Warnings: just cursing
AN:its hard getting the original feel of the story..so its kinda serious now.
POV still teuk
His searing tears fell on my bare shoulders like they were meant to leave scars in my skin. As he had his arms wrapped around me he did not speak and so I decidedly thought that it was better not to ask. Aside from the sound of his occasional sniffing and heavy breathing,an almost unrealistic silence weighed on us both. I truly believed that in that point in time neither of us knew what was happening inside ourselves. But we did know of the emotions that so suddenly escalated in that moment. Then again, why am I feeling this way? More so, what was I really feeling? To me it felt like pain but then again satisfaction, and then sudden calmness. The disturbance brought me a splitting headache.I did not want to assume that he had gone too deep with what happened last night. It was plain lust dammit, a mere hedonistic need and nothing else.
I patted him slightly on the head while reminding him that he was the one who invited me to drink. I waited for his retort but still he did not speak. He released me and ducked inside the covers of my bed. I looked at the unmoving form of his body covered in white sheets, at a second I saw him quiver and heard him sniff. What the fuck is he doing?Before I could shout at him to stop crying, the pain in my head began throbbing like mad.
I climbed out of the bed and grabbed the pack of cigarettes in the table near the window. I pulled out one,placed it between my quivering lips and lit it. I took a puff and felt my head lighten. I tried to think for one second on how to deal with Heechul. I did not know if liked me or loved me in anyway. He certainly is not one to show his affections so openly. Usually its just him, what he wants and having the ugly means of getting it. But why the fuck is curled up in my bed crying like some pathetic kid? I took another puff and tried to think about myself. What have I been in the past months after Kangin? I had no concrete answers but I was certain that it has not been a good life since then. Along with that thought I buried the cigarette into the mound of ashes and walked towards the bed.
I stood beside his covered form and pulled the sheets up. He gasped sharply and tuned this back against me. His naked body lay there, a fragile entity that seemed capable of breaking any minute. I studied every inch and every curve from head to foot. His black hair was mottled and wet from his tears. I ran my fingers in his back and he shivered for a second. My hands reached his black tresses and I gently pulled it back so I can see his face. His eyes were too red from crying. It was rare to see Heechul cry in front of people. I stared at him curiously and he then spoke softly.
"Doing this..fucking whoever I can. Hankyung, Siwon, and the others."
"What's wrong with it? I find it clean, simple and easy. No attachments."
"But certainly it isn't right."
"Who's to decide??"
He did not answer my question and returned to burying his face in the white sheets. I was about to go to the bathroom but then he muttered a question.
"Whatever happened to you and Kangin?"
"He's a big fuck."
"You really loved him didn't you?"
It was my time to stay silent. I didn't like talking about anything in the past that involved Kangin. It was bitter enough to be remembered, speaking of it made it worse. I did love Kangin. But that was before he had the nerve to call if off, with no explanation whatsoever. So I reacted to it badly, made the wrong decisions, started getting lazy, got into smoking, and much like Hee, fucked whoever I can. I took a moment to look into Heechul's words. Love was not a real word to me anymore, or should I say I lost my faith in it. But then I realized that I was also tired somehow and, with this mentioned, I need some sort of change even if its just for the thrill.
"How about going out?"
"A date. You and I."
"Fuck are you cra-"
"I don't find anything wrong with it. I mean we're both tired and bored of the wrong deeds every time. If it won't work then we can easily cut it off."
"Ahhh...I don't know what to say.Isn't it weird?"
"Say yes. And no, since when was dating weird?"
"Since it was you and me."
"Last night was almost a date, wasn't it?Why not do it again? Minus the drunk part of course."
I smiled at him from across the bedroom. A sincere one at that, not a lusty or sarcastic one. And he smiled back, a doubtful one but it was a smile nonetheless. I laughed at the expression on his face and suddenly I felt good. Hearing the sound of my laughter,I realized it was the first true one I had in months.
"Go and get dressed. Where do you want to eat?"
so sorry if it sucks. as a twist, the next chapters will be in
part five here