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[fiction] left unsaid - hyukhae (bffimagine)

Title: Left Unsaid
Author: Sabrina, bffimagine
Type: Standalone
Rating: 13+
Pairing: Eunhyuk/Donghae
Summary: What is left unsaid and the consequences thereof.
Warnings: Angst and sadness
A/N: For Tiff hyuukie as always <3
Also found at: My Journal (F-locked) or lt_library
Disclaimer:If I owned them the world would be a much better place.




He could see the smiling warmth fade from Donghae's eyes and he knew he was too late.

"Too late," he whispered to no one but himself, wrapping his arms around himself and falling to the floor.

Too late, the empty black walls of his mind echoed, distant and malicious.

Too late.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hyukkie~!"

"What is it, Hae?"

"You said you would go to the aquarium with me today, remember?"

"Oh... Hae, I'm sorry. Something came up."

"...It's... it's okay, Hyuk. I understand." A devastatingly brilliant smile tugs at Eunhyuk's heart and he's not sure of what to say, "We'll just go next time, right?"

A dumb nod.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

He absentmindedly flung his keys onto the table beside the door, not giving too much thought to where they landed.

"Hae?" he called out as he walked into the abnormally quiet dorm. The rooms were all dark and a cold knot of fear tightened in the pit of Eunhyuk's stomach.

It wasn't late enough for everyone to be back yet, and Donghae was the only one home at the time.

Eunhyuk tried to quell his rising panic as he opened the door to their shared bedroom.

On his bed there was a small tabletray with a cake on it, announcing very happily, "Happy birthday, Hyukkie!" with a small heart beside his name and a fish dotting the exclamation point. The candles had burned down to the icing and Donghae was asleep on the floor.

"Hae?" he tried again, but the other was sound asleep. Sighing, Eunhyuk moved to manouevre Donghae into his own bed so his dongsaeng wouldn't wake up sore and stiff the next morning.

Donghae's eyes fluttered open when Eunhyuk first started to shift him and he smiled drowsily.

"Happy birthday, Hyuk," the younger breathed out, lips thinning into his wide smile.

Eunhyuk managed a small smile in return.

"Thanks, Hae. Sorry I came back so late."

Donghae waved it off with a vague gesture of his hand, getting himself into his bed with very little coordination. Eunhyuk would have laughed if he hadn't felt like a horrible person for making Donghae wait up for him.

To think, he'd been out with Junsu ranting about how all the members had forgotten what day it was.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"I have a brilliant plan, Kyu," Eunhyuk whispered excitedly as the two engaged in a tangle on the screen.

Kyuhyun chuckled softly, not taking his eyes off the game as he thoroughly owned Eunhyuk's character.

"Something to do with Hae-hyung?"

Eunhyuk paused for a moment.

"How'd you know?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Kyuhyun snorted mock-derisively, "You are both so obviously in love I'm surprised you don't just get married and have billions of kids."

Eunhyuk fell silent. Kyuhyun finally turned his head to his hyung, which only caused his character to die in the game.

"Hyung?"

"I'm going to find Minnie," Eunhyuk murmured, setting his controller down by Kyuhyun's hip.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"I seriously don't understand you two!" Shindong suddenly exclaimed in the middle of a rather unproductive dance rehearsal, "We're dancing around in circles here!"

Hankyung seemed to get something that Donghae and Eunhyuk were missing, judging by the confused looks on their faces. He gave Eunhyuk a pointed look, expecting the older of the two to understand some sort of unspoken instruction, but the other dancer's eyebrows raised and his head cocked slightly to the side.

Sighing in exasperation, Shindong threw his arms dramatically and stomped out of the studio.

Donghae looked one part confused and three parts as if he was going to start crying. He ran after Shindong.

"Hyung! We're sorry!"

Hankyung rounded on Eunhyuk. He could swear he saw a flash of jealousy in his eyes as he watched the fishy run after Shindong.

"You really can't expect to get anything done," the Chinese man began, "If you're just sneaking peeks at Donghae whenever you think he's not looking."

Eunhyuk made quite a sight, his eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

"The only one you're not completely blazingly obvious to is Donghae himself."

No reply.

"Why don't you just tell him and get it over with? He's going to get tired of waiting eventually."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Teukie hyung!"

"What is it, Hyukkie?"

"Are you busy?"

"Never too busy for you, baby. I'm just working out some schedules. Talk."

"Well, Hannie said something weird to me and I don't know what he meant."

"What did he say?"

"He said that I should tell Donghae and get it over with because he's going to get tired of waiting!"

Teukie let out a soft giggle.

