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15 January 2012 @ 09:07 am
Pairing: Siwon/Leeteuk, Leeteuk POV throughout
Rating: R
Warnings: Character death
A/N: This fic consists of snippets from a life; I picked five songs and each part is loosely based on one of them, but it's an on-going story.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I'd never let any of this angst happen. So there, disclaimed.
Summary: ~1100 words. Siwon is brave enough to fall in love, but life rewards his courage with hardship. I suck at summaries. Be gentle.


I took his hand. He frowned slightly, staring at our joint fingers.

“I don't know if I can do this.” He looked at me, uncertain eyes searching mine for reassurance.

I pulled him closer and held tighter on to his hand.

“I'll protect you,” I smiled. It was unusual for me to be the stronger of the two of us, but he needed my strength to wash away his insecurities.

“Leeteuk, I'm scared. Nobody will accept this.” I took him steadily toward the door. Reaching it, I stopped to pull him to a hug.

“They aren't a part of this story. This part is ours.” I whispered. He held me so tightly; I allowed him another minute before I pulled away. I opened the door and pulled him through.

Everyone turned to look at us. Heechul was smiling, the others merely looked slightly perplexed at our entrance. I had told them I'd be bringing my date home. I stopped, facing them. Behind me Siwon was blushing and frowning at his feet.

“Hyung.. Is this really what you.. ” Kangin seemed unsure how to continue. I looked at him, reading the mixed emotions on his face.

“Yes, it is.” And eventually they would accept it.


I had never heard him yell so loudly, never at me anyway. How could you what were you thinking what do we do now, the words flew over me.

I felt like I was fading away, disappearing little by little as a punishment for my crime. More than anything else he was looking for me to deny it, to tell him it was all a joke, and above all, to tell him what he should do.

I couldn't, he was the one who had been hurt, he should decide it all for himself.

“Siwon, please,” I whispered. For a moment he stopped, looking at me, but then he resumed his pacing in silence.

I was so ashamed. I had brought him out of his safe world into the one where our relationship existed and now I had thrown it all away in one night.

I knew he would leave me before he even considered the possibility.


“I can't. Not anymore.” He sobbed softly. I stared around our beautiful apartment, our cozy bedroom, our belongings strewn across the room. Ours, I had told him.

I had promised to fix everything broken when I started this. I had promised I'd keep him safe from the world, safe in my arms. In the end it was me who broke him.

“I'm so sorry. I have to.. I can't trust you anymore,” he said, and his voice sounded so weak, so afraid, that a desperate panic gripped me for the first time since this happened.

“Wonnie, I'm sorry. I don't know what to do either. Please, don't. Let me try to fix this, I can fix this.” He gazed at me through the tears that filled his eyes yet again and it was my fault, all my fault!

A long time passed with us just looking at each other. I had sworn to myself that I would not tell him what to do, and now I had practically begged him to forgive me.

Eventually he got up and picked his bag up off the floor. I watched him walk to the door and felt myself falling, falling without him. The panic wore off and all that was left was the empty place I had created.

At the door he stopped and looked back.

“I'll be back. I need some time. I love you.”


I stepped out to the balcony. It was a warm night, but ever since he left, I hadn't been able to get warm enough. I settled in the little corner from which I could see the stars, pulling the blanket tighter around myself.

Even a week without him had proved how much I depended on him. Every night had been a struggle for sleep, every day a haze of tiredness and desperation. I had taken to sitting on the balcony, watching the stars.

Finally, after I had sat there for half an hour, I saw the shooting star I had been waiting and hoping for. I closed my eyes and whispered my best wish to the heavens.

As the wind blew past me I begged it to go to him, to tell him how much I needed him, how much I loved him.


I woke up to a familiar feeling. I kept my eyes closed, hoping against hope that this was not just some remnant of a dream.

Eventually I had to open my eyes. I looked around to see the beautiful, strong, smiling man on his knees next to my chair, his hand warm on my cheek.


“Hey. Did you sleep out here?” He looked at me, half worried, but I didn't even understand the question. He was here, he was back, I was warm again.

“Have you come to...” I didn't want to ask in case I had got it wrong, in case he'd only come to pick up stuff, but he pulled me up and wrapped his arms around me.

“I have,” he whispered and leaned down to press his lips against mine.


I coughed again, and it hurt even more. He sat next to me, face lined with misery. I watched him, wondering what will happen to him when I'm gone. Heechul had promised me, promised he wouldn't let Siwon sink.

“Wonnie, don't cry. I had everything I could ever ask. Even more. I had all of you, I had the music. My life was beautiful.” Siwon flinched at the way I spoke as if I was dead already, but he knew as I did that there was no hope. My time was come and I was no longer afraid.

At the beginning I had used all my strength to fight this, but as it proved fruitless, I had come to terms with it; I was going to die, very soon. I lost, the disease won. Even now I was struggling, wanting to take a last look at their faces before I went.

“Siwon, I need to go soon.” Siwon stared at me, his face shining with tears. Behind him Donghae broke down. He and Eunhyuk crumbled to the floor together. I looked at all of them. Even Hangeng had come.

“Hannie.” He stepped forward. All the others were more or less in shock, but, like Heechul, Hangeng radiated calm. The two of them were the reason I could be so calm myself; I trusted them, they would take care of Siwon, Donghae, Eunhyuk, everyone.

Hangeng took my hand and answered my smile with his own.

“Don't be afraid. You won't ever be alone. We'll follow you in time; we'll follow you anywhere. We'll live long, full lives, we'll be happy, and when it's our time you'll wait for us beyond the skies.” I heard Donghae's sobs, saw Eunhyuk pick them both up. Yesung stood up, his arms wrapped tight around the shoulders of Reyowook and Kyuhyun, and looked at me for the first time today. I turned to look at Siwon.

“I'll wait for you. I love all of you.”

Heechul stepped toward the bed.

“You can go now, Teukie. Remember what I promised you and know that I'll never let you down. Just close your eyes and go to sleep.” Heechul knew as much as I did; it was time.

My eyelids were heavy and the pain was subsiding. I closed my eyes and squeezed Siwon's hand one last time. Heechul's voice drifted to me before I let go.

“We'll see each other again. Sleep well, leader.”


Please don't hate me for this. Comments are very much appreciated and I'd love it if someone had something to add, so to speak! I'll take any advice on how to improve my writing as I've been on hiatus for about 4 years 8D
Hildya Orul: pic#120747515Hildya Orul on September 15th, 2013 12:08 pm (UTC)
what disease??
My poor Leeteuk..