Pairing(s): Kangteuk, G-TOP, (Kid Eunhae… kind of…)
Fandom: Super Junior(main), DBSK, Big Bang… SHINee
Rating: Pg for parenting ideas that should never be conducted on actual live children!
Warning: Kid Super Junior AU, Fake parenting tips…
Genre: Comedy, a bit of angst, and some mild sap.
Disclaimer: still don’t own them…
Summary: Kangteuk are the picture perfect couple, until Leeteuk gets them into a situation involving a few children who have minds of their own.
A/N: If you’ve ever seen the movie Look Who’s Talking or any of it’s sequels you know that you can hear the babies thoughts. Words in italics and ‘…’ marks are what the babies are thinking/ telling other babies… so yeah…
A/N II: If you haven’t read the prologue or chapter one through four, they can be found on my profile. (I should probably work on making an archive, any tips on how to do it?)
Tablo wasn’t necessarily surprised the next morning to find out that Leeteuk and Kangin had obtained another kid. He was however surprised to find that child in the same bed as his brother. He went off in search of Kangin and found him hovering over the coffee pot. Tablo was prepared to ask him a few questions when Kangin raised his hand.
“It’s temporary.” Tablo blinked wondering vaguely if Kangin had mind reading abilities. “We’re buying a house…” He turned around to face Tablo. He noticed that Kangin was looking a little haggard this morning, and the coffee in his hand contained no sugar or cream.
“Is everything alright?”
“Peachy,” Kangin moved over to the table and slumped down. “didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“No, Donghae. He didn’t want to sleep with Leeteuk and I, or on the pullout bed in the living room. The only person he would sleep with was Eunhyuk. They were up giggling most of the night.” Kangin placed his forehead in his hand, wishing Leeteuk had wanted to help something that wasn’t children. Why not abandoned raccoons or something quiet like turtles, heck even puppies.
“That’s his name then?”
“Yeah, Leeteuk brought him home yesterday.”
“What’s his story?”
“Mentally diseased. Although other than being a little fiend, I haven’t noticed much…”
“Let’s just say if theirs a way to get into trouble he’ll find it; but not just that he finds the way back out of trouble as well.” Kangin gave up on holding his head and just let it sink completely onto the table.
“And he’s befriended Eunhyuk?”
They sat there in their accustomed silence for a while and Kangin actually drifted off to sleep for a few minutes. This was ruined however by two sets of footsteps running towards the kitchen.
“Tabwo.” Eunhyuk said happily hugging one of his brothers legs; Donghae, not wanting to feel left out, clung to the other looking curiously up at Tablo.
“Morning Hyukie.” Tablo ruffled his brother’s hair before turning to the other boy who was looking back and forth between Eunhyuk and himself. “Morning.” He said awkwardly receiving a slight giggle from the child who did nothing more to acknowledge it then smile. Even though there was a hint of something in the child’s grin Tablo was unsure of how Kangin could describe him as a ‘fiend’. He looked perfectly innocent… Then again so did Yunho, and Ji Yong.
“I’m Up!” Kangin claimed a little to loudly. “What time is it?” Tablo’s gaze moved from the toddler to the clock on the wall. “Eight thirty… why?”
“Shi…oot…” Kangin caught himself before rushing from his seat. “Leeteuk isn’t up yet, and neither are the other kids. He rushed out of the kitchen quickly and Tablo chuckled.
“What should we have for breakfast?” He asked the toddlers attempting to remove at least one item from Kangin’s list. Not receiving an answer he decided to chose himself.
Tablo stood up expecting to be released, but neither grip lessened. He sighed and attempted to walk across the kitchen with his two new additions. It took him as long to make breakfast with his parasites giggling all the while, as it took Kangin to wake the children, get them ready, dress himself, and finally pull Leeteuk out of bed after much insisting.
Donghae decided during his meal, that tossing a piece of egg at Han Geng would be a good idea. He would have gotten away with that simple one piece, but he had to try another, this time at Kyuhyun. Well that proved to be to easy for him, so he decided to go a little bigger, physically. Kangin was his next victim. When the egg struck his forehead he jumped up and looked around the table, no one seemed to notice anything other than Kyuhyun, and Han Geng who were both looking around the table as well. He let it slide, and sat back down.Another piece of egg made contact with his cheek, creating an audible smack. Kangin looked directly up to see a small and cute child smiling back at him. He pursed his lips and decided to say nothing for the time being. That did something, for no more egg had been tossed that morning, except between Eunhyuk and Donghae who participated in an all out food war. Eggs, peepers, kimchi anything and everything that could be directed at the other was fair game.
