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Counting bodies like sheep — LiveJournal
to the rhythm of the war drums
It wasn't exactly the best idea I'd ever heard but after the last few days it wasn't exactly a surprise that Angel didn't trust us on a commercial airline flight. After the last few days I wouldn't trust me and Connor to do anything that didn't involve wrecking shit. Between the bus crash, the carjackings, the hostage situation at McDonalds and the fight in the church it seemed like the only thing the two of us could do was destroy things.

Which made it really fucking ironic that we were about to have a baby together. A baby? The two of us? Had fate not seen the mess we'd made in the last few days? Or I dunno, picked up on the fact that said baby's daddy was a soulless psychopath?

At least Darla paid up on her promise of gettin' us out of New York right away. I wasn't sure why I wanted to be back in LA so badly. It didn't really make any good kinda sense. I wanted to be away from Angel so I said let's go to LA alone. Even though he'd be back in the city before too long and I'd be stuck again. Couldn't go nowhere. Not without Connor runnin' after me. And wherever Connor ran, Angel was sure to follow. Just what I need. A permanant babysitter.

Of course Darla and Angel's brilliant idea was to send us back on Wolfram and Hart's private jet. Wolfram and Hart. Yep. Pretty sure they were the ones that freakin' kidnapped us not too long ago. Ran tests on us and found out I was knocked up from the alley that night. The fucking alley. I really couldn't be more of a dumbass if I tried. But for all I knew Lilah impregnated me with a turkey baster when I was cashed out.

It didn't take Mommy and Daddy too long to figure out how to send us back to LA but the whole twenty minutes it did take Connor and me didn't say much. I wasn't sure what to say to him after the last few days. I still didn't get it, why he pursued me so fucking relentlessly. Ever since that first fight we got into he was at my side always tryin' to get my attention. What did I do that attracted him so much? I didn't get it. Was it just the evil guys who wanted Faith? Was that how this was gonna work. Fuck.

And now we were havin' a baby, which meant I was never gonna get rid of them. Shit. I tried to kill it myself and it wouldn't die, just got stronger. I could feel it. And I hated it. I wanted to tear it out. But I loved it. I couldn't figure it out.

Me and Connor got onto the plane at a small airport outside the city and I settled into one of the leather chairs near the window, staring outside as we waited for the pilot to take off.

Current Mood: discontent discontent
Current Music: Come In Closer- Blue October

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The flight was uneventful and mostly made in silence. Darla was off in her own world and I was brooding. Neither of us had much to say because we were both trying to figure out how we were going to handle Connor and Faith when we located them. Hopefully I would have a chance to track Faith down while Darla kept an eye on Connor. Maybe I could convince Faith it was best if she trusted us.

Trusted us. Right. It wasn't that long ago that I had tried to kill her. Then I left her chained in the basement even after I knew she had not hurt my son. There was no reason for her to trust me. I killed any faith she had in me, but I had to hope that maybe she would be willing to take another chance.

Connor needed us. They both were going to need us. I wasn't sure if we were the ones to help them though. Darla and I never had the chance to be parents to Connor until he was too far gone to accept us. I knew I couldn't change history or make amends by trying to save his child, but I had to try.

Once we landed, a limo took us to the hotel where Connor was staying. Wolfram and Hart had set them up in a nice place. Guess they had a lot invested on my grandchild. Well, they were not getting close to my son, Faith or their child again. I was going to make sure of it.

We took the elevator up and knocked on the door. I paused and looked at Darla. There were two heartbeats inside...no three. If you listened carefully there was a third tiny heart beat. Faith was inside? What had made her come back?

"Connor, it's us. Open up." I said, as I waited for the door to open.

"Hey. Come on in." Connor said as he held the door open for Darla and me. Faith was laying on the bed and both of them looked like they had been in one hell of a fight.

"What happened to you? Did Lilah do this to you guys?" I demanded and set my gaze on Faith. "Are you alright, Faith?"

