Pairing: Yunho (DBSK)/Heechul
Most of the time, Yunho was thoroughly satisfied with
his life. Most of the time, he felt happy, confident,
truly blessed to be where he was, doing what he was
doing. Most of the time, it was hard for him to
remember when life had been different—back
before Dong Bang Shin Gi, before Jaejoong had put him
back together, patiently fitting the pieces into place
until it was hard to tell he had ever been broken at
Most of the time didn't matter when Heechul was
Yunho knew the older boy had arrived when he felt the
hairs on the back of his neck rise. Heechul brought a
certain tension to a room—always had, even
before—as if the air had suddenly become
charged, electrons snapping to attention at his
entrance. Yunho could almost hear it humming with
energy. The sensation was not an unpleasant one; in
fact, most of the time Yunho found that he liked it.
It seemed to sharpen his senses, he thought, suddenly
noticing the faint peppermint scent of the product the
stylist was working into his hair.
He watched Heechul in the mirror as the other boy slid
in through the door, finishing up a text message and
closing his cell phone with a definitive snap. When
he looked up to find Yunho staring back at him in the
mirror, he gave a grin in greeting before plopping
down into the next chair over, spinning it to face
him, and then with great ceremony lifting up his legs
and resting his feet in Yunho's lap.
"Lookin' good, fearless leader."
The tone was joking, but Yunho knew he meant it.
Heechul never lied about appearances.
"You here for your perm, princess?" Yunho returned,
smiling and pushing Heechul's feet off his lap and
watching as the chair swung around to face the
opposite direction. Before Heechul had a chance to
swing it back it was caught by a pinch-faced stylist,
who brusquely turned it to face front.
Heechul, the stylist's fingers already running
efficiently through his hair, could only turn his head
slightly towards him, but Yunho could still see the
flash in his eyes when he replied, blowing himself a
kiss in the mirror, "Don't hate me because I'm
And suddenly in the flash of his eyes and his "don't
hate me," most of the time was gone and in its
place came a flood of images. Heechul's eyes: lidded
and sweet after their first kiss. Twinkling dark with
mischief as he ran soft, wet lips down Yunho's pelvic
bone. Rolling back into his head as he arched
exquisitely beneath Yunho's larger frame. Then the
other images: Heechul grinding against Donghae on the
dance floor. Heechul smiling as a drunken Kangin
groped his ass and sucked on his neck at Junsu's
birthday party. Heechul staring at Yunho,
unflinching, when he had walked into their room to
find another man—a total stranger, as far as
Yunho knew—fucking Heechul on their bed. He had
been beautiful even in that moment, maybe even the
most beautiful Yunho had ever seen him. There was
something in his eyes then that was completely honest,
and Yunho remembered being frozen on the spot, a part
of him thinking that if he didn't move maybe he could
have a few more seconds before they were lidded again
in artifice and bravado.
Heechul had calmly asked him to leave, and Yunho had
opened the door and walked out without a word. He
only decided to end it when he heard the rhythmic
squeak of the mattress springs start again even before
the door had shut behind him. The next day, over
coffee, Yunho had broken up with him and Heechul had
said, "Don't hate me, ok?" earnest but not overly
worried, as if he had lost Yunho's favorite CD or
thrown away his 50,000 won winning lottery ticket.
And Yunho hadn't hated him; he had known, after all,
how Heechul was before he fell in love with him. He
had expected him to flirt, to tease, even to fuck
other men—they had even joked about it. He
hadn't realized what it would do to him, how it would
eat at his insides, how he would forget how to laugh
for a while, but even so he couldn't hate Heechul for
that. It was just who Heechul was.
Or, he had thought it was who Heechul was.
"Siwon," he said, too loud, and seeing Heechul's
eybrows furrow in the mirror he went on, "I hear
you've been hanging out with Siwon a lot recently."
Siwon had always been a perfect gentleman, had never
laid a finger on Heechul while he and Yunho were
together, though it was obvious to Yunho that he was
madly in love with him. Recently they had gotten
together, and at first Yunho had felt bad for Siwon,
had almost wanted to warn him that he was making a
mistake, but then he began to hear that Heechul had
changed. Donghae had had to find someone else to
grind with, Kangin someone else to grope when he was
drunk. Heechul didn't sleep with strange men anymore,
only with Siwon, and everyone thought it was a real
surprise, a miracle, a happy ending. Yunho thought it
was the cruelest thing Heechul had ever done, because
he had always thought that Heechul couldn't change for
him. When he had realized that Heechul simply
wouldn't was the first time that he ever really
"Yeah, we've gotten pretty close, I guess," Heechul
said, and Yunho heard a rare hint of hesitation in his
voice. He waited for Heechul to go on, but there was
no elaboration, and the room fell into silence. Yunho
took turns looking at himself and Heechul in the
mirror, consciously unclenched his fists, told himself
he didn't want to kiss Heechul, or punch him, or cry.
Soon the stylists finished with both of them and left
the room to find other hair to work on. The silence
And then Heechul got up and walked past him, and Yunho
thought maybe he would just leave, that maybe he had
no idea how Yunho felt, or didn't care.
"Yunho..." Heechul's voice was hesitant again, and
when Yunho looked up Heechul met his gaze in the
mirror, and his eyes were honest again, like that
time, and Yunho forgot to breathe for a moment.
"I fucked up." Heechul's voice was soft, and it was
the first time Yunho had heard him like this. "We had
a good thing, and I fucked it up." Yunho didn't know
if he was talking about their relationship or their
friendship, didn't know if Heechul knew. "I just
didn't know I could be what you wanted me to be; no
one ever told me before Siwon..." His voice trailed
off, and there was another moment of silence as they
looked at each other in the mirror. Then suddenly he
said, "I want us to be ok."
That was Heechul's way of asking a question, Yunho
knew that, but he didn't know the answer and so he
said nothing. Heechul waited a few moments, then
nodded slightly. "Ok." He looked as if he wanted to
touch Yunho, took a step forward, but instead he laid
his hand on the back of Yunho's chair, squeezed once,
then turned and walked out of the room.
Yunho wasn't sure how long he sat there, alone,
thinking, wasn't sure when the tears began to slide
silently down his cheeks, wasn't sure when he gave up
trying to answer Heechul's question. He just knew
that at some point warm arms wrapped around him from
behind, and he breathed in Jaejoong's scent and waited
for most of the time to come back.