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02 March 2009 @ 02:34 pm
[Series]A Story of Hurting and Healing, Chapter 13  
Author : freedomthisway
Rating : Various, up to NC-17, still PG13 for now
Character/Pairing : Siwon, Hankyung, Kangin, Hyukjae, Heechul, other made up characters/SiHan, KangHyuk, very minor SiChul.
Word Count : 3082 words
Genre : AU and angst like whoa!
Warning: Underage, rape/non-con, younger!Hankyung, a lot of swearing.
Summary : When Hankyung was 7, his mother was remarried to Choi Min Woo, the head of the rich and famous Choi family. The marriage brings Hankyung to the position of Siwon's younger stepbrother.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Siwon found out his feelings toward Hankyung. Not wanting to ruin the family, Siwon chose to keep his love for Hankyung inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Hankyung was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Siwon, but didn't act on it because he assumed Siwon hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Choi Min Woo's death, Hankyung decided to come back, only to face Siwon's hatred towards him.

All Hankyung wants is a happiness and love with Siwon by his side. Can he reach it eventually?

Author’s note: Sorry for the late update. Many things came up but, anyway, thank you for staying with me until now, and I hope you'll like this chapter too!

Chapter 1 :: Chapter 2 :: Chapter 3 & 4 :: Chapter 5 :: Chapter 6 & 7
Chapter 8 :: Chapter 9 :: Chapter 10 :: Chapter 11 :: Chapter 12

Hankyung wakes up that morning with a very heavy feeling.

Sighing, he flips the blanket off his body as he wonders if this feeling of dread will accompany him every morning for the next six months.

The memory of Siwon’s cold words to him yesterday still stings, and maybe he wouldn’t have had to get through that if only he had told Siwon about why he changed his mind and decided to stay.

But maybe he still would anyway.

His intention to help his friends is not going to change the fact that he left Siwon and this family behind without any explanations. But then there's also the problem where Hankyung doesn't want to tell Siwon about Kangin or Hyukjae. They are his last shelter if this thing with Siwon doesn't work out. Telling Siwon about them will take that protective place away from him and he would forever be expecting to see Siwon standing at his doorstep.

Hankyung takes a shower and gets dressed in his own clothes. He decides not to take more than he needs from this house. After 6 months, indeed he will have every right legally to use Min Woo’s inheritance. But all he needs right now is a warm bed to sleep in, some food to eat, ten million won for Hyukjae’s operation... and Siwon.

Although, after Hankyung was thinking about his situation for an entire night, half a year? Is a very long time.

Siwon's hatred for him is so strong that Hankyung fears he won’t be strong enough. He doesn't have the strength to put his heart out there when it has already been ripped in half. So he decided, if he's unable to win Siwon's affection and love by the end of six months, he'll have Heechul transfer his remaining share to Siwon and return to his old life.

He’ll be even more sad and lonely and pathetic than the last time he came, but at least he can't die from heartache and he won’t have ten million won debt.

He slips out of his room quietly and decides to explore this house to waste some time. It’s a dangerous thing to do, actually. His heart is still healing and there’s a big chance something will trigger horrible memories and he'll end up tearing open his wound again.

But he isn't the kind of a person who loves to just stand still and do nothing, and it’s still way too early to try and approach Siwon after what happened yesterday.

He is walking along the back corridor leading to the garden when Siwon suddenly appears on the opposite side.

Hankyung stops dead in his tracks, unsure of what to do or say and he can see Siwon's doing the same thing.

His lack of sleep last night must have been making him see things because he sees a flash of lust in Siwon’s eyes as he stares at Hankyung from hair to toe. But he must have imagined it because now those eyes are filled with anger again, though somehow Hankyung senses that the anger isn’t pointed at him. Siwon seems angrier at himself and Hankyung has no idea why.

“Jung Eum has prepared our breakfast.” Siwon says in a low tone and Hankyung gapes.

“You want us to have breakfast together?” Hankyung asks, unbelieving. He thought after yesterday, Siwon wouldn’t want to be near him anytime soon and it’ll be up to Hankyungto shorten that gap.