Current Mood: determined

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Ever since Faith had run off things had gotten really quiet around the Hyperion. No Faith for everyone to argue about and no Connor for everyone to question. I still couldn't believe that Connor ended up stabbing himself and pinning it on Faith. That had to mean something really bad. I mean, Angel almost killed her. I stood there and watch him wrap his fingers around her throat and shake her until she stopped moving and I didn't even do anything about it. It wasn't even her fault. She tried to tell him and he just totally wigged anyway. It was like it didn't matter what anyone said about anything, the sun rose and set on Connor around this hotel. I could understand that, well not in the sense of really understanding it- but I knew how much Angel's son meant to Angel. I knew that he felt like he'd somehow let Connor down when Connor was kidnapped by the Wolfram and Hart people. He would beat himself up over that from now until the end of time if no one stopped him, assuming anybody could stop him. It just worried me because Connor wasn't quite right. There was something wrong with anyone who was stabbing themselves and blaming it on other people and Angel was blind when it came to Connor. He couldn't see anything else.

Just when I thought I might just move back to Sunnydale because I wasn't really needed her? I realized that someone had to be the level headed one around here, because it clearly wasn't going to be Angel. So it looked like I was stuck, and really? I had nothing to do because Angel was always leaving to go track down Faith or Connor and then when he did come home he was holed up in his room with Darla and not talking to anyone else. Just sharing this small of a space with Darla made me want to throw up all over my tasteful, trendy and affordable shoes. Still, I was Buffy and that was what I did. I was all with the dealing and putting up with things that had nothing to do with me. Even if she had tried to get Angel to kill me once. Not that I was bitter.

Then one day I woke up and they were gone. No note. No phone call. No hey we're leaving town can you take care of things while we're gone? I trusted Angel, but I trusted Darla about as far as Cordelia could throw her which I was guessing wasn't all that far. No. Cordelia's weapon was generally manipulation and oh yeah, trying to annoy me to death. Like that stupid note she'd left for Darla on the door when Faith had been chained up in the basement. She swore up and down she left it there so Darla would come downstairs and I'd be forced to stake her but something told me that Cordelia was just as willing to throw me and Faith to the dogs if it meant she could have her own way. Now? Now I was stuck in a hotel with Cordelia Chase and that was it. No one else was around. Could my life suck anymore right now? Well, actually yes. I'm Buffy Summers. Ask and you shall receive.

I had no idea where Angel and Darla had run off to but I had the sneaking suspicion that it had to do with Faith and Connor. I was getting all kinds of icky slayer vibes from Faith's direction and as much as I tried to shut them out? They were screaming at me as loudly as they had when she'd taken a trip off the deep end and decided that killing everyone was a good way of working out her issues. I didn't know what to make of it but I assumed that Angel had everything under control. Under control. Just like he had Connor under control. Right. The reason why I had to stay. Hopefully Angel would come home soon and then the two of us? We were having a nice long chat. Probably with some punching.

I'd just gotten done taking my own issues out on the punching bag downstairs when I stopped in the lobby, taking a long drink out of the bottle of water I'd pilfered from the fridge. The days were really long and lonely in the hotel, trapped here alone with Cordelia. Maybe I needed a hobby. I was just wondering whether I'd be better at knitting or pie baking when Cordelia came marching into the lobby. Great. Quickly I made a bee line for the kitchen hoping that I wasn't the one she was looking for and I could avoid having to actually talk to her. But when her fingers closed around my arm I realized that I was exactly who she was looking for.

