bottomofastairwell (moonlitdeath) wrote in inthecut_,

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Rediscovering things

This is Trinity. I've been away for a while now. Not sure how long. It feels like forevver though. I used to be a member of this community. I was even pretty active too. Then things got really screwed up in my life and I was away for a long time. It took me quite a while to sort myself out. I'd like to think i'm better now though.

This is probably gonna be long.

I used to be a cutter. I say used to merely in the manner that i don't cut myself anymore. I'll never forget how it feels or why i started or how much it did help me deal with things. I won't forget who i was then either. And of course i have all these scars to remind me. At first, i hated my scars, but now i've grown comfortable with them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning my cutting, but my scars remind me of that time in my life. Most importantly, they remind me that i have the power within me to rise above that and survive everything. I never planned on stopping. I figured that I'd probably do this forever. I was in such a dark place in my life that i couldn't fathom anything else. When i finally moved out on my own, and away from all the awful things that drove me to hurt myself, i didn't even realize i was in a place where i could get better. but slowly, i started turning to other things instead of my razors, and before i knew it, i was a year cut-free.

i think the most important thing for people to remember if they think they need to stop is that they need to be in a healthy environment first. For quite a while, doctors, therapist, everyone, told me i SHOULD stop. But i never WANTED to. Because it was the only way i could express my incredible amount of pain. When i caould deal with that and start relieving some of my pain instead of trying to and failing because i kept getting hurt, that was when i was able to stop cutting. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but for those of you who still watch this community, remember there is hope, and it will get better
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