Title: Look who’s talking ~SJ style. [Chapter 6]
Pairing(s): Kangteuk, G-TOP, (Kid Eunhae… kind of…) Ninja KeyxJonghyun (don’t know paring name XD)
Fandom: Super Junior(main), DBSK, Big Bang… SHINee finally after some debate…
Rating: Pg(13 if your imagination is like mine) for parenting ideas that should never be conducted on actual live children!
Warning: Kid Super Junior AU, Fake parenting tips! Seriously I must stress that any kid in most of these circumstances… would probably be taken away or dead…
Genre: Comedy, a bit of angst, and a lot more sap then I had originally intended.
Disclaimer: still don’t own them…
Summary: Kangteuk are the picture perfect couple, until Leeteuk gets them into a situation involving a few children who have minds of their own.
A/N: If you’ve ever seen the movie Look Who’s Talking or any of it’s sequels you know that you can hear the babies thoughts. Words in italics and ‘…’ marks are what the babies are thinking/ telling other babies… so yeah…
A/N II: If you haven’t read the prologue or chapter one through five, they can be found on my profile. (I should probably work on making an archive, any tips on how to do it, for the computer illeterate?)
Leeteuk rounded the corner to his and Kangin’s apartment child in hand. Today had been interesting to say the least and it was only intensified when he came upon his door. Outside there was a man bound and gagged. Leeteuk’s primal instinct was panic. Panic that someone from one of Kangin’s assignments had come to hurt him. He was at a loss of what to do when he heard laughter, muffled by the duck tape covering the man’s mouth. He inched as close to the other wall as he could and walked towards his door shielding the child in his arms from whatever insane person had came after his family.
It was a mere ten feet from his house when he recognized the silhouette. “Ji Yong, What happened to you?!” Leeteuk rushed forward towards the still hysterical man bound by his hands and legs unable to move or speak. His laughter only increased tenfold when Leeteuk came into view. “Who did this?” Leeteuk asked crouching down and moving the child to tear the tape from his mouth.
“I did, and don’t remove the tape.” Leeteuk looked up to see his door ajar and his husband looking down at him. “I called Seunghyun and he’s coming to get him, just leave him there.”
“But Kangin that’s.”
“Leave it be Leeteuk, it’ll teach him a lesson.” And with that said Kangin collected his husband and fourth child in one swoop. “Seunghyun, will take care of him, don’t worry.” Kangin smiled reassuringly at the man in his arms and brought them into the apartment, kicking the door shut. Leeteuk frowned.
“Kangin, you can’t just leave him like that.”
“Sure I can, he should stop breaking into our home.” Kangin set his husband neatly onto the floor. “I’m guessing this is Donghae.”
“Yep, Donghae say hi to you’re new appa Kangin.” The child in Leeteuk’s arms turned to Kangin with wide brown eyes and smiled the largest smile Kangin had ever seen on such a small face.
“Where are Kyuhyun, Eunhyuk, and Han Geng?”
“I put them down for a nap a while ago.” Kangin told him observing the child who was watching him intently.
Leeteuk bent down and place Donghae on the floor. “You can play with any of the toys Donghae, and when your brothers wake up, then you can play with them too.” He watched with a sad smile as Donghae consulted the air next to him before running off to go find something to entertain him.
Leeteuk straightened up and looked seriously at his spouse. “Donghae is… a bit strange.”
Kangin blinked. “Ji Yong is a bit strange, you might want to be more specific.”
Leeteuk sighed. “He’s schizophrenic.”
“You mean like he talks to aliens?”
Leeteuk glared at his husband. “No Kangin, like he has disillusions, mood abnormalities, and he talks to the air.”
“He’s a child, he has an imaginary friend, no big deal.”
“That’s what his mom thought so she took him to get a brain scan. The child has a similar chemical imbalance to the one of an adult schizophrenic. His delusions became to much for her to handle, having just lost her husband. Supporting them both was difficult, and medication wasn’t a possibility. She left him at our office with a note. He was talking to himself when I found him.” Leeteuk looked off at the child who had disappeared down the hallway in search of bigger and better things.
Kangin sighed, it was to much like his husband to want to help this child for him to be surprised. But given the state of Donghae’s condition Kangin wasn’t so sure that they were what he needed. After all, they already had three children that required almost constant attention. “What do you mean by medication?” Kangin asked in defeat.
