Comments: CF thanks for telling me the truth when my words sucked and helping me make them better – I appreciate it sooo(…)ooo much!
Teaser: ShinDong/ShiWon [glimmer] - I remember the first time I stood at this place as I listened to those worn words that hallow your sleep.
Thank you to CF, Helen, Katherine, Katrina, ‘Ananas’ and ‘Nay’ for the prompts.
If you are interested, my other works are here
Previously: 12 Eeteuk drabbles, 11 Heechul drabbles, 10 HanKyung drabbles, 9 YehSung drabbles, 8 KangIn drabbles
Prompt: Electric, Games
Sometimes I get the feeling that people think I’m not perceptive simply because I always look to the light side of life.
I look to the light side of life because I can see the darkness.
I’m well aware of my own flaws and I am not disillusioned enough to place anybody else up upon a pedestal. What I can’t stand though, is when someone dismisses their own worth or measures it against some superficial standing set upon them by today’s society.
So when I saw you silently comparing yourself to others around you I couldn’t just sit by idly. I couldn’t let it slide without voicing my opinion.
It was unwanted. You stood there and listened to all that I said but I know that you didn’t take anything in.
You play your role so well sometimes it is easy to forget that I know that it’s a lie. You are so hard on yourself but you present yourself always with a brilliant smile.
I know so many people see your smile and take it at face value. It’s electric and it draws us all in, Maybe you are so taken with your front; so invested in your game that you don’t quite realize just how many people are attracted to your smile. Or maybe it is that you do know and that is why you continue to hide behind it. Because maybe you realize that people love your smiling face, your laughing eyes, your ‘apparent’ openness and it makes you wonder, it makes you feel like you can’t show them who you really are. Perhaps some will love you less?
I can’t say anything for certain but one thing I do know is that I see you.
I see the SungMin behind the smiles, the laughter, the cheer. I am not revolted by what I see. Insecurities in a man’s character are what make him human.
I see it.
He does too.
One day, I pray that you will notice that, while you are measuring your worth against other’s standards, he is loving you for exactly the person you really are.
Title: Stand Alone
Prompt: Storm, Nightmare
Comments: EunHyuk/? – It isn’t mentioned so sub in whomever you want.
I looked up from the screen as there was something in his tone that tore me away from the film. I turned to look at him. He was shifting his weight from one side to the other; he looked a picture of complete anxiety.
That’s when he sat down beside me. Instead of answering he seemed to be struggling to choose his words correctly.
“Hyung, how do you know if it’s worth everything?”
“What’s worth everything?”
He was quiet again and I was no closer to knowing what he was talking about. All I had gathered so far was that it was causing him great distress.
“Love…” he whispered.
I was so lost by now and words have never failed me before but right at this instant I had no idea what to say so I just waited and hoped he would explain himself more.
“How do you know if it’s worth everything? How do you know if it’s worth the harsh words and the cruel looks and how do you know if its worth all the heartache and the seemingly never ending nightmare?”
“Because when I look at him there is this thing inside me that wells up and I feel like I can’t breathe when he smiles at me or puts his arm around me. This storm rages inside of me almost and it sounds stupid to say it aloud but I seriously feel like I’m being torn apart because I want to be with him. I want to be with him so much and then I see the way people look at us when we walk down the street with our arms linked or our hands clasped and I don’t want that. I don’t want people to judge him just because he’s with me.”
“Its like a nightmare that I can’t escape but I think if I parted way s with him it would be even worse for me. Does that make me selfish?”
“Cause I want to be with him but I don’t want him to suffer to be with me but then I don’t want to be without him….”
He seemed to trail away. Maybe I could say something now without being interrupted. I was beginning to sound rather like a broken record.
“HyukJae,” I said sternly and his eyes snapped up to meet mine. “Do you love him?”
“Yes. I know its wrong but…”
“Wait! Do you honestly think its wrong or are you just saying that because you think that I think its wrong?”
“Listen HyukJae, I know you have struggled with this and I’m not going to judge you because you are a dear friend and I have no right to anways but if you honestly want my opinion I say; if you love him and he loves you in return than there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Love is what it is. You can’t put it in a box. Lean on each other and on all of us. Strength lies within you and just knows that you can stand alone because you are supported, ok?”
He smiled at me. A genuine smile and I know that he understood what I meant. He stood up and walked away without a backwards glance.
He amazes me. Everything I told him he must have already known but I guess sometimes people still like to hear the words.
Prompt: Elephants, Kiss
Comments: I seriously thought I was going to die trying to find something to write to these prompts o.O; Who comes up with these things seriously?
“Did you know that Elephants are the only land animals that can’t jump?”
“Oh…Well did you know that there are certain types of flowers you can eat?”
