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I got the book few days ago, I read chapter10 first and found out many lines were missing or mistranslated. I've no time to go through the whole book so I proofread some of the chapters.

Here are some of the errors and missing dialogues.

I did a rough translation so there may be grammar mistakes, and if I misunderstood any Japanese words, please correct me.

Words underlined in red were missing, in orange were condensed, in yellow were mistranlated.

J01E01

p.52

(furniture?)

 unexpected  name came out, Iason narrowed his eyes.

Orphe continued." XXXXXX. Steen. Mimea. Daryl."

Hearing the name of ex-furniture which Iason still freshly remembered, Iason frowned.



J02
E02


p.53

In that case for Paradita furniture, thinking of the impending trouble brought from the slumdog, the furniture was stressed to a point where it could not handle the routine work," Aisha stated flatly.

Just as if Aishia was telling the fact that he saw it with his own eyes, this truth made Iason felt far more unpleasant.

Iason glanced at Orphy, who kept silence and lifted the coner of his lips. Orphy seemed to be totally agreed with Aishia and was saying "I've also heard about this" in his heart.


J04

E03

P.56

"Of course, if you put that slumdog xxxxxxxxx

.........

interest for the other Blondies and their pets. Although Iason knew it very well, he was completely uninterested in it.

Up to this point, Iason had no choice but to give in.

"For the time being, perhaps three weeks?"

For the time being...... this phrase had several meaning, but it was pointless to argue with Orphe.

"Understood, what's the reason?"

Riki was hard to convince without a reason. Other pet might just obey any order, but Riki was far from obedient.それがいいのだと口にすれば、皆が呆れ返ってその悪食ぶるおあげつらうだけだらう。(<-- I cant translate this)
"you're right."
Orphe waved data across the holoscreen until it rested on a single image.