“Well he needs friends foremost, and I figured we could share our boys. A bit of therapy couldn’t hurt either.”
“He’s only a child, why does he have to have someone shrink his head.”
“They have child psychiatrists Kangin.” Leeteuk rolled his eyes at his husband.
Kangin looked at Leeteuk in surrender. He wasn’t exactly the type that believed in psychiatry, but if that’s what Leeteuk wanted for his child. “How much will it cost me?” He suspected his husband hadn’t quite gotten this far in his planning.
Leeteuk smiled innocently. “Social Security considers it medical, so in other words our insurance should cover it… They don’t however condone fitting four children and two parents in a small two bedroom apartment…”
“You mean we have to move!?”
Eunhyuk vaguely registered his bed moving. He stretched and began to open his eyes to figure out exactly what was waking him. He was surprised to say the least when he saw a pair of big brown eyes staring back at him.
The startled child jumped, and in his surprise, bashed heads with the skull that housed the eyes staring intently at him. The pair of eyes backed up rubbing the area Eunhyuk had hit, while Eunhyuk did much the same.
‘monkey.’ Eunhyuk jumped again looking fervently from side to side.
‘Where?’ The eyes, which Eunhyuk now realized were in fact a boy, pointed at him. Eunhyuk blinked.
‘Monkey.’ Eunhyuk looked behind him for fear that the boy was pointing behind him rather than at him.
‘He’s trying to say that you look like a monkey.’ Eunhyuk turned to the bed across the room where Kyuhyun was sitting up looking over at them, not all that happy at having been woken up.
‘I do not look like a monkey!’
‘Actually you kind of do.’ Kyuhyun moved his head to the side as if trying to see Eunhyuk from a different angle.
The brown haired toddler glared at Kyuhyun. ‘Cute monkey!’ a pair of arms wrapped around Eunhyuk who was drawn into a hug by the boy who had originally insulted him.
‘I’m not a monkey.’
‘You look like one.’ The eyes that had awoken him looked at him challengingly.
‘That doesn’t mean I am a monkey.’
‘You call Kangin gorilla man, and he isn’t a gorilla.’ Kyuhyun pointed out from across the room. Eunhyuk looked to Han Geng on the trundle bed below him but was met with a confused stare.
‘But he really does look like a gorilla.’ Eunhyuk pouted still embraced by the boy he didn’t know.
‘Well yes, but you look like a monkey.’ Kyuhyun smiled at Eunhyuk, who stuck his tongue out. ‘Who are you, anyways?’ Kyuhyun directed his gaze to the boy who was laughing at something neither Eunhyuk, Kyuhyun, or Han Geng understood.
‘I’m Donghae.’ The child calmed down his laughing and smiled. ‘Who are you? I know Monkey.’
‘My name is Eunhyuk and I’m not a monkey!’
Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. ‘I’m Kyuhyun, and this is Han Geng, he doesn’t speak Korean, so he doesn’t talk, oh and Eunhyuk really isn’t a monkey. But I do think he looks like one.’ Eunhyuk glared at Kyuhyun.
‘What do you mean he doesn’t speak Korean, what is Korean?’ Donghae now had his attention focused on the child closest to the floor.
Kyuhyun sighed. ‘He comes from a different place that speaks a differently than us. He doesn’t even understand that we’re talking about him.’
‘Is he an alien? They speak funny and they don’t live on earth!’ Donghae released Eunhyuk and began bouncing up and down looking even more intently at Han Geng.
‘He doesn’t come from outer space if that’s what you mean.’ Kyuhyun shook his head and slid carefully out of his bed.
‘Aww… that’s no fun then… I talk to aliens!’
‘If they speak different then how do you talk to them?’ Eunhyuk looked confused at the energetic boy.
‘Well they don’t talk to me, I talk and they understand. Some of them speak Korean, or whatever Kyuhyun was talking about though, they talk to me.’
The door to their room opened and Leeteuk peeked his head in. “Oh Donghae, did you wake them up?” Kyuhyun nodded and Donghae smiled.
“Well I hope you guys got enough rest, Kangin and I need to run somewhere, and you guys have to come with us.”
‘Why hello, it’s a nice day.’
‘Uhm… Donghae, why are you talking to a chair.’
‘It’s not a chair, monkey, it’s an alien.’
Eunhyuk blinked at his new sibling who was engaging an inanimate object in conversation. ‘If it’s an alien, then why isn’t he talking back, and why does he look like a chair.’