"Cordelia," I said as I turned around and glanced up at her. Did she look...worried? "What's wrong?"
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When I woke up I didn't know what to do except run. Connor was still passed out and I figured this was my best chance to get away from it all. Promised he'd come after me, but he'd have to find me first. Never used to be that good at runnin' away. Kakistos. Buffy. Angel. They always found me. But I was pretty sure I'd learned a thing or two since my ass had been sittin' behind bars for a couple years. Kid's best effort to keep me in check had been to threaten a couple of kids in a McDonald's playground. That was my big mistake, right there. Cared too much. Gettin' all soft just like I always accused Buffy of bein'. Not anymore. If it came down to me or...someone else I was gonna pick me. Picking someone else always came back to kick me in the ass and I was so over that noise. Angel betrayed me. Buffy. No one to trust anymore and that was fine. I'd figure it out on my own. Way it should've been when I got on that bus the first time around.

So I just bailed on him. Thought about just stompin' on his head until I heard a squish beneath my boots but in the end? I was always wicked bad at killing the people I meant to kill. Innocent bystanders in my way? Sure. Used to have no problem guttin' 'em like fish but people like B and Soul Boy? Never could get up the stones to do it, I seriously doubted I could kill Angel's son now. No matter how much I badly wanted to. Glancin' down at Connor's sleeping form on the bed I thought that Angel was gonna have his hands seriously full with this one. Good luck with that.

Didn't really know where to go or what to do and in the end? I ended up in the last place anybody would think to find me. A church. It was more or less abandoned save for the one senile old Priest who came in every single day hopin' that somehow people might come back to church. When he asked me what my name was and I told him it was Faith, he thought it was a sign. I guess he didn't get the joke. Because I seriously doubt my Mom had people goin' to church in mind when she named me. Probably more along the lines of she made so many guys see God she figured Faith was the best name for her daughter. The Priest was cool though and I ended up talkin' to him on and off during the day between his prayer. Couldn't tell him the whole story and when I told him bits and pieces of it he tried to get me to sign up for one of those homeless women's shelters. Yeah fucking right. This wasn't some Lifetime movie, this was something he'd never be able to understand. Felt kinda bad for the old guy so I offered to leave but he insisted that I stay. It was a sign after all.

Stupid, blind bastard. God can't save you.

Knew I was gonna have to do something about the....thing growin' inside of me. The Father gave me a card and a number with some Family Planning crap on it. Supposed to get the job done even if you don't got a dime to spare. Figured I'd go hit it up tomorrow but for tonight I was gonna hide. Hide away in the dark pew, the stain glass spreading eerie shadows along the walls and floor. I just sat there and stared up at the statue, tryin' to keep my hands from straying to my belly. Chain smoking. The Priest had already gone home for the night so I smoked cigarette after cigarette after cigarette. I'd clean up the butts in the mornin' before he came back for the day to wait for the people who'd never come to pray. There was nothin' to pray for.

Couldn't believe how fucking stupid I was sometimes. Actually, sometimes I knew all too well just how stupid I was. Like when I did things that I shouldn't do. Like sleepin' with Angel's psychotic son. Why had I done that again? I mean, yeah clearly I was kind've the type to screw around but I tried to not fuck my enemies. Usually. He just made me so pissed that I couldn't even see straight and I knew I couldn't kill him. Thought I'd establish a little bit of who was in control, wash him clean outta my system after I fucked him. No such luck. Tried. Failed. Story of my life. Now I had our baby, or at least I did if Wolfram and Hart really knew what they were talkin' about. Not only did I manage to screw the enemy, I almost managed to get knocked up. Oh yeah, Mom would be wicked proud right about now.

It didn't matter this time tomorrow night? Baby would be gone. Problem would be gone. I'd be long gone. I wonder what Tijuana is like.

Current Mood: confused confused
Current Music: The Hand That Feeds- NIN

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There were no darts used to knock us out this time. We were in the cage and glaring at each other when green smoke began to filter in. They'd used it on me once before so I knew to just relax and wait for it to kick in. Faith freaked out, but all I could tell her was that it meant they planned to let us go. I had no idea if she believed me or not because I passed out right after slurring the explanation to her.

