D (bl4ckm4lice) wrote in miracle______,
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bl4ckm4lice
miracle______

fic: Severed

Title: Severed
Author: bl4ckm4lice
Fandom: Super Junior
Genre/Pairing: Romance / WonKyu
Word Count: 2,970
Rating: PG 13
Disclaimer: na-ah, not mine
Notes: Sequel of Ensnared, Tangled, Hooked & Dazed



“How cliché. How fucking cliché.”

Disappointment was an understatement of how he felt towards his best friend right now. He wished he could just left him there, carelessly making out with that stranger in the dark corner of the bar. Instead he yanked him anyway, paid no attention to the stranger’s protest and dragged Kyuhyun all the way back up. It wasn’t an easy task, seeing as his best friend was drunk and could barely stand on his own two feet.

“Changmin…” Kyuhyun whined when the other man was struggling with the key to their room. “You’re not fun…”

“I don’t wanna hear about your idea of having fun right now,” Changmin ignored Kyuhyun’s attempt to distract him with kisses on his neck and opened the door. He shoved Kyuhyun inside and let him stumble down onto the floor by the foot of the bed.

“What happened to keeping it within the company, huh!?” the taller man shouted, still agitated by his friend’s recklessness. “You’re gonna stoop this low now? Start acting like a fucking whore?”

“He didn’t know me…” Kyuhyun slurred.

“Well he didn’t, but what if someone else—anyone else in the room did!? You want a scandal or something!?”

“But he didn’t,” the drunk boy’s voice grew softer as he closed his eyes. “He didn’t know me so I didn’t have to pretend to be fine…”

That shut Changmin up, his anger swiftly evaporated. He couldn’t say that Kyuhyun didn’t have to pretend to be fine because that just wasn’t the way it worked between them, but maybe that had to change.

Of course he knew something was up. Kyuhyun showed up with a backpack at his dorm this morning, saying that he had just booked a room in the ski resort for his birthday and asking Changmin whether he wanted to come along. To be honest, Changmin nearly sent him off, because dammit the sun was not even out and who the fuck ask people to go on a trip this sudden and didn’t Kyuhyun have a plan with that crush of his— but then he noticed that even though Kyuhyun was grinning, his hands were shaking, and not from the cold.

So he went along, followed him to the train station and all the way to the ski resort. Went up and down the ski trails, took pictures and had great food because that was what people do when they went on a normal trip. When they went to bed, Changmin had thought that maybe tomorrow Kyuhyun would be ready to tell him, but then he woke up in the middle of the night only the find Kyuhyun missing.

Turned out Kyuhyun had been holding it all in for too long.

“Hey,” Changmin sighed and stepped closer to Kyuhyun to try to pull him up. “At least go sleep on the bed, will you?”

Kyuhyun shrugged off the other man’s hands and went back to curl on the floor. “Don’t wanna sleep.”

“Could’ve fooled me with your eyes shut like that.”

“Don’t wanna sleep,” Kyuhyun opened his unfocused eyes and stared at nothing in particular. “Can’t sleep.”

“What do you wanna do then?”

Kyuhyun was silent for a long time, enough to let Changmin know that he didn’t have the answer. The tall man took a seat and crossed his legs in front of Kyuhyun. “Can’t help you if you don’t tell me,” he poked Kyuhyun’s cheek, earning him a small, barely noticeable smile.

“Will you go gay for me then?”

“Not a chance.”

“Ugh,” Kyuhyun groaned, “shouldn’t have brought a straight man here. A waste of a bed.”

“Too late for that,” Changmin shrugged, didn’t mention that maybe it was exactly why Kyuhyun asked him to go. Kyuhyun could’ve acted like he was all about no strings attached, but Changmin knew that the truth was only one person could tie him down. Speaking of that… “I guess the only thing left to do for us is talk.”

Changmin watched Kyuhyun’s body tensing up, but at the same time he looked resigned, knowing that he would have to tell him sooner or later.

“Hey, Changmin?” Kyuhyun looked up at the other man. “Have you ever been in love?”

