This girl. (angelpunkrocker) wrote in excuse_me___,
This girl.

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Three years ago,
I was still whole.
I was so fucking naive,
so blissfully innocent.
So free from life
where my biggest worry
was if my hair looked ok
for the school picture.
The most drama
I had to face
was whether or not
my mom yelled at me
for not doing the chores
that were written on the board
every Sunday, every week.
The most nervousness
I had ever faced
was the bad feeling
in the pit of my stomach
when I gave him the note
and he circled maybe,
and at the time,
it somehow meant everything.
Three years later,
he's a football player
and I don't care;
I thought he broke my heart
but he barely scratched the surface.
Three years later,
the chores are overrun with
SAT this and ACT that
and homework in AP
and work
and somehow, friends.
Three years later,
the ignorance has grown
rather than faded,
but the world is less pretty,
and my heart is there
but ripped in pieces,
and somehow
to make my day happy,
I must look at the sky
and at the sun
and it's wholeness,
praying my life will be that way again.
This wasn't a worry then,
it wasn't a thought,
it didn't fucking matter.
Things just were,
there was no question
about whether problems would work themselves out
because they always did,
and now they don't.
Three years ago,
I looked in a mirror
and knew who I was,
I knew what I was,
I loved me.
Three years later,
I can't find myself
behind the facade,
I can't see myself
behind the pain,
I can't love me
in that innocent, truthful way
that was before.
Tags: three_years

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