When I woke up, I was in a hotel room and she was already gone. Her scent was still present in the room so they had dropped us off together, but apparently she managed to wake up first and leave. I wasn't surprised, but it did hurt. She was going to keep running away until I had to catch up with her and lock her in a cage. I knew now that she wanted that. She wanted to be hunted down like prey and captured. Wanted me to hurt her in ways that would leave her begging for more. She needed me to prove how much I loved her and wanted her by never giving up on her. I'd do that for her. She'd learn sooner or later she really had my heart.

My body ached as I stretched lazily. There was no telling which city they had dropped us off in. Hell, it could be an entirely different dimension. There was a brochure for the hotel on the night stand that said I was in New York. Fucking New York? It would do. I wondered if Faith was going to think it would be easy to lose herself here. So many people all running around, half were tourists, and most of them seemed to busy to notice anyone but themselves. It was a good place to hunt.

One thing was for sure, I needed to call my mother. I didn't feel like talking to Dad, but Darla would do. She would be more likely to agree to help me find Faith. Especially when I told her that Faith was pregnant and I was worried about what she would do to our baby. I wanted that baby safe. Not that I had much to worry about. The kid was a prophecy. A prophecy that Wolfram and Hart wanted to control. It was never going to happen. If that meant I had to ask my parents for help, so be it.

I picked up the phone and dialed the hotel number. Not sure who I expected to pick up the phone, but I was pleasantly surprised when I heard my mother's voice. "Mom. I need your help."

Current Mood: determined

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It was tempting. No doubt about it. I knew that Connor was expecting me to flip out and kill him in his sleep. I wanted to, when we walked into that motel room my first instinct was to bail. I wanted to run fast and far from the psychotic who'd almost killed a playground full of kids just so I wouldn't bail on his ass. He won that round but I didn't see any kids around now. Could just knock him out, run off into the shadows. Only to have him wake up, freak out, botch a suicide attempt and then go around killin' everything and everyone until I show again. Really? I should just kill him. Wait til he's sound asleep and then stab him through the heart or something. Hey, he might be a super kid but everyone dies when you stab 'em through the heart. Well, most everything and I was willing to bet that Connor would.

But I was tired, was pretty much what it came down to. I dragged myself out of the passenger seat of the Citron and walked into the motel room after Connor only to sprawl out on the bed, fighting exhaustion. It'd been a long day and there'd been way too many close calls. Sendin' your car over a cliff usually takes a toll on a girl and I was feelin' it now. Not like Connor was, what with that gunshot wound on his leg. He'd heal up in no time but if he wanted me to help him dig the bullet out? He was barkin' up the wrong tree. I hoped he got gangrene and his whole leg fell off during the night. That could be fun. He seemed to manage just fine on his own, cleanin' up the wound and bandaging it which was really too bad. I wanted him to suffer. I mean fuck! I'd done alot of shady shit in my day, killed alot of people back when I'd been crazy but I'd never hurt any kids. That was just....wrong.

Wow. Finally someone showed up and could prove the theory that I'd never been as badass as I'd wanted everyone to think. That I drew the line somewhere. Must be because I'd had a soul even back then.

I meant to stay awake. Stay awake and figure out some way to get the slip on the kid. Find a phone, call Angel, tell him where exactly his boy was so he could come and clean up his own damn mess. How this had become my mess I'd never know. Actually I did know. I was the sucker who didn't bother to protest when Soul Boy came lookin' to give me an early parole so to speak. All's I had to do was wait it out. Connor'd be passed out in no time.

Apparently (and this won't come as a surprise to anybody) I got no self control. Connor hadn't even laid down yet to go to bed and I found myself drowsing to the sound of the television in the background. I didn't really think Connor would hurt me unless I pushed him into it and if he laid a finger on me while I was sleepin? Well...let's just say I survived alot of long lonely nights in prison. Could wake up out of a dead sleep at the drop of a hat if it meant covering your ass. Sometimes literally. He really didn't wanna fuck with me on that one.

