Mitha (freedomthisway) wrote in miracle______,

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[Series]A Story of Hurting and Healing, Chapter 16

Author : freedomthisway
Rating : Various, up to NC-17, PG13 again for now
Character/Pairing : Siwon, Hankyung, Kangin, Hyukjae, Heechul, other made up characters/SiHan, minor KangHyuk.
Word Count : 8882 words
Genre : AU and angst like whoa!
Warning: Underage, rape/non-con, younger!Hankyung, a lot of swearing.
Summary : When Hankyung was 7, his mother was remarried to Choi Min Woo, the head of the rich and famous Choi family. The marriage brings Hankyung to the position of Siwon's younger stepbrother.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Siwon found out his feelings toward Hankyung. Not wanting to ruin the family, Siwon chose to keep his love for Hankyung inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Hankyung was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Siwon, but didn't act on it because he assumed Siwon hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Choi Min Woo's death, Hankyung decided to come back, only to face Siwon's hatred towards him.

All Hankyung wants is a happiness and love with Siwon by his side. Can he reach it eventually?

Author’s note:
Here's new chapter. It's damn long. Too long. And I don't know if this one will suit your taste. Comments and opinions are very most welcome.

Really hope you'll enjoy this one though. I racked my brain for the whole two weeks I spent on writing it and now my brain is literally exhausted. ^^

Oh, and many thanks and hugs for my awesome new beta: renichifreak. She worked on this chapter so fast and so amazingly good. So happy~! xD

Chapter 1 :: Chapter 2 :: Chapter 3 & 4 :: Chapter 5
Chapter 6 & 7 :: Chapter 8 :: Chapter 9 :: Chapter 10
Chapter 11 :: Chapter 12 :: Chapter 13 :: Chapter 14
Chapter 15

“What do you mean he left?” Heechul glares at Ji Sook.

The butler pales at the tone of anger in Heechul’s voice. “I don’t know, Heechul-sshi. Hankyung-sshi left this morning, by foot. He looked very upset, but I swear he took nothing in his hands. That’s why I assumed he was just going to take a walk somewhere. ”

Heechul brushes his hair in frustrations. Something bad must have happened.

He finished his job unexpectedly earlier than expected and just got off his night flight two hours ago. He rushed here right after because the bad feeling he had been having since he left Seoul just wouldn’t go away and was only getting worse.

But Ji Sook said Hankyung hadn’t been home even as the clock struck 10 pm, and when he and Ji Sook checked Hankyung’s room, Hankyung’s things were still in their place.

“Where’s Siwon?” Heechul grits his teeth. If something bad happened to Hankyung, Siwon must have at least known something about it.

“Siwon-sshi hasn’t been out of his room since early this morning. Jung Eum said Hankyung-sshi went to see Siwon-sshi before breakfast because he said he had something to talk about with him. He left house some times after that.”

Heechul gapes. Oh God, no.

Not that. Don’t tell me Hankyung had been stupid enough to tell Siwon about everything.

Rushing, Heechul goes straight up to Siwon’s bedroom.

The door isn’t locked, and swinging it open, Heechul wrinkles his nose instinctively because all of sudden he is assaulted by heavy stench of alcohol filling the dark room.

Heechul curses as he hurriedly switches on the light and moves towards lines of big windows. Opening them wide to let the fresh night air in, he turns around and sees Siwon sprawled on his bed, eyes shut.

His shirt is crumpled and more than two empty bottles of whiskey are lying on the sheets next to him, one is held in his loose grip.

Heechul watches as Siwon frowns and blinks at the bright light of the lamp suddenly hits his senses.

“Fuck, my head.” He growls, holding his head and cringes.

It takes a full minute for him to realize Heechul is standing there across him, glaring.

“Heechul-hyung?” He slurs drunkenly.

“Where’s Hankyung?”

Siwon coughs and curses again because it makes his head hurt like hell. “What?”

“Where’s Hankyung, Siwon-ah?” Heechul takes two steps forward, trying to maintain his patience.

Siwon gives Heechul a blank gaze for a moment, before laughing and Heechul can see a flash of something dark in his eyes.

“That jerk?” Siwon slurs, scrambling to sit. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s in the corner somewhere, weeping pathetically after what I’ve done to him.”

Heechul’s eyes squint sharply at that. “What did you say?”

Siwon looks at Heechul with hazy eyes for a moment. “It’s not my fault, right, Hyung?” He shrugs and chuckles drunkenly. “It’s not like I’m the evil one. That bastard deserves it.”

Heechul’s patience is on the edge now and he grits his teeth. “Siwon-ah, for fuck sake, what did you do to him?”

But Siwon doesn’t answer. He’s just sitting there, on the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the soft Persian rug beneath.

“Answer me, damn it!” Heechul yells.

Siwon looks up at that, and Heechul curses under his breath when he can see Siwon’s eyes brimming with tears.

“He was…” Siwon gulps down a breath. “He was standing right there, telling me all these fucked up things about how he loved me and how it was my father’s horrible treatment that drove him into the decision of running away three years ago…. And I just can’t believe it.”

Heechul shuts his eyes tightly in frustration. Apparently he guessed right, and by the time he opens his eyes, he can see Siwon is shaking his head over and over again.

“He’d got to be lying, Hyung. My father would never do something that cruel.” Siwon’s lower lips trembling as he says that. “He was a very good man and you know that. Hell, everybody knows that.”