Kangin to tired to stop them merely waited until they were out of ammo, before picking up the two children under each arm and carting them off for a quick hose down in the shower. He had known their was a good reason for forgetting to have changed them that morning. Leeteuk was to preoccupied with some paper work to even notice until looking up and seeing bits of egg and red sauce all over the wall.
“Oh, Was that…?” Tablo nodded standing up to go get a rag. “They’re only kids,” was Leeteuk self-justification before he stood up to help Tablo.
With the addition of the food crusade that morning Kangin was running late as he buckled all of the kids into the SUV, Leeteuk had already left in the mini cooper ( Ninja A/N: sorry my fav. car and I can so picture Leeteuk driving one; it’d probably be powder blue too… lol, anyways.) several minutes ago and he had planed to drive Tablo to work. The good thing was Ji Yong, could probably stall his clients, the bad thing was, he would most likely scare them away.
Kangin literally dropped Tablo off by stopping in front of the store without turning off the engine. Tablo got out and he was off with his militia to tackle some case of infidelity.
The office, to Kangin’s surprise, was still in one piece and Ji Yong was sitting atop his desk when he was finally able to get all of the kids out of thier car seats and into the building. He hustled them all into his office casting an annoyed glance at Ji Yong. “Are they here yet?”
“Nope they called to delay it an hour, so you best count your blessings.” Ji Yong smiled “I think you’re missing one.” Kangin looked at him confused.
“Blessings… ohh… wait which one.”
“Actually you only have two so that leaves two to be missing.”
“Donghae.” Kangin mumbled.
“And Eunhyuk it would appear, now where could they have wandered too?”
“How should I know just scrounge the building, it’s small they couldn’t have gotten to far.” Kangin rushed out of his office only to find the two boys looking in his reception room at the small salt water aquarium. Kangin sighed in relief and felt it best leave them be, for now. He returned to his office to find Ji Yong handing Han Geng and Kyuhyun two very large, and potentially very messy ice cream treats. “Where did you… why… ugh never mind, how long do I have?”
“Well they should be here in about… now.” Ji Yong’s timing was accurate judging by the bell on the front door. Kangin tried to straighten out his messy dress shirt and walked forward smiling. He took them further down the hallway away from his office and hissed at Ji Yong to keep an eye on the children before disappearing behind a door.
“Well Kiddies!” Ji Yong addressed all members of Kangin’s clan, all of them now deeply involved in those ice cream treats Ji Yong had magically produced. “Uncle Ji Yong has an important phone call to make, so why don’t we all go in Daddies office and have a bit of fun shall we?” The kids not understanding anything but dad and office immediately went where they we told. Ji Yong gave them a thumbs up. “Play with whatever you like!” he told them before disappearing from the doorway.
‘I bet he has a spinney chair!’ Donghae skipped of behind his desk and returned pushing a chair about twice his size. ‘this will be fun monkey, you first.’
‘I’m not a monkey! And what do you mean first, for what?’
Donghae’s small mouth took up half of his face as he smirked. ‘A little ride trust me it’ll be fun! Unless Kyu wants to go first.’
‘ No thanks, you enjoy.’ Kyuhyun searched Kangin’s desk for something more entertaining than a spinney chair.
‘Han Geng?’ Donghae looked at the Chinese man who simply shook his head.
‘Alright then monkey looks like you’re first.’ Eunhyuk looked furtively at the chair and then at Donghae, none of his ideas had been bad so far.
‘Okay.’ Eunhyuk bravely pulled himself up on the chair with a little help from his friend, and was quickly in position.
‘ on the count of three… one, two…’ Donghae never quite got to three for he was already running in circles the chair arm tightly in his grip. Eunhyuk, although startled at first and even a bit scared quickly grew accustomed to the ‘not-so-fast’ velocity of Donghae’s spinning, and soon he was cheering Donghae on. After about three minutes Donghae came to a stop panting. Eunhyuk hopped down.