‘It’s not a he it’s a she, and she doesn’t want the adults to know she’s an alien or they’ll do all kinds of experiments to her.’ Donghae went back to talking to the arm chair.
‘She’s an odd alien.’
‘Shush! You’re hurting her feelings!’ Donghae hugged the chair tightly. ‘you smell funny, it must be an alien thing.’
Kyuhyun and Han Geng watched their siblings from a bench across the room, sitting still and quiet like complete angels. All four children had been packed up and dragged to the real estate agent. An extremely boring office with no toys no books and nothing except for pamphlets advertising different houses. The children had been left to entertain themselves under the semi-lose supervision of the agent’s secretary. He wasn’t paying attention when Donghae moved over to the pamphlets.
‘Monkey, do you like snow?’
‘No it’s to cold, why?’
The little trouble maker smiled. ‘Because I know how to make snow that isn’t cold.’
Eunhyuk’s small eyebrows creased. ‘How?’
‘Easy like this.’ Donghae took a pamphlet and began to tear it to shared before throwing it in the air above Eunhyuk. The other boy looked up and saw the paper falling down in a similar manner to snow. He giggled and grabbed a pamphlet himself. Together it only took the two boys a few minutes to shred every single pamphlet on their level, and what was a few seconds ago a tearing fest became a big confetti fight. Kyuhyun and Han Geng merely watched as the two spread the white paper evenly about the room, completely unnoticed by the secretary who was preoccupied with a phone call.
In fact it went unnoticed all the way up until the point Kangin came through the door of the real estate agent’s office. He took one step into the now white greeting room only to see Donghae throwing a handful of ‘snow’ at the two innocent boys on the bench.
“Leeteuk! You’re kids made a mess!”
“What do you mean my kids, oh…” Leeteuk stepped around his husband to see the disaster area. “Kangin, what did you let them do?”
“I was with you the entire time.”
“What’s the problem?” Seunghyun emerged from his office.
“Seunghyun, uhm, well Donghae, uhm…”
“Leeteuk no worries, It reminds me of something Ji Yong did only it was with ice cream. Besides, it was Jonghyun’s job to supervise. Jonghyun!”
“Yes sir!” The secretary snapped around for the first time in a while, removing the phone from his ear. “Oh…”
“Weren’t you suppose to watch them?”
“I was answering a call for you, I figured they’d be okay for a few minutes… I guess not.”
“Obviously you don’t have kids… or a husband… and I have a feeling Key isn’t purchasing a house in his near future as he’s only eighteen.”
Jonghyun smiled sweetly. “He was just window shopping?”
Seunghyun’s eyes narrowed and a smirk crossed his face. “Well then maybe you can recruit him to help you clean this up, and split your paycheck.”
“Leeteuk Kangin you guys are free to go. Oh and Kangin, thanks.”
“For what? My kids just trashed your agency.”
“Go ask Ji Yong, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind sharing.”
Kangin’s eyes widened and Leeteuk blushed. “Come on kid’s let’s go!” And with that all four kids, the angels, and the not so innocent two were rushed out of the office.
The ride home from Seunghyun’s real estate agency was a relatively silent one, apart from Donghae’s humming that is. Both Leeteuk and Kangin were unsure of how to handle the situation that had just occurred, and none of their kids were chatty.
Eunhyuk was petrified; he had never been in trouble before. Donghae on the other hand seemed completely unfazed and in his own little world. The worried toddler kept sending furtive glances at him and then up to the front of the car. All in all it was an uncomfortable ride for everyone, except Donghae. They silently removed all four children from their car seats and continued on a hushed trip up to their apartment.
Once they got inside Leeteuk took Eunhyuk and Donghae aside telling the other to go play in there room. Kangin stood behind his husband a little anxious to see what he would do exactly.
“Boy’s you really shouldn’t make big messes anywhere.” Leeteuk looked sadly at Eunhyuk who was shaking and hiding slightly behind a smiling Donghae. “Especially anywhere outside of our house.” The smile on Donghae’s face faded and a pout took it’s place.
“We sowy.” He sniffed as his eyes glazed over with moisture. Leeteuk’s lip quivered and he immediately rushed forward and hugged both boys in a huge embrace.
“Awww… Donghae Eunhyuk it’s okay. I just want you to know you can’t do that anymore. I’m not mad.” Kangin rolled his eyes at his husband, but made no point to correct him.