Heechul pinches his nose bridge, a headache suddenly formed inside his head. Sighing, he stares at Siwon. “Look, Siwon-ah. I’ve been here for almost an hour already and it’s almost fucking midnight, yet Hankyung is nowhere to be found. Ji Sook told me he left this morning upset, leaving his things behind in his now empty room. So let me ask you this once again. What did you do to him?

Siwon looks back straight to Heechul’s eyes and grips the bed sheet tighter as he says, “I raped him.”

Heechul gapes. “You did what?” And Heechul frowns as Siwon suddenly laughs.

“I raped him, Hyung. Here, on this bed.” Siwon says with a bitter half-grin on his face, ignoring a flick of guilt that stings his heart sharply as he’s saying that.

And Siwon has only two seconds to blink his haze away when suddenly he feels Heechul’s fist makes contact with his jaw so hard that the world turns black as he passes out.


Siwon opens his eyes and the first thing he realizes is his head thrumming painfully. He groans and tries to sit straight. The morning sunlight floods through the all 6 opened windows and he’s forced to squint his eyes as he looks around the room.

That’s when he sees Heechul, sitting with a grim face on the couch across the bed, and suddenly some of the memories of last night come back to him.

Hankyung. The rape. His cruel words to Hankyung that he had said in despair to cover all the guilty feelings he felt afterward. Heechul’s angry punch on him.

Siwon groans louder as the memory assault makes his head hurts even more and it catches Heechul’s attention.

Heechul stares at him, completely ignoring Siwon’s pain. “I can’t find him, Siwon-ah.” His voice is thick with grief.

Siwon rubs his forehead and frowns. “Can’t find who?”

Heechul glares. “Hankyung.” He shakes his head in frustration. “I drove through almost half of the city, set my eyes on every one on the road side, hoping I’d catch sight of him. I went to every bus and train station, asking officers and people there who might have seen him around. But he’s nowhere to be found.”

Siwon’s eyes turn dark. “Why trouble yourself with that, Hyung?” He says mockingly, slowly swinging his feet down to the floor. Siwon can feel his wall of twisted self defense thicken inside him. “I finally got it even with his betrayal and his wicked lies yesterday and if he chose to leave, then it suits me just fine. I just hope he won’t have guts to come back in the future.”

“You’re unbelievable, you know that? Have you ever thought that what Hankyung said might be a God’s honest truth?” Heechul stares at him, amazed by the ignorance in his best friend’s voice.

Siwon’s gaze at Heechul this time is not the kind one. “No, it has never crossed my mind before. You know why? It’s because I fucking know my father. He would never do something like that. And besides, why do you care so much anyway?” Siwon is starting to lose his patience and forgetting all the manners.

“Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for him?” Siwon snorts, apparently finding it ridiculous. “Damn, Hyung. I've known that Hankyung was good at gaining favor from people since he was a little boy. But you’ve been a womanizer and heartless in love ever since I knew you and for him to finally succeed in getting your favor, I’m impressed.”

Siwon never sees Heechul looking angrier than he is right now and he gulps as Heechul suddenly rises from his seat and strides to stand in front of him in a matter of seconds. Siwon looks up nervously at Heechul’s towering figure.

“I’ve known you for so long, Siwon-ah, but I’ve never realized that you can be this shallow and narrow-minded.” Heechul says with disappointment clear in his voice. “You were blinded by anger and all those stupid scenarios your father had cruelly set up until you can no longer see or let yourself believe in a simple truth.”

Siwon blinks. “What are you talking about?”

Heechul reaches inside his suit and takes out a thin paper fold. “This is what I’m talking about.” He hisses, waving the copy of Min Woo’s letter for Hankyung in front of Siwon’s face. “Your father, Choi Min Woo, wrote this letter and gave it to me inside a sealed envelope, along with his will; giving me direct order to hand this over to Hankyung right after the will reading. So now,” Heechul throws the letter into Siwon’s lap, then takes two steps back, watching Siwon stares dumbfounded at the paper fold. “You read that letter and tell me who the real lying traitor is.”

Glancing at Heechul once, who beckons him silently to just go on and read, Siwon picks up the letter with his slightly trembling right hand, opens the folded papers and starts to scan words after words written on it.

Heechul bites his lips. Even after all the anger he shows for Siwon’s stupidity, he can’t help but feel tremendous sadness for his best friend as he sits there with that letter in his grip, especially when Heechul can see Siwon’s eyes widen more and more, his face scrunches in mental agony as he reads every single words on it.

Siwon is finally, finally, getting the truth smacked in his face and Heechul knows that this time Siwon can’t deny or dodge it because he must have recognized his father’s handwriting there right away.

Siwon doesn’t deserve this. Neither does Hankyung. And if only Min Woo was still alive, Heechul would have killed him with his bare hands because seriously, that man had fucked up too many lives and even if somehow Siwon and Hankyung find ways to overcome all of this, there’s got to be a hole left inside both of them that’ll never be able to be filled by anything.

“Oh, God.” Siwon’s voice is hoarse by the time he reaches the end of the letter. “Oh God, oh my God.” Siwon looks up at Heechul, his eyes are desperate and wild and he’s tearing up and Heechul can feel a painful squeeze in his heart at the sight.

“Heechul-hyung, what have I done?” Siwon says, trembling. His hand grips the letter he holds with a crushing force. “Hankyung…. He’s telling the truth. What have I done?” Siwon chokes on a sob, looking so lost and in so much pain and Heechul knows the regret is starting to eat him from the inside as he grits his teeth and says,

“Hyung, I have to find him.”


That morning, Siwon ends up telling Heechul everything.

