title: The Masochism Tango
genre: romance, humor, slight angst
warnings: lots of swearing and mentions of sex
notes: posted this on AFF a while ago
"Hey asshole, I miss your asshole." And that pretty much sums up Eunhyuk and Donghae's whole relationship.
When Donghae goes out on a blind date a few days later, he half-expects to see Hyukjae posing as the coat checker at the restaurant in a devious plan to ruin his date, but he soon realizes that he’s letting his imagination run too freely when they arrive at the restaurant and there’s no sign of Hyukjae anywhere. Donghae can’t help but feel a little disappointed.
He and Hyukjae hadn’t talked ever since Donghae returned his coat to him; Donghae would always foolishly hope that Hyukjae would call or at least text and say something that would annoy him to the ends of hell, but no such thing has happened. This must have had a greater effect on Donghae than he realized, as his co-workers have begun to worry about him showing signs of depression, which is exactly why they set him up on a date, to ‘fill the empty void in his life with love’.
But Donghae doesn’t want love. He wants Hyukjae.
“The food is excellent here, but the service is horrible.” His date—his name is Siwon something, Donghae doesn’t really bother to remember his name—says as he calls a waiter to their table.
“You called, sir?”
Donghae looks up with wide eyes, recognizing that annoyingly familiar voice. He doesn’t know why he’s even surprised to see Hyukjae dressed like one of the waiters—it’s such a typical Hyukjae thing to do. Donghae manages to pick his jaw up before Siwon can notice his expression, but he appears to be too busy placing his order for him (which Donghae absolutely hates; if there’s anything that’s going down his throat, he would want to be the one to choose it, not anybody else) to pay any attention to him.
As they wait for their food to arrive, Donghae sits on edge waiting for Hyukjae to make his move. He doesn’t want to be caught off-guard when he does, so he mentally prepares himself for when the time comes while pretending to listen to Siwon talk about himself (if there’s anyone who can match Napoleon’s narcissism, it’d be this guy).
Yet when the moment finally arrives, Donghae didn’t anticipate it at all.
It all happened in a flash really. Hyukjae returned to their table, carrying only one plate of food in his hand. He presented himself to the couple, a mischievous grin on his face before hacking loudly and spitting right in Siwon’s food. Things escalated rather quickly; after a brief but heated argument (Donghae was too busy checking out Hyukjae’s biceps in the waiter uniform to listen to either of them), punches were thrown and Donghae almost didn't notice that Hyukjae’s nose was bleeding because he was too busy enjoying the fact that two hot guys (granted, Siwon was a big dick, but at least he was hot) were fighting over him.
Security soon gets involved and breaks the two up, much to Donghae’s dismay as things were just getting good. Somehow, Hyukjae manages to convince everyone that it’s all Siwon’s fault and gets him thrown out. On the plus side, Donghae gets his meal on the house as an apology from the manager for all the inconvenience. As he looks up from his food to sting Hyukjae with a mean-spirited comment (it’s sort of become his way of showing affection), he realizes that the man has fled.
Now sitting alone in a table for two, Donghae feels incredibly stupid, not to mention embarrassed. He makes up his mind to get a doggy bag and leave as soon as possible to escape the judging looks from other people, but as luck may have it, that’s when Hyukjae decides to show up.
“Why the long face, darling?” Hyukjae takes the empty seat across him, looking at him as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.
He has gotten out of his waiter uniform and into a sharp, crisp suit which heavily accentuates his toned body. Donghae feels like he got a tiny orgasm just from looking at him.
“Put your tongue back in your mouth, dear,” he says, “you don’t want people to stare, do you?”
Donghae mumbles out a form of alien language mainly composed of incoherent sounds and grunts before finally regaining his senses. “Is your nose okay?”
“Oh, that?” Hyukjae scoffs loudly. “The bastard barely even touched it. Don’t wor—wait a minute. Holy crap, you’re worried about me.”