Siwon looks annoyed at the question. “Not just breakfast.” He answers. “You also have to have dinner together with me starting from today. It’ll be this house’s rule from now on.”

“Why?” Hankyung can’t help but ask, because they both know putting him and Siwon in one room, sitting at one table will most likely result in a lost appetite because of all the tension... and most probably it'll end up being Hankyung.

Siwon smirks and Hankyung knows whatever he says next can't be a good.

“Maybe to prove that you and I can’t stay here together, even if you end up getting your share of the inheritance.” Siwon says with venom in his voice.

Siwon's words are expected, but Hankyung still feels something in his chest ache.

Blinking, Hankyung folds his hand over his chest, unconsciously shielding himself. “So, what, Hyung? You have this long list of ways to make me suffer till I break?”

Siwon’s eyes darkened and his jaw tightened. “It'll take more than that to make up for what you’ve done.”

Hankyung's legs weakened at the clear display of hatred in Siwon’s eyes and he tightens his folded arms to hide the shivers racking his body.

“Please stop saying things like you know everything.” Hankyung says in a trembling voice and as soon as he said it he wanted to smack himself hard. The strong desire to defend himself apparently made him careless too.

One of Siwon’s eyebrows lifted at that. “Oh, really? Then tell me." Siwon says with a sneer on his lips. "Tell me why did you leave? And what reason did you have to suddenly come back to this house? Please, don’t spare the details.”

But Hankyung’s self control is back and he doesn’t answer. He bites his lips to make sure of that and silence fills the air in the corridor for several long minutes until it is broken by Siwon’s snort.

“Forget it.” Siwon says dismissively. “I can’t stand hearing lies anyway.”

Hankyung never lies and he feels very insulted at being accused of doing so. But still he says nothing because no matter how cruel Siwon’s words are, Hankyung understands that Siwon is like a wounded bull right now and saying anything will only anger him further.

Siwon glares at him one more time before turning back around and walking away from Hankyung.

“I’ll wait for you in the dining room.” He says before disappearing at the end of the corridor, his words echoing in the air.


One week has passed, and Hankyung is starting to hesitate getting out of bed every morning, wishing he can sleep this day off and the next, and the next just so he can avoid all of Siwon’s painful words and angry stares or even worse, Siwon’s occasional acting like Hankyung doesn’t even exist though Hankyungis sitting right there across from him or walking past him.

The house is huge, but not huge enough to hide Hankyung from Siwon’s wrath.

Thank God Heechul is here.

The lawyer for one or more reasons keeps visiting the house and Hankyung. He’ll find Hankyung sulking somewhere inside the house, throw a couple of jokes or tease and Hankyung will smile wider and wider until finally he can’t help but laugh with him. Within a short time, Hankyung realizes his relationship with Heechul has grown deeper than just acquaintances and he knows Heechul feels the same way too.

It’s such a happy feeling to have another friend besides Kangin and Hyukjae who was actually here with him.

Hankyung is not a whiner or a complainer by habit, but Heechul’s presence somehow comforts him into talking more and more about things that burden him. Of course there was a line drawn in the story, where he never talks about his past.

Today is one of those days where the sun shines with all its might, and Heechul finds Hankyung in the garden, taking care of the flowers, just like usual.

Half an hour later, both of them are sitting on the garden bench beneath a huge willow tree. It’s a perfect place to shade them from the burning sun.

Siwon stays home all day. The last time Hankyung saw him, he was doing things in his study. It seems he was taking care of some work on his laptop.

For a busy businessman, Hankyung finds it weird that Siwon spends more time at home than at his office and Hankyung’s best guess is that Siwon is focusing not only his mind but also his time to make sure Hankyung feels as uncomfortable as he can.

He sighs and realizes Heechul is staring at him with one eyebrow raised.

“Another ‘Bad-Siwon’ day?” Heechul asks.

Hankyung smiles and shakes his head a bit. “I’m just tired after digging up mounds of dirt, that’s all.”

Hankyung knows Heechul doesn’t buy it, but Heechul says nothing and that’s one of the things that make Hankyung feels comfortable around the older man.

“It seems you like gardening a lot. It's rare for me to see you anywhere but the garden whenever I came to visit.” Heechul says, admiring Hankyung’s work in a form of the rows of rose bushes planted across them.