Sitting there on his messed up bed with trace of tears still visible on his cheeks and eyes staring blankly at his tightly entwined hands, Siwon spills his story. About his undying love for Hankyung. How he had tried so hard to keep that feeling inside because he thought it was for the best. How he now realizes that his unconscious effort to forget about his broken heart due to Hankyung’s leaving must had been the one that drove him so easily into the bitter scheme Min Woo had cold-bloodedly set up for them both.

And then, gripping his fist so tight Heechul sure it will leave mark, Siwon looks up and asks him with fresh tears in his eyes.

What should I do, Hyung?
The only thing filling my mind right now is this fierce desire to just kill myself and end this fucked up life of mine. But I know that even if I ripped my soul into pieces, it would all just be useless. Hankyung will still be out there, alone and hurt and broken, all because of me.

Heechul shivers at the scary and painful truth behind those words. It causes him to just stand there, speechless. And just like that, as the silent stretched between both of them, Siwon turns his gaze throughout the window and then Heechul can hear him beginning to chant that one phrase blankly, over and over again:

I have to find him.

After a moment, Heechul just can’t stand it anymore. He moves forward to haul Siwon on his feet and hugs the shivering body tightly.

“It’s okay, Siwonnie.” Heechul tightens his hold over Siwon, realizing how his voice cracks when he says it. “It’s okay. We’ll find him.”

We’ll definitely find him.”


It has been almost two months now and every day the feeling of déjà vu haunts Siwon as he’s bending over backwards raking the whole town and beyond, keeping his eyes and ears open wide and doing everything he can with Heechul along his side, but still, he can’t find any trace of Hankyung.

Once again, Hankyung has disappeared into thin air.

And every single day, the unbelievable weight of regret and guilt and self-hatred and ‘what ifs’ are burdening Siwon’s mind, so much that he already can feel the early stage of depression by each second passing.

He’s losing sleep, foods taste like rubber in his mouth, and the daily headache is a bitch.

He really believes he would have lost it and ended up spending the rest of his life in some mental hospital by now if it weren’t for Heechul who keeps encouraging him, providing back ups and suggestions and help and even a smack on the head if he misses his meal time.

But despite the endless support from Heechul, Siwon knows his hyung can’t give him the things he needs the most right now: salvation, love, happiness, and Hankyung.

Siwon has lost all of them in one package, and this time he realizes he has nobody to blame but himself.

Siwon is sitting behind his desk this afternoon, scanning stack of reports from those detectives he hired to locate Hankyung. From what he’s reading, they still haven’t got a clue and Siwon grits his teeth in despair.

That’s when the phone on his desk rings. Quickly, Siwon picks it up, hoping it’s a call from Heechul, from someone, anyone, who can give him leads on Hankyung.

“Siwon Choi’s speaking.”

For a moment, nothing heard from the other end of line.

“It’s you…” A man growls suddenly.

Siwon frowns at the hostilityheard clearly from his voice. “Who’s this?”

“It’s Kangin.” The man says shortly. “Is Hankyung-hyung there? I need to talk to him.”

Siwon suppresses his annoyed feeling at the man’s impolite manner because he’s asking Hankyung can only mean one thing.

“Are you Hankyung’s friend?” Siwon asks, excited at the possibility of finding the lost chain that can connect him to Hankyung. “Look…, Kangin-sshi. I’m Hankyung’s brother. You’ve got to help me. Hankyung left here almost two months ago and no matter what I do, I still can’t find him. Do you have any idea where he might be gone?”

“Yeah, I know you. And FYI, great job you’ve been doing as Hankyung’s brother, you asshole.” Kangin says in a sarcastic tone. “Now, what do you mean he’s gone?”

Siwon closes his eyes and rubs his temple. Great, he whimpers silently. This guy is the only person that might be able to help him right now and it sounds like he hates Siwon's guts.

“Yeah, well, some things happened.” Siwon licks his lips, tries to tread carefully with his words. He doesn’t want this man to suddenly cut off his line in anger and leaves him back to square one. “He left one morning and I haven’t been able to reach or find him ever since.”

“I don’t get it.” Kangin sounds confused, and annoyed. “He can’t be gone. He wired me the money two weeks ago, saying he was sorry that he wouldn’t be able to accompany me through the surgery because he had important things to do. The surgery worked wonders and Hyukjae is healthy enough now that the doctor had allowed him to leave the hospital. I’m calling to give him this good news because all of a sudden he never called anymore.”

Siwon is the one who’s confused now. “He wired you money? Could you tell me what the money was for?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Kangin sounds surprised. “Fuck. That’s just great. I bet that means he was living high life with you there, wasn’t he?”

Siwon’s mind is reeling with guesses and curiosity at this new piece of information and since he can’t find a word to say to the mocking words Kangin throwing at him, he chooses to say nothing.

“Do you really think his reason to stay was just so he could lay back and live off of your father’s fucking money for the rest of his life?” Kangin sounds amazed and once again Siwon is speechless.

“Yeah, I’m sure you do.” Kangin snorts. “Well, let me tell you something, Choi Siwon-sshi. Hankyung-hyung was so close to leaving that house and living somewhere else by himself after the will reading because he knew your assumptions of him would only get worse and he didn’t want that. That stubborn man just loves you too damn much. But then Hyukjae got sick, and both of us were in dire need of money to pay for Hyukjae’s heart surgery. That was why Hankyung-hyung decided to stay, just so he could give us the money to get Hyukjae healthy again.”

Siwon gapes, unconsciously gripping the receiver harder.

Hankyung stayed because of that?

Siwon feels even worse than before now. His heart hurts so much that he can’t help but cringe because he can still remember every single word he had said to Hankyung when he told him that he decided to stay.

