I just decided to..

Well... me and Andrew have been doing okay I think... One min it seems like magic... and then the next.. I dunno... we have been fighting alot lately because of me...
I have been letting his past get to me recently.. in his last relationship he cheated on his wife. He slept with his bosses daughter... and that was the end of his relationship and his job. He confessed to his wife right away and tried to make things better to no avail....

When me and him started to date he confessed to me what he did and told me a little about his past relationships.. Now.. I am greatful that he had told me these things I think its really special.. but lately I just have been loosing my trust in him. At first it didnt seem to bother me so much but as time went on it just started to wear on me. I bring it up more than I should and it hurts him and causes fights between us.

I realized how destructive this is to our relationship and so I vowed to stop it.. but I just cant help but wonder if I should either be happy that he has been open with me and trust him for it... or if I should see this past action as a "red flag" and keep in mind that history repeats itself...

this is really hard for me... can anyone give me some advice on this please??

He is honest with me and hide nothing from me.. I always know where he is at..and asks me to come into work all the time.. This is something that is comforting to me but I know that in his last relationship he was the same way too... he cheated on her while he was away on a bis trip...and he said he was drunk.... uggh... just to think about it makes me sick... It makes me fear that he has it in him to do it again.. and he swore to me that he would never touch any alchol and he even said to me that if I even see him flirting with another girl that I can leave him.... I can see that he is devoted but its just hard for me at times... I dont know how to really take this..

I have my own past too... I was not married or anything like that.. but i have been careless with other's feelings.. so something inside of me tells me that I should not judge him too harshly.. but then I think....
"he was frekkin married..!!"

  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious

Hmm, lets see

I am here because I am old (36) ugly, and my self esteem sucks....why couldnt I have been one of the beautiful people? People claim beauty is on the inside..but the inside is not what society looks at first. If you are beautiful..people want to know you. If you arent you have to work much harder in life to be wanted and liked. I dont feel feminine, I dont feel pretty I choke up and fuck up my thoughts when I try to express them...I am an inferior being.
  • Current Mood
    crappy crappy

(no subject)

Well, I don't know how to really start this. But I've just joined. My name is Stephanie, I'm 13-years-old and I live in England.

Basically, I think i'm starting to get an eating disorder. I know you're probably all thinking "If you really did, you wouldn't know" but I don't know for sure, but I think I do.
I don't think I'm uberly skinny or like, stick-thin, but I'm 5'5" and weight 120lbs, which I guess is kind of average. It dosen't have to do with my weight, it has to do with my eating habits.
I don't eat breakfast, and for lunch I don't have a proper one. My lunch is normally a drink and half a packet or crisps OR a muffin. For dinner, I don't eat too much.
Basically, in the past few days I read this poster about Anorexia...and I read the "at risk" signs and I noticed I may have alot of them. I constantly perceive myself as fat and I skip meals alot, to name a few.
but anyways, after noticing that, I've been trying to stop. So I try and eat my sandwiches, and they either makes me gag and if I manage to force it back down I end up throwing it all back up again soon after. If I ever see myself where I can't see my ribs, I think I'm fat....so I skip meals. If I eat too much, I feel guilty and then either skip meals or make myself throw it back up again.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid I'll start to faint in front of my parents or at school. I want to deal with this myself, I don't want my family to know. Because then they'll be watching everything I do and nosing around in my life too much.
Anything to help will be appreciated.

(no subject)

Hey everyone, im a bit new to LJ and still getting the hang of posting and so on, ive felt a bit alone lately because i didnt think anyone went thro what i went thro. i cut my wrists but not with the intention of killing myself. i do it as stress relief and somehow it actually works, mind you, some of my close friends got really upset when they found out and made me stop it. now i dont cut my wrists, but i cant seem to relieve myself of stress anymore. ive tried other ways to hurt myself without leaving scars but then i have unexplained bruises n so on... recently i discovered vomiting as some form of stress relief, and right now i can blame this sinus infection i have, but people always seem to know theres something wrong with me. i think i have issues. i dont really know why im so sad on the inside, or why i mask it with my happy attitude. all i know is that talking about it makes me feel better and i cant do that with my friends or they freak out. Im Kate, im almost 16, living in south australia, i have good friends but im very insecure. Im hoping that talking about this stuff and getting feedback can help me stop hurting myself. Right now my biggest issue is the vomiting, my throat is always sore and im finding it hard to keep anything down. its not even intentional anymore. i find myself not eating for days on end simply because i dont want to vomit. i also play basketball 3 or 4 times a week and im afraid ill pass out at training and people will find out what ive been doing to myself. they wont understand. no-one ever does.

  • Current Music
    lost prophets - burn burn

BeAutIFully DePRessEd

this community doesn't seem very active...but that's ok. i'm sara. 16 years old & have had a problem with cutting for quite some time. it started out simple..the cuts were minor until that pain wasnt fulfilling the need an i started cutting deeper and more often. it's like something takes over my mind and i lose myself. i don't do it on my arms so much anymore, because if anybody sees is they'll automaticly think i want attention when thats not the case at all. people that haven't experienced it, often don't understand that it's not always a cry for help...it's just a way of dealing. i hope i can meet some people that go through what i do and understand. i'm here if anybody needs me. <3, Sar
  • Current Music
    BeAuTiFuL SoAl*

(no subject)

I am Daisy, 13 years old and come from England (yay-fucking-yay ehhh???) Yeah. And I am posting here because, well, I dunno I could go a whole list of whats fucked up about me and my life but what would be the point. I'm not a goth, a poser, a wanabee, an attention seeker or anything else you can throw at me. I'm just a very negative person. This doesn't mean I am depressed all the time (although clinicly I am 0_o) and it doesn't mean all I talk about is death and suicide... It doesn't mean I wear black the whole time and always never speak. Also it doesn't stop me from having any friends, although some have stopped being my friends after I went through a lot, which isn' the most reassuring thing to happen. =( Oh well. Yeah. And by the way, please don't all pity me like *oh it must be so hard etc* unless you are going to give some useful advice as well... ^_+ And yeah I can be such a bitch but I am really very nice... Lol... Thankyou x
Oh and by the way, if you do want the list I mentioned earlier, so you can help further, just ask!!