"Come on, Hyukkie, I'm sure you know what that means. Think a little harder."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Donghae sat against his headboard with his knees drawn to his chest, chin resting on top of them. His arms hung loosely beside his thighs as he linked his fingers in front of his shins.

There was a soft knock at the door.

"Please don't come in," he said flatly, eyes not moving from the blank section of wall he was focused on.

"Hae? Are you okay?"

Donghae lifted his head when he recognized the voice.

"Hyuk... just... leave me alone for a bit, okay?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------

"I love you, Hyukkie," Donghae suddenly confessed one day, right after breakfast when all the other members had left to do whatever they needed to do.

"I love you for each drop of water in the ocean and I will love you before every sunrise and after every sunset and all the time in between."

Eunhyuk was speechless as he stared at his dongsaeng.

There was a moment frozen in time where he could see the glimmer of hope in Donghae's eyes get fainter and fainter, replaced by bitter tears and a heartbroken smile.

"Nevermind, Hyuk," came the shaky whisper.

Eunhyuk watched, numb, as Donghae walked out the door.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Kangin?"

"Eh?"

"I need help."

"What kind of help?"

Last time Eunhyuk requested help from him, there were disastrous results.

"I... I think I've made a huge mistake."

Kangin looked up to see Eunhyuk's eyes go suspiciously glossy. He enveloped the dancer in a hug.

"What did you do, Hyuk?"

A deep breath.

"Hae told me he loves me, and I didn't say anything back."

Kangin jumped back, abruptly releasing his hold on Eunhyuk.

"You WHAT?!"

"I-I couldn't figure out what to say to him!" Eunhyuk was on the brink of tears, almost bursting into a fit of sobs.

"You say you love him too! Because you know you do, we know you do, and it's just the way things are and always have been!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Don't wait too long," Heechul warned with an intimidating finger, "Donghae won't last."

"What?"

Heechul shook his head in frustration, flipped his hair and walked off.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Um... Bummie, Hae locked me out of our room."

Kibum looked up disinterestedly from the script he was reading.

"Hyung, that's usually a sign that someone wants some privacy."

"I know, but Hae never locks doors. I don't even think this dorm HAS any doors with locks, other than the front door."

Kibum bit on the tip of his thumb for a moment.

"You're right," he muttered, "There aren't. How did Hae manage to do that?"

Getting up out of the chair, Kibum padded over to his hyungs' door, Eunhyuk trailing after him.

"Hae-hyung?" he called out, tilting his head toward the door.

"Bummie-ah?"

"Yeah, it's me, Hae."

"What's wrong?"

"I was about to ask you the same question. Open the door, Hae."

There was no sound from inside the room.

"Come on, Hae. Eunhyuk-hyung is out here and he's worried about you."

Eunhyuk could almost see Donghae's back stiffen through the closed door and he shuddered.

"I'm thinking," Donghae suddenly said, breaking the silence.

"Hae..." Kibum stared at the door anxiously.

"I... I'm going to sleep for a bit."

Kibum bit his lip, turning to Eunhyuk for help, but the elder couldn't think of anything to say. They walked away dejectedly.

--------------------------------------------------

"Hyah! Hyukkie, you've got to do something!"

Eunhyuk bolted toward Sungmin's distressed voice.

"What's going on, Minnie-hyung?"

"I told Hae to come help me bake cookies but he said he was too tired. You have to get him to wake up, Hyukkie!"

"He's too tired again? He's always saying he's too tired nowadays," Shindong mused aloud.

"Minnie-hyung, is it really a good idea to have Hae in the kitchen with you?"

Sungmin puffed out his cheeks indignantly.

"Anything to get him out of that room! I swear, Hyukkie, he looks more and more lifeless every day!"

-------------------------------------------------

"You still haven't told him?!"

"He knows I love him!"

"But you haven't said anything to him!"

"I shouldn't have to!"

"You've been AVOIDING him!"

"No! He's been avoiding me!"

"Hyuk, honestly, you're more dense than... than... well, you're really dense. Hae has no idea how you feel about him and he won't unless you open that stupid mouth of yours and tell him!"

"I can't do that."

Siwon's brows knitted together and he looked as if he was going to hit something.

"And why can't you do that?"

"Because..."

Eunhyuk slowly dissolved into tears.

"Because if I tell him it's real and if it's real I can lose it."

Siwon stroked Eunhyuk's hair sympathetically, but his mouth was still set in a hard line.

"You just might lose it anyway, if you don't say anything."

----------------------------------------------

The days passed between taut heartstrings pulled tense to the point of snapping. Donghae averted his eyes before Eunhyuk could even try to capture his attention.

