chewing lipstick (pyro_o) wrote in miracle______,
chewing lipstick

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Concrete Angel

She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back

Your friend, DongHae, doesn't see the fact you don't smile as much- but maybe it's because the new boy.. 'HyukJae'?... has totally taken over DongHae's attention. But you ask yourself why they don't see the hollowness in your laughter, and the bittersweetness of your smiles.

Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen and lace

It's the middle of summer, but you wear long sleeves, cardigans, and sweaters to hide your ugliness.. your faults. Nobody asks- except for your new babysitter, and you offhandedly reply that you're easily prone to colds. 

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask

Seoul's a busy place, especially in the evenings and night- and your father comes home to his proud establishment, with his intoxicating mistress at his side.

Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

So you 'take the burden' for the servants, your mother, and the walls. He doesn't pay attention to the welts and crimson dripping- he only goes harder, faster, harsher with every single move he makes.

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone

He doesn't harm your face- your beautiful, precious, fragile face. That's the one thing he focuses on while you're being tormented. He pushes your chin up, and weeping chocolate brown meets crazed dark eyes- nearly a pitiless black. How could he become such a monster come dusk?

In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings

Your only solace is the meagre sleep you get- on a cold, damp army cot that is a far cry from your parents' floor above you. Your cold basement is the exact opposite of what people would expect your rooms to be... but the sweetness of sleep overtakes your uncomfortable surroundings.  However, happiness only lasts for so long, and soon, your body is aching for the rest you desperately need.

And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

Summer is nearly over, and school will resume soon. "Pity your friends will have to see you like this." your father sneers, apparently having sated his sadistic humor. He goes to work, and you're allowed to play outside- only you try to figure out how to play baseball in a wool cardigan. In the end, though, you end up working the scoreboard. 

Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights

Sometimes. you dream of a place to call your own- the warmth of a place that accepts you completely... And someone who could give you that unconditional love you wish for. But you look at your half-open closet, filled with long sleeved shirts and sweaters, and you realize it'll stay exactly as it is- a dream.

A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

So you're waiting.. waiting for a chance to come... to find a mirror, a CD... anything to provide you with the means of your escape. Your parents had your bathroom mirror removed, and linoleum isn't really that sharp. CDs are nonexistent, and your windows are tinted Plexiglas, placed stratigically high around your 'room'. There aren't even any doorknobs- no sharp edges, or corners. Nothing you can harm yourself with- except, of course, your father. But he revels in the terror he inflicts on you.

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone

You're still watching- and hoping for the day you'll be free of your personal hell. But you do everything but pray- you've given up on God long ago, just as he did to you. For surely, if there is a God, he left you down on the Devil's doorstep.

In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings

Your chance arrives- you actually catch one of your alleged colds, and the family goes to a private clinic, where the doctor is bribed well enough not to tell any secrets. You catch a glimpse of a tray, lined with bottles- and one labelled 'tranquilizers'. You immidiately grab the chance, and when your parents are going inside the doctors office to pay him, you snatch the pre-filled syringe, and deposit it's overdosed load of curare and succinylcholine chloride into your frail system. 

And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

Your world becomes a series of technicolored bubbles, and your consciousness spirals away, fading down into sweet nothingness once more... Just like sleep.

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face

Your parents are held in trial- and they're charged with different things- so many adult things a young mind like yours cannot grasp. Your funeral is held, tears are shed, and you see DongHae trying to find comfort in HyukJae's arms. 

A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

There is peace for you now, isn't it? Eternal rest is what you wanted- the real deal for you. You're in bliss... no more of your daily torments, or facing your father again. Isn't this what you wanted?

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone

But you wave your transparent hands in front of DongHae's sobbing face, trying to hug him, when cold realization sinks in, just as you sink in through him.

In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings

Maybe your story won't be one where the papers rave on, and TV's news anchors will reflect upon. But you will certainly continue to believe that Heaven and Hell are separated by the sacrifice you'd given.... right?

And she flies to a place where she's loved

Now, your house is starkly empty- the grandeur of the sweeping grounds are gone, and your family has lost their fortune. The old memories of long sweaters and cold nights is over, and you shed your empty tears for those you've left behind... and you feel nothing for those who'd left you behind in their trail...

Concrete angel...

And you're making your own, now. An invisible trail of sweet nothingness as you go to your much-needed rest.. Swift as a fleeting butterfly's call, soft as the dawn's first break on dark nights.

Maybe.. just maybe.. There is a God somewhere after all.
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