Donghae arches one eyebrow at him, “Do you want me to stop?”
“No, no, do continue,” he insists. “I like this side of you.”
“Well, don’t get too attached,” he warns. “This side of me only comes out once in a blue moon.”
“I’m glad I’m here to witness such a rare event then.” He shoots him another one of his gummy smiles, which Donghae has forgotten how much he loves.
The next few minutes into dinner go by dreadfully, making Hyukjae realize that neither of them really belongs in a place this fancy.
“You hate it here, don’t you?” he asks, gently nudging the younger boy’s foot under the table to catch his attention.
“I don’t know what you—”
“Bull,” Hyukjae sees through him right away, “Come on, let’s go.”
Donghae looks at the outstretched hand towards him with raised eyebrows. “You’re not going to take me to the bathroom for a quickie, are you?”
“No,” Hyukjae almost laughs at the prospect. “I’m taking you away from this craphole.”
“You look like Rudolph.” Donghae laughs as he paints the tip of Hyukjae’s nose with ketchup.
Hyukjae tilts his head slightly, “Rudolph?”
“The Red-Nosed-Reindeer.” He reveals, making the other chuckle.
Eating outside by a hotdog cart isn’t really Donghae’s idea of an ideal date, but right now, it doesn’t really seem all that bad. Donghae can’t remember the last time he’s enjoyed himself this much.
“You have something on your lips,” Hyukjae says after smearing some mayonnaise on Donghae’s mouth. “Allow me.”
He kisses him, licking off every trace of the condiment on his lips. Once Donghae’s lips are clean, Hyukjae rests his forehead on Donghae’s, a soft smile across his face.
“This is the best date ever.” Donghae decides as he kisses Hyukjae’s nose, removing the little bit of ketchup he left on it earlier. “You know what would make the night even better?”
“Booze?” he asks, his hands squeezing Donghae’s thighs through the thin fabric of his slacks.
“…I was gonna say sex, but your idea sounds pretty good too.” Donghae finds himself giggling as Hyukjae presses a hasty kiss against his lips before taking his hand to go and make the night perfect.
“I don’t get you, Lee Hyukjae,” Donghae slurs his speech as he waves a bottle of soju around. “You have a gigantic house, your wallet is overflowing with money and you can literally buy anything you want—yet you choose to steal a bottle of soju from a convenience store?”
“Stealing has a lot more thrill in it than just going up to the cashier and paying for it.” He shrugs, taking the half-empty bottle away from the younger boy when it becomes obvious that he’s had too much to drink (Hyukjae has never met anyone who gets wasted as quickly as Donghae). He gulps down the remainder of the bottle before throwing it into a nearby bush. He then turns to look at Donghae, who has become starry-eyed observing the beautiful view before them.
Hyukjae has taken Donghae to one of his special spots in the city; usually, they’re only reserved for himself and no one else, but lately, it seems Donghae has become quite an exception for Hyukjae. This spot happens to be his favorite—it’s right under an old tree, big enough to provide shade for the both of them as they take in the perfect view of the landscapes and city lights below the hill they’re on.
“Hyukkie…” Donghae buries his face in Hyukjae’s shoulder—though Hyukjae is more surprised at the fact that Donghae had just called him ‘Hyukkie’. He’s always hated that nickname; no one is ever allowed to call him that because he hates the way it sounds. But as usual, Donghae is an exception. “I think I’m a little…a little…”
“Mmhmm,” Hyukjae smiles against Donghae’s hair as his voice trails off, “God, Donghae, you smell so good. I don’t mean to sound creepy, but…you really do smell fucking good.” When Donghae only replies with a hum, Hyukjae continues, “I don’t know if you realized it, you probably didn’t, but I’m wearing the coat that you gave back to me. It’s become my favorite thing to wear nowadays because it doesn’t smell like me anymore—it smells like you. And I kind of like carrying your scent around.”
