Warning: Character Death, Angst, Sex
A/N: The plot bunnies found me and made me do their bidding…
Summary:How do you fix something that isn’t broken?
Just Can’t Say No
He knew he was a little different ever since he was a little kid when he told the neighbor girl he didn’t want to play with her because he didn’t like girls.
And things still haven’t really changed.
He knew from the get go Shiwon was only looking after him, even though he was the Hyung and Shiwon his dongsaeng but he was a lot bigger than him so what do you expect. He should’ve known that once he pulled out his Bible all past actions where shoved into the category of brotherly love and nothing else, but he just couldn’t let go.
Of course he could cover it up and laugh with the others but when it came down to it, he couldn’t shake off the electric shock that went up his spine every time Shiwon touched him and when Heechul kissed him onstage, it was like his soul was on fire, a high you never come down from.
So it was no surprise when Shiwon found Heechul laying on his bed, tears streaking down his face, “Wonnie why can’t I be normal? Why do I have to be this way?”
Shiwon being intelligent but lacking in common sense came to the side of the bed and stroked his hair, sending jolts through his body, “what do you mean Hyung? Why do you have to be what way?”
Heechul’s hands shook as he cupped his Dongsaeng’s face and pressed his lips so hard to the others’ he knew there would be bruises in the morning.
But for Heechul there was no morning to be concerned for.
Shiwon’s eyes grew wide and he pushed Heechul away, “No Hyung, fanservice is one thing but this is going to far, I don’t know what’s the matter with you but-” he stopped and his eyes grew wide, “No, Heechul, you can’t be.”
The older man sat on the bed and stared at his knees as tears slowly trickled down, “please Choi, just this once…”
Shiwon felt tears prickle at his eyes and leaned forward wrapping his arms around Heechul, shaking his head in disbelief, “No Heechul, it’s not true, it’s not! We can get you help, we can fix you!”
Heechul looked into those panicked eyes and felt his heart break, “but Shiwon-”
Shiwon cut him off, “we can just consult the Bible, I can save you!”
“No!” Heechul interjected, volume rising in his voice, “you don’t understand, I-”
“I can fix you, it may take time but-”
“I’m not Broken!” Heechul screamed, his head bowed as he let loose the sobs he had held in for so long, “please Shiwon, don’t tell me I’m not right, just tell me you love me, just… just… make love to me.”
Shiwon’s throat went dry at these words, he stood on shaky legs grabbing his Bible as he stood to leave. He didn’t even take one step before Heechul grabbed his wrist, pleading in his bloodshot eyes as he whispered, “please.”
Shiwon sighed and felt the internal conflict in him rise, but he found his resolution, seeing Heechul hurting like this affected him so much, he just couldn’t say no.
He gently took his Bible and slid it under his bed, trying his best to tune out the hurting whimper that came because of it. But he couldn’t tune out the silent sob Heechul elicited when he tipped the picture of his Mother and Father over on the nightstand so they wouldn’t have to see.
Heechul laid back and closed his eyes in complete surrender, “do whatever you want to me, I just want to feel you.”
Shiwon squeezed his eyes shut and placed a gentle kiss on Heechul’s lips, the smaller boy letting out a tender shiver. He placed small feather kisses down his neck and collar bone until he reached his chest, gently flicking out a tongue over a tender nipple, taking the hard bud between his lips and massaging the sensitive flesh with his tongue. His Hyung let out a strangle gasp as he bit down on the nipple and let his right hand trail down his abdomen.
A strong hand slid beneath the waistband of his boxers and slowly began to knead the flesh to full erection. He played with the tip, rubbing it roughly and gently grazing the slit with his nails. His hand trailed down the shaft tracing the bulging veins and coming back up to gently squeezing the head between his index finger and thumb, feeling the precome ooze.
The hand left his cock and began to roll his testicles together in his palm, massaging them until Heechul was panting and keening. He returned the hand to the tip of Heechul’s erection and rubbed his palm against the head smearing precome on his fingers before slowly reaching down and pressing the tip of his finger to his Hyung’s entrance.
He closed his eyes even tighter and willed the guilt to go away as he pressed a digit inside of him all the way to the knuckle, he waited until he heard Heechul’s breath slow back to normal and then pushed his finger in and out before adding another and began scissoring. Shiwon pushed in the third and scissored a bit more before pulling his fingers out completely.
Heechul whimpered quietly at the loss but stiffened as he felt the blunt head of Shiwon’s erection press into his stretched entrance. He shivered and tried to hold back his tears as Shiwon began a slow pace, pushing in inch by agonizing inch.
Heechul through his head back, pressing back into the pillow as Shiwon drove into him, ramming into his sensitive prostate. “Please Wonnie, please tell me, tell me I’m okay, tell me I’m normal.”
Siwon let out an agonized sob because he knew, he knew Heechul wasn’t normal, he knew what he was doing wasn’t normal, but he shut it all out and held Heechul in a tight embrace, “I’m sorry Hyung, but you’re not normal and this can never extend any farther than tonight.”
Heechul buried his face in the crook of Shiwon’s neck, the overwhelming pain overshadowing the pleasure, tears streaming like a heresy of rain, “b-but you can’t fix me.”
Shiwon clenched his teeth as his orgasm washed over him, “you’re not broken.”
Siwon stood from the bed almost immediately and went in the bathroom, the loud pounding of water filled Heechul’s ears and mixed with the thumping of his heart. He’s washing himself clean of me, he’s purifying himself again.
Shiwon exited the bathroom in a clean cotton robe and was about to leave the room when Heechul called out to him, “Wonnie, can you do one last thing for me?”
Shiwon spun around ready to decline any further sexual activity but was caught off guard when Heechul held a small pill bottle out to him, “can you came over here?”
Shiwon walked over and slid down under the covers, gently taking the pill bottle from his hands.
Heechul sighed, wiping a tear from his eye, “you said this can never extend any further than tonight so neither will I.”
Shiwon gasped and tried to stop Heechul but his Hyung shushed him, “no I’ve already decided, I want to fall asleep in your arms and when I’m good and asleep slip the last three pills in here in my mouth.”
Shiwon laid there with his mouth agape, disbelief in his eyes.
Heechul gripped his chin and stared into his eyes as more tears began to fall, “please.”
Shiwon slowly nodded and felt cold and hollow as he enveloped Heechul in his arms, cradling him gently until he drifted off to sleep.
He made sure Heechul was completely unconscious and slowly slid the blue pills in one by one.
Shiwon let out an agonized sob as he slid the last pill in.
Almost immediately, Heechul’s body began convulsing and drool trickled out of the corner of his mouth mixed with blood. Shiwon tried desperately to hold Heechul still, gripping onto him to stifle his spasms, as the sound of gurgles and pained gasps filled the room.
Suddenly Heechul stopped moving. Shiwon laid there on top of Heenim for several hours prior and wondered if things could’ve worked, but he knew in his heart he never could love Heechul the way Heechul loved him. But he knew Heechul thought death was the best choice for him and he wanted to decline but whenever he saw that raw pain, loneliness and fear in his eyes, well, he just couldn’t say no.