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26 June 2007 @ 02:14 am
Contest Entry #8  
That thing you do
Super Junior/SS501, Yehsung/Youngsaeng
PG-13, 5.770 words


That thing you do
when you think nobody is watching

The front door opens and Ryeowook turns his head, getting up automatically
as Yehsung stumbles inside, crashing against the wall. It's far from the
first time it has happened in the past few months, but Ryeowook can't seem
to get used to it. Though he has to admit that he's not trying all that
hard. Ryeo hesitates, but he walks over to make sure Yehsung can get to the
bedroom and his bed without actually breaking anything. Not that he doesn't
trust his hyung, but on nights like these he wishes he could tie Yehsung up
and lock him inside the bathroom and keep him from going out in the first
place.

Ryeowook doesn't like to see Yehsung drunk. It isn't so much the slightly
slurred speech, the unsteadiness, the way he blinks a lot more than usual,
the way he giggles and flings his arms around Ryeowook, leaning against him
so heavily that Ryeowook almost topples over. No, it's not that. Ryeo isn't
stupid; he knows that all of them have a drink every now and then, because
that's what guys do. They're not saints, after all. He's even gotten drunk
himself in drinking games where Heechul kept on making him lose on purpose
while Eeteuk shook his head and complained that he'd be the one cleaning up
the mess when Ryeowook got sick afterwards.

Dealing with Yehsung like this isn't so bad, not really, seeing as by the
time he's home again, he's more post-drunk than anything, and then he's just
affectionate. And cute. Very cute, and Ryeo wishes that Yehsung's clothes
weren't so crumpled, that Yehsung's hair wasn't so tousled, that Yehsung's
lips weren't so red and swollen, that Yehsung's skin wasn't so peppered with
marks, that Yehsung wasn't smelling of someone else. Yehsung blows him a
kiss and giggles, and Ryeowook shakes his head, dragging Yehsung to the
bedroom.

He knows that it's unfair of him to push Yehsung so harshly into bed, that
he should be nicer, more understanding. He's the youngest in the apartment,
apart from Kyuhyun, and nobody expects Kyu to look after his hyungs. He also
knows that everyone else avoids being up the nights Yehsung slips out,
because they all know by now what he'll be like when he comes home. Nobody
knows just where Yehsung goes on these nights, however, and every time
someone asks, Yehsung smiles and sidesteps the question.

Ryeowook knows that they all rely on him to deal with it, because he's
supposed to be Yehsung's best friend. He is Yehsung's best friend. It
sucks, it really sucks, and it's why Ryeowook nearly slaps Yehsung when he
mutters love you, Ryeowookie and pulls Ryeo down, kissing his cheek.
But it's not in his nature to throw fits, be angry, and he just shakes his
head again, staying there until Yehsung has fallen asleep. "No, you don't,"
he whispers quietly, and brushes Yehsung's hair away from his forehead
before getting up, getting away.

Ryeowook feels more lonely than he ever thought possible when he curls up in
his own bed, hidden beneath the covers, listening to Eeteuk's slow, steady
breathing in the darkness.

--

Youngsaeng is stupid. At least, that's what Hyungjoon thinks a minimum of
three times a week, sometimes even daily. Youngsaeng is different,
but Hyungjoon doesn't understand what anybody means when they say that. He
tried asking Youngsaeng once, but only got a laughter in return and
you're too much of a baby to understand that, Baby. Sometimes
Hyungjoon hates being the youngest, even if it's the role he has created for
himself.

"Tell me what happened," he says again to Youngsaeng's back in front of him.
If nothing else, Hyungjoon is stubborn. He's stubborn, just as stubborn as
Youngsaeng is, and he won't let this go. He doesn't know what's going on,
but he's starting to understand that it has gone on for quite a while, and
he wonders how he failed to see it. How all of them failed to see it.
Youngsaeng has just come out of the shower, and he's wearing a pair of jeans
and a tank top. With his hair out of the way Hyungjoon can easily see the
bruises, scratches, and the faintest of scars that are usually hidden
beneath layers of clothing and innocent smiles.