“I…” Siwon gulps down the bitterness he’s feeling in his mouth. His voice is hoarse and weak and he just doesn’t know how he’s going to deal with himself now. “I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, well, you know nothing about him.” Kangin says grimly. “That guy has been through a lot of pain, yet he still came to you because he had this twisted faith that somehow you’d change and things would be better between the two of you.”

Siwon squeezes his eyes shut at that. His throat was clogged with regret and oh how he wishes he can turn back the time.

“Wait,” Kangin suddenly sounds worried. “If he left your house months ago, then where the hell is he now and where did he get the money from?”

Siwon frowns. The new question Kangin brought up to the surface has also made him feel restless all of a sudden. He checks the balance report everyday and there’s no suspicious or unknown expenses recorded, which means Hankyung didn’t take Choi family’s money. But Hankyung left without even bringing his canvas bag and clothes. It just doesn’t make sense.

Surgery costs a lot, he’s aware. Siwon doesn’t have to ask Kangin how much money Hankyung had sent him. So yeah, where did he get the money from?

“Look, I know I’ve been the most horrible bastard when it comes to Hankyung. But Kangin-sshi, you’ve got to help me here. Could you please let me know if Hankyung is contacting you in any way?”

“Are you stupid in the head?” Kangin sounds like he doesn’t believe what he just heard. “What makes you think I’ll let him be near you ever again? All you do is hurt him and if it was up to me, I’ll make sure Hankyung-hyung would never even be in the same room with you.”

Siwon is about to beg, but Kangin’s next question shuts him up.

“What did you do to make him leave anyway?”

Siwon doesn’t know how to answer that. Telling the truth to Kangin will only mean losing the only person that can lead him to Hankyung.

“I’ve done bad things to him. Horrible things. Hell, I’m not even sure he’ll ever want to see me again.” Siwon answers vaguely, pressing his chest to stop the stinging pain as the words leave his mouth. “But now that I’ve learned the truth, I need to find him, Kangin-sshi. Hankyung deserves at least an apology from me.”

Kangin says nothing for a moment, and Siwon unconsciously holds his breath.

“You know, if only I was standing in front of you now, you’d be on the floor bleeding.” Kangin’s voice is dark and dangerous. “Just leave him be, Choi Siwon. Let people who actually care for him to go and find him. You don’t deserve Hankyung-hyung at all so consider this a warning.”

And then Kangin cuts the line off, leaving Siwon in the brink of tears because he knows how right Kangin’s words are.

Hankyung deserves someone better, and at this point, even a fucking scumbag is worth more than Siwon will ever be.

But he just can’t let go. He just can’t.

Hankyung has been his life, his soul, and his reason to breathe for too long. He has been the ghost that haunts Siwon’s life in every step he took. And what is happening between them now is only fueling up Siwon even more to see Hankyung once again, to apologize and beg on his knees and do just about anything to try to make things right, and then hold Hankyung in his arms for eternity, giving all the love and protection against all harm like he has never been able to give before.

The way he sees it now, there’re only two options left in his life for him. It’s either he finds Hankyung and somehow looking for a way to fix them, or move on with his life without Hankyung by his side and end up dying a slow and painful death from the heartache and regrets.

Blinking his tears away, Siwon dials a number on the phone.

“Hye Seok-sshi.” Siwon says, recognizing the voice of the famous private detective team’s leader he’s currently hiring. “It’s Siwon Choi. I need you to do me a favor.”

Leaning back in his seat, feeling so emotionally exhausted, Siwon is staring longingly through the windows at rows of rose bushes blooming beautifully in the garden outside as he gives his order. “Someone called me on this line just now. His name is Kangin and I’m pretty sure he can help us find my brother. I want you to track down the phone number he used and give me the details as soon as you’re done.”


Heechul shuts his BMW’s front door closed and rushes inside Choi’s residence. It has been 30 minutes since Siwon ended his call, told him to meet him here as soon as he could because Siwon has gotten a significant lead on Hankyung’s whereabouts.

Heechul just hopes this lead won’t turn out to be a hoax, like many others had been before. Hankyung is really good at disappearing, and these past two months there were numerous times Heechul couldn’t catch his sleep because of the worries that haunt his mind.

Siwon is in his study, standing behind his desk, looking at a piece of paper held in his hand with a serious expression. Heechul notices black circles surrounding his best friend’s eyes, the way Siwon’s cheek bones stand up under his skin like they never did before due to his messed up eating and sleeping schedule, and Heechul can’t help but feel saddened by the sight.

Heechul admits he has been having it hard lately, but what he feels can never be compared with destructive emotions Heechul knows have been swirling inside Siwon ever since he lost control and bawled inside Heechul’s hug that morning after Hankyung left.

Ever since his mother’s death, Min Woo had been Siwon’s target of love and attention. Heechul remembered the way Siwon always had this smile on his face when he was talking about his father. Heechul also knew that the reason behind Siwon never wanting to be anything but a successful businessman was because he admired Min Woo badly. Save for the last months of Min Woo’s life, Heechul had never passed a single day with Siwon without hearing him talking about his awesome father, bragging on and on about how much Min Woo loved him. Thanks to Siwon, Heechul used to be the first person to know about Min Woo’s latest achievement and conquest, and his best friend’s face was always beaming so brightly every time he told Heechul that.

Heechul assumed that Siwon’s super-adornment act towards his father was partly because he didn’t allow himself to talk or do something about the other love of his life: his own step brother.

