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Saturday, April 9th, 2005

Posted by:justinistooemo.
Time:1:14 pm.
Vintage lovers , emo kids , scene kids , and people thats into the urban scene listen UP!! Theres this new clothing campany called Green Squirrel (why they call it green squirrel i dont know..) and they do custom printing , and they carry and make a lot of cool vintage , emo shirts. Green squirrel is a company for the unique people that have the fashion sense of not going to the mall and find clothing and such , and to me i think they make awesome t-shirts. You can catch the green squirrel here: www.greensquirrelshirts.com
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Saturday, November 13th, 2004

Posted by:lilreject1.
Time:11:27 am.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, August 8th, 2004

Posted by:xxscarsofhopexx.
Time:7:18 pm.
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Friday, May 23rd, 2003

Posted by:hippiered.
Time:11:17 am.
Mood: bored.
We need to throw a dance party this summer...a dope one.
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Monday, January 20th, 2003

Posted by:dizzywithdesire.
Time:7:41 pm.
i feel like nothing exists that could possibly make things any better anymore. it doesn't seem to matter how hard i try to be happy, or how big i pretend to smile, it just won't work.
i really, really feel like giving up.
and if i do, i'm sorry.
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Monday, September 9th, 2002

Subject:of some sort
Posted by:dizzywithdesire.
Time:7:54 pm.
i'm going to murder the phone line. or maybe just this town.
its sparkling- blinking- twinkling city lights can be a little too deceiving for my liking. i want to see the wires bleed electricity and the flickering street lamps go dim forever. i want to feel electric. anything, as long as it it's pulsing through me. anything, as long as it's real. i want to feel a spark in your fingertip as it traces my lips. and maybe, just maybe, the spark will stay lit.
i'd like to fall asleep with a falling star, burning through my ceiling faster than you can say goodbye. maybe not that fast.
it's time to go. i have to go. quick and painless, right? click. and the silence sweeps over me as my hand trembles and my grip weakens.
last nite i even waited for a sudden shuffle of papers or other such noise, some sign that you hadn't really left. too many moments, empty minutes, passed by... my muffled breath was all i heard through the static-filled receiver.
click back. fingers racing, franticly searching for a word that fits this moment. dry mouth, needing something to swallow, something to fill the void. tap tap tap. so many words in the english dictionary...
i know what i want. and i know what i need.
i love you before goodbye.
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Wednesday, September 4th, 2002

Subject:go figure
Posted by:dizzywithdesire.
Time:6:30 pm.
cant even update without fucking up.
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Thursday, August 29th, 2002

Posted by:dizzywithdesire.
Time:4:23 pm.
i can't help but feel like i'm missing out on something big. is everything ok? and if it's not, will you tell me what's wrong?

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Tuesday, August 20th, 2002

Posted by:dizzywithdesire.
Time:11:16 pm.
girls, im in love with what we have. i love you both so immensly...so much that it truly overwhelms me sometimes. look at this. who else has people that will say this sort of stuff to them? who is even lucky enough to have ONE friend like you guys? very few people. although red, you are right about the fact that we didnt have much time to make memories with the 3 of us, i still feel as though i can relate a memory of you two to anything. if that makes sense. its like, i can look at one simple thing, like penis worms for instance, and that whole fucking trip to california comes flooding back in my mind as if it were yesterday. i can watch undressed, i can even just see a preview for it, and im reminded of my first conversations with you about it. im reminded of the very beginning of the summer when you (lisa) had only been here a few weeks and we still hadnt hung out. im reminded of the first nite this summer we did hang out, and how i already felt like i could tell you anything. i can look at the clouds and be reminded of that fucking nite with those wack ass shrooms, and the mushy cereal and how gone we were (red). i can look at my god damn dog, which i do often, and think about his poor puke covered head and what provoked that vomit. the first nite we were all together. oh girls, that nite was amazing. even though i slept through most of it, it was like we were a family. you know it? and we are. there isnt a single day where i am not reminded of one, if not both, of you. i think of you guys always. and when something is wrong, ONLY YOU TWO can pull me out of it. so lisa, as sad as i am to think about you not staying after your next return, i understand it. because we're one, remember? i know that things arent always as easy as we say they are. i know we really wont create our own sorority and steal babies to name distance. but shit, it sure is nice that i have you two to talk to about silly stuff like that. do what you feel is right lisa. and just know that no matter WHAT your choice is, we will forever and ever love each other. nothing can break the bond that we somehow managed to form overnite. i just love you girls so much... less than three times infinity.
and yes-
LL cool red crew for life!
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Subject:so what the hell is goin on?
Posted by:hollowatheart.
Time:11:14 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
dear laurel and red,

so what are these big decisions i keep talking about? well, ive been thinking about what im going to do after high school and where i want to go... orginally i thought, i would go back to tucson... then i came out there for the summer, and you two gave me no choice. it became a must and not a want.

