Mitha (freedomthisway) wrote in miracle______,

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[Series]A Story of Hurting and Healing, Chapter 10

Author : freedomthisway
Rating : Various, up to NC-17, still PG13 for now
Character/Pairing : Siwon, Hankyung, Kangin, Hyukjae, Heechul, other made up characters/SiHan, KangHyuk, very minor SiChul.
Word Count : 2300 words
Genre : AU and angst like whoa!
Warning: Underage, rape/non-con, younger!Hankyung, a lot of swearing.
Summary : When Hankyung was 7, his mother was remarried to Choi Min Woo, the head of the rich and famous Choi family. The marriage brings Hankyung to the position of Siwon's younger stepbrother.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Siwon found out his feelings toward Hankyung. Not wanting to ruin the family, Siwon chose to keep his love for Hankyung inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Hankyung was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Siwon, but didn't act on it because he assumed Siwon hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Choi Min Woo's death, Hankyung decided to come back, only to face Siwon's hatred towards him.

All Hankyung wants is a happiness and love with Siwon by his side. Can he reach it eventually?

Author’s note: Okay, I'll be frank with you. My internet speed has been sooooo slow lately that it nearly made me want to smash my beloved computer. >(

That being said, I still can not reply the comments. I'm really sorry. But please know that your comments really make me happy.

And here it is, trying to be patient with this snail-like-speed, I post for you chapter 10. I hope you'll enjoy this one too. :))

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3 & 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6 & 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9

Hankyung stares at the room he is in.

This room, he remembers, is used to be his. But the whole interior inside has changed so much that he can’t even recognize it at first.

It looks like someone had put a lot of effort to erase the reminiscence of Hankyung’s existence from this room. And Hankyung can very well guess who.

Sighing, Hankyung sits on the side of the bed and closes his face with his both hands.

He has been in this house no longer than an hour but he feels so tired and stressed out already. At this rate, he doubts he can keep his determination strong. The conversation he had with Siwon earlier had confirmed one thing he is afraid of:

Siwon hates him.

His hatred is so strong that Hankyung feels weakened by it.

How can Hankyung carry on his plan of fixing things with Siwon if he can’t even stand to be in the same room with Hankyung?

How can he make Siwon believe that Hankyung loves him with all his heart when he believes that Hankyung only took Siwon and his family as money bags?

How can Hankyung make Siwon fall in love with him if Siwon keeps blaming him for leaving and also for Min Woo’s death?

Hankyung really has lost his confidence. He doesn’t know what to do and he is seriously considering to just leave again.

But that would mean going back to lonely and empty life and despite what had just happened, Hankyung is not fond of returning back into such life again.

All Hankyung has left now is hope. He’ll stick around and hoping that time and a lot of effort from his side will erase Siwon’s hatred. Hankyung doesn’t know how much more of Siwon’s hatred he can take, but it’s too soon to just give up.

Suddenly finds a new pillar for his determination, Hankyung stands up and begins to unpack his not-so-much things. Ji Sook said that dinner will begin at 7 in the family dining room below. If he’s going to face Siwon once again today, at least he should be prepared.

A nice shower will help to calm his mind and rearrange his now scattered bravery and confidence.


Seeing Hankyung sits across him today while dining is something that brings strange feelings to Siwon. It reminds him of old times and it’s not what he wants to think of right now so he focused on quickly finish his food.

But apparently that’s not what Hankyung has in mind.

“I want to visit mom’s grave after dinner.”

Siwon looks up just to see Hankyung’s determined face. He looks like he has thought that Siwon will give him hard time about this and has prepared to do anything to make him change his mind.

It seriously gets on his nerves. No matter how much he hates Hankyung, he isn’t that heartless. And the fact that Hankyung seems to think different, hurts him a little.

“Do what you want.” Siwon finally said. “Just stay out of my father’s grave.” He adds coldly.

Hankyung’s eyes widen at Siwon’s words. He had thought it’ll be more difficult, and though the permission still came out grudgingly, he’ll take what he can get so he resumes on finishing his food.

But then Hankyung remembers something he wants to ask and figuring that he won’t see Siwon again after dinner, not until tomorrow, Hankyung decides to just get on with it.
“I’ve been wondering, who else will be in the will reading tomorrow?”