‘That was fun, you want a turn?’ Donghae took a breath and nodded eagerly, before pulling his tired self up into the chair. Eunhyuk had never done it before but watching Donghae had given him the hang of it. He started running in circles unfortunately he hadn’t been overly exposed to dizziness so within the first ten circles he was wobbling. He would have had to let go of the chair and cut his friends ride short when a pair of arms came in to help him. He would have looked up but he knew that it couldn’t be Kyhyun. He tried to say thanks but he remembered Han Geng didn’t talk like him so he smiled and continued on spinning slightly steadied by the other’s presence. Together they were able to take Donghae much faster and soon the entire room became a blur until there was an audible Cracking noise. Han Geng’s arms locked to stop the chair and he quickly collected Donghae from it when another crack was heard, and then another, three cracks later the top of the chair came completely from the base and fell next to it.
The children stared. Kyuhyun even walked around the desk to observe the damage.
‘Good job guys, how do you plan on getting out of this one?’ Kyuhyun shook his head.
Donghae tilted his head to the side. ‘Maybe we could put it back on.’
‘Good idea, except it wouldn’t stay on.’ The most logical of the three boys walked out of the office and into the reception room, leaving the other boys to try and sort out the problem.
‘I think it will work.’
‘But when gorilla man sits on it, the chair will break.’ Eunhyuk worriedly examined the broken remains of the seat.
‘Exactly, he’ll think he broke it. Now you two have to help me… You think he has tape?’
With all three toddlers strength, and Hankyung’s useful height they were able to get the top to sit back on the base. It was a weak fit, but a working one. Carefully the boys rolled it back behind the desk and dispersed to find other things of interest. Eunhyuk and Donghae discovered a rubber band ball, and all three boys began a game of monkey in thee middle. Eunhyuk being nominated by an enthusiastic Donghae to play the part of the monkey.
Kangin returned just in time for Donghae to toss the ball to Han Geng, unfortunately he missed. Miserably. The ball went over the child’s head and hit Kangin square in the stomach. He had to wonder for a moment where the boy had gotten his strength from before he clutched at his midriff. His eyes automatically fell on the child who had effectively winded him, only to see him smiling apologetically.
“Sowwy.” Donghae’s hands flew behind his back quickly.
“It’s alright.” Kangin choked out through lack of oxygen. “Where’s Ji Yong?”
“Fwon.” Eunhyuk answered him looking more guilty than Donghae.
Kangin groaned and went behind his desk. “Why did I think leaving him to watch the kids was a good idea.” He turned the monitor to his computer on and took a seat in his desk chair. Well tried to take a seat. The instant his full weight hit the chair Kangin wobbled for a split second and the chair went down with the muscular man in it. On his decent Kangin managed to bang the back of his head on the desk, causing the rubber band ball Han Geng had just put back on the desk to fall again, onto his already sore stomach.
He laid there for several minutes until his phone rang. He was about to sit up to get it when he heard Donghae’s voice.
“Hewo.” Kangin tried to sit up but gave up when the child rounded his desk one of his hands containing the phone outstretched towards Kangin.
He received the phone from the child and answered.
“Kangin, you don’t sound half as cute as Donghae answering the phone.”
The grown man sighed. “Leeteuk, why did you call the office?”
“Well for a few reasons actually. One to check in on you guys, and two to tell you that Seunghyun is taking us to see that house tonight. Ji Yong is going to look after the kids.”
Kangin’s eyes widened. “Can’t we get Tablo or heck even Yunho to watch them… What about Junsu, Eunhyuk loves him.”
“Kangin, Ji Yong offered. Plus he wants our boys to have some bonding time with Daesung, Taeyang and Seungri. We aren’t just going to deny him.”
Kangin groaned. “You do realize our children will most likely be ruined after tonight. They’ll either be in a cult, or the military, heck I wouldn’t put it past the man to get our children in jail.”
“You’re funny Kangin, but I agree our kids should spend some time together what with you working with Ji Yong and our close relationship with their family.”
“Alright, but remember this is your idea.”
“I will, so how was your day at the office with the kids.”
Kangin groaned even more loudly, due partially to the fact that Donghae and Eunhyuk decided within that moment that since appa was on the ground it could only mean one thing. Dog pile!