Someone did though. Cause sometime during the night I felt hands on me. Several hands and when my eyes shot open all I could feel was a needle being jammed into my arm. My mouth fell open and I started yellin' as loud as I could, not even sure what I was yellin' for. One hand clamped down over my mouth and I lashed out on all sides before everything started to feel wicked sluggish. Like the entire world just slowed down and all I could do was watch Connor struggle, tryin' to break free and get to me. 'Cept they'd jammed him with the same needle and now he was startin' to get wicked slow too.

"Connor," I tried to call out but it probably came out more like a long low drawl because after that? Nothing but darkness.

Current Mood: scared scared
Current Music: Twenty Years- Placebo

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They have to love you, Connor, they're your parents. You will be their greatest weakness. There is nothing that you won't be able to accomplish, my boy, you are special. Connor, she's your mama, no matter what you do here, Darla is going to want you. She'll love you.

The voices of all the people of my past were consuming me as I ran away from the hotel. Eve, Lindsey, the various people from Wolfram and Hart that I'd met. All of their voices collided together to form one conscious thought and I wanted to laugh at them. I wanted to laugh in their faces because they were wrong! My parents loved the idea of me. They would never be able to love me now that they knew the truth. Now that they knew I was different.

You're a miracle, Connor. The child of the greatest two evils to ever walk this Earth. Angelus and Darla were legends, and you will be their greatest accomplishment. Your legacy will make your parents seem like rank amateurs. Wolfram and Hart has big plans for you, Son. Trust in us to lead you on the right path.

"I don't trust in anyone but myself." I'd said, right before I brought the sword down and severed the head of the latest messenger. The one who found me in my home after I'd painted the walls red with Lindsey and Eve's blood. He didn't seem shocked when I killed him. Perhaps he knew that coming to me with those files of information on my real parents would be his final job with the firm. Unless he just figured they would bring him back.

I'd come to LA and tried to fit in. Played the game and adapted to my environment in an attempt to figure out my birth parents. To try and understand the two demons responsible for creating me. They were nothing like I expected. The files had painted a portrait of magnificent powerful forces of evil. The kind of monsters that legends are made of. The two pathetic vampires I met were a disappointment. They had souls. They tried to live as humans. They denied their true nature.

I'd dared to hope that once I revealed who I truly was they would step aside from the masks they wore and embrace who they were meant to be. That together we could be a family that brought this world, any world, to it's knees. Instead, my mother was crying, fucking crying, over what her son was. Fuck her. She wanted to apologize to me for taking my soul? That was the greatest gift she'd ever given me. I was free of the binds that tied Darla and Angelus to humanity. I was able to rise above these mortal and the pathetic demons who wished to be mortal and take whatever I wanted. Nothing could stop me.

Now she wished to turn me into the mirror image of she and my father had been cursed to be? How could she say she loved me when she wished to do me harm? I trusted her. I took a chance and trusted her to do right by me, and she proved that I was right all along. I could only depend on myself.

It would only be a matter of time before Darla and Angel came looking for me. They would probably try and force a soul into me or they would want to lock me in a cage or chain me in the basement like they did with Faith. They thought I was an animal. A being less than them because I didn't deny who I truly was. I embraced. I'm the fucking Destroyer. They won't be able to stop me or tame me. I won't let them.

I'd decided it was time to leave Los Angeles. There was nothing holding me here now that my mother had turned her back on me and Faith had made it clear that she wished for me to leave her alone. Faith. The one person who was just like me, but she wanted to be like them. She was so desperate to fit into the mold they carved out for her, but it would never work. I saw the real her. I was the only one who loved her for who she truly was. The only one who would never try and cage her up. I wanted to make her free.