"Youngsaengie, please," he pleads, because he's not above begging if he
thinks it'll get him anywhere. But Youngsaeng merely turns around to give
him a disarming smile before he goes back to styling his hair. For a couple
of minutes, Hyungjoon stands there, watching him, trying to read every
movement to figure out what he's hiding. Hyungjoon is used to being kept in
the dark about things, he's used to not being the one the others confide in
simply because he's the youngest, because I trust you, Baby, I just don't
trust your mouth
, but that doesn't mean he likes it. Okay, most of the
time he likes it. He's the magnae, he acts like it, and they all treat him
like it. Especially Youngsaeng. Youngsaeng talks to Hyungjoon like he's five
years younger than he really is, behaves like an overbearing parent, and
right now it makes Hyungjoon feel like crap.

The front door slams and Youngsaeng hurries past him, grabs a hoodie and
pulls it on a split second before their manager, Kyujong and Jungmin barges
into the apartment. Youngsaeng wanders out of the bathroom like nothing has
ever happened and spends the rest of the evening chatting and laughing with
Kyujong, almost demonstratively ignoring Hyungjoon. When Hyunjoong comes
home from his MC-ing and orders them all to get to bed (even though he's the
last one to actually settle down for the night), Youngsaeng chooses to sleep
in his room instead of his own, the one he shares with Hyungjoon.

It shouldn't feel like a rejection, but it still does, and Hyungjoon wonders
what he can do to make himself become older so that Youngsaeng will confide
in him. He doesn't sleep that night, sitting on the floor with his back
against the wall and his knees drawn up instead, thinking. He doesn't know
why all of this makes him feel so uneasy, why he feels like Youngsaeng
should be saved, but he knows he can't ignore it and hope it all goes away.
Hyungjoon won't let this go.

--

Yehsung doesn't really tell him in a "this is who I've been seeing" kind of
way. It's more of a mistake; Ryeowook answering Yehsung's phone and being
assaulted by a cheerful voice that Ryeo knows he's heard before. It's only
after Yehsung has come storming, pulling the phone away from him that
Ryeowook remembers where he's heard that voice before; numerous times
before. For the next day he's uneasy, and Yehsung's awkward, until they
crash together during dance practice and fall down laughing. Ryeo remembers
that things aren't supposed to be this strange and tense between them, and
he really does try to make it all okay.

He listens to Yehsung, when he finally stops avoiding all - well, some -
questions. He watches when Yehsung tells the others about Youngsaeng in as
few words as possible, kicking the floor, his eyes darting around the room.
Ryeowook isn't sure what he expected, or what Yehsung expected, but apart
from Kangin's snide remark about how the fangirls would implode if they ever
found out about it, everyone takes it fairly well. At least they know where
Yehsung's been now, everyone says. The first weeks, that's what they say,
over and over, trying to convince themselves that this really is a good
thing.

Ryeowook doesn't really know Youngsaeng all that well. He knows that
Youngsaeng is a good singer, and that he's always the one cross-dressing
when it's required for one of their group to do that, and that he looks
pretty in eyeliner. Youngsaeng isn't his concern, though. Ryeowook has a
feeling he's a bad person for even thinking it, but he doesn't care what
happens to Youngsaeng, he cares about what happens to Yehsung. From Yehsung,
Ryeowook knows that Youngsaeng is stubborn, and that he hates to lose, that
he can't really dance to save his life, and that he started singing when he
was four years old. "Just like me", Yehsung says with a small laughter,
sounding almost proud, and that's why we fit so well.

If he was the kind of person who did that, Ryeowook would have punched him.

Instead he just smiles faintly and shifts closer to Kyuhyun, away from
Yehsung. It's just the three of them at the moment, in Thailand, and Yehsung
misses Youngsaeng. Almost every hour his phone chirps with yet another
message or a picture that Yehsung will come over and show to Ryeowook,
grinning. After the secret came out, Yehsung has been all sunshine, so
cheerful and happy that it almost hurts. Yehsung's phone is filled with
pictures of Youngsaeng, only Youngsaeng, and Ryeowook nods and says he's
pretty, says Yehsung is lucky, says he envies them both for having someone.
Says all those things a best friend should say, the things Yehsung expects
him to. Kyuhyun looks at them both from the other side of the room, and he
shakes his head slightly, but doesn't say anything.

