Finally, safe and secure. A blanket of warmth and pure bliss surrounds me as his fingertips play with my wrists, and we watch the movie together with no worries in the world. The made-for-Lifetime-special that we were ignoring had lovers seperated, and we didn't worry. In our own lives, his parents were seperated, and we didn't worry. In the world, everyone is seperated, and still, we don't worry.
...We should have worried.
Months and months pass, and I begin to be anxious for us. Should I become nervous when he doesn't want to hang out after gym? I never did before, but he was never distant before. Should I bite my fingernails when he is, once again, too tired and too grumpy to talk to me? I tell myself it's overreactions, I repeat my ongoing mantra of love, having to constantly remind myself that yes, he cares, he always cared. He cares. He cares. He loves me. He cares.
Then, he didn't care. My worries were not qualmed, my fears were not allayed, and why should I smile if not because of him? The only person I fully showed myself to found me unworthy, gave up on me, decided that I was inferior to him, and tossed me aside, yes, without a worry. That worry should have been spent on us, fixing us, making him care so we would be better. But he doesn't, and it wasn't.
Fear love? You taught me how to, and it's one lesson I will never, ever forget.