Chapter Title-Hate U Love U
Summary-Kyuhyun wants to Hate Zhoumi, but he can't bring himself to.
A/N: I am sooo sorry I didn't post yesterday! I got home super late! I'm sooo sorry!!!
When Kyuhyun woke up the next morning, he could still feel the ache in his heart from the day before. How could Zhoumi have done that to him? He sighed and got up. He knew by now, Zhoumi would probably be cooking breakfast. His reflection in the mirror caught his eye. It was the saddest he had ever seen himself, and all over Zhoumi. He wondered if Zhoumi even regretted what he’d done. Maybe he had a reason? Maybe he felt bad for what he’d done. The model’s face popped into Kyuhyun’s mind again, and the thoughts vanished like smoke. He was done with this. His mood was already getting worse, even though he wondered if that was even possible. He sighed and left the room, the flood of emotion following him, and the gloom clinging to him like a ghost.
When he got down to the living room, he found Zhoumi still asleep on the couch. He stared at the other’s peaceful dreaming face, and Kyuhyun cringed. Why, after all that he’d done, did Zhoumi still look beautiful? Why did Zhoumi’s face still draw Kyuhyun like a moth to a flame? His heart jolted in pain.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to himself, “I’m sorry I’m hurting you, heart.” He turned away from Zhoumi’s face, hoping to stop the agonizing pain. It was no good, Zhoumi’s face was burned into his memory. It followed him wherever he went, and no matter what, he knew, it was going to cause him pain. He wondered why. All he had wanted to do was be loved. He had just wanted to be with Zhoumi. Was it really so difficult even to do just that? He couldn’t stand it. The tears rolled down his cheeks and he felt foolish. Zhoumi looked so peaceful, still asleep. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. Maybe, what he needed was some time alone.
“Hey, come on Kyuhyun, you’re lagging. It’s not like you,” his manager said. Kyuhyun nodded, and tried to continue working on his choreography. But, he couldn’t. He was always just a few beats behind. His heavy heart was weighing him down and taking a toll on him. He sighed.
“What’s wrong with you today?” his manager asked. An assistant came up and whispered in his ear. He frowned.
“That’s all?” He patted Kyuhyun on the shoulder. “All you need, is a little time apart from that room mate of yours. We’ll move you somewhere else for a while,” said his manager and left. The decision reeked of finality. Kyuhyun frowned some more, and walked off to a corner of the room. He wanted to cry again. He wanted to hate Zhoumi, blame the whole thing on him, but what was he blaming on him? Wasn’t it the fact that he couldn’t live with him anymore? His head and his heart were at war, and he felt like apologizing to himself. It was too tough. He laughed bitterly. Before now, he’d never even cared about love. It’s like his heart was punishing him for all the time that he’d denied love. But now, all he wanted to do was know he was loved by Zhoumi.
He sighed and went off to the bathroom to wash his face. As he stared in the mirror, it wasn’t himself staring back, but Zhoumi. Zhoumi who he loved, Zhoumi who he wanted to love him, Zhoumi who he couldn’t even see anymore. He splashed more water on his face. He didn’t know what else to do. He wanted to call Zhoumi, to go home to him and hug him, to tell him he was so stupid and that he should never do anything like that again, but it was…over, wasn’t it? He could feel the rain falling inside his heart, but looking in the mirror, he forced himself to smile. It was so fake, but he hoped, that in time, he’d be able to believe it, at least a little bit. He was sure that the longer this went on, the longer he would hurt, but there was nothing else to do.
If he could find someone else to love, someone better than Zhoumi, he could get better. His heart would come alive again and heal. But he knew, there was no one. His love for Zhoumi was more than eternal, even now, even through the pain. Even though he knew they were going to be apart. He smiled the most bitter smile he’d ever smiled. He was terribly masochistic to hurt himself this way, but he couldn’t let Zhoumi go. He would miss loving Zhoumi too much to ever do something like that. He wanted to hate him, instead, there was only love. And it was painful.