Kangin, Leeteuk and Seunghyun returned to their apartment around eight that evening after having checked out the new subdivision. They had decided that this was the best option, although Leeteuk was still fond of the country house. Kangin had been able to convince him that financially this house was much more suitable. He may have also used the education system to his advantage, but Kangin never admitted to playing dirty.
They entered their apartment Kangin making Leeteuk go first since it was his idea.
“Aren’t you the one with the licensed fire arm?” Leeteuk chuckled walking into his living room. “See, no damage.” Leeteuk smiled his trademarked I-told-you-so grin.
“This is just the first room.” Kangin walked by his husband and headed towards the kitchen where Ji Yong would have cooked. “We still have to make sure he hasn’t screwed anything else up in the rest of the hou-.” The next thing Leeteuk heard was a thud. He ran forward finding Kangin lying on his back in an ocean of beads. “Why is their rice on our ceiling?”
“It must be from dinner.” Leeteuk commented taking his eyes from his injured spouse to the kitchen. His jaw dropped as he examined the sight before him.
The term disaster might not have been enough to cover it. There was, as Kangin had so kindly pointed out, rice on the ceiling, as well as on the counters, the fridge, the cupboards, the floors, in the sink, and all over the table. That wasn’t the only food source out of place. Several cartons of ice cream lay, half melting, half eaten on the table, along with an array of toppings, such as Sprinkles, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, cherries, and Carmel. It didn’t stop there Kangin had tripped over one of the many multi-colored beads that had found their way among the rice on the floor.
“Where is he?” Kangin growled as he stood up. Laughter, that could only belong to one person was heard from the hallway. Kangin clenched his fists and stomped out towards the sound. He found Ji Yong, and the kids alright, well at last he thought they were his kids. He also found himself, or a picture of himself.
“You see guys it all in the wrist, and if you are ever in a situation like this, you’re goal is to hit your attacker in the eyes. The nose and cheeks are good to, but the eye will really slow them down.” A dart was thrown, and landed cleanly in the eye of Kangin’s likeness.
“Oh hi Kangin, what do you think of my dart board, I’m teaching our children how to defend themselves against scary looking predators!” Ji Yong smiled innocently.
“These don’t look like my children, and what do you mean by scary looking predators?” Kangin yanked the dart from the wall.
“Well Kangin I couldn’t have used any of our photos were not scary enough and you’re picture, well it looked like a stereotypical pedophile.” Ji Yong shrugged. “And how can you say these don’t look like your children? I think Eunhyuk supports orange very well.”
“No one could support traffic cone orange hair Ji Yong. What did you do to them?”
“Well they wanted to play identity shift, so we changed their hair color, the oldest trick in the book.”
Kangin sighed, trying to calm himself and keep from punching his partner. “one, two, three… Where’s Kyuhyun?”
“Oh, he’s no fun. He’s in your bed room.”
Kangin sighed at least Kyuhyun was able to escape. He turned to look at his reaming children and asses the damage. Besides Eunhyuk’s hair being a blinding orange and a slightly guilty look he seemed fine. Donghae was beaming up at him and supporting a mane of lime green. Han Geng looked confused as usual and was only aided by his new fire engine red tresses.
Ji Yong hadn’t left his own kids out either. Taeyang was blue. Seungri was propped against the wall chewing on a dart and supporting a thin crop of pink hair. Daesung was left looking surprisingly good in purple.
“Tell me that it isn’t permanent.”
“Technically none of it is, but yes this will wash out after a week or so.” Kangin sighed in temporary relief until he felt something wet wash over his feet. He looked down and saw water, lots of it.
“Oh yeah, that’s from Kangin’s bath.”
“The raccoon the kids and I found on our way home from the market. He kind of looked like you so we named him Kangin”
Kangin tensed. “Where is this raccoon?”
“In your room he had to dry off somewhere where the kids wouldn’t try to play with him.”
“I though you said Kyuhyun was in my room.”
“He is, but he’s not going to play with Kangin. Didn’t I tell you he was boring.”
Kangin resisted the urge to punch his partner once again and stalked off to his bedroom throwing the door open violently.