My love was unrequited and she had no desire to be with me. At least she'd given me the gift in the alley. I had a taste of her essence and it made me crave her even more. She was burning me from the inside out, but I'd given her my word. I'd do whatever she asked to prove that I loved her. She'd used that gift against me by asking that I leave her alone. So be it. I'd leave them all alone until I was ready to return and punish my parents and everyone they cared about for being ashamed of what I was. Who I was.

I paid for the ticket on the first bus out of town and had to run to make it. It seemed strange that I could smell both Faith and Angel's scent in the bus station, but I chalked it up to my obsession and anger. I was hallucinating.

The moment I stepped on the bus I realized that this was no hallucination. Faith. She was on the bus and she when her gaze met mine, all I could do was smile. Destiny had intervened and brought us together. Surely Faith would understand now. We were meant to be together.

Current Mood: cynical cynical
Current Music: Save Yourself by Stabbing Westward

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"I'll kill myself if you find a way to give me that soul. I'll make sure you have to watch me and you'll know it was all your fault. You stole the soul, you bitch, so you keep it. Feel everything that you did to me. Be a real mother and accept that it's yours to keep. I swear, Darla, I swear if you come after me, I'll find a way to destroy everything you have ever cared about, starting with me."

I stood perfectly still for a moment that dragged on much too long. The echoing of the door slamming shut had already filled the hotel and still I stared at the spot my son had just been standing in. The burn of tears stinging at the corners of my eyes because I knew with an intensity I'd never known anything else. I had done this to him. I had created this monster after I'd expected to create the best thing Angelus and I had ever done together. This wasn't Angel's fault, I knew that. It wasn't Connor's fault. When I'd carried him I thought the soul he shared with me a burden and then slowly a beautiful blessing. A gift he was allowing me to experience. I was so terrified when he was born that I would be stripped of the soul, that I would be once again unable to love anything. Unable to love him, and he'd been the only thing I'd ever loved.

After he was born we thought it a miracle, that somehow the soul had split and allowed me to retain my conscience, my soul, my ability to love my son the way he deserved to be loved. They said it had split. Angrily I reached out and quickly threw everything from Angel's desk to the floor in a violent rage.

"It wasn't split! It had never split!" I seethed my demon visage bursting to the forefront of my face as I continued to useless smash my fists into inanimate objects. Hoping perhaps to ease this ache inside my soul. Because it hadn't split.

I'd stolen it from him.

Tears flooded my eyes as I sank to the ground, curled up and crying. Connor would see this as a weakness. This ability to feel such guilt. Of course, I understood why he saw it that way. After all, for four hundred years I'd walked across the Earth sans my soul. If asked I would have thought the idea of having a soul both distasteful and preposterous. When you were a creature born to destroy you weren't meant to feel the weight and the guilt of taking human lives. Connor wasn't such a creature, he was a human being and I'd taken away the one thing he needed to be among his own kind. Biting my lower lip I tilted my chin down to stare at the floor as the tears came with greater ardor. How had I done this? Destroyed the only thing I'd ever love. My son. My beautiful baby boy.

He wanted me to promise him that I wouldn't attempt to put a soul back into him, that I would also stop Angel from doing so. There would be no stopping Angel in that regard, and I was positive that even I could not stop him. I didn't want to cause him to suffer, I just wanted more for him. I wanted more for him than what I'd had and I was a walking corpse. My son was perfect and alive and....


I didn't know what to do. Perhaps the only thing needed to return this soul to it's rightful owner is to go outside, perched on the roof perhaps-- and await the early morning sunrise. If I perish would the soul return to it's owner or would it simply float off into the ether? Maybe it would be dragged down into hell with me. There was no way to be sure and if I were to attempt such an endeavor would Connor follow through with his promise to me? That he would find a way to destroy everything around him before finally destroying himself? I could remember clearly what I'd become when I'd first had a soul returned to me. When I had been ressurrected as a human being. The violent destructive tendencies still lived in my blood but I hadn't the strength to carry them out. Connor would have that strength. The strength and the pain and....

