but i just wanted some energy put into .. this. because, because.
Sometimes it feels that if you talk about things, or even think about things too much it makes them not real. I don't know whether its better to talk about things and think about things to keep them alive and vivid or whether to just, let them be on their own.
I don't know what thats about or what its in relation to
its sunny today
but snow is meant to coming next week
already feburary. then march, then eighteen.
i shouldn't think in 'and thens'. i should think of right nows.
right now i am happy for my good marks in spanish. i am happy for my final piece and the girls face which is working how i wanted it. i am grateful for everybody who is willing to smile back. i am grateful for this weekend and everybody around the pub table on friday night.
and the sunshine.
my granddad is really sick. he's in a psychiatric hospital because he's so confused. i've never connected with that side of my family. not really. i always thought they didnt like me because i'm not completely english. i used to think that anyway, when i was small.
but that's probably not true.