Siwon’s face would turn dark and his answer was always curt and simple each time Heechul asked him about how Hankyung was doing. And each time, he would end up talking more about Min Woo instead, or sometimes about Eun Hwa. It had been like that for so long that Heechul found himself used to never talking about Hankyung in Siwon’s presence.

That being said, to be shoved by hard facts that his father’s true face is actually everything but what he had thought about him, and the sudden realization that for all this time he shouldn’t have had to endure all of his suffering caused by his suppressed love for Hankyung (because it turned out Hankyung loved him just as much): those unexpected things must have done something bad inside Siwon’s mind.

Heechul can’t really say he understands the reason behind what Siwon had done to Hankyung that morning. He’s not even sure Siwon himself knows what had gotten to him. But in his line of work, Heechul had witnessed more than enough crimes which made him realize that people’s deepest emotions, those they kept forcefully locked and dormant inside the darkness of their souls, once exposed --especially if a denial is involved-- can really cause people to do ugly things that go beyond any common sense ever existing in this world.

“Hyung!” Siwon finally sees his approaching figure; grin on his face is wide and excited. For once after months, that handsome face seems to be brightened with spirits and hopes.

“Take a look at this.” Siwon waves the small paper in his hand. “I think we’re really getting close to find Hankyung this time.”

Heechul smiles; can’t resist to return that long time no see excitement in Siwon’s expression. “What’s this?” He says and snatches the paper off Siwon’s grip.

“Okay, hear me out.” Siwon chirps, taking his seat. “Two days ago a man named Kangin called me. I was assuming he’s one of Hankyung’s friends, and he didn’t deny it.”

Heechul stares at Siwon curiously.

Siwon’s face suddenly turns sad. “I know from him that Hankyung’s decision to stay was because he wanted to help Kangin and his lover, Hyukjae, who were in a bad situation. Hyukjae’s weak heart needed a surgery and the cost was just too much for them, so Hankyung had promised to give them the cash they needed by taking it from… my father’s… inheritance.” Siwon flinches and Heechul knows it’s because he has just mentioned his father.

“But the weird thing is the fact that Hankyung wired the money to Kangin two weeks ago when we both know perfectly that Hankyung had left here two months ago without bringing a single thing and there is absolutely no record of unknown expenses in Choi’s account, right?”

Heechul nods, frowning.

“So I tried to persuade him to say more. But he hung up before I had chance to do that.” Siwon smiles grimly. “It sounded like he hates me. I guess being Hankyung’s friend, he’s pretty much aware about me being a grand asshole.”

Heechul chooses not to respond to that touchy subject. Instead, he stares at the paper and raises one of his eyebrows as he’s reading what seems like an address scribbled on that small note.

“That’s the address of the phone number he used. Hye Seok-sshi gave it to me this morning.” Siwon sees that and provides an explanation. “Apparently, it’s a bar called Gil Dong. It’s pretty well known throughout that city, though the customers coming there are just your everyday handymen and store clerks kind of people. It’s just a regular bar for a regular people.”

“Uh-huh.” Heechul waits for Siwon to continue.

“Well, this Kangin together with Hyukjae are working there as barmen and guess who used to be the third barmen working there.”

Heechul raises his eyebrows. “No way.” He says in surprise. “Hankyung worked there?”

Siwon nods. “He did but then he resigned around the time he first came back to this house. Not just that, Hankyung used to live next to Kangin and Hyukjae’s apartment. It seems three of them are quite close friends.”

“Well, it pretty much explains why they know about Hankyung’s story with you. So what are you going to do now?” Heechul asks, taking his seat on one of the couch.

“Well, I assume I won’t get anywhere if I approach Hyukjae and Kangin. In fact, they might try to stand in my way of finding Hankyung if they know I dare to even step my feet near the bar. Kangin had clearly warned me about that right before he hung up after all. But Hye Seok-sshi had sent one of his men to ask around the town secretly, which wasn’t easy because it seems all of Gil Dong’s crew is doing the exact same thing. They even put up missing person posters all over town. Anyway, one of the guys questioned, and bribed, said that he saw Hankyung about more than a month ago, standing outside Gil Dong, looking lost. The next thing he saw was Hankyung leaving the bar with a man named Shin Han Soo. He’s known as typical town bastard.” Siwon frowns at that. “He does odd jobs here and there and more than once he had made ruckus in some places.”

All of a sudden Heechul finds himself feeling worried. “Wait, what kind of odd jobs?”

Siwon shrugs, frowning even more deeply. “The guy couldn’t really say what job he does. It’s pretty vague and shady and most of the times people there just let him be as long as he stays out of their way. But Hye Seok-sshi’s detective had succeeded in scraping the man’s address with some further investigation.”

“So, I’m going there, tonight. I’ve already prepared everything I might need.” Siwon leans forward, folding his hands on the desk with full determination on his expression. “I’ll find him, Hyung. And do whatever it takes to free both of us from this long time suffering.”

Siwon’s eyes are dead set on Heechul’s; daring him to raise an objection. He silently challenges the older man to say something, anything, because both of them know how weak and raw this plan of Siwon is. It’s decided in a rush, based on despair and thinly stretched hope.

It’s a fucked up scheme made in a fucked up situation. There’s a very high possibility that Siwon might come back empty handed, succeeding only in adding more pain and frustration into his life and it will not be because he doesn’t find Hankyung on his way.

“You need to do this alone, don’t you?” Heechul returns Siwon’s staring with a soft gaze.

It’s rhetorical. Siwon doesn’t even bother to answer.

Heechul sighs, folding his hands on his chest. “Oh, hell. You’ll need someone to take care of everything while you’re leaving anyway. I guess the only thing I can do right now is just bidding you a farewell, right?”