however, i have been thinking more into since ive been back, and what i need to accomplish, and what goals i need to set.. and ive noticed im slacking, yet again. today in class i sat through my entire history period and stared at the wall. if im going to graduate in december (which in my head, is.. yes, of course, becuz i refuse not too) then i need to seriously work my ass off becuz i didnt do anything last year to help me get all that far ahead.. and dropping out of skool when i was living with andrew set me back.

i mean, there is a chance i might not graduate in december.. but maybe a little while after.. theres a graduation everymonth at my skool (i'll explain it later) but see.. i dont want that, i NEED to get out of skool by december or i will not be self-satisfied.

now, to make sure i remember at all times that i need to work every second i have.. i started making out a list of things i need to complete and by when. after doing this, i realized... i dont exactly have all the time in the world, 3 and 1/2 months, AT MOST. and in this 3 and 1/2 months, i need to save ALOT of money, accquire the things i feel i need have when i am on my own, and learn as much as i can about what interest i have so i know what kind of educational plans i should look into afterwards.

what does this mean? im going to need a job.. a highly paid job.. which is har to find. especially when i realize... if i leave in december, i'll only be keeping this job for 3 months, and the kind of money i need, cannot possibly be earned in 3 months, by someone my age, unless you're brittney spears. so i have no idea how im gonna solve that one..

NOW, while all of that may not seem like too much of problem, it is... but its not really the part concerning me the most..

im a social person, you guys know that. i was in love with david.. you also know that. i used to live here when i was 13, and i made a friend... her name is lindsey.. and up until i met you guys, i really had no one else i would give my heart too. over the summer, david and i.. had.. some.. difficulties? and now im not sure what is going on with us, if anything at all... becuz while i think its over for good, we never actually did talk, and the last actual statement david ever made to me, was the one in my guestbook :

i think you know me better than anyone in the world. i will always care for you and always be there for you. my life is pretty fucked up right now too. i dont understand why things in the last 2 years have happened to me but i know that i cant do anything about it. as much as i try to change things, i dont have the power to. although, i wish i did. you might not think so, but i care about you deeply, more than anybody. your one of two left that i would give my heart to. i think im going to stop talking, and try to find out how my life is going to work or not for that matter. "you just dont understand, how it feels to be me, i love you deeper now, in love with you so true"...we need to talk...
date: 6:03 am - Tuesday,July 9, 2002 *

so last year, all i had on my mind, was david & lindsey.
but tlaking to lindsey now.. is hard, becuz i dont know how to tell her.. im not going to college here... i mean, shes talking like shes going to live the rest of her life here.. and im like.. what? why would you ever want to do that? ive known her for so long, and while coming back to you guys will make me the happiest becuz you actually make me feel better than she does.. its still hard. ive just known her for so long, and she really is the last one of my "first friends". i cant imagine her not being in my life.. i just.. i dont know how to leave her.. and that gets me to thinking about tucson.. and what im coming back too.. and that makes me feel like i shouldnt leave at all.. even more.

i love you two, so much i shouldnt even have to say it. but the issues, and emotional ties that im trying to forget about.. will only get worse becuz i'd be coming back to them. this thing with david, is extremely hard for me... i honestly, with all my heart, feel, there is no other person that was ever ment for me and i cant stop thinking about it. i'll get crushes on other people.. sure.. but the first thing that always comes to mind is "well, they're great and super, and just.. wow,.... but they still arent david, or anywhere as perfect as david was". and this really wouldnt be as hard if i were at least coming back to having the same friends, but no, i dont even have that. not only will i probably never speak to david again, but the with the dan issue and how he totally barely spoke to me this summer means, im not even coming back to at least having him, or jake (even if jakes a jerk) as friends.
and my mom also wants to move, so when i come back, i'd be completely on my own, with prorbably no income cuz of my shitty job history, no real way of paying for college unless my dad does, and no one to be around, except for you two, and only you. so my sole reason for being there at all.. would be you guys.