Surely Angel would care for him, no? I made him promise on that rooftop. Made him promise that he would always keep Connor safe from his mother. That he would make sure that the one good thing we'd ever done together wouldn't end in pain and destruction and death. Because that was all we were.

Attempting to dry my eyes I stood up from my spot on the office floor and walked through the lobby. From there I began to climb the lobby steps. It wouldn't be long until I'd found the roof, and then it wouldn't be long at all until I was returned to hell.
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Couldn't stay in the warehouse for much longer, I knew that. The minute I walked away from Connor and back into my little nest I knew I had to leave. I couldn't stand to look out the window and out into that dark alleyway ever again. Fuck it. If I ever saw another alleyway again it would be too soon cause now? Now it was way too late to save me, always managed to sink all the way into the depths of hell only to try and claw my way out again. I was tired. Tired of clawing, tired of fighting it. Just wanted to rest.

Don't get me wrong. I wasn't lookin' to go all suicidal again or nothin', I just wanted it to be quiet for a little while. It was quiet in prison-- mostly just me and my own thoughts. Some nights locked up down in solitary I thought for sure I might go out of my mind seeing all the faces in my head, hearing all the voices. Confronted with every fucked up thing I'd ever done, everything I'd ever been, and there was still a kinda peace to it. Everything around me had been wicked loud for so long and finally I just had me. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide from myself. I'd saw off my right arm to go back to that. It wasn't like I could just knock on the door of the SoCal Women's Correctional Facility and ask 'em real nice if I could come back in and play like a good inmate. Not after the way Angel busted my ass out to help him protect Connor.

What a fucking joke that was.

Kid was a total nutjob and that didn't even begin to describe it. He killed that guy in the alleyway, and I wasn't even sure why. Jealous that I was screwin' somebody else? Tryin' to get my attention? Didn't much care cause all I could see were the consequences. I'd spent so long thinkin' about the fucking consequences that now I just couldn't keep from torturing myself with 'em. Connor was so wrong. I wasn't anything like him, I'd changed. Even before I'd changed there was something different about it. My form of crazy had come from a place of fear and desperation-- always acted on pure emotion. Connor? He was more slightly amused and coldly calculating. Something wasn't right with him and I wondered if it might have less to do with how he was raised and more to do with the fact that he was the son of two vampires. That had to mess a kid up for sure. Almost made a girl grateful she only had to deal with alcoholics.

"Screw it. I'm outta here." I muttered as I grabbed up the few things I actually did own and headed out once and for all. Luckily Connor had already disappeared. Despite that I knew it was a dim hope that he'd actually listen to my request of leavin' me the hell alone. God, what was I thinkin'? Earlier...with Connor....I was just so fucking pissed, the kid could infuriate me like none other. And he kept sayin' that he loved me which was seriously whack and I just....I did something stupid. Story of my life, right?

When I got to the bus station I glanced at the various destinations and frowned. Maybe I should head on over back to the Dale. Now that B was nestin' herself all comfy cozy in L.A. the hellmouth's gotta need a slayer, right? Sure, made sense to me. Then I got to thinkin' about it and Sunnydale was only a couple hours away from L.A. Too close. I needed to get further away. Finally decided on New York City. Didn't exactly have the balls to head back to Boston yet and I figured New York had to be as close as I was gonna get to where I grew up. Plus I'd always wanted to go to New York and now seemed as good a time as any. Problem was, next bus to New York didn't leave for five hours. Whatever. I couldn't go back to that warehouse so I figured I'd kick around in the station for a few hours. No big. After I bought my ticket, I plopped down on a bench, shared by some bum holdin' a paper bag with some kinda bottle in it in one hand as he snored away the night. Wasn't a bad idea actually. Both the alcohol and the sleep, but since there was no booze handy I just sank down on the bench and closed my eyes.

"What's that?" I asked curiously, pointing at the murky bit of plastic floating at the top of the fishbowl. Like a cornflake in a cereal bowl tossed in the sink and completely forgotten about.