Both men smile at that.

“Good luck, Siwon-ah.” Heechul says as Siwon’s giving him a thankful gaze from behind his desk, and swallows his own worry and fear for what might come.


Siwon is standing in front of the apartment numbered 103. Taking a deep breath, he knocks the wooden door hard, twice.

Two men he hired as bodyguard are standing silently behind him. With well built bodies and sunglasses on their face, they look scary and intimidating, just how Siwon prefers them to be.

Actually he didn’t want to resort to ridiculously grandiose things such as this in the first place. However, if what he had heard about this Shin Han Soo is even only half true, then Siwon thinks this is the best way he can come up with. There will be no way the man will want to cooperate easily, especially when he knows there’ll be nothing good in store for him in exchange of any information he might have, and even though Siwon is certain that he can physically over power him if things get ugly, but Siwon wants to keep this simple and easy.

Man like Shin Han Soo only fears for one thing: another man with more money and power than him.

However, bribing him with money has its own potential in making things more difficult. Siwon can easily imagine the guy raising the price incredulously higher in order for him to open his mouth, and even worse Siwon bets there will only be half truth in his words.

Siwon really doesn’t have enough time and patience to deal with bullshit the man might put him up with. So Siwon assumes that hard intimidation will work much better.

The door suddenly swings opened, revealing a foxy-eyed middle aged man with sly looks, a cigarette is hanging between his lips. Siwon glances down and can see the man’s hand scratching his flabby belly beneath his undershirt and the room smells like public restroom in some shady bar.

Siwon’s stomach churns at the horrible smell suddenly attacking his nose, but he tries to maintain the nonchalant looks he’s putting on his face.

“Shin Han Soo-sshi?” Siwon nods a little. “My name is Choi Siwon. Can I have a word with you?”

Shin Han Soo is eyeing Siwon with narrowed eyes for a moment before turning his gaze to the men standing behind. “Are you here to collect money? I thought I’ve told Dong Hoon that I’ll have it delivered directly to him by Sunday.”

Siwon holds the urge to roll his eyes. This guy is so typically pathetic. “No, I think you mistook me for someone else.” Siwon clears his throat and takes a step forward. “I’m here simply to ask you for a favor.”

Han Soo’s eyes brightened at that. “You have a business for me?” He says, licking his lips. “FYI, I don’t take job that involves offing someone. Too damn messy, I tell you.”

Siwon gives him a fake smile. “There’ll be none of that, Han Soo-sshi. It’s just a simple favor.”

Han Soo stares at Siwon speculatively for a moment. “Wait here, I’ll put on my clothes. We’ll talk someplace else.” He says and shuts the door closed.


“You said it’s about a business.” Han Soo frowns, a hint of anger heard in his voice. He glances to that two men sitting next to his and Siwon’s table and clears his throat.

The café they’re in now is not that crowded so it’s quiet and Siwon knows that Han Soo doesn’t want to attract any unwanted attention, which actually goes into his favor.

Han Soo wants to talk someplace safe, considering Siwon is bringing two scary looking guy along with him, but it also means that it’s not only Siwon that won’t be able to pull any funny tricks now. He has to watch his act too.

“From my point of view, it is a business, Han Soo-sshi.” Siwon responds casually, his hands are laid on his thigh. “I want information, and I know you have it. It’s just that simple.”

“What makes you think I know about where your fucking stepbrother is right now?” Han Soo hisses.

Siwon smiles. “Let’s just say I’ve done my homework.” Siwon straightens his crossed leg and leans forward on his seat. “Now let me ask you this once again. Where is my step brother, Choi Hankyung?”

Han Soo glares at him. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Siwon raises one of his eyebrows. “So you won’t admit that you met him about two months ago in front of Gil Dong Bar? If you won’t then it’s funny since I know someone who swore up and down that he saw you leaving the bar with my step brother that one night.”

Han Soo doesn’t budge. “Perhaps the bastard needs his eyes checked, because I don’t remember shit about it.”

Siwon meets Han Soo’s glare with a sharp stare. He really doesn’t have time for this, so he gets rid of the smile off his face and speaks with cold tone. “Look, I don’t mean to sound rude, but my guys have been keeping their eyes on you for almost two weeks now. Remember that small secluded and dark alley behind…what’s it called in the report…“ Siwon acts like he’s thinking hard. “Bohm Pub?”

Siwon smiles when he can see Han Soo’s face paling at that.

“I don’t think it’s a pack of flour that you were handing over to that poor teenager. Which personally I think you should be ashamed of doing that, by the way. I bet the boy has not even had his stubbles grown.” Siwon shakes his head dramatically and lets out tsk-ing sound.

But Han Soo is still sitting there, frozen and without a word. Siwon guesses he needs to lay out a little bit more shock therapy on this man.

“Or maybe that one time when my men were following you around as you spent the whole two days stealing cars off the parking lot and then sold them to a man named Ji Hee? From the photos taken, I should say that you have horrible taste in cars. No wonder you only got less than seventy-five thousand won for those three junks you sold…”

“You’re just bluffing.” Han Soo cuts Siwon’s words with gritted teeth, yet his face looks even paler than before.

Siwon’s face is darkened at that. “You don’t have to believe what I said. But I’ll tell you this: you are one filthy scumbag who ruins people’s lives for a living and I have more than enough proof in my hand and lines of this country’s most well known lawyers at my side to drag you into jail whenever I want, even though I’m not saying that killing you won’t be a simpler thing to do. I know some men who can erase you from existence completely without having even a soul that will realize you’re rotting under the ground somewhere.” Siwon’s voice is deep and dangerous and Han Soo licks his suddenly dried lips nervously.

