Tags: fear_love

Fear love.

"Fear, love," he explained to me softly, "is something you must never worry about with us."

Finally, safe and secure. A blanket of warmth and pure bliss surrounds me as his fingertips play with my wrists, and we watch the movie together with no worries in the world. The made-for-Lifetime-special that we were ignoring had lovers seperated, and we didn't worry. In our own lives, his parents were seperated, and we didn't worry. In the world, everyone is seperated, and still, we don't worry.

...We should have worried.

Months and months pass, and I begin to be anxious for us. Should I become nervous when he doesn't want to hang out after gym? I never did before, but he was never distant before. Should I bite my fingernails when he is, once again, too tired and too grumpy to talk to me? I tell myself it's overreactions, I repeat my ongoing mantra of love, having to constantly remind myself that yes, he cares, he always cared. He cares. He cares. He loves me. He cares.

Then, he didn't care. My worries were not qualmed, my fears were not allayed, and why should I smile if not because of him? The only person I fully showed myself to found me unworthy, gave up on me, decided that I was inferior to him, and tossed me aside, yes, without a worry. That worry should have been spent on us, fixing us, making him care so we would be better. But he doesn't, and it wasn't.

Fear love? You taught me how to, and it's one lesson I will never, ever forget.

(no subject)

Missing Out

"Fear love
," you had said it so earnestly that I still haven't forgotten-- those hollow circles running orbits around your tired eyes said you hadn't slept as long as you were thinking about this. "Make all your mistakes first, then let the rest be pefect." You didn't seem very calm, I noted as my I rubbed my moist palms against my pants to hide the old nervousness that creeps up when I think about all the failing things I've done for you. It's like taking your name in vain to even utter it anymore, so I just look at you and pretend I'm smiling, knowing full well that I'm not.

I have no idea what you're talking about, because I'm so nervous about not being nervous or betraying the slightest sign of discomfort. It doesn't matter, though-- we stopped listening to each other awhile ago. It's just words exchanged like so many grammar school valentine day cards-- you have to give some to everyone and you expect at least what you gave out, but you don't mean whatever it was you wrote on the inside.

I'm sure there's some significance to your words, all of them, but I didn't pay attention until you said, "Fear love." Somehow you wrested my attention from my steady control, and for that I've awarded you the favour of my restless thought on the matter. I can't make all my mistakes first. They had to be made when they were made. Isn't that much obvious? I crashed on through love boldly, never realising my fatal flaw. I wasn't afraid.
  • Current Music
    William Shatner - Has Been
  • Tags
kissing a moose

Fear Love

Fear, love, would you like a cup of tea?
You've become quite a character in my life,
and now
I love you,
Fear. Don't let go
your pincer-like grip on my guts.

I can barely move when you're around:
I'm cramped up: I'm the elastic band
that's not twisted around any fool's finger.

You are my heart now.
I ask you who I love
and you reply
another cup of tea?
three words.
  • vaya___


As of 10.1.04
Fear love.

I'm going to be away from today until Sunday. If one of the mods could just kind of watch over the community, it would be helpful. Thank you. -Tori