“Oh…Well did you know that the shortest verse in the bible is John 11:35?”
“Oh…Well did you know that….”
I sighed as he lapsed into silence. Sometimes I seriously wonder about that boy.
“Did you know…”
“DongHae!” I scolded.
“This is the last one I swear it.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Hyung, did you know…”
He trailed off and I looked up to see what he was doing when suddenly warm lips were pressed against my cheek. As quickly as they appeared the sensation was gone again. I twisted in my seat to see him standing behind me with a smile of his lips.
“That I love you heaps!”
And with that he bounded away. No doubt to find someone else to inflict his endless questions on. I touched my fingers against my cheek.
He sure was cute though.
Comments: One line taken from Dorothy Parker’s poem ‘Epitaph’.
It was a beautiful day, hardly fitting for such a sad occasion, although you would have wanted it this way if you had ever been given a choice. Every year I come and every year it is the same. Your place is littered with flowers, all yellow, eleven in total. For some reason I’m always last. I lay my carnation down to rest beside a tulip and a rose so now there are twelve.
I kneel before that cold unfeeling stone and I remember. This day I remember everything, everything that the previous year had numbed; things I want to forget but memory for memory’s sake won’t let me. Things you did, things you said, things that made no sense at the time but now haunt me when their meaning was made clear.
I remember the first time I stood at this place as I listened to those worn words that hallow your sleep. No longer does the memory draw tears from my eyes but the heaviness of my heart burns in my chest.
A sorrowful epitaph; of beating wings and gasping breath; of misplaced honour and trust, one thing I can never forget – the smile on your lips when you drew your last.
Title: In His Arms
I’m not sure when it happened I just know that around the time I realised that I liked him I noticed that you were watching his every move just as carefully and as often as I was. This kind of scared me a little. I know that I am likeable but you were gorgeous. How could I ever even consider competing against you for his affections because to my way of thinking anyone in their right mind would chose you over me.
When I walked in on him in HanKyung’s arms I almost fell over in shock. I had been so busy wondering and angst-ing about you getting to close to him I totally over looked the fact that he could have had someone he was already interested in.
I didn’t know how to break the news to you but you were an observant person, you’d find out sooner rather then later. It was much sooner then I thought because two seconds after I had half regained my senses after seeing him in Hyung’s arms you quite literally ran into my back.
“Hyung, why are you standing in the….oh….”
I winced at the hurt evident in your words and the hitching of your breath as you struggled to reign in your emotions.
I slung an arm over your shoulder and led you away. I looked down at you, your smaller frame trembling slightly. I sighed. I was hurt too but I was the Hyung and that was more important at the moment. I sat you down on your bed and knelt in front of you.
“Why…why…? I mean….”
“Ryeowook, you can’t fault him for falling for someone else. HanKyung is a good person and worthy of his love. They are precious people to us, no?”
He nodded in acceptance.
“Good. So they are worthy of our support. If they are in love then there is nothing that we can do but be happy for them.”
“I am glad YehSung Hyung has someone but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts to think, to know, that he will never love me.”
I smoothed the bangs from your eyes and wiped away your tears and walked away to leave you with your thoughts. You were right though. It does hurt.
It hurts a lot.
Prompt: reassure, quirk
It wasn’t often that you came to me. I always welcomed it though; I’d never turn you away. I knew that there must be a good reason as to why you made your way to my door. It isn’t often that you ask for help or look to your Hyungs for guidance. You are pretty self reliant and provide a steady persona to those who seem to flail around in life beside you.
So that every so often that I find you at my door I listen to what you have to say and I don’t say anything in return. I just listen as you rant or cry or complain or just simply unload.
And when you allow yourself a breather I take your hand in mine and that’s enough. A hand squeezing your own and a smile, your lips quirk in return and then you are gone.
It’s like that is all you needed, to be assured that your place amongst us is set. That you are liked, wanted….loved.
I don’t understand how you made it work. He was with me and then…and then…he was with you and he was happy. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. He was supposed to pine for me, he was supposed to hate me and yearn for me and yet you made him forget.
I watch you hold him in your arms and press a light kiss to his soft skin. I watch as his cheeks colour with a pretty rose hue. Something twisted inside my heart. You weren’t supposed to become special to him. He wasn’t supposed to fall for you. He wasn’t supposed to be care for you. You were supposed to be a rebound thing. A short fling before he realized just how much he was in love with me and that no one could satisfy him but me.
But now in my foolishness I realize that I’m the one pining and he has moved on. It stings.
A/N: I ran into infinite trouble writing some of these. Some I like, some I don’t…There are some that feature other SuJu boys that aren’t mentioned by name….I did write them with specifics in mind but it isn’t real important who you sub in as long as it works for you, ja?