Donghae doesn’t respond and Hyukjae doesn’t mind at all because he’s not really prepared for another one of his snarky, off-putting remarks. “Donghae…have you ever been in love?” he swallows a lump down his throat. “Because I never have…so I don’t know what it feels like and I can’t really tell if this is it…Donghae?”
Hyukjae picks Donghae’s head up from his shoulder, only to realize that the boy has passed out. He doesn’t know whether to feel crushed or relieved that he hadn’t heard him spill his heart out to him just a moment ago.
Normally, in situations like these, Hyukjae would get up and leave the other party behind, but Hyukjae again realizes that Donghae is an exception…and it’s beginning to look like he always will be.
Donghae wakes up the next morning with a massive headache and the bitter taste of alcohol on his tongue. As his vision begins to clear up, he’s relieved to see that he’s in his own bedroom, considering he can’t remember much of what happened last night. Everything seems perfectly status quo, that is, until an obnoxious drawl comes from his bedside and he comes to realize that he’s not quite alone in the room.
“Good morning,” Hyukjae says with his stupid, adorable gummy smile. “Did you sleep well?”
Donghae squints at him with suspicion, “What are you doing here? You didn’t touch me in my sleep or something, did you?”
“I was tempted to, but I didn’t.” He admits, feeling proud of himself. “It’s been quite enjoyable watching you sleep actually. I could tell you were dreaming because your eyes fluttered and you kept mumbling something I couldn’t quite make out—so what were you dreaming about?”
“I can’t remember,” Donghae sits up, bringing his hands to his head to try to alleviate the throbbing pain. “Wait a minute, you watched me sleep? Creepy much?”
It actually feels kind of nice to have the old, pitiless Donghae back. “I prefer the term ‘romantic’.”
“I don’t,” he rubs his eyes before finally gaining enough strength in his legs to wobble across the room to his bathroom and get an aspirin. “My memory’s not really at its best right now, so I’ll go out on a limb and thank you for stopping me before I could do anything stupid last night. Unless…you’re the something stupid I did.”
“Unfortunately, no. You passed out, I drove you home and I didn’t want you to wake up alone and hungover in the morning, so I thought I’d stay.” He reveals, watching Donghae as he nearly knocks over all the contents of his medicine cabinet and winces at the sound of the bottles hitting the floor. “You need any help with that?”
“No thanks, I can handle this much by myself.” He refutes, despite the obvious struggle he has with turning the cover of the aspirin bottle open. “Feel free to show yourself out by the way. Thanks for taking a cue out of Twilight and ogling me as I slept.”
“How can you make even a simple ‘thank you’ sound so bitchy?” he asks, sighing as Donghae once again insists on pushing him away. “I can make breakfast; how do you like your eggs?”
“Hard-boiled and shoved up your ass because you won’t freaking leave me alone.” He growls before shutting the door right in Hyukjae’s face.
But Donghae should know better that Hyukjae doesn’t give up that easily.
“You are the music in me na na na na oh~”
“You never told me you sing.” Hyukjae’s voice from the other side of the shower curtain positively scares the crap out of Donghae, causing him to drop the soap and almost slip on the wet floor. “Tsk tsk. Donghae, sweetheart, do be careful or you’re gonna crack your head open.”
Donghae’s head pokes out of one side of the shower curtain (which is decorated with smiling goldfish swimming in water and Hyukjae finds this the most adorable thing ever—besides Donghae), and despite the nasty glare upon his face, Hyukjae can’t help but laugh at the pink polka-dotted shower cap on his head. “How the hell did you get in here? Didn’t I tell you to leave?”
Hyukjae answers his first question by showing the younger man the bobby pin he used to pick the lock; as he proceeds to the second question, he makes himself comfortable on the marble countertop. “You tell me to do a lot of things. I only ever listen to a handful of them.”
“Is there any chance you’ll listen if I tell you one last time to get the fuck out of my house?” Donghae doesn’t even know why he bothers to ask.