Ryeowook thinks it's unfair that Kyuhyun and pretty much everyone else wants
him to talk to Yehsung, really talk to him. Fine, he's close to
Yehsung, they've talked about pretty much anything in the past, but he
can't, won't, does not fucking want to talk to Yehsung about this. He's the
eternal magnae, he's supposed to smile and be cute and sing and be a part of
K.R.Y. and be happy for Yehsung, damnit. He doesn't want to be the bad guy
in all of this. Ryeo wants Yehsung to smile like this, all the time, and he
wants to ignore the faint traces of old wounds and bruises, usually hidden
beneath clothing or make-up.

How is he supposed to tell someone he cares about, someone he wants to see
happy, someone he respects, that everyone thinks that his boyfriend isn't
good for him? That everyone wants them to break up and stop seeing each
other as soon as possible?

--

"You're starting to annoy me, Baby," Youngsaeng smiles, but Hyungjoon can
easily hear the underlying threat in his voice. Back off, Hyungjoon, this
is none of your business.
Maybe he should back off, respect Youngsaeng's
privacy and all that crap, but Hyungjoon never follows the rules that
everyone else follows. "I want to know," he retorts, crossing his arms in
front of his chest. Taking a stand. Demanding an answer. Keeping on asking
Youngsaeng those questions that nobody else seems to even think of asking
him.

Youngsaeng sighs with exasperation and sinks down on the bed, merely looking
at Hyungjoon for a long while. Hyungjoon's not really sure if he's planning
an escape, a reply, or murder. He wouldn't put either option past
Youngsaeng, not when he has that kind of expression on his face. The silence
is making him nervous, but he refuses to change his mind. This has gone on
for long enough, and even if no one else has noticed anything going on,
Hyungjoon knows. And Youngsaeng knows that he knows. Which is a situation
that is never good for either of them.

"I don't really have any reason to tell you, but maybe it'll make you back
off," Youngsaeng says finally, and Hyungjoon smiles automatically, walking
over to sit down on the bed as well. He's willing to listen to reason, after
all. He's not a stupid little kid, and he trusts Youngsaeng - thinks he's
mature enough to make good decisions, smart choices, the kind of choices
that Hyungjoon doubts he'll be making for a good long while himself. Except
that Youngsaeng's story doesn't calm him down. Not in the least bit.

He doesn't tell Hyungjoon everything, far from it, and Hyungjoon's half
relieved - he's not quite sure if he could handle the full truth. Youngsaeng
tells him the PG-rated version of what he's been up to for the longest time,
the version consisting of sunshine and daisies and fluffy little plushies.
The version dreams are made of. Youngsaeng tells him about Yehsung, about
their past together, about sharing a room years and years ago, about
experimenting when I was still with SM, so it's not like it's anything
new, Baby
, about impulsive decisions, about talking for hours hidden
underneath blankets, about kissing in the hallways, about keeping it from
everyone else because that's what Yehsung wants. About secret dates and
secret presents and secret phone calls and even more secrets. About I
think I love him, Hyungjoon, I know he's right for me
.

Hyungjoon can't tear his eyes away from the angry red marks around
Youngsaeng's wrists, and he feels sick.

--

Yehsung is scolded for coming in too late, sleeping late, showing up late,
picking up dance moves late. Somehow Yehsung seems to be late in everything
he's been doing the past few weeks. Maybe it's even months by now; it's just
that nobody has realized it before now. Ryeowook stays close but out of
sight, hidden behind a door, listening in on the manager's quiet, angry
voice and Yehsung's too loud replies. He's not sure why it frightens him to
hear Yehsung like this, unstable, out of control. Which is exactly what
Yehsung's being told off for. "Get a grip, Jongwoon, if this goes on you'll
be reprimanded for real," the manager says and Yehsung curses in return
before he walks out of the office. Ryeowook watches him go, doesn't want to
attempt to talk to him when he's like this.