Siwon leans back on the seat and crosses his legs again. “This is a small town, Han Soo-sshi. You might not be used to having people sticking their noses into your dirty business, but you’re messing with the wrong person here.” Siwon doesn’t let his sharp gaze off Han Soo’s eyes even for a second. “I’m from nowhere around, and I am too used to always getting what I want, one way or another. So all you have to do is answer my question honestly and I’ll make sure we will part with just a friendly handshake.”

Han Soo is looking at Siwon with fear now, and Siwon knows that soon this man will even kiss his feet if he orders him to.

“I…” Han Soo starts talking, stopping for just a moment to clear his throat again. “At first, I had no bad intentions whatsoever. He was looking so lost standing there in front of the bar, and he smelled like a truck stop. I couldn’t help but feel a pity on him. That was all.”

“Uh-huh.” Siwon nods, completely doubting it was pity Han Soo felt for his brother.

“Well,” Han Soo licks his lips again, which seems like his tic. “I recognized Hankyung from old days, when he used to work as one of Yong Ae’s helpers. He was kind of hard to forget, if you get what I mean. I know lots of guys who came to Gil Dong every night just so they can leer on his infamous tight ass.” He chuckles, but stops the second he sees Siwon’s jaw tensing.

“Anyway, I invited him someplace else to drink because he seemed reluctant to enter Gil Dong. It was a rough night, and I just felt like having the company.” He continues, glancing nervously towards Siwon’s tightening fists every now and then. “But I swear I didn’t do anything that encouraged him to do it if that’s what you accuse of me. He brought up the topic first, asking me with this blank expression if I knew any way of making big bucks in a short time and all that shit. And when I gave him the offer, just like that, he instantly volunteered himself.”

Siwon frowns at that, suddenly feeling bad.

Han Soo shrugs and continues talking, unaware of Siwon’s reaction. “I accepted gladly, of course. I mean, I’ve always wanted to try this line of business for a long time. They say it’s easy and it’s worth big bank. But I was only interested in playing big league, you know. The small one tends to bring more of headache than profit. However, though I had all the connections that I needed to create my own link of customers, I just couldn’t find someone with enough beauty and despair to do it, so I gave it a rest. Until your brother came along and he fits so perfectly for the job.”

“Hold on a second.” Siwon stops Han Soo’s story with a raised hand. He can feel a nausea starting to form at the back of his throat and his intimidating tone is lost when he opens his mouth again. “What kind of job are you talking about here?”

Han Soo looks at Siwon as if he is crazy. “What the hell? I thought you said you know everything about me?”

Siwon’s next words come out in a growl. “Just answer the question, dammit.”

Han Soo gapes at the horrid look Siwon’s giving him. It seems like the young man is ready to jump out and choke him to death any second now. Han Soo licks his lips again, unconsciously inching back on his seat. “Easy there, man. If you really don’t know, I offered him a job as a high class hustler, of course. What else can it be?”


Before completely realized what he was doing, Hankyung found himself walking out of the Choi Residence’s front door, across the front yard and past the big gate on trembling feet. His shoes were pounding on the cemented path and after what seemed like hours, Hankyung realized that he had been hundreds of meters away from the house. A bit of sense returning into his shocked state of mind had reminded him that he brought no money with him. He still wore the same clothes from before and though he tried to ignore it, he could feel the uncomfortable and disgusting dampness on his lower body.

He felt dirty, but he knew that no shower or long soak in a tub would make him feel cleaner.

Hyukjae and Kangin’s apartment was the only place that came into his head now. However, no money meant zero possibility to go there by bus as he used to do.

That was why he decided to hitchhike. Get on and off one car to another, mostly trucks loaded with crap to sell, Hankyung finally arrived to the town in where he used to live. It was almost 3 o’clock in the morning, Hankyung was sweaty and tired and there were so many things cramming his mind as he was walked halfway towards Kangin and Hyukjae’s apartment, only to realize all of a sudden that Kangin must had been either in the middle of his night shift by this time, or staying in the hospital where Hyukjae was being treated.

So here he was, standing in the cold in front of Gil Dong, awkwardly putting his hands into the warmth of his pocket, glancing towards people coming in and out of Gil Dong from behind the shadow.

Hankyung was too afraid to enter, because he really didn’t know what to say to people he knew inside about the reason for him being here.

Hyukjae wouldn’t be around to fuss over him for looking like a homeless man in his dirty clothes so Hankyung could safely scratch him off his anxiety list.

Yong Ae would just greet him with his wide smile as usual but Hankyung knew he would see some questions in the man’s eyes at the fact that he was here at 3 in the morning looking like hell.

And Kangin, if he was in there, wouldn’t even say anything but Hankyung would know from the way his jaw would tighten that he was this close to slap the words ‘I’ve told you so’ onto Hankyung’s face.

They’ve warned him that much anyway. He was just too stubborn to listen. Now that things had developed the way they had, it only proved how right their words were.

Well, Hyukjae and Kangin are his best friends. Hankyung knew all the hesitation and doubts he was feeling about them were just unlikely to happen. Assuming the worst was totally unfair and it was actually an insult to the deep friendship they shared.

Still, if they didn’t, surely someone else would, sooner or later. And Hankyung had felt worthless enough about himself without having to bear the look of pity people would definitely give him when they heard the story of his stupidity and failure.