“Not in the slightest,” he shakes his head, grinning like a proud, little schoolboy. “So, now that we have that cleared up, let me ask you something.”
“Something tells me I’m not gonna like this.” Donghae pulls the curtain back in place as he continues to lather and rinse.
“Keep in mind that I want a completely honest answer for this,” Hyukjae’s voice has a peculiar sense of hesitance in it, “Tell me…what does it have to take to be your boyfriend?”
Donghae slips again, only being saved from real harm when he manages to grab hold of the shower curtain in time. “W-what?”
“What do I have to do to be your boyfriend?” he asks again. “Just tell me so we can finally get over whatever belligerent sexual tension and shit we have between us.”
“Why do you even want to know?” Donghae stalls, mainly because he doesn’t quite know how to answer the question himself.
“I—I don’t know.” He stutters. “I just want us to be together…you know?”
“…Why?” Donghae is actually genuinely curious this time.
“You ask a lot of questions.” Hyukjae glares at the silhouette Donghae forms on the shower curtain. “Can’t you answer mine first?”
“Well, if you can’t even tell me why, then I don’t see why I should tell you.” His cocky remark is enough to make Hyukjae pull back the damn goldfish curtain and join him in the shower while still fully-clothed.
“Alright, fine, I’ll fucking tell you why.” Donghae doesn’t know whether to feel conscious about being in his birthday suit while Hyukjae is still in his clothes, or frightened at the ‘that’s-the-last-fucking-straw-I-have-ha
“Because I’m so perfectly imperfect,” he plays with the collar of Hyukjae’s shirt as he speaks, “and you’re so imperfectly perfect?”
Hyukjae grins, leaning closer so their noses are touching, “Exactly.”
“Well then, tell me this,” he puts his arms around his neck and pulls him even closer. Donghae’s lips brush lightly against Hyukjae’s slightly parted ones, “If you like me that much, then why did you stop texting me after we had sex on my living room floor that night?”
“Well, it was pretty obvious that I was annoying you with my texts,” he murmurs, his voice becoming low and gruff, “I didn’t want you to hate me any more than you already did.”
Donghae pulls away just slightly so their eyes can meet, “I don’t hate you.”
“I don’t hate you too.” Hyukjae has finally had enough teasing as he smashes their lips together, all the while allowing Donghae to rid him of his wet, pesky clothes.
Sex in the shower can be pretty dangerous, as the two realize too little, too late when they land flat on their bare asses trying to change positions.
Though Donghae says otherwise, Hyukjae is still convinced that Donghae hates him, especially since after getting out of the shower, they have the following conversation:
“You know, if you want to be my boyfriend, all you have to do is ask.”
He nods, and Hyukjae’s eyes light up immediately, “Will you be my boyfriend?”
Donghae cackles, “No.”
His face falls, “So apparently you like seeing me embarrass myself.”
“I do,” he confirms, earning a glare from the older boy. “But that’s not why I said no. I said no because there are just some things in this world that you need to find out and achieve by yourself. And unfortunately for you, good things don’t come that easily.”
On Hyukjae’s face appears an intrigued smirk, “Challenge accepted.”
For the next couple of days, Hyukjae bombards Donghae with lavish gifts, incessant phone calls and at one point, a huge skywriting spelling out ‘LEE DONGHAE BE MINE’. Donghae actually literally facepalms at the last one, but once he gets home and away from his colleagues’ pestering and teasing, he actually comes to realize that it was a really sweet gesture.
If only Hyukjae stopped there.
Donghae is just about to call Hyukjae when he hears a knock at the door. He opens it, only to find a barbershop quartet, yes, an actual barbershop quartet ready to serenade him as a gift from Hyukjae (how he managed to find a barbershop quartet, Donghae will never know).
Donghae doesn’t even let them finish the song when he shoos them back out and dials Hyukjae’s number on his phone.