“No. Unlike you, when I stick to the one night stands.”

“Should’ve stick to it, huh?” Kyuhyun chuckled. “That way I wouldn’t have planned things beyond my control.”

“So your plan went awry?”

“Uh-huh.”

Changmin lowered his body until he was laying down across the other man. They were at the same level now, staring straight into each other’s eyes. “Is it a plan with Siwon-hyung?” Changmin asked as softly as he could. “You know, I remember you said that you two had a plan together on your birthday— yesterday. Did he bail out on you?”

“No, not really,” Kyuhyun shook his head, and at the moment he was stripped off all his mischievousness and crudity, leaving only his big and compassionate but feeble heart. He looked so small and helpless that Changmin couldn’t help but reach out to held his hand, urging him to continue. …I think I kinda bailed out on him instead.”

“Did you?” Changmin raised an eyebrow. “Wait, you don’t say… Were this trip meant for you two?”

“That’s not true,” Kyuhyun shook his head again. “I didn’t lie when I said that I just booked this room. I did it before I went to your dorm. If you didn’t come with me, I would’ve gone by myself.”

And no one would’ve stopped him from sleeping with that stranger, Changming thought grimly. “So what was your plan?”

“Our plan was to spend the night before my birthday at his place, you see… I came after my schedule, around 8. We ordered dinner and watched crappy movies, then he brought out a cake from the refrigerator just before midnight.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Would’ve been perfect—,” Kyuhyun’s voice suddenly trembled and his hand shot up to cover his eyes. “If only I didn’t spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love him.”

***

“Happy birthday,” Siwon said as he set down the cake and flopped himself next to Kyuhyun on the floor.

“Really, hyung?” Kyuhyun stared at him in disbelief. “You had to buy a cake this big? I know for one you would only eat a small piece and leave them all to me.”

“And you would love to finish it. It’s your favorite!”

“That’s not the point.”

“It’s fine, every birthday is a cheating day.”

“Or you just love to see me fat.”

“Oops,” Siwon grinned and pinched his cheeks mercilessly until Kyuhyun kicked him away and he let go while laughing. “Alright, alright, now sing.”

“Me? Aren’t you supposed to sing for me?”

“You’re the singer. I’m just a humble actor who happens to be a fan of your voice,” Siwon said as he wrapped an arm around Kyuhyun’s shoulder and pulled him close, as usual making it hard for Kyuhyun to breathe because it was Siwon’s warmth, Siwon’s scent—.

He sang for himself and from the corner of his eyes he noticed Siwon staring at him. If he had went off pitch a bit, Siwon didn’t say anything about it. Instead, the older man told him to make a wish, and with his heart racing faster and faster, Kyuhyun wished for the courage to get him through.

The young man who had just turned 26 blew the candles and turned to Siwon, who was clapping his hands and didn’t realize that Kyuhyun had moved closer until their lips were only an inch apart.

“Kyu…?” Siwon’s breath ghosting on his lips nearly sent him scurrying back, but he remembered Zhou Mi’s go take a leap of faith and he closed his eyes along with the distance between them.

For the first time, he kissed the man he had been in love with for years.

He was overwhelmed by his own feelings towards Siwon and suddenly he couldn’t wait to tell him, but at the same time he couldn’t find it in himself to break the kiss.

It was Siwon who did.

“Kyuhyun,” Siwon muttered and Kyuhyun didn’t wait to kiss him again, harder this time. Deeper. He hooked his arms behind Siwon’s neck and pressed their bodies flush together, because it felt so right and Siwon must’ve felt it too and the word that was about to come out of Siwon’s mouth just now couldn’t have been ‘stop’—.

Siwon gripped his shoulders and wrenched them apart. Both of them were out of breath, but Siwon was quicker to regain his composure and said, “We’re not like that.”

Then there it came. The reason why he had been so afraid to did it, the reason why he shouldn’t have did it. The pain spreading through his chest was similar to the one he felt back then, when he heard that Siwon was dating someone that wasn’t him. Yet it couldn’t compare to the one he felt right now, added with the rush of confusion, disbelief, anger… and shame for feeling all those things.