Siwon stops his eating and glares at Hankyung. “It’s none of your business who’ll be there. You are needed to be there just so the will can be read. So stop asking stupid and useless questions.”

Hankyung can’t help but feels angry at Siwon’s words.

Indeed, he has intended to stick around and makes ways to Siwon’s heart, but that doesn’t mean he’ll let Siwon treat him like a piece of garbage.

He has expected that his life here won’t be easy since he still couldn’t allow himself to reveal the truth to Siwon. But allowing Siwon to step all over him is also not an option.

Siwon is burning on fire of bitterness and anger right now, and if Hankyung shows weakness, he’ll just grab it and use it to make Hankyung’s life more miserable. Somehow, Hankyung feels that he has to make himself stand on the same ground as Siwon in order to gain his trust and love again.

“I have a right to know, Siwon.” Hankyung demands.

Siwon raises an eyebrow. So he decides to play rough, huh?

If anything, it’s only causing Siwon to feel more irritated. Who the hell he thinks he is??

“Even if I told you, what do you care? All of the people that will be there tomorrow hate your guts just like I do. The rest of the family has acknowledged your betrayal and just like me, they hate traitor the most. So you can forget about sucking up to them because they’ll just shrug you off.”

Hankyung sits there, dumbfounded. Once again he is amazed by Siwon’s display of dislike towards him. And now Hankyung knows that the rest of the family hates him too. He suddenly loses his appetite.

The rest of dinner time is filled with silence.


Hankyung wipes his silent tears for so many times already as he’s standing up in front of his mother’s grave.

It has been more than three years since the last time he stood in front of this grave. The last time is the day when she was buried, the top of her grave filled by sea of roses and flowers from the mourners.

That was the day when Hankyung felt that he finally alone in the world, that his last string of hope had been taken away from him and there was no one else could keep him sane but himself. That was also the day when he decided to leave the house.

His graduation was only a few days away. At least for the whole week, Min Woo wouldn’t be able to do anything to him due to flock of mourners that kept on coming and going and also the fact that some of their relatives were staying in the house for a few more days to help Min Woo around.

To think of it now, the situation was very convenience, as if God finally gave him chance to leave his misery behind.

And Hankyung didn’t abandon the chance.

Only two days after his graduation, Hankyung found himself running further away from the building he had called home for so many years. Leaving all of things that had potential to ruin his life more, including Siwon, who didn’t even show up on his graduation day.

He really misses his mother. Not being able to visit her grave in those three years time has pained Hankyung in so many ways. Now that he is finally here, Hankyung can’t stop his tears from falling.

“Mom, what should I do?” Hankyung grips the side of his mother’s tombstone, somehow comforted by the coolness seeping through his fingers from the marbled stone.

“It’s just that… I just want to be happy.” Hankyung can feel another tear slides on his cheek and his grip gets harder. “But he hates me, Mom. Even more than in the past, he hates me so much it hurts.”

A long moment passes and as soft breezes blowing through his skin, Hankyung realizes that there is no one who can help him in this situation but himself.

He has to be strong. Happiness is indeed hard to be reached therefore he can’t give up halfway. So he wipes his tears and smiles towards the carved marble tombstone in front of him before finally walks back towards the house.


Hankyung was sleeping on a chair beside his mother’s bed, his head laid on top of his folded arms on the bed, next to his mother who was sleeping.

Rays of moonlight fell into the room through the window’s glasses. Sounds of crickets in the garden outside were creating a lullaby for the sleeping Hankyung, deepening his slumber and causing him to be oblivious as a tall figure slipped in through the door, slowly and quietly, careful as to not make any noise.

Siwon stood beside the bed. His gaze falls on Eun Hwa’s sleeping face. Siwon furrowing his eyebrows in sadness and concern as he could see Eun Hwa’s thinning figure. Eye bags were obvious under her eyes, and it was clear that her sleep wasn’t that deep because her breaths came out difficultly and her face grimaced once in a while, probably due to the pain she felt. Siwon reached out to fix the blanket surrounding her body before bending down and kissed her forehead softly.

As he stood up, his gaze landed on Hankyung.

Hankyung being here was something unexpected.

Siwon had assumed and had expected that Hankyung would have slept in his own room if he chose to return home at midnight from the university dorms for his weekend holiday and check on Eun Hwa’s condition right after.