“Did you see the—”
“Did you get the—”
“So will you be mine now?”
And with that, Donghae hangs up the phone and goes to bed, mumbling something along the lines of, “Crazy fucking idiot.”
Donghae comes home from work one night sick with the flu, only to find his apartment filled with scented candles (which are all useless considering Donghae has lost his sense of smell thanks to his cold) and decorated with rose petals (Donghae almost panics just thinking about how he’s going to clean all of it up). He’s just about to call Hyukjae to curse him for messing with his apartment, but he soon realizes that Hyukjae is already there.
Suddenly, sexy make-out music starts playing from nowhere, and Hyukjae emerges from the dark, a silly yet charming fedora hat sitting on the top of his head as he moonwalks towards the now slack jawed man.
“You dance,” Donghae says, actually feeling a tad annoyed that Hyukjae has never mentioned this little detail about him before.
Donghae is quite amazed at the way Hyukjae rolls his hips as he dances to the rhythm of the beat, and when the older man pushes him down to the couch and basically gives him a lapdance and a striptease, Donghae realizes that neither of them is going to get much sleep tonight.
After they nearly break the bed with their rambunctious sex, Donghae cuddles up to Hyukjae under the sheets and Donghae can’t remember the last time he’s ever felt this safe and secure.
But evidently so, it still isn’t enough.
“Now will you be mine?”
The only thing Hyukjae gets out of the whole thing is the cold he catches from Donghae.
Donghae is actually impressed when Hyukjae recruits his friends into helping him with his next plan of a puzzle around the city. At every stop he makes, he meets one of Hyukjae’s friends (who all actually seem to be pretty nice) and they each give him clues on how to get one step closer to his destination. Donghae’s usually not one for cheesy and not to mention, exhausting games like this—Hyukjae’s just lucky that Donghae has nothing better to do.
It’s after dark when Donghae arrives at the Han River, where Hyukjae is waiting for him in a crisp suit—it’s as if he knows about Donghae’s slight fetish for hot men in sharp suits. Knowing Hyukjae and his uncanny ability to somehow find out the littlest things about people, he probably does know.
“Lee Donghae, you’re the only person in the world who I would go to this much trouble for.” He greets the shorter boy with a quick kiss on the forehead. “Now, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“Um…stars?” he asks, giving the other a weird look. “What am I supposed to be seeing exactly?”
“Wait for it,” Hyukjae shushes him by placing a finger to his lips. The two continue to look up at the sky until fireworks of all colors and sizes light up the dark sky. Donghae turns to Hyukjae, his mouth hanging open.
“Fireworks?” he says incredulously, bewildered that Hyukjae would actually set up something like this. “Seriously?”
“That’s right,” Hyukjae nuzzles his nose in Donghae’s ear as he throatily murmurs, “That, my darling, is what I feel every time we kiss.”
“God, you’re such a fucking sap.” But nevertheless, Donghae turns his head and his lips meet Hyukjae’s in one quick motion. And he swears that the fireworks actually started crackling louder as they kissed. They only pull away to catch their breaths, and Donghae takes the chance to say, “Ask me again.”
“Not if you’re just gonna say no.”
“Just do it, dipshit.”
Hyukjae sighs and puts out what may be the last ray of hope he has left, “Donghae, will you be mine?”
Donghae smiles and pecks his cheek, “Afraid not.”
It’s times like this that Hyukjae wonders why he hasn’t killed Donghae yet.
“You’re psychotic.” Hyukjae decides as he walks after Donghae through the busy crowd. “Not only that, but you’re also an evil, little prick.”
“Gee, I sure love it when you talk dirty to me.” He replies dryly, and he swears that Hyukjae almost looks like he’s about to hit him.
“God, Donghae, sometimes I wonder why I even love you.” Hyukjae does hit him, but in a completely different way, that is.
Even if he were to take a kick to the groin right now, the words that came out of Hyukjae’s mouth would still have a bigger impact on him. “What did you just say?”