Except that Yehsung has been like this for days now. He's rash and
impatient, he's easily angered and avoidant when he's asked any questions.
Eeteuk tries reasoning with him, but gives up after Yehsung lashes out at
him, nearly punching him in the face. Heechul yells at him and Yehsung yells
back, until Kangin and Kibum has to pull them apart before they tear each
others' hair out. Kyuhyun tries talking to him, calmly and reasonably and
politely as always, and Yehsung hisses at him in a way that almost makes Kyu
cry. Ryeowook stays in the background even if they all come to him, saying
talk to him, Ryeowookie and he won't listen to us and we
miss him, Ryeowookie, you have to do something, please
. Ryeowook feels
caught in the middle and he doesn't want to be there.

He's the guest on Miracle For You that evening, and he's still nervous, like
he has been for days. It's not a nice feeling. Ryeowook is used to trusting
Yehsung with everything, from advices on singing to strange feelings he's
had in the past. Yehsung has always been like an older brother, or like a
journal who gives good advice in addition to keeping all of Ryeowook's
secrets safely hidden. He wishes he could be the same for Yehsung, and he
wonders if Yehsung thinks that he's too young, too stupid, too childish, or
if he just doesn't trust Ryeo the way Ryeo trusts him.

"You've changed," Ryeowook says quietly as Yehsung puts on another song - he
hasn't talked even half as much as usual and it's another thing that
frightens Ryeowook. He knows that Miracle For You is Yehsung's pride, and if
that's not important to him anymore, then what might be next? Yehsung shoots
him an unusually dark look, swiveling slightly in his chair. He behaves like
a five-year-old who has eaten too many cookies and who has been found out,
and who knows he's done something wrong. He looks like he's expecting
another scolding, but then he shakes his head as if remembering that
Ryeowook would never scold him.

"No, I haven't, don't be stupid," he finally replies, his voice too harsh.
Yehsung touches his fingers to his neck, to the perfect impression of a bite
mark that Ryeowook knows is there, hidden beneath dark hair and a too big
beanie. Ryeowook bends his head, looking down on his hands, curled into
fists in his lap. He feels something ache inside, but he doesn't press the
matter.

--

Hyungjoon never really paid attention to Yehsung before he knew. Back then
Yehsung was just another one of the Super Junior boys, one with an
annoyingly good voice and who wasn't very good at dancing and who didn't
really talk all that much at interviews and with hair that took up half his
head. "Just like me", Youngsaeng comments all too often these days, and
that's why we fit so well. It makes Hyungjoon want to shake him hard
and ask him if he's stupid or just blind. A few times he has even shaken
Youngsaeng, but it only makes him look up at Hyungjoon with unusually wide
eyes, looking almost hurt. Hyungjoon isn't sure what kind of approach he
should take, but it obviously isn't this. Especially because Youngsaeng
tells him that he doesn't know Yehsung, doesn't know what he's talking
about.

Out of a sudden, urgent need to figure out who Yehsung is so that he can
tell Youngsaeng that yes, he knows, Hyungjoon watches a few Super Junior
performances, looks at a few pictures online, listens to a few episodes of
Miracle For You. He finds out that Yehsung is two years, two months and ten
days older than Youngsaeng, that they're exactly the same height, that his
blood type is AB, unlike anyone in SS501. He finds out that Yehsung's real
name is Kim Jongwoon, and it surprises him, because Youngsaeng always refers
to Yehsung as 'Yehsung', nothing else. He reads through a few of Yehsung's
cyworld entries, and decides that he's even more of a camwhore than
Youngsaeng is, but that he's better with words than Youngsaeng is.

Hyungjoon's not sure he comes out of it knowing Yehsung any better, but he
has to admit that on an superficial level, he seems to fit Youngsaeng pretty
well. Yehsung seems to be shy and quiet and serious some times and forward
and talkative and playful at other times, he has an infectious smile and
warmth in his voice, and Hyungjoon wishes he could close his eyes to
everything else and just believe that this is right, that Youngsaeng is
right.