But it was almost 3 o’clock in the morning and here was Hankyung.

Judging from the opened book under his folded arms, apparently he had been fallen asleep in the middle of his reading. And Siwon didn’t like the situation.

Not at all.

Because it would just mean that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from feasting on the sight of peacefully sleeping Hankyung. Looking as innocent as ever, yet dangerously tempting and it took all of Siwon’s will power to not bend down and kiss Hankyung. And the kiss definitely wouldn’t be on the forehead.

Suddenly Hankyung mumbled and his eyes fluttered open slowly. Not slow enough for Siwon to escape the room without him knowing and Siwon’s heart stopped beating for a few seconds as a pair of black eyes focusing at him. Those eyes grew wider as the owner finally realized fully of Siwon’s existence in the room. Hankyung quickly lifted his head as Siwon tried to remember how to breathe.


Siwon had gotten back his breathing ability by the time but he found himself transfixed towards Hankyung’s gaze at him.

“You’re home!” Hankyung smiles brightly. His eyes shone and he looked so genuinely happy just by knowing that Siwon was here in the same room with him. Hankyung had always had brother complex syndrome and Siwon couldn’t help but cursed at the fact because that didn’t help the situation they were in.

Siwon nodded to Hankyung. “Go sleep in your room, Hannie.” Siwon knew he couldn’t fully hide hints of care in his voice as he said that.

And he soon regretted it because as he turned around to walk out of the room, Hankyung’s unsure voice was heard, calling him in a rush in his effort to stop him.

“I’m so glad you came back this week. I mean… you weren’t home for two months already.” Hankyung said when Siwon did stop, obviously treading carefully with his words.

Siwon turned back reluctantly to Hankyung, once again nodded.

Hankyung started to fidget with his fingers and Siwon scowled because he couldn’t help but found Hankyung looking so cute and fragile like that. It made Siwon itch to cross the room and hugged him. The thought made him frowned deeper.

“Um, I’m just wondering. It’s been a while since we do things together, hasn’t it?” Hankyung flicked a cautious glance at Siwon.

Siwon tightened his grip because he knew where this conversation would lead to and he didn’t like it.

“Well, tomorrow is Sunday, so I plan to take mother out to the garden and have some picnic. You know, like old times. Just sitting together, enjoying the weather. Play around…” Hankyung’s voice sounded wavering a bit in Siwon’s ear as his own jaws tightened, tried nothing to hide his displease. But Siwon knew Hankyung too well and knew he wouldn’t give up that easy.

“Well,” Hankyung laughed nervously. “If… If you have time, would you like to come and join us, Hyung?” He finished his sentence quickly; probably afraid Siwon would walk away before he did.

Siwon could see Hankyung’s eyes were filled with hope so he gritted his teeth and forced his mouth to move and said, “I am sorry. I have a date tomorrow. Tell mother I’m sorry for me, okay.”

Siwon resumed to walk out of the room, only to be stopped by Hankyung’s sudden grip on his hand. His eyes were wide and desperate as they meet Siwon’s.

“Did I do something wrong?” Hankyung asked and Siwon could feel the hand holding him trembled a bit.

Siwon felt a stab of pain inside as the full meaning of Hankyung’s question reached his brain. He shook his head hard. “No.”

Siwon tried to pull his hand off Hankyung’s because he could start to feel his skin prickling pleasantly at the feel of Hankyung’s skin on his. Familiar heat spread uncontrollably from his one hand Hankyung was holding and Siwon started to feel panic.

“Please, Hyung.” Hankyung said in a cracked voice, tightening his grip. “I miss you.”

That last sentence broke Siwon’s calm composure.

“Let go of me.”

Siwon was surprised on how rough and low his voice came out, but Hankyung’s hold on him finally loosened and he couldn’t think of anything but pulling off his hand.

He fled out of the room as fast as possible, trying hard to erase from his mind the sight of hurt on Hankyung’s face after he freed his hand and the realization that a bead of tears falling on Hankyung’s cheek is the last thing he saw before the door closed behind him.


PS: A comment if you like would be awesome. ^^

You can also find my other Super Junior fanfictions here in archive post in my writing journal.
Tags: pairing: hangeng/siwon, pairing: heechul/siwon, pairing: kangin/eunhyuk

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