Title: Cat vs Dog
Length: 956 words
Summary: Eeteuk decided to get a puppy. This was not a decision made based on how much it would piss off Heechul. Really.
Eeteuk? Not a cat person. He could deal with Heechul, with his larger than life personality, his penchant for getting his own way and his nightly rounds of swearing at the computer when his game character suffered hits, but he couldn't deal with the way there was now cat hair on every single thing he owned.
"We’re getting a puppy," he announced to Heechul one Sunday morning. It was a calm, matter-of-fact announcement, nothing more than a declaration of intent. No debate necessary.
"We're not getting a puppy." Heechul, unfortunately, decided otherwise.
"Yes, we’re getting a puppy."
Times like these, Eeteuk really wished he could pull rank on Heechul. Any other member would've backed down immediately after being faced with the right combination of Eeteuk's Patented Leader-ssi Glare and Eeteuk's Patented Leader-ssi Look of Disappointment. Not Heechul.
"I'm going to the dog pound," Eeteuk announced, getting up from the breakfast table.
"Where are they going to find a cage big enough to fit you?"
Eeteuk drummed his fingers against his steering wheel. Two weeks from now he was going to come up with the perfect retort, but by then it would be too late.
- - -
Heechul had had a full day of schedules and was incredibly exhausted. He could barely drag himself across the living room and was content to simply drop face first into bed. He would deal with his clothes in the morning. Sleepy time. Sleepy, sleepy time.
Heechul shot to his feet and ran to the living room, skidding to a halt in front of Eeteuk, Donghae and Sungmin playing with not one but two little puppies.
"What's this?" he yelled. The puppies barked back. Insolent little...
"This is Angel, this is Wings," Eeteuk said, much, much too cheerfully.
"This is Angel," Sungmin repeated. Then he hid Wings behind his back and held up Angel again. "This is Angel without Wings."
"No," Heechul said, shaking his head firmly. But the Cheshire grin on Eeteuk's face said 'oh yes indeed, motherfather.'
- - -
Wings peed on Heebum's cat bed.
Heebum shredded Eeteuk's new woolly scarf.
Angel chewed up Heechul's reddest pair of shoes.
Heebum gave Wings a long scar over his nose.
Tensions were running very, very high in the room with an Angel and a Devil. Hankyung had to set up a demilitarised zone in the kitchen just so the dorm could get some peace.
"No pet talk at the dinner table." Hankyung rapped both of them smartly on the knuckles with his ladle.
"Well then, he needs to learn to keep his make up on his side of the room," Heechul said petulantly.
"Excuse me! Who's the one with CDs all over the floor?" Eeteuk snapped back.
Hankyung sighed and wondered if he could con Eunhyuk into switching dorms with him. Or maybe Kibum. A nice, quiet officetel sounded very tempting at the moment.
- - -
Then one day, Angel went missing. The auntie had accidentally left the door open while she swept the corridor outside, and Angel had gotten out. He had skittered down the stairs before she could catch him, and now no one could find him.
"Have you asked the neighbours?" Yehsung asked a teary-eyed Eeteuk.
"They haven't seen him," Eeteuk cried, blowing into a tissue. On his lap, Wings whined inconsolably.
"Don't worry, hyung, dogs have a really good sense of smell. Angel will sniff his way back home," Eunhyuk patted Eeteuk’s shoulder, clearly trying his best to be helpful.
"Where's Heechul hyung?" Kangin wondered, looking around the apartment.
"Probably out celebrating," Eeteuk said miserably. "One down, one to go." He hugged Wings protectively and burst into a fresh round of tears.
- - -
It was four in the morning when Heechul plodded into the room he shared with Eeteuk and dumped the pile of yipping wet puppy on top of his head. Eeteuk woke up with a deeply satisfying yell of surprise, then went into 'oh-my-god-Angel-oh-my-god-you-found-him-o
"Where did you find him?" Eeteuk asked, wrapping Angel in his shirt.
"Drain," Heechul replied. "Catch." He tossed a dog whistle at Eeteuk. "You're going to need that if you can't keep your dogs indoors."
Another sneeze. If he caught a cold he was going to make Eeteuk nurse him back to health. In costume.
"You bought a dog whistle?" Eeteuk was being really, really obtuse for someone who ought to be immensely grateful to Heechul for rescuing his stupid dog. "But you hate the puppies."
"Look, are you glad to have him back or not? If you're not I'll just chuck him out again."
"I'm glad! I'm glad! Thank you, Heechul."
Heechul grunted and grabbed a towel, heading for the shower. No one had gone out looking for hours in the rain when Yamche had disappeared. Heechul was so great and so noble, and so fricking cold, aisshi, learn to carry an umbrella, Heechul. He shut his eyes and let the hot water soothe away his frustrations. Someone really needed to invent a cat whistle.
When he emerged, dry and warm, he found Wings looking at him expectantly. Eeteuk was nowhere in sight, probably busy giving Angel a bath.
"Go away," he told Wings, flopping onto his own bed and burying himself in the sheets. He heard a scrabbling of paws and then something small, furry and very cute burrowed into the space by his side, yawned, and then settled down to sleep.
"I won't be responsible if Heebum gets jealous and kills you~"
No response. Heechul sighed, closed his eyes and dreamt about chasing dogs through dark and dank sewers.