“Sowy Teukie…” Eunhyuk chimed in actually crying into his guardians shirt. Leeteuk kissed them both on the forehead.
“I love you boys.” Leeteuk squeezed them tightly before releasing them. “I have to go talk to Kangin now, you two go play with the other boys.” Donghae nodded sniffling once more and Eunhyuk wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. Leeteuk smiled cutely before rushing Kangin off to the kitchen.
Donghae waited until they were out of the room before he turned to Eunhyuk. ‘That was to easy, we’re not even in trouble.’
‘But Leeteuk was mad.’
‘Nah, he wouldn’t have let us off if he was. Crying was a nice touch though, thanks for the idea monkey.’
‘I really was crying, and I’m not a monkey!’ Eunhyuk sniffed and wiped his nose with his sleeve this time.
‘Whatever you say monkey, let’s go play with something. You think any aliens are hiding around here?’
Meanwhile Leeteuk wrapped his arms around his husband’s shoulders. “I like this one!” He showed Kangin the brochure for a huge ten bedroom, three and a half bath, house out in the country somewhere.
“Leeteuk,” Kangin sighed rubbing his temples. “We don’t need a ten bedroom house, and we couldn’t ever afford that.”
“I know but the one you want only has five bedrooms. What happens when we get more kids?”
Kangin glared at him. “How many more kids do you plan on getting.”
“I don’t know… seven, maybe ten.”
“I’m kidding Kangin, but I’ve always wanted a big family.”
Leeteuk smiled. “well…”
“Whatever we can double them up or something.” Kangin sighed looking again at the house advertisement in his hand. Right now, there apartment was more like a pent house, then an actual apartment, but that didn’t stop a new house from being insanely expensive.
“Oh and did I forget to mention, Social security has a package for us. We get a five hundred dollars a month per kid, until they turn eighteen.” Kangin turned to his ditzy husband.
“This could have been nice to know sooner.” Leeteuk smiled cutely.
“Well I didn’t know myself until today when Ji Yong asked if I was doing it for the money…”
“You mean, you guys aren’t.”
“Ji Yong!” Kangin whipped around and glared at the man casually walking trough his kitchen.
“Relax! I’m here on business.” A smirk that left Kangin uneasy came across his partners face. “They need you to come into the office tomorrow… I figured you’d be bringing some artillery.” He looked back to see Donghae chasing Eunhyuk down the hall. “Any who, oh yeah and TOP wants me to tell you guys there’s a new subdivision coming under construction, not to far from our firm. I told him that you guys should just move in next to us in that vacant house, but he said something about you guys wanting sanity, whatever that means.”
“They want me to come in tomorrow?”
“Yeah no big deal really, I bring Tae, and Dae all the time.” Kangin wanted to add the fact that all of his kids behaved -surprising seeing what their father was like- but he felt it was better not to go down that path.
“I guess I have no option, I need some files anyway…”
“What’s the worst that could happen?” Ji Yong smiled and visions of white everywhere came to Kangin’s mind. He groaned.
“Can we help you with anything else?”
“Oh yeah I just wanted to make sure Hae had a shirt too.” A piece of black cloth obscured Kangin’s vision. “See you at the office tomorrow.”
Leeteuk removed the shirt from Kangin’s face before he tore it and retreated to go put it with the others. Kangin watched the door Ji Yong had just disappeared behind, imagining what Ji Yong would do with Donghae tomorrow. Only a single day with the child and already Kangin’s already hectic life became helter skelter.
A/N III: One more day of standardized testing and then my brain can melt! Until that point in time I have kept myself partially sane writing this for you. I apologize if it’s a little worse than usual… my brain is the consistency of squash soup… I now hate ovals!
A/N IV: I don’t remember if I went into detail about TOP’s Fire work company… but yeah he also owns a real estate agency… He is also a child physiologist, and plumber… well pretty much any job you can think of… TOP does it… Unrealistic yes, but for the sake of the story I figured, what the heck.
A/N V: Okay after this I promise to shut up! I brought SHINee in due to lack of adults… I had already planed for all of SUJU to be kids so I had to pull more from somewhere, so yeah… The youngest of the K-pop groups end up being the older… I always liked reversals…And a special thanks to everyone and anyone who A) read my rambles to their entirety and, or B) commented…. Okay I’ll silence myself now.
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