“You heard me,” he shrugs mindlessly. “I’m in love with you, so sue me.”
The green light turns red and the two continue arguing as they cross the street, which is exactly the reason why they fail to notice the idiot that crosses the red light and nearly hits Donghae—if Hyukjae hadn’t pushed him away and put himself in his place.
The last thing he remembers before blacking out on the cold, hard street is Donghae hovering above him, tears threatening to spill from his eyes as he frantically yells at the crowd that forms to call an ambulance.
“Donghae-ssi?” Hyukjae’s friend, whom Donghae remembers to be named Sungmin, calls him with a soft, broken voice, prompting him to stop pacing in the hall as he's been doing so for almost two hours straight now. “Hyukjae just got out of surgery and…it doesn’t look like he’s going to make it. I’m sorry.”
If you listen closely, you can almost hear Donghae’s heart breaking into pieces.
Donghae ignores the nurse’s heeds that visiting hours are over and bursts into Hyukjae’s hospital room, where the man who just saved his life lies in his bed looking paler than usual, barely possessing enough strength to smile as Donghae comes in.
“Hey…um, you probably can’t talk much right now,” Donghae comes closer and gently caresses Hyukjae’s cheek, which has bruised from when he hit the pavement earlier. “So I’m going to do all the talking, okay?”
He takes a deep breath before continuing, “First of all, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I got you into this shit, I’m sorry that I always act like such a douchebag around you, I’m sorry that I don’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated, I’m sorry for all the terrible things I’ve said to you, I’m sorry I…” he closes his eyes, feeling the tears coming, “I’m so sorry.”
When Hyukjae tries to speak, Donghae places his finger over his dry lips, “Don’t say anything,” he insists, “at least not until I’m finished.”
Hyukjae responds with a weak nod. It physically hurts Donghae to see the usually strong and confident Hyukjae in such a vegetable-like state…and all because of him too.
“God, Hyukjae, I love you,” he finally admits, sobbing as he buries his face in Hyukjae’s neck. “Can I…can I please be yours?”
“Oh sweet baby Jesus, yes.”
Donghae wants more than anything to wrap his arms around his neck and sob tears of joy into his chest (which would be totally so off-character for him, but it’s no time to be himself right now anyway), but he holds himself back in fear of accidentally hurting him.
Hyukjae notices the way his brows scrunch together, so he reaches for his hand and squeezes it tightly. “Sweetheart, are you sure you want to be with a dying man?”
“Hyukjae, I don’t care about that. I just want to be with you.” He assures him, squeezing his hand back. “I always have.”
Slowly, his smile turns into a smirk—the very same arrogant smirk he always pulls on Donghae whenever he gets one over him. “It’s a good thing I’m going to be fine then.”
“Although hearing this may be a great disappointment to you, I’m afraid I’m not dying, darling.” He said, almost laughing at the look of utter confusion on Donghae’s face. “Sungmin and I planned this whole thing just a few minutes ago. It’s a bit unorthodox, I have to admit, and I hate to have resorted to something that low, but hey, at least it worked.”
“You…you…you mudblood!” Donghae roars as he grabs a pillow from under Hyukjae’s head and starts smacking him with it. “Who the hell does something like that?!”
“Ow, ow, hey!” he complains, “I may not be dying, but do remember that I’m still injured here—from saving your life, by the way.
“Don’t remind me,” he rolls his eyes. “God, you’re a major dick.”
“That must be why you love me then.” He smirks.
“I take it back,” he decides. “I hate you. I literally fucking hate you.”
Hyukjae laughs, “You’re still mine though.”
Donghae didn’t want love. He just wanted Hyukjae.
And in a sick twist of faith, he somehow ended up getting both.
Not that he’s complaining.
“Donghae darling, my dick’s lonely~”
Okay, so maybe he’s complaining just a tiny bit.