+ red and laurel
+ id be home, in tucson, where i belong

Losses :
- my best friend of (now) 5 years
- possibly income, and housing

im sure theres more than that but my mind totally just went blank.
so what do i plan to do about all of this?
ummm.. WELL, all i could think of as a solid for sure plan at the time being, was when december rolls around, and i finish skool... maybe i can come back out to tucson to visit, and actually see, what im coming back too, and if its worth leaving a life behind... so when i come, you guys are going to have to totally wow me, and give me every possible reason to stay.. other than that.. i dont know how i'll be able to decide..

(and laurel, i msut say tho, you'll have to thank stever for me, becuz he made me feel sooo loved by saying he missed me sooo much.. i honestly most of the time dont think anyone cares at all... and i dont think he knows how much that ment to me.. especially since hes.. "one of the bois")
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Tuesday, August 13th, 2002

Posted by:dizzywithdesire.
Time:6:41 am.
Mood: silly.
so lisa, im sittin here listening to more songs from simple plan, and i click "dont worry". suddenly i hear the EXACT same beginning from "ill catch you"! and then, sure enough, the piano begins! hahaha ohhh simple plan, the getupkids, its all the same right? hehe i think that just made my day start off right. silly bands having songs that are so obviously not their own. silly kids having songs under the wrong band name in kazaa so laurel gets all messed up. silly silly.
ps. im not using the zombie backpack :( im too damn scared. of what, i do not know. but the fear is there my friend.
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Friday, August 2nd, 2002

Subject:word on the street
Posted by:hollowatheart.
Time:9:56 am.
Mood: accomplished.
so about how i felt really really good last night.. <3 ive been on the happy side lately, *2 daze* and i was thinking about dan.. actually, it started when i downloaded DJ Hixxy cuz i noticed that david likes him alot, and it turned out to be happyhardcore. SO, needless to say i felt the urge to throw in my anabolic frolic cd, and ive completely forgoteen how much i love this music. STOP LAUGHING. but it brought back alot of memories too, and i remembered, i used to be someone, i was someone before i met david. so why should i feel so lost now? i hooked my super nintendo back up.. i havent played this thing since like.. 7th grade, mainly becuz it didnt work, but last night i hooked it up right i guess.. yeah.. anyway, im totally psyched about it. but i need to update my games.. hahaa.. and i was also reading through my journal.. my REAL one. and the parts i was reading was when i first MET dan and holy crap.. tlak about how totally cute.. and its weird... i cant believe i let that boi go. im so dumb.. ahhh! *inserts part of her real journal*

" but he let me wear his jacket when i said i was cold, and he walked me to my front door with the cutest look on his face and hugged me. then looked at me all cute again and hugged me again " - (the first night we met)

i remember that! i had the hugest smile on my face when i read it! becuz i remember how much i wanted to kiss him, and how much he told me later he wanted too,. but couldnt cuz of his g/f. and this was all BEFORE david.. dan made me so much of what i am, i really owe him more than i give him and im so st upid for letting him go. i miss him. i .. love.. him? ahhhck, i know im crazy. but .. ehh! *sigh*

so since im all superstittous, and think if i tell you guys my dream, it wont come true, im gonna tlel you. cuz i hated it. i dont know what all was going on, but the part thats stuck in my head, is david was driving, and he drove up to wherever it was i was staying and angela was sitting next to him in the front seat, and we had decided not to be together, reluctantly, so him and her were, and erin and dan were in the back seat, and since me and david werent gonna be together, of course the decsion was now between me and dan.. (they were on there way to some dance) and the only way to know was if dan could kiss me, then he would know who he wanted to be with... if he wanted to leave erin for me, or stay with her.. and he kissed me (as david, angela, and erin, sat in the car looking at us... and then he paused and finally said .. "okay" and i said "okay!" (thinking he wanted to be with me) but then as i started to hug him.. he tunred and started getting back in the car) and as he was half way in, he looked at me for a few second again, and then sat down.. nad shut the door... like as if he had to relaly think... did he want to get in the car? but it was awful.. becuz he did.. and i was alone.. and david and them drove off.. and i just.. i was sad. but the main part of this enetry awas to tell you guys... i read my journal.. i remember.. i used to be someone.. i read about how i was and everything i did... and i remember why david liked me so much in the first place. becuz i was myself.. i feel like ive been trying so hard lately to be what he wants thinking maybe he will turn around and see me for how great i am.. ive totlaly forgotten what i was in the first place... but i remember now.. i know <3 im starting to understand. and without drugs! i CAN do this.
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Thursday, August 1st, 2002