Hankyung laughs and shrugs. “Where else would I be? Actually I’m a bit too bored not to have my nails covered with dirt almost everyday. And I have nothing else to do and asking Siwon to find me something to do at the office is out of question at the moment.”

Heechul turns to look at Hankyung. “Why don’t you help me out at my firm? Lately I think I really need an assistant to cover some mild work in the office.”

Hankyung’s eyes widen with awe. “Hyung, are you serious?”

“Yeah, sure. Why not? I figure you can handle small stuff like serving coffees, which I prefer black by the way, or making some copies for the documents. Perhaps you can even do some research on simple cases I’m handling at the moment.” Heechul grins and Hankyung can see a naughty glint in his eyes. “I mean, you know the word ‘internet’, don’t you?”

Hankyung punches him in the shoulder in answer, muttering smart ass with a stifled laugh. But a moment later Hankyung gives Heechul a grateful smile. “Thank you, Heechul-hyung. Really, you’re so kind to me. I mean, this is the first time I have felt so happy in days.”

Heechul frowns. “Is it really that bad living with Siwon?”

Hankyung’s smile falters upon hearing that. But as usual, Hankyung doesn’t answer to that kind of question.

It’s Heechul’s turn to sigh. Placing one hand on top of Hankyung’s in a comforting way, he contemplates whether or not to ask Hankyung about the things he hides but he knows it might be a useless endeavor, knowing Hankyung’s shell is clammed tight. But in the end, his curiosity wins.

“Listen, Hankyung-ah. I know you don’t like it when I talk about this.” Heechul starts, glances at Hankyung to check his reaction carefully before continuing. “But I’ve been wondering if something bad happened between you and Min Woo. I mean, why did you leave?”

After the last words leave his mouth, Heechul waits for an answer. But all he gets is silence while Hankyung just keeps staring at where their hands meet. The same clouds Heechul had witnessed before return to the younger man’s eyes and Heechul can see Hankyung’s body become rigid.

Heechul is about to pat Hankyung on the back and apologize for overstepping his boundaries when suddenly Hankyung’s face turns to him, giving him the saddest smile Heechul’s ever seen.

It leaves Heechul speechless and a lump forms in his throat at the sight.

Hankyung squeezes Heechul’s fingers with his other hand before rising up from his seat. “I have to go. It’s almost time for dinner. Siwon-hyung is in his study if you want to meet him.”

Heechul nods and offers a forced smile at Hankyung’s ‘I’ll see you later, okay?’ as he watches Hankyung walk towards the house.

And that’s it. Heechul’s lawyer instinct jumps in and he can’t help but be certain that there must be more stories behind that smile than anyone would ever know. And damn, but Heechul really wants to know what they are.

Siwon is Heechul’s best buddy, while Heechul’s relationship with Hankyung is already halfway there and seeing them hurting like they are now is unacceptable to him. Somehow he has a feeling that the secret Hankyung’s hiding holds an important role in fixing those two’s relationship.

Seeing that trying to coax further information from Hankyung is an impossible task right now, Heechul knows he has no other choice but that.

Screw professionalism.


It’s almost midnight and Heechul has just come home from his date with a buff and handsome model he met at one party, and to be honest, this night would have been much more interesting if that model wasn’t so typical like most of the male models Heechul knows.

Heechul sighs as he walks across the garden separating his garage and main house. Why is it so hard to find a good looking man who has more in his head than in his dick?

But, whatever, he has more important things to do now.

Closing and locking the front door of his house, Heechul walks towards his study where his working desk is placed.

Carefully, Heechul opens the bottom drawer. After rummaging a little, he finds what he is looking for and pulls out a white envelope from inside the drawer.

Heechul is never a careless person and it’s a trait he’s always proud of about himself.

A day after Choi Min Woo gave him the sealed envelope containing the letter for Choi Hankyung, Heechul had asked one of his assistants to witness him making a copy of the letter without having a chance to read a single word on it.