He saw white, a lot of white, mixed with stray red and yellow here and there. Not a good sign considering his bedroom had once been steely grey and tan. He identified the white to be feathers, feathers from his pillow which the raccoon, Kangin, had torn through. The raccoon to Kangin’s surprise was laying still on the pillow, but as he neared it he realized the thing couldn’t possibly move, due to the duck tape that held his tail to the headboard. He was about to remove it and allow the animal free when it snapped at his hand. He cursed and recoiled his hand shooting a glare at the creature.
“Kyuhyun, where are…” He stopped asking as his eyes fell on the wall across from his bed. He found his son alright, or at least his head which was an odd enough sight considering the fact that he was glaring venomously at him, and his hair had some how ended up in numerous pony tails.
Kangin’s glare intensified as he forgot the mammal and his now bleeding hand. He stalked across the room to rip his child free from the wall. He thanked Ji Yong minutely for having enough common sense to make sure he didn’t tape the Childs skin. Tearing the tape from Kyuhyun completely he noticed the boy to be in a dress over his long sleeve shirt and pants.
“I’m sorry Kyu, Ji Yong wont be babysitting, or doing much else for long I promise.” He set the child down and stalked fiercely out of the room.
“Explain.” He demanded at Ji Yong who was now talking to his husband.
“Well, I’ve already told you about Kangin, so I assume our asking about the ketchup and mustard.”
Kangin blinked for a second before his face hardened. “Not that! Why was my child taped to the wall?!”
“Oh that. Well Kyu was being boring, he didn’t want to do crafts, or anything else. He was doing a sodoku puzzles during cops and robbers, declined his dinner, and refused to let us give him a new identity, so we put him in a dress, and taped him to the wall.” Ji Yong shrugged.
Kangin moved towards Ji Yong fist raised, and ready to strike when Seunghyun stepped in front to protect his husband.
“I apologize. Take Leeteuk to dinner and I’ll personally sort out all of this.”
Kangin wasn’t hearing it, until Seunghyun seized his shoulders and physically carried him out of the apartment Leeteuk in tow.
“Don’t worry about it.” Seunghyun promised as he slammed the door shut.
Leeteuk and Kangin didn’t return the second time until much, much later. According to Leeteuk Kangin had needed extra time to ‘cool off’. When they returned this time Seunghyun was sitting on the couch going through some paper work.
“They’re asleep, Ji Yong took the other boys home, and now that you two are back I can go home as well.”
“Thank you so much Seunghyun.” Leeteuk smiled at the man who stuffed his papers in a manila folder and stood up.
“Not a problem. I understand Ji Yong can be… overbearing, but it’s just his… philosophy, and it can’t be explained. Thank you however for bearing with him.”
Kangin nodded stiffly and Leeteuk smiled “Of course, tell him we said thank you for watching the kids, and that Kangin will see him at work tomorrow, without the children.”
Seunghyun nodded and left without further words.
“See Kangin, Ji Yong was only doing what he thought was best.”
“I’m fine with that, just not on my kids or in my house.” He said shuffling tiredly off to his room. He glanced into the kitchen on his way wondering vaguely how Seunghyun did it in such a short time. He entered into the bedroom glad to see that it was back to blue and tan. The pillow had been replaced and there was no sign of any duck tape. Kangin’s eyes fell on the cage in the corner of the room, there was a slip of paper on it and a glance inside of it made Kangin tense. He picked up the paper and read Seunghyun’s tidy scrawl.
Kangin (The human),
I’m sorry but the kids were attached to the little thing. I had him checked for rabies and got him shots and basic supplies. Congratulations on the new pet.
A/N III: Okay sooo… yeah Ji Yong… that entire scene was thought up at about three in the morning and probably sounded better in my head, and when I was slap happy. I apologize. Other than that not to much to talk about this time round, so I wont bore you with too many stories. The next child won’t be coming until next chapter, sorry. Also coming up new house, new neighbors, and well, more mischief. See you then. Haha I sound like a television announcer!
♥Remember Comments keep the plot bunnies, or in mine and Donghae’s cases aliens working. A special thanks to anyone, and everyone who did comment! Super special thanks to 0rgasmic_kangin (Love the name btw.) dmsr (I like your icon.) and arimura_ichigo (Haha strawberry, sorry I like your icon as well.)