(no subject)

I don't know what this is for or what this will be about -
but i just wanted some energy put into .. this. because, because.

Sometimes it feels that if you talk about things, or even think about things too much it makes them not real. I don't know whether its better to talk about things and think about things to keep them alive and vivid or whether to just, let them be on their own.
I don't know what thats about or what its in relation to
its sunny today
but snow is meant to coming next week
then feburary.
already feburary. then march, then eighteen.
i shouldn't think in 'and thens'. i should think of right nows.
right now i am happy for my good marks in spanish. i am happy for my final piece and the girls face which is working how i wanted it. i am grateful for everybody who is willing to smile back. i am grateful for this weekend and everybody around the pub table on friday night.

and the sunshine.

my granddad is really sick. he's in a psychiatric hospital because he's so confused. i've never connected with that side of my family. not really. i always thought they didnt like me because i'm not completely english. i used to think that anyway, when i was small.
but that's probably not true.


(no subject)

                    Happy Tafara day everyone!

                              lots of love to you, hope you had a nice day,

on stage

birthday meal.

at balham
tiger lil's.
then, whatever. something fun please.
cool man.

i've spent so long being so, comfortable with people, being completely myself. all summer. and now i have to remember how to talk to people i don't know and it's so hard. i hate hate hate all the small talk.
but, at the same time, with some people it already feels like i've known them for years. like with sam, we just sit and cuss eachother. i found out today that he likes oasis which made me so happy. and this boy i met today, in second year, james, was so friendly and funny and i just feel like we're,,life-long friends.
it's so much easier to get to know boys than girls. i get on so much better with the boys in my classes. but they all sit together and talk about football and their friends who "dropped three pills before a lesson and got completely FUCKED". but oh well.

that's why i love so much being with all you lot that i know so well and (no offence) don't have to make an effort for.
when i can just sit and say dumb things or not say anything at all and not worry about what you think.
ohh it's the best.

  • Current Mood
    okay okay