It’s his habit, and it’s also one of his working MOs to make sure his clients get what they want exactly the way they want it. Losing an important letter due to some unexpected incident can be very tricky and that’s why having a copy of it and stored it in different place from where the original was kept was a wise act in Heechul’s book.

But Heechul is a professional and he always tries to keep himself in line. When his client told him that the document isn’t meant for public viewing, including for Heechul himself, then he’ll make sure it stays that way.

Until tonight.

He extracts two pieces of paper from the envelope and drops the empty envelope on the nearest coffee table as he makes his way towards the sofa in the corner of his study.

Turning on the table lamp placed on the small side table, he sits on the sofa and starts to read.


Dear, Hankyung.

If you are reading this then you’ve finally come back from wherever you were.

But I guess I won’t be around anymore to witness it. I know I’m dying after all.

I am writing this for you, lying weakly on my bed, and you can never imagine how hard I’ve tried to just let you go. Move on with my life and all that old song.

Yet the fact remains. I love you, Hankyung.

I know it’s wrong and cursed but I can’t escape this feeling and these loneliness and all the pains that keep torturing me after you left.

But it doesn’t have to be this way, my love. It shouldn’t have become like this.

If only you can forget all those stupid social norms and rules for a while and finally see that I am just a man, who fell in love with you deeply. Then maybe you can find it in your heart that what we have is nothing to be ashamed of.

Even when your mouth said no, even when you hid beneath the reason of enduring it for the sake of your mother, deep down I knew you liked everything I did to you at those nights we’d spent together, when you laid beautifully beneath me, making those exquisite sounds as I took us both into the highest pleasure.

So you see, the problem is just that you can’t be honest to yourself.

And now you’ve left, leaving me alone here, when you know exactly how I can’t live without you.

You know, people say that there is only a thin line between love and hate. And God, how true I know it is now.

I loathe you, Hankyung.

I loathe you so much for leaving that I am willing to spend my last breath to make you suffer as much as I do now.

I know you love Siwon.

I could see your beautiful eyes shone the brightest at his sight whenever he was around. I could see the entire confused and hurt look you had on your face when my son started to pursue his dream and had to live far from home for that. I know your love for him, knowing that it’ll just give him an incurable heartache, is your only reason for not telling him about this thing between us. I even could hear you unconsciously whispering his name several times when you knew it was me who sucked your cock good and hard until you came all over your own belly.

Siwon is my own flesh and blood and I love him with all my heart. But I love you even more and you can’t blame me for being jealous of him.

Do you know, he returned to live in this house after you left? Being a good son as he is, every night he sits here beside my bed. Those times are times I’ll use to plant the seeds of hatred for you in his heart. And I’ll make sure they grow bigger and keep piling more and more each time he leaves my room.

I know you’ll come back someday. It’s another reason I loathe you, because you’ll come back for him and not for me.

But you’ll be very surprised at how things have changed and you’ll find him staring at you with cold and hateful gaze the second you step your feet once again in this house.

And you’ll be even more surprised to know that I will have inherited you half of my wealth, strung along with a condition of you and him have to live under one roof for 6 months.

I know the money won’t be the reason for you to stay. But Siwon will think of it the other way around and guess what he’ll say to you if you decide to stick around, without knowing that the only reason you do that is because you want to have him by your side.

And even if you refuse to accept my inheritance, I know you won’t leave Siwon once again. At least not too far, thanks to your stubbornness that shows even when you were still an adorable child who was hiding behind your mother’s back.

But still, you’ll be trapped and I can imagine how you will suffer, to take all of Siwon’s hatred everyday and you won’t be able to stop yourself from feeling helpless, knowing it’ll be impossible to get his heart.

And that, my dear Hankyung, is going to be my ultimate revenge.

Please, don’t take it personally. Just like I said before, things don’t have to be like this.

But you chose to leave, and I’m going to hell anyway.

So take it as a sweet goodbye, my love.

The man who loves you,
Choi Min Woo



Several long minutes pass after Heechul finishes reading Min Woo’s letter, but still his mouth stays gaping open and he’s only half noticing that the sides of the papers in his hand have been crumpled by his own fingers.

“I’ll be damned…” Heechul mutters after finding his voice back.