He wishes he believes that Yehsung is as perfect as Youngsaeng makes him out
to be. He wishes that he cared less, because then he might have been able to
let it be Youngsaeng's decision and nothing else.

But he can't, because Hyungjoon also knows a few other things. He knows that
Youngsaeng hardly ever mentions Yehsung, unless he comes up in some random
conversation. He knows that when Youngsaeng was in the hospital, Yehsung
never once came to visit, even though Yunho and Jaejoong came several times,
and a few from Super Junior came as well. Just not Yehsung. He knows that
once, Youngsaeng tore up all the pictures he had of the two of them together
and threw them away, and hardly talked for three days. He knows that Kyujong
has mentioned - not once, but four times - that he has heard Youngsaeng
crying behind a locked bathroom door. He knows that Jungmin discovered dark
bruises on Youngsaeng's knees and thighs when they were changing next to
each other, but that Youngsaeng refused to tell how he had gotten them.

Hyungjoon knows, and he knows too much. The next time Yehsung calls and
Youngsaeng gets ready to go out to wherever it is they go together,
Hyungjoon tries to hold him back. He takes Youngsaeng's hand, squeezing it
hard, shaking his head and trying to say without words that he doesn't want
Youngsaeng to go. Youngsaeng looks down at their hands, standing still for a
couple of seconds, but then he frees himself and is out the door before
Hyungjoon can do anything to stop him.

--

The apartment is quiet, too quiet. Everyone else is out on one of their rare
half days off, and Ryeowook knows that Yehsung thinks he's alone, that the
apartment is empty. He tries, he honestly tries not to listen to the low
moans coming from the bathroom, and he asks himself why he doesn't just get
out. Why he keeps torturing himself like this, because it sure can't be very
good for his mental health. Why he can't just let it go. He bends his head
and tries to focus on the book he's holding, tries to read. Tries to think
about anything other than the two in there.

Ryeowook feels nauseated at the curses and the whimpers that sound more
pained than filled with pleasure, and several times he nearly gets up,
nearly knocks on the door, nearly asks if they're okay. He's not an expert,
far from it, but he's fairly sure that these kinds of sounds aren't supposed
to be part of the loving relationship Yehsung has talked so about,
enthusiastic albeit avoidant. Ryeowook wonders if he's just being naïve, or
if Yehsung's being blind. He wonders if Heechul's right every time he calls
either Yehsung or Youngsaeng a sadistic bastard, or if Kyuhyun's right when
he shrugs and says Yehsung is Yehsung, he knows what he wants, we
shouldn't tell him how to live his life
.

He wonders when relationships became more complicated than holding hands and
going on dates and kissing and writing each other little notes. He wonders
just when Yehsung had grown up, grown apart from him.

When the bathroom door opens after what seems like hours, Ryeowook hides.
He's not proud of it, but he doesn't think he can face the two of them
together. Wouldn't know how to act, what to say. He's never seen them
together; not on pictures apart from the single one from Youngsstreet, not
on videos, not even in real life. At award shows they don't seem to give
each other any special attention. Not that Ryeowook has been trying to find
out if they're acting differently - for all he knows they might have been
together for years. Yehsung never really answers questions about the
matter, he only gives out the information he wants his friends to have.

Ryeowook closes his eyes and curls up next to the couch, making himself as
small and insignificant as he feels. The muttered voices from the hallway
are quiet, but not quiet enough - after all Yehsung and Youngsaeng think
they are alone, that they don't have to hide themselves. He listens to
I'm fine, it doesn't hurt and call me when you get back, okay?
and I love you, and he feels like crying. But he doesn't move until
Yehsung has left the apartment as well, nearly an hour later.

There are traces of blood in the bathroom, and Ryeowook looks at his pale
reflection in the mirror before he cleans it up. He doesn't know who it
belongs to, and he doesn't want to know either. Maybe it will be better if
he stays in the dark, like Yehsung clearly wants him to be, no matter how
much it hurts. Ryeowook wishes he is the kind of guy who could stand up to
his best friend, tell him that this can't go on any longer, that Yehsung
needs to get away from Youngsaeng before he destroys himself. He really
wishes he had more courage.