He could’ve played it off. As a joke. Or a casual attempt. But his feelings were far from casual and certainly not a joke. “Siwon-hyung…” he whimpered miserably instead and immediately hated himself for it because the last thing he wanted was for Siwon to pity him.

At least Siwon didn’t look like he was feeling sorry. If anything, the older man looked more angry than not. “Don’t do that again,” he said. “Promise me.”

“But…” Kyuhyun gripped the front of the man’s shirt. “But you did… that to me. When… I… you touched me.”

“I was just helping you, alright?” Siwon snapped. “Isn’t that what we do? Helping each other?”

Kyuhyun’s grip tightened until his knuckles turned white. Would this be the end? Just like that? He needed to say something, anything, but it was hard to find the words to say when everything suddenly felt wrong. He had thought he figured it all together, but nothing was the way he thought it was. When nothing in his mind made sense, he found himself left with the only thing he knew was true.

“I’m in love with you, hyung.”

Siwon stared at him for a long time and Kyuhyun averted his gaze downwards, didn’t want to see his eyes, didn’t want to guess.

“I told you we’re not like that.”

His fingers went slack and released Siwon’s crumpled shirt. “…then what are we?”

“You’re like a younger brother to me.”

Moments later, Kyuhyun mumbled an okay, took his coat, and walked out of Siwon’s apartment.

***

“…bullshit!”

He was startled awake. Whose voice was that? That wasn’t Changmin. Where was he?

“Keep it down. You’re gonna wake him up.” There. Changmin. Changmin sounded far… as if he was in a different room. But weren’t they at the hotel…?

The throbbing headache would’ve made him groan if his throat wasn’t so dry and if his body didn’t feel so weak. He didn’t even have enough energy to lift his eyelids. Not that he wanted to. He just wanted another dreamless sleep where he remembered nothing at all.

“But Shi Yuan couldn’t have said that!”

 Zhou Mi. He was on Zhou Mi’s bed, in his room.

No. No. He didn’t want to see Zhou Mi.

go take a leap of faith

Not after he convinced him to ruin it all.

“So what, you think Kyuhyun was lying? He was too fucking drunk to make up stories.”

“But why would Shi Yuan… that doesn’t make sense! Even blind people can tell! There’s no way— there’s no way that he would think of Kui Xian like that!”

“…Who knows.”

“What? You can’t be telling me that you believe that crap.”

“You know what crap is? Crap is how my best friend is feeling like right now.”

“But we don’t know if Shi Yuan…”

“He rejected him clear enough in my opinion. I don’t care about what you know or what you don’t know. And I would appreciate it if you can stop saying things like that. Maybe you were seeing things that weren’t there. We all did. Kyuhyun did, and look where it got him. I don’t ever want to see him like that again.”

The silence was back and it lulled him. He felt calm once more, the drowsiness that never went away claimed him quickly. The bed was so soft that he could almost drown in it. He was half-asleep already when Changmin spoke up again.

“For you they’re just words. For Kyuhyun, they can be the only things he can hold onto.”

The empty hopes that bind him to Siwon. Kyuhyun could almost hear the unsaid words.

“I didn’t mean to—.”

“I’m sorry for yelling. And thanks for letting us crash here. Couldn’t bring him home like this and his dorm is not an option since Siwon-hyung might be there. I’m not sure I want Kyuhyun to deal with him in this state.”

“…I’m glad you called me.”

“Well, you messaged me to ask about him. You knew something was wrong, didn’t you?”

And for that, Zhou Mi was right, Kyuhyun thought bitterly before he slipped off to sleep.

***

It was still dark outside when he silently sneaked out of the room. He allowed himself to stare at the two men who crashed in the living room, still sleeping soundly although they barely looked comfortable on the couches. He made a vow to make it up to Changmin. And Zhou Mi…

He had been unfair to him. How could he place the blame on the Chinese man? Zhou Mi merely told him what he himself had secretly believed. But still, he didn’t want— couldn’t face him now. He decided to leave a note anyway so they wouldn’t panic.

