I am so pissed at myself.
My mother made a comment about my weight and I blew up. I absolutely went HYSTERICAL. I ended up screaming and thrashing and I don't even know what. I've never, ever in my life done that.
And then I said it.
"Mom, I'm sick."
She continued to tell me I wasn't sick; but I insisted I was.
The reason I'm pissed at myself is because I couldn't force myself to say:
"Mom, I'm severely bullimic ... "
I couldn't get it out. I TRIED to tell her and get help that way. I was too weak. I still am. The best I can hope for now is all the exercise, restricting, (diet) pill popping, and vomitting is somehow going to get me to my goal.
All I can say is I've never wanted something so badly in my life; and I won't stop until I have it.