--

Hyungjoon notices the fresh, dark bruises when they go to bed; even if
Youngsaeng does everything he can to hide them. By now Hyungjoon knows what
to look for, though he wishes he didn't. He wants to say hyung, you
shouldn't do this, you should stop seeing him, please, I don't like to see
you hurt
, but he can't get the words out. Mostly because he knows that
Youngsaeng will either pretend not to hear him, or he'll just shrug and say
Baby, it's none of your business and Baby, I know what I'm
doing
. Youngsaeng is stubborn, too stubborn, and even if Hyungjoon's not
that much younger than him, Youngsaeng still manages to make him feel like a
kid. He sighs quietly and stretches out next to Youngsaeng, watching him
sleep or pretend to sleep.

It hurts to be unable to do anything.

It's been months, and Hyungjoon can't see anything different with
Youngsaeng. Maybe he's a little bit paler, maybe he gets a little less
sleep, maybe he spends a little more time in the bathroom every day, maybe
he takes a few more painkillers, maybe he's a little more distant and
avoidant. But apart from that, Youngsaeng behaves like he always has, and
none of the others have any idea that anything has changed. Hyungjoon keeps
a close watch, looks for signs, but he doesn't even know what he's looking
for. The last time Hyungjoon was in a relationship he was five years old and
held hands with a girl in his class for three days, and then she told her
friends he was stupid. Hyungjoon doesn't think he should be the one to deal
with this, but he doesn't have a choice.

A few times he's been close to telling the others - he even pulls Hyunjoong
aside one day, determined to get the words out. But Youngsaeng interrupts
him, pulling him away and almost pleading with him to not say anything to
anyone else and please, Baby, I just don't want to worry them, it's bad
enough that you know
.

Friday night, and it's the third time that week Youngsaeng returns home with
bruises, and he winces at the slightest move. Kyujong frowns and moves to
check if he's okay when Youngsaeng comes home, stumbling slightly across the
living room, heading for the bathroom. Jungmin asks if he's been run over by
a truck, and even Hyunjoong gives Youngsaeng a slightly worried look.
Hyungjoon feels horrible because he knows what's going on, knows who has
done this, knows why Youngsaeng just grins guiltily and disappears into the
bathroom, staying there for over an hour.

Youngsaeng gives Hyungjoon a warning look, but this time Hyungjoon can't
stay silent. Not anymore. Youngsaeng is the closest thing to a best friend
Hyungjoon's ever had, and he thinks that as a friend, he shouldn't just
stand by. Not ever again. "Hyung, you shouldn't do this, you should stop
seeing him, please, I don't like to see you hurt," he says, he pleads, he
repeats over and over until he falls asleep with his forehead against
Youngsaeng's trembling shoulder.

--

You stand in the middle of the living room, looking around at all the
unfamiliar faces in front of you, around you. You feel scared and lonely,
and you swallow, wondering if you made a mistake in coming here. It feels
like a dream when Yehsung wraps two strong arms around you from behind and
smiles against your hair, welcoming and warm and nothing else. He tells you
that they're all glad you're here, really, it's just that not all of them
plays all that well with others. He tells you that they'll get used to you
soon enough, and that in a week or so you'll feel completely at home and
you'll never want to leave.

He stays close to you, reassures you that entire day, and in the evening he
crawls into your bed, still behind you so that you can't see his eyes.
Yehsung tugs the covers up and tucks his knees behind yours, making you
giggle because it feels kind of funny, but also kind of nice. He shushes you
because Eeteuk is already sleeping in the other bed, and then he tells you
that you're going to be best friends and close forever and that he's going
to take care of you, because even though Kibum is younger than you, you're a
lot more vulnerable and you need a lot more protection.

You almost protest, you want to tell Yehsung that you're not as fragile as
you look, honestly. But his arms around you feel nice, comforting, like they
belong to the big brother you never had, and you choose not to say anything.
If Yehsung wants you to, you'll be vulnerable, you'll need protection,
you'll be sweet and cute and you'll be everything he wants you to be.

