’t want to be discovered so I had to be content with trying to decipher and analyze the voices.

After a few minutes I was fairly certain that one of those voices in the kitchen belonged to DongHae but I was perplexed as to who the second one was. Fortunately DongHae cleared that right up for me.

“KiBum, don’t say that.”

I felt my brows furrow at the almost scolding tone his voice took on. I was so puzzled I almost missed KiBum’s answer.

“Just why not? This is how I feel. I will never ever, ever never feel for him that way. Even if I was that way I would never go for him.”

“That way?” I heard the scoff that did nothing to hide the hurt tone in DongHae’s voice.

“Uh, Hyung, you know I didn’t mean it that way.”


“I just mean. If I was suddenly going to become gay I wouldn’t choose him.”

KiBum was gay? I mean, KiBum wasn’t gay? What? I wondered who this ‘him’ was.

“But why not? I mean; he is nice. His smile is pretty and his eyes are warm….and…”

“That’s just my point Hyung. I don’t look at him like that.”

“You can not tell me that you don’t see all those things when you look at him.”

“I…I don’t.”

“You hesitated.”

“No…I didn’t.”

“You just did it again.”

“I’m not going to argue this with you.”

“Fine. Fine…. But I don’t believe you anyway. Not anything that you just said.”


I didn’t need to see their faces to know that DongHae had a smug smile plastered on his features and KiBum was glaring at him with a mixture of anger and bewilderment.

“There is nothing you can say that will convince me otherwise, KiBum. You just need to open you eyes more and think with more then just your head.”

“I will never fall for him.”

Those are fighting words and I could just see the slow smirk that would be spreading across DongHae’s lips as he heard them.

“Famous last words.”

I took that moment to tiptoe down the hall and then return towards the kitchen making as much noise as I could. When I walked into the room, DongHae and KiBum were still sitting at the table; they were refusing to look at each other. I almost laughed aloud when I saw the dusting of pink on KiBum’s cheeks.

Aww…sometimes they are all just so cute and I just want to pinch their cheeks and squish them but then I remember that I am a man and that they are men too and that would just be inappropriate.


Over the weeks I paid special attention to the chemistry; the tension between KiBum and YehSung. I can’t believe I never saw it before it was so obvious and yet, I guess, subtle in a way. YehSung never made any overt suggestions; he never paid any special attention to KiBum. He didn’t lave attention over the younger man; in fact he rarely ever spoke to him. Well, he spoke to him of course but YehSung never went to KiBum the way he went to RyeoWook or even KyuHyun.

Maybe that was part of YehSung’s master plan or something; to ignore KiBum and make his younger crave for his attention…or something….I was confused.

There were looks that passed between those two that I couldn’t decipher. KiBum would watch the other man when he enter a room, when he did menial tasks, when he burst into fits of laughter at whatever Ryeowook had whispered in his ear. KiBum watched and just by looking at him you could tell that he was fighting not to let the scowl that was just below the surface bubble forth.

Sometimes I just wanted to smack them one and tell them to get with it. I saw them smile brilliantly at each other at the awards night; I saw them clasp hands briefly. I saw YehSung let go. I saw the lost look that entered KiBum’s features for half a second before he put his mask back into place.

In fact as weeks went by I noticed that YehSung paid even less attention to KiBum then ever before and it was becoming increasingly obvious that the latter really didn’t like the development.


“I don’t get it!”

I was about to step into the living room when I heard KiBum’s exclamation and so being the nosy, I mean CARING, leader I am I stepped back out of sight and listened for what came next.

“What don’t you get?”

I could practically feel DongHae’s sigh from across the room.

“Why is he ignoring me?”

“Because you said you wanted nothing to do with him. Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“No! I mean YES. I mean…no….yes….uh! I don’t know!”

I raised an eyebrow. KiBum being indecisive…this was new.

“KiBum, be responsible. You rejected him. He isn’t treating you any different then he treats the rest of us.”

“I know. I mean, yes he is. He doesn’t smile at me any more and he…he….with Ryeowook he….”

“Come now. Ryeowook and YehSung have a friendship that is different to the others they have with the rest of us. Kind of like Eeteuk and KangIn or me and HyukJae….”

KiBum scoffed, “That doesn’t count and it doesn’t make me feel any better. I don’t want him to have that sort of friendship with Ryeowook…the kind that you have with Hyung or the kind that….”

“You don’t want him to have that sort of relationship?”


“Uh huh…” DongHae promptly burst into giggles.

I was as confused as I’m sure KiBum was.

“Why are you laughing?”

“You just admitted that you don’t want Ryeowook and YehSung to be together…THAT WAY…”

Oh…so that is why he was laughing. I peeked around the corner and I could see KiBum’s flushed face.

“I…I never said that. I didn’t mean that…I…”

“Whatever you say KiBum,” DongHae said in jest.

“Mah…” KiBum heaved a heavy sigh. “Hyung?”


“Why do you think YehSung liked me?”

“I’m not certain KiBum. I mean there are many many things to like. Maybe he liked all of them, maybe he only liked a couple. Maybe he likes the way you laugh, or the way you smile, maybe he likes the fact that even when you try so hard not to cry your eyes always take on a sort of a glossy veneer. Maybe he likes your kind heart or the way you are always willing to help a friend. Maybe he thinks you are adorable when you sleep and when you snore….”

“Hey I don’t snore!” came KiBum’s indignant reply.

There was a silence and I risked peeking around the corner again. KiBum looked so sad. I wanted to go over to him and wrap him in my arms but then that would give away my position and ruin to moment and all that.

DongHae threw his arms around KiBum’s shoulders and urged him forward. I watched as a litany of emotions spilled across KiBum’s features as he was embraced. I was going to leave then, thinking that it was over when I heard the next whispered words that made my breath catch in my throat.



“Do… Do you – do you think that he still likes me?”

My jaw dropped and I think my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. KiBum’s voice sounded so small, so insecure….so unsure. Now, KiBum is always almost quiet but never has his voice sounded so…so….small. I literally couldn’t think of another way to describe it.

“I don’t know for certain. I think you hurt him a lot KiBum but YehSung Hyung isn’t someone who says words for the sake of saying something. He chooses everything carefully. He would never lie about something as important as this.”

“Hyung~ I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know what to say KiBum.”

“I’m not attracted to men. They don’t make my heart beat faster or my mouth go dry…but…Yehsung…it is different and…and…”

I was shocked to hear the tremble KiBum’s words. It was like they were getting stuck in his throat. When I heard the first sounds of tears I tore myself away from my vantage point and left them in privacy. KiBum must be going through a tough time. Thoughts and feelings and emotions of all different kinds were jumbled up inside of him and he was trying to work through them. It was good that he had someone like DongHae to talk to. Someone who would just listen. Someone who sees far more then we give him credit. Someone who is a deeply emotional person to start with. Someone who had already been through what KiBum was struggling with.

DongHae will guide him right. Whether it is to help KiBum find happiness or whether it is to help him learn how to move on and be stronger, I’m glad that he has someone looking out for him. I try my best but sometimes my boys don’t need me…they need each other.


A/N: HOMG…..I wrote most of this a gazillion years ago but I didn’t know how to end it…..Soooo(…)ooo sorry for the crappy ending but I tried the best I could.

Be safe

Tags: pairing: yesung/kibum

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