PS: As usual, comments keep my muse happy~! ^^

You can also find my other Super Junior fanfictions here in archive post in my writing journal.
Current Location: my room
Current Mood: cranky
psychobarbiehaxpsychobarbiehax on March 2nd, 2009 08:12 am (UTC)
love this, glad you're back ^_^
Mithafreedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:31 am (UTC)

Thanks darling~!

New chapter is upped! Hope you'll like it~!
「DUNADAN」: 「IN THE END」xanderave on March 2nd, 2009 08:19 am (UTC)

It is a good thing that bastard is already dead.
Mithafreedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:32 am (UTC)

LOL. Is that an attempt of cursing Min Woo? Cute~! xDD

Thanks for commenting~!

New chapter is upped! Hope you'll like it~!
realitywaiting on March 2nd, 2009 08:23 am (UTC)
so many stories so little time! This is just WOW! And Heechul knows! he KNOWS! HOMG! My curiosity is churning so bad!! Minwoo...was despicable, and Siwon...such a clueless blind boy, kind pity him in a bad way, Hankyung! so strong and so hurt! I love him! and I love heechul! he cares so much! ♥ awesome story!
Mitha: Glee!Heenim by vendettajeddifreedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:33 am (UTC)
Thank you for the WOW comments~! xDD

New chapter is upped! Hope you'll like it~!
ai_sumairuai_sumairu on March 2nd, 2009 08:55 am (UTC)
Awwwwww... Hannie and Chullie's relationship is getting better as time passed by!!!! ^-^ This information truly makes me happy! :D I love how caring Chullie is for Hannie and how Hannie sees Chullie as his life support when it comes to spending the days with Siwon!!! Now I'm really loving the HanChul in this!!!! WOOT!!!!

*reads the bastard's letter and the good mood disappears* Oh... I'm not crying right now... I'm simply feeling enraged by that stupid letter!!!!! >:S Even in death that pedophile still makes Hannie suffer!!!! DX That guy sicken me to no end and it's very disgusting that Siwon worships his father after all this though I know he's not at fault.

Oh thank the heavens!!!! Heechul, you are smart!!!! Thank God, he made a copy of that letter!!! THANK YOU, LORD!!!! :D Now someone finally knows!!! But the important thing is what will be Chullie's move after knowing all of this? It's getting pretty interesting and dammit!!! Siwon should know but Hannie would have suffered already before he'll get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness... TT^TT

Please update soon! :)
Mithafreedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:35 am (UTC)
Long comments~!!!!!!


And LOL, you want HanChul. But I think there won't be any of them, dear. I'm sorry. xDD

New chapter is upped! Hope you'll like it~!
the good days are not oversuxxxju on March 2nd, 2009 09:05 am (UTC)
OMG Min Woo was a sick old bastard!!
yes, finally someone knows! Heechul is smart.
I so want to know what he'll do next.

can't wait for more!
Mithafreedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:36 am (UTC)

New chapter is upped! Hope you'll like it~!

And thank you for the support~!
hirot0hirot0 on March 2nd, 2009 09:18 am (UTC)
aaaah~ i forgot to comment on your last chap~ sorry~

i'm soooo glad heechul is there for hannie <3 and OMG, you know, I not even finished reding this chap while I'm commenting at the moment....but I'm really struggeling to read this letter. I already needed several breaks while reading so I thought now I could just comment already and finish that letter afterwards...it's really appalling, oh my dear god~

how can you write such things when I can't even read them? XDDD

but heechul knows now...that is all that counts!
Mitha: PsychoHae by inny_centfreedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:37 am (UTC)

It's okay, dear. You're still with this story until now is good enough for me~! xDD

how can you write such things when I can't even read them? XDDD


Yeah, maybe I'm a bit deranged. xDDD

New chapter is upped! Hope you'll like it~!
cynthia: heechulismdreamsbytheedge on March 2nd, 2009 09:41 am (UTC)
I loved how you potray Hankyung here and how Siwon is so full of hatred.
And lawyer!Heechul is awesometastic. ♥

I enjoyed the story to this point, keep updating! I'll be waiting to see what's gonna happen~!
Mithafreedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:38 am (UTC)
New commenter~!