"Trust me," Yehsung says quietly, his breath hitting your neck right beneath
your ear. "I'm going to be everything you could have ever asked for in a
best friend. And you'll be my best friend and we'll have a lot of fun
together." You smile and believe him because you've never had a best friend
before, not a real one, but you really want to have one, and especially
someone like Yehsung. You're not really sure why, but he makes you feel
safe. Loved.

--

On the first night in your new apartment, the one that's going to be your
semi-permanent home, everyone rushes around, exploring. You feel a little
lost and you end up standing in the living room, just looking around,
listening to Jungmin claim a room to himself and Hyunjoong bickering with
him over it, and Kyujong and the manager telling them both to be quiet. This
isn't all that different from the small dorm you've been living in before,
but it has an actual living room and a kitchen, and it's big instead of
tiny, and you think it's too white and too quiet and too cold. You're not
sure you can manage to feel at home here.

You've been standing there for at least ten minutes when Youngsaeng walks
over to you and smiles up at you, taking your hand. He shrugs a little and
nods towards the hallway and the faint noise of the others arguing, and you
nod in response to his unasked question. While the five of you discussed the
new apartment, you never said anything about sharing a room, but it still
seems inevitable to you that you'll end up sharing a room anyway. No matter
what the others might say about it.

You decide on the middle room after a few moments of consideration, the one
with the biggest bed because you both like your space, especially
Youngsaeng. It takes a couple of hours to get settled in completely - by the
time you're done Jungmin's room already looks like he's been living there
for months, not hours, and Kyujong is cleaning the kitchen after Hyunjoong
knocked a glass of orange juice over. Youngsaeng stretches out on the bed
and starts reading, while you're still jumping around the room, singing as
loudly as you can. Anyone else would have told you to shut up after a few
minutes, but Youngsaeng says nothing, merely smiles up at you.

You're sure that sharing a room with him is the best decision you've made
all month, and that you're going to have a lot of fun together here, because
beneath all the seriousness, Youngsaeng can be just as silly as you. You
don't know why, but having him as something close to your best friend has
always made you feel safe. Loved.

--

The concert is big and the backstage area is filled with people, as always.
Ryeowook doesn't even know why, but he's shadowing Yehsung. No, it's more
like simply following him around to stop him from doing anything foolish. He
feels like that's all he's been doing lately. Trying, trying, trying to talk
sense into Yehsung, like everyone wants him to, because he won't listen
to us, Ryeowookie
and you know Youngsaeng is hurting him, don't
you?
and you have to do something, Ryeowook. Trying to not push
Yehsung further away, trying to get him to listen to reason, trying to find
the balance between being happy for Yehsung and saving him from the one
person Yehsung doesn't want to be saved from.

And yet there's nothing Ryeowook can do when Yehsung finds Youngsaeng in the
crowd, grabs his hand and tugs him off to one of the currently empty
changing rooms. Ryeo follows them at a safe distance, watches Yehsung's grip
on Youngsaeng's wrist, how Youngsaeng struggles for a moment but then grins
and follows without protest. Neither of them notice Ryeowook, they don't see
that they're being watched, because all they can see is each other. They
both look eager, too eager, and somehow their smiles makes Ryeowook feel
cold with dread.

He thinks about stopping them, he really does, goes through excuses in his
mind, things to say so that Yehsung will look at him instead of Youngsaeng,
focus on someone other than Youngsaeng for once. It's just that he can't
find the words quickly enough, and the door to the changing room slams shut
with a definite sound that stops Ryeowook's vague plans of interrupting the
two of them. He still doesn't know why he does this, why he doesn't just
tell the others that he can't do anything about this, he can't change this,
and it's Yehsung's life, not mine, and he's happy, so I'm happy for
him
. It would be a lie, but it feels like it's what he should do,
because there's no way he can stop Yehsung from loving Youngsaeng.

