Autumn2Remember (autumn2remember) wrote in excuse_me___,

full moon-

It comes in waves: wondering how long it's been since I've had a heart to heart with someone, when the last time I bared my soul and vomited out personal truths that could only be appreciated by someone who had similar truths; Remembering all the people in my life that I shared this special binge-purge of emotions with; Thinking of how special they were to me, and how they still are... even the ones I haven't spoken to in over 10 years... Even the ones I still speak to even though the relationship dynamic has changed, and we only share quick niceties or superficial day to day life stories... Even the ones I loved and lost forever.

And I look at my life, and how good it is... But I still I search for meaning. And I know what I feel is most important. And I feel so alone in it.

I watch the people from the balcony. They pass by eachother with cell phones plastered to their ears and don't acknowledge their neighbors as they pass by. They talk about business and tell funny stories about drinking too much, or talk about their children. They hardly ever talk about how they are feeling. Maybe as an adult it is taboo to express emotions. Maybe it just takes up too much time in a busy day, and would take too much focus away from the 3 other things they are doing at the same time as they talk into their headpieces. Maybe emotions are obsolete.

I miss the days of best friends forever and all night conversations. I miss the cigarettes and caffeine and all night diners. I miss the long, aimless drives with long rambling conversations. I miss sitting in the park, under the full moon, telling all my secrets, and hearing all of yours. I miss knowing what you know, and you knowing what I know. I miss the conversations that kept going even though we'd reached our final destination, and kept going for hours in the parking lot or driveway. I miss the feeling that the moment I'm sharing with you tonight is more important than sleep, and "so what if I'm tired tomorrow because it is totally worth it"... Because every single time it was.
Tags: full_moon

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