Not to mention the fact that now he had left Choi Residence, there was no way he’d ever be able to give Kangin the money he promised for Hyukjae’s operation. And among all of the horrible memories and thoughts and concerns swirling inside his head at the moment; that thought was the one that stood out most.

Hankyung was so tempted to just walk away, find another place where he could hide and lick his deep wounds. But Hankyung realized he had nowhere else to go but here. He could always kill himself but that option wouldn’t do any good for the situation Hyukjae and Kangin were in. He owed both of his best friends too much to ignore their cry of help.

Sighing, he closed his eyes and leant his body backwards over the bar’s wall behind him. The shocking experience he just went through with Siwon had left him numb. And Hankyung had been trying hard to block every single thing popping up in his mind that brought back the memories of last morning, yet as the result his head was pounding like crazy with headache.

“Hey, got a lighter?” A voice suddenly heard and Hankyung opened his eyes.

A middle aged man was standing before him, giving him a smile that somehow chilled his skin. Hankyung narrowed his eyes, because now that he got a better look, he recognized this man.

Hankyung didn’t remember his name, but he used to be one of Gil Dong’s most troublesome regulars. And if his memory served him right, this man had been making several shameless passes at him in the past.

Hankyung shook his head as an answer and glanced around the street. It was pretty quiet already and there was just a person or two still wandering on the roadside in front of the bar. Hankyung wished for this man to pick up on the sign of ignorance he was giving off, because God knows he had had enough trouble without having to deal with this sort of person.

The man smiled. “The name’s Han Soo.” He nodded towards the bar’s door. “Wanna get inside? I could use some company tonight.”

Hankyung tried to hide his disgusted cringe at that and just stuck to another head shaking instead.

Han Soo stared at him for long. “Wanna go to someplace else then? You look tired.” He said and staring at Hankyung’s disheveled clothes. “I know this good place with good drink and even better food. You can fill your stomach there, don’t worry, it’ll all be on me. I bet you’re hungry.”

Hankyung was about to give him another shake, but his stomach chose that particular time to rumble.

Han Soo chuckled at that. “See? I’m right, aren’t I? Come on, I won't try anything funny.”

Well, Hankyung indeed felt hungry, although the image of food didn’t entice him at all, given the messed up emotions churning inside him. However his body was getting weaker and Hankyung knew he had to eat something. Staring at the man in front of him, Hankyung thought ‘what the hell’ and nodded, followed Han Soo’s excited steps.

The place where Han Soo took him was a small café, and that was about it. Hankyung was too tired to pay attention to other details. Han Soo ordered him one full course of meal and a beer for himself.

The food served, and Hankyung ate it with automatic movement, too blank to savor the taste. Meanwhile Han Soo kept talking about random things that Hankyung didn’t even bother to listen.

He glanced every now and then at the now half drunken man sitting in front of him. Han Soo’s clothes looked pretty decent, and now that his mind was a bit clear, Hankyung remembered that this man was known for doing odd jobs. Illegal shit, they say. And suddenly an idea struck Hankyung.

It was a bad one, Hankyung was aware, but it seemed like the only thing that could help Hyukjae right now. So Hankyung put down his knife and fork, and wiped his mouth with the napkin placed on the table.

“Ajusshi.” Hankyung said in a flat tone and Han Soo stop talking. “Can you find a job for me that pays ten million won in less than a month?”

Han Soo gapes at that. “Huh?”

Hankyung repeated his question again, with the same blank gaze and expressionless face, and Han Soo was just staring at him, perhaps trying to guess whether what he just asked was a joke or not.

But Hankyung was still sitting there with his eyes fixed on Han Soo.

Han Soo licked his lips, for the hundredth times this night his small eyes were sizing up Hankyung’s figure up and down, though it was more of a calculating gaze this time.

“Actually I can.” Han Soo said finally, reaching for his glass of beer and gulped it down, eyes fixed on Hankyung’s. “But it was something a guy like you usually won’t even consider doing. That’s why I must ask you this: how desperate are you right now?”

Hankyung’s mind was unconsciously pulled back into last morning, the way Siwon’s hand pinned his down, effectively immobilized him both with his strength and his hurtful words. And Hankyung couldn’t help but laugh, softly at first before it got uncontrollable and the next thing he knew was Han Soo frowning at him.

Hankyung wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He chuckled. “Let’s just say that I’m desperate enough at the moment, okay?”

Han Soo’s frown was still there when he said, “What I’m talking about here is a job of selling your body for the night to any wealthy man with enough cash to pay the high price I’ll set on you. Are you sure you’re up for that?”

Hankyung showed no sign of surprise. He had expected this much. A pretty boy like him, when fallen and left with no choice, there was no other way for him but to go lower and end up as a hustler. And sitting there, Hankyung was suddenly engulfed by this strange feeling, a horrifying fate. His life was no longer meaningful, so if being a fucking male prostitute was the only way that could help Hyukjae get back on his feet, then it all just made sense.

Now that he thought about it, he really shouldn’t have any problem with this kind of job. He never had any lovers before, but his body had become so familiar to a man’s touch. He almost chuckled again at the irony of that but settled on a bitter smile instead.

For his entire life, he had always been someone’s slut anyway. What was the big deal if he started charging?

‘And then I wish, by God, I will never have to see your face anymore.’

Siwon’s words, so full of hatred, were suddenly haunting Hankyung’s memories and it gave Hankyung a peaceful surrender.

“I’ll do it.” Hankyung said calmly. “But you have to keep this a secret.”


PS: Do you think I have to add 'hustler' in my warning list? *bricked*

You can also find my other Super Junior fanfictions here in archive post in my writing journal.
Tags: pairing: hangeng/siwon

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