Ryeowook sighs heavily and turns his head away from the door, only to meet
the eyes of another singer, standing not far from him with a slightly
saddened look on his face. Even though he doesn't know him very well,
Ryeowook knows that it's the youngest member of SS501, Hyungjoon. An actual
magnae and the eternal magnae, and by the looks of it, Ryeowook thinks
they're both upset over the choices their friends are making. Ryeowook
wonders if Hyungjoon has been trying to stop this, just like Ryeo has, but
walking over and asking seems impossible. They don't know each other, after
all. He tries to smile to Hyungjoon, but it becomes more of a grimace and
Hyungjoon merely nods back.

Neither of them move at all, not even when they can hear the faint sounds
emanating from behind the closed door, almost lost in the chaos around them.
Ryeowook closes his eyes for a moment and then glances over at Hyungjoon,
and he feels his heart ache for the both of them, for Yehsung and
Youngsaeng, for everyone else. He thinks he's lost Yehsung, really lost him,
and it hurts more than he ever thought it would, his heart beating so hard
that he's almost surprised it keeps on beating.

But he doesn't cry.

~fin~
 
 
tokawaiitokawaii on June 26th, 2007 06:49 am (UTC)
oh...my dead jesus. I don't know what to say.
tokawaiitokawaii on June 26th, 2007 06:50 am (UTC)
DEAR*** ._.''''''
prettyovernight on June 26th, 2007 06:56 am (UTC)
...flippin' frijoles.
i don't know what to say either.

{{ a y a m e | mabudachi trio }}hoyah on June 26th, 2007 07:12 am (UTC)
;-; wow that really broke my heart.

i liked that interlude, with the second person narrative form. it connected hyungjun and ryeowook, too, on a deeper level than just because they share the title of magnae. and it made me think of double ys' line about how they're so similar and so they're perfect for each other.

excellent, excellent job.

this contest is going to be a tough one to judge. :]
박미나: SS501bitofajungle on June 26th, 2007 08:15 am (UTC)
Wow. I don't even know what to say about this.
Except that it was wonderful.
~<3
I go to cry now ~~
luminous being: donghae - blond 2taylormercury on June 26th, 2007 09:40 am (UTC)
Oh my goodness this was so painful. It really was, for everyone involved. I'm just kind of stunned into silence now.
This was really, really well done though. I like how you used both of the magnae's, to show what was happening on both sides of this relationship. And the 2nd person interludes were a really good addition to, and made it even more painful to see what's been happening.
It's taken me about 10 minutes to come up with this much to say, I really don't know anything else, except that this was a really good, really hurty, read, and wow. Wow. Not what I expected a Double YS to be.
The answer with a question marknemesae on June 26th, 2007 10:05 am (UTC)
Oh wow. Very very well written, and I liked how you didn't go for the easy way of portraying them as 'the good and the bad guy' but gave them a lot of humanity. I expected the end of the story to be the end of their relationship, but refraining from doing that is a great decision that you made. It's really sad.

I'm also really supposed to be doing deadline work and you managed to snatch off 40 minutes of my time for this. So dead, but definitely worth the time! ♥
K.virginangelic on June 26th, 2007 01:20 pm (UTC)
I don't know what to say. My heart hurts reading this.
K.virginangelic on June 26th, 2007 01:21 pm (UTC)
Damn. I forgot. This was very well written. Excellent job but I need to go and cry now.
meeselovetunameeselovetuna on June 26th, 2007 03:50 pm (UTC)
i've never read double YS before.

;~; HOW SAD.

*dies in a corner*
CP Explosioncpexplosion on June 26th, 2007 05:19 pm (UTC)
Wow... I'm breathless ^^''

Beautiful, beautiful fic, really! Bittersweet... and sad... but it's double YS, and that's always good XD
Dayablessedangel13 on June 26th, 2007 06:06 pm (UTC)
O.O ahhhhhh!!!!!!!! I don't know what to say. It hurts. ;.;
(Deleted comment)
revvvolution_xrevvvolution_x on June 26th, 2007 10:30 pm (UTC)
askjdfaskfjasjf;da;sfj;akjfjas;fdjsa;f
It hurts a lot.
revvvolution_xrevvvolution_x on June 26th, 2007 10:32 pm (UTC)
And I died a lot inside.
In other words, because I'm incoherent as of right now, gorgeous.