Subject:THIS TIME!
Posted by:hollowatheart.
Time:4:47 pm.
Mood: hyper.
*listening to joy electric*

dude! you guys, im totally happy right now. god damn it. i mean this is great and super and good and all, but im gonna come crashing down. the ups are as high as the downs! aHH! and i have a CRUSH on a new boi! like a real actual CRUSH! thats sooo cool, its been .. not to long, but long for me! its really nothing, but just thinking about like being with him in a relationship and getting involed and everything.. is like.. just.. yeah.. it puts a damn smile on my face!! hehehehe... ! buahahahaa! love love LOVE!// y0u // gUyS!!
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Wednesday, July 31st, 2002

Subject:maybe im not a capricorn?
Posted by:hippiered.
Time:5:44 pm.
Mood: confused.
It's a romantic day for the Goat. Give a priority to all matters of the heart today. Single Capricorns may have an opportunity to show their feelings to someone. Go for it! If you hold back, you may never know if the object of your desire shares your feelings or not. Be good to yourself and take a chance. It may be difficult to take a break from your steadfast pursuit of success to dabble in romance, but the effort will be worth it. If other commitments take up most of your time, make sure you find at least an hour to have some fun.

uhh, yeah.
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Tuesday, July 30th, 2002

Posted by:hollowatheart.
Time:12:21 am.
the fact that im getting so depressed anymore, that its causing me physical pain.. is disgusting. this cant alll be from a broken heart can it? im becoming desperate.. hitting on everyguy i find the slightest bit attractive.. and you guys know me, so that means everyone. anyone. just something to replace this feeling. i know you two love me.. i love you too... but you're hundreds of miles away, and while you are that way becuz of my choice.. i dont know. i mean.. i know you care, i know you're always going to be here for me... but im alone here. and thinking about you guys makes me sad. happy, but sad. becuz.. well, im just not making sense.. i dont care. im gonna leave my away message up for a few daze.. i dont really feel like talking to anyone. i just want the world to be on pause for awhile//
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Monday, July 29th, 2002

Posted by:hippiered.
Time:1:04 pm.
Mood: horny.
RED GOT LOVIN LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! its about fucking time huh!
im kinda sad tho.. i dont kno if it was a one night stand or what...i kinda like him..i kinda want him to be my boyfriend.. just kinda tho..

im so hung over
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Posted by:dizzywithdesire.
Time:12:40 pm.
hellllloooo ladies!
red + making out with a hott boy = YAYNESS!
lisa, i dont know the password for here you silly girl. but yes, the interests are good so far! im especially liking the bands we've got listed :) hehehe. nothing to write about... nothing cool happened to me last nite! i wanna get drunk! liiiissssaaaa! lets drink! :::oh how i miss drunkness with you::: i need a digital camera! oh and speaking of cameras! did you ever develop our pictures from cali yet??? if you did, or when you do- send me them!!!
meh im done. lovies <3
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Sunday, July 28th, 2002

Posted by:dizzywithdesire.
Time:8:34 pm.
Mood: silly.
i finally burned steve's mix cd!! yay!! too bad stupid kizzy beat me... i will kill that girl! she's totally on the hit list. -=makes evil growling noise=-
anyway, i figured out how to post in here. go me!
i love you gals. youre my bestest favoritest friends.
im going to go listen to steves cd now and see if i can make it even better. THE ULTIMATE MIX!!
oh! yeah! will you guys help me think up a name for his cd?? something cute. and sweet. and not totally retarded. :P
peace in the middle east!
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Subject:! this will be the first entry...
Posted by:hollowatheart.
Time:1:41 pm.
RED! LAUREL! we must start designing this new community... i need your guys's immmmmput!
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

LiveJournal for ANTI-</3.

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