Thank you and I'm glad you like this~! New chapter is upped! Hope you'll like it~!
FollowUrDestiny: HG03followurdestiny on March 2nd, 2009 10:39 am (UTC)
This was good... I can't wait to read what will happen next!
Now we know what kind of an evil bastard Min Woo was...>_<
*hugs* Hannie... wonder what Heechul will do now and to make Siwon understand...guhh...

pssst... you wrote Jensen two times instead of Hankyung (>_<)
Mithafreedomthisway on March 2nd, 2009 11:53 am (UTC)

"Ooops"? xDD

*hugs you*
(no subject) - freedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
lulufecalulufeca on March 2nd, 2009 12:24 pm (UTC)

the letter is very sick

now heechul will help the two boys... i hope
Mithafreedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:39 am (UTC)
You'll find the answer in the next chapter, I assume? xDD

It's upped already. Hope you'll like it~!
meishjennie on March 2nd, 2009 02:12 pm (UTC)
Yay a chapter!! :)

Omg heechul read the letter!!! Will he tell shiwon or talk to hankyung about it?? What is shiwon's reaction going to be? Omg the suspense is killing me. And minwoo is truly an asshole. After all the suffering he caused hannie, he totures him after he died. :(

Stupid cliffhanger! Lol ahh I can't wait for the next chapter. Update soon~
Mithafreedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:41 am (UTC)
Stupid cliffhanger!

*evil cackles*


New chapter is upped! Hope you'll like it~!
yukino_yume on March 2nd, 2009 02:44 pm (UTC)
Nearly dead because I was sooo shock , ack that man is tooo cruel , and to think that I DID feel sorry for him ack >
Mitha: PsychoHae by inny_centfreedomthisway on March 3rd, 2009 12:53 am (UTC)
Honey, you're in my Lj F-list, but I realize I don't know your name.

I'm Mitha, and you? xDD

And LOL. Sorry for giving you a shock~! Thank you, dear.
(no subject) - freedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
~lies are true if we believe them~: Hankyung - chainblacksoul12012 on March 2nd, 2009 04:24 pm (UTC)
I knew, Heechul would be Hannie's guardian angel!! I'm really happy he's there.
I hope Siwon can soon see the truth *sighs* I was kinda surprised when he said Hankyung has to eat with him, but you reasoned it very well.
I don't know yet if I like Heechul knowing the truth about Hankyung's past. Let's hope for the best!!
Beautiful and beautiful ♥
Mitha: Hee-Chu by vendettajeddifreedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:43 am (UTC)
Thank you ♥

Love you for the support always~! xDD

New chapter is upped! Hope you'll like it~!
pirtabeanova_ on March 2nd, 2009 08:15 pm (UTC)
"Jensen's legs weakened at the clear display of hatred in Siwon’s..."

"Heechul turns to look at Jensen. "

.....Jensen? XD
Mithafreedomthisway on March 3rd, 2009 12:14 am (UTC)

OOooops~! LOL

Well, like I said in the first chapter's author's note: "I’m bored so I’m trying to see how this story of mine will be viewed in characters of different fandom."

:)) Thank you~!

(no subject) - freedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
Emily Nguyencrazylilazngirl on March 2nd, 2009 10:52 pm (UTC)
wow XDD
Heechul READ the LETTER!
*insert some kind of dramatic music here*

*throws another rock at Siwon*
you blah head T-T

There was no crying :DD
just really really really sad faces T-T
hopefully Siwon will like FIND the letter and be like "holy mother of Fishes, what have I done??"


Thank you for updating :DD
Mithafreedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:45 am (UTC)


And yeah, I'm trying to decrease the number of Hannie's tears here. I'm afraid he'll run out of them before this story ends. LOL

Thanks honey~!

New chapter is upped! Hope you'll like it~!
Renee Joy: hae (pink)hunni23 on March 2nd, 2009 11:22 pm (UTC)
Mithafreedomthisway on March 8th, 2009 09:46 am (UTC)
Spot???? xDDD

Oh, btw, I've fulfilled your request. But I guess you haven't had a chance to read it? :))

New chapter is upped! Hope you'll like it~!