Sometimes, even though Donghae wasn't looking, Eunhyuk tried to say what his heart was screaming. He mouthed "I love you", but it never reached past his lips.

It never reached the other half of his heart.

----------------------------------------------

Finally, Donghae was the first to cave.

"Please, Hyuk, say something. Anything. Anything would be better than the nothing I've gotten!" His eyes glittered with tears, the ever-present redness accentuating the wet rims of his lashes.

"Hae, I don't know what to say to make anything better. Some things should be left unsaid."

"Like rejection?" Donghae spat angrily, fists clenched and rigid by his sides.

Everything about Donghae was white--his skin was ashen, as if it had been pressed into his bones until one could not discern the former from the latter or vice versa.

"No, Hae, you... you don't understand." Eunhyuk couldn't bring himself to look at his best friend's face, unable to handle the hurt he'd see there and surely it would crumble whatever resolve he still held within him and he'd run forward and crush the other in a never-ending embrace and they'd be too far gone to be saved.

"What don't I understand?" it was hardly above a whisper, "What is there to understand?"

A hollow smile touched Eunhyuk's lips as he stared past his feet.

"You wouldn't understand how I feel about you."

Donghae shook his head. Eunhyuk was right--he didn't understand.

"Why can't you just tell me?"

"It would hurt us both."

Donghae stumbled backward in disbelief.

"Hurt?" he barked out, the tears flowing freely as he choked on his words, "It would hurt? Don't act as if you know how much something hurts, Hyuk, until you tell someone you love them and they have absolutely nothing to say to you. Until you cry yourself to sleep until you're so exhausted you can't see straight. Until you've been told you can't understand how the person you love and cherish more than anything can't even tell you why you're not good enough for them!"

And that was when Eunhyuk realized the magnitude of his mistake.

Donghae sank to the floor, his knees giving out on him as he sobbed brokenly. His hands covered his face, he curled into himself, his body shaking violently.

"I'm sorry, Hae."

Donghae didn't respond.

--------------------------------------------------------

Eunhyuk woke up and noticed just how cold it had gotten in the room he used to share with his best friend. Donghae had disappeared but left everything behind. Leeteuk had panicked at first, turning the entire dorm upside-down, trying to find out where the dancer had gone. Eventually, Hankyung had gotten a text from him saying not to worry and that he was fine. Obviously, Leeteuk didn't stop panicking, but at least he wasn't rampaging through every room in the dorm anymore.

"He'll be fine," Yesung said soothingly, rubbing Eunhyuk's back. He knew his friend was incredibly distraught.

Eunhyuk stared at a the framed picture of him and Donghae, tracing the other's face tenderly.

Donghae had left it all behind.

---------------------------------------------------------

"Hyung, you should get some sleep," Ryeowook said softly. The door was slightly ajar and he peered through, finding his hyung poring over countless photographs and videos and other random stuff.

"I will, Wookie. Go to bed."

Ryeowook looked dubious, and he tentatively took a step inside the room. The pictures were scattered everywhere--Eunhyuk and Donghae with a puppy, Eunhyuk and Donghae after a performance, Eunhyuk and Donghae messing around as always...

"Hyung, what are you doing?"

Eunhyuk looked up, surprised. He hadn't realized Ryeowook had not yet left.

"Nothing."

"Hyung..."

"It's just... The sadness is there," Eunhyuk pointed to Donghae's face in a picture taken a week ago, "And it's here." Eunhyuk pressed his hand to his chest, the steady beat of his heart thrumming against his palm.

Ryeowook hugged Eunhyuk and Eunhyuk started to cry.

---------------------------------------------------------

He could see the smiling warmth fade from Donghae's eyes in every picture. There was a picture taken the day before Donghae left, all of them crowded on the couch after dinner. One of them had set up the camera and everyone flashed their brightest smiles.

Donghae sat on the opposite end of the sofa from Eunhyuk and his smile seemed painted onto his face--his eyes were cold and dead.

"Too late," Eunhyuk said lifelessly.

He wrapped his arms tightly around himself, trying to hold himself together, knowing it was too late because he had already fallen apart.

"I could have told you," he laughed harshly, "I could have just told you how much I love you and you would still be here."

A few teardrops dripped onto the photo, sliding down the cheeks of his half- smiling face.

"I could have just listened to my heart instead of complicating everything with my head."

His eyes strayed to the picture again.

"You would still be here with me if I hadn't been so stupid and scared!"

He fell to the ground, doubled over with his forehead almost touching his knees.

"Too scared to try, too scared to let you in, too scared we'd change."

The dull ticking of the clock drowned out the soft thud of his heart hitting the floor.
Tags: pairing: eunhyuk/donghae
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