"It's my soul." He said proudly, before turning bright eyes on mine. There was love in them but I didn't understand how anything with a soul could love anything or anyone.

"You're always telling stories." I grinned at him.

I couldn't stop grinning even as his teeth began to transform into fangs, into large snapping jaws. The room began to gradually get darker as I kept smiling at him. And when the jaws opened I could see another pair of eyes staring at me calmly. Frowning I put one hand on the edge of his mouth and pulled the jaws apart further, further and further until it could engulf me, until it was a cave. Striking a match on the side of the cave's wall so I could see I walked deeper and deeper until I saw him.

Now I lay me down to sleep.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Faith."

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

"No one I wouldn't kill for you."

And if I die before I wake.

With a growl he was suddenly right in front of me, grabbing my arms with his hands.

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

I lashed out quickly feeling the hand tighten on my arm. One quick fist hitting him in the jaw before I actually focused on who exactly had thought about puttin' their hands on me while I was sleepin'. My eyes widened in surprise when I saw that it was Angel, now holdin' one hand over a blossoming bruise on his chim.

"Sorry." I said quickly, before I'd really thought about it. "Wait a sec. No. I'm not! You tried to kill me!"

Current Mood: tired tired
Current Music: No Big Deal- Lara Fabian

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No one was happy that I had released Faith. Angel looked ready to grab me and chain me up to keep me from causing any further problems, but of course my mother wouldn't let that happen. I had to assure mother that I wanted to fight with Faith and that she hadn't truly hurt me. I don't believe it helped to pacify her anger any. I doubted that Faith would ever be welcomed back home again.

Buffy did not trust me and I believed the others were beginning to fear me. Most of them kept their distance as I rested in my suite. The wounds didn't take long to heal, but the tension through out the hotel was intoxicating. People were snapping at each other and it was clear that not everyone agreed with what Angel had done to Faith in the basement. Perhaps he would be the next to end up in those chains. That would be fun. I hoped I would be able to sneak down and visit with him as well.

I spent all of my time obsessing over Faith. I could see her in my dreams and when I would wake up calling out her name, it was disheartening to realize she was no longer in the hotel. I would have to go off in search of her, but that would take some careful planning. I knew they were watching me. Perhaps they believed I would attack one of them next. Perhaps they were afraid Faith would appear and finish me off. Whatever the reason, I was used to being watched. I'd spent all of my childhood being watched and tested. Now that my mother was aware of what Wolfram and Hart's true plans had been for me, I figured she would be focused more on punishing them for daring to touch what was hers rather than plotting vengeance against the slayer who had already ran away.

I heard talks of a plan to sneak into the labs at Wolfram and Hart and locate the tests they did on me. They wished to have my file so they could better understand what I had been through and more importantly, if the firm had managed to indeed clone me. That had to be a nightmare for all inside the hotel. They couldn't manage keeping me under lock and key. They'd never be able to deal with another me, much less an army of my clones.

I'd been kept inside the hotel long enough. Almost all of my wounds were healed and I needed to find Faith. Having her away from me left me unsettled. I knew, even if she hadn't figured it out yet, that we were destined for each other. She was mine. One day she would realize that.

I climbed to the roof of the hotel and jumped easily to the ground. I ran as fast as I could through the shadows as I attempted to track her. Something told me she would be on guard and expecting someone, most likely my parents or the cops, to be on her trail. That meant she would be more careful. Perhaps hunting her was a mistake. I would just have her hunt me. I needed to do something to catch her attention.

The club. If she was anything like me she would return to that club, that alley, and revisit the place where her world fell apart. The place where I instigated my role into her life. I'd go back to the club and if she was not inside, then I would lure someone into the alley and make them scream. Maybe Faith would be close enough by to leap to the person's aid and we could finally see each other. It's been too long. I really have missed her.

[Open to Faith.]
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