When the taxi dropped him off at the dorm, he couldn’t help but remember Changmin’s concern that led him to bring them both to Zhou Mi’s place instead. If only Changmin knew there was no reason to worry, because there was not even a single message or call from Siwon. For all he knew, that person could be avoiding him for an indefinite time.

He unlocked the door to the dorm and headed straight to his room. It wasn’t until he closed the door and turned the light on that he realized he wasn’t alone.

“Hey.”

He froze, eyes transfixed on the familiar figure rising from his bed. Did someone tell him? No, no one knew but Changmin and Zhou Mi and they wouldn’t do that to Kyuhyun. But it couldn’t be… had Siwon been waiting since…

“Finally you’re back.” There was a smile on Siwon’s face, a smile that said nothing was wrong and nothing out of the ordinary happened between them. “I thought I might have to stay here another day. I had to see you.”

Why, he wanted to ask, but he wasn’t ready to hear another answer from him of any kind. The last one had sent him crashing and crumbling, it would take very little to make him break down again and he certainly didn’t want to break down in front of Siwon.

“I saw your tweets. Did you have fun skiing?”

He nodded slowly, still wondering why was Siwon here and why he didn’t act like he had just rejected Kyuhyun yesterday—.

“I never got the chance to give you your birthday gift,” Siwon handed him an envelope.

His fingers were slightly trembling as he studied the scribbles all over it, well wishes in his neat handwriting and all those silly doodles with smiley faces and hearts because that was what he usually drew.

“Go ahead, open it.”

He lowered his face, making sure that his bangs covered most of it as he took out what was inside.

There was a photo of him and Siwon, printed on a thick, fancy paper. It was taken last year, during their impromptu trip to the beach because Siwon had been itching for a long drive and Kyuhyun made a mistake of admitting that his schedule got canceled. Siwon had insisted to ask someone to take a photo of them, but Kyuhyun ended up to be the one asking because Siwon seriously stood out too much, even though they were ridiculously wrapped up in disguises as evident in the photo.

“I swear you bring out the fun in me.”  Kyuhyun still remembered what Siwon said to him that day, and it felt as if his own memory was mocking him when he turned the photo around and saw those very words written on the top.

There were some more words scribbled underneath, but for a moment he couldn’t read it because his eyes were blurred by tears. He managed not to cry from sheer willpower and finally focused on the next words.

“Free coupon for one fun adventure to anywhere Cho Kyuhyun wants in the world,” Kyuhyun quoted softly. “Signed by Choi Siwon, your travel mate.”

“You said you’ve been wanting to go on a trip right? Well, I could use one as well. It’s a win-win gift.”

“Except I’m the bigger winner because you’re gonna pay for everything.”

Siwon laughed, “It’s called a gift for a reason.”

“It’s gonna cost you a lot of money.”

“As long as you like your gift… Do you?”

Kyuhyun looked up and smiled, holding the envelope and photo close to his chest. “Thank you.”

“Great!” Siwon beamed, satisfied. “You must be tired. I guess I should go home now.”

“Okay.”

“See you tomorrow at practice!” Siwon waved as he closed the door.

But he wouldn’t see Kyuhyun in the next day. Or the many days that followed. Because Kyuhyun had requested an urgent leave, the manager would tell everyone, for an undisclosed amount of time.

***
The end~
Tags: pairing: siwon/kyuhyun
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  • 2009 crossover contest results! (finally!)

    Hi, guys~ Sorry it took so long (>_<; we've been so busy and had a hard time figuring out how to do the banners), but here are the results for…

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    Just want to remind everyone that voting for our crossover contest ends today, at 11:59pm PAC(USA). If you haven't yet voted you can do so right…

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    Miracle's Crossover contest is now over, thank you to everyone who participated! And now it's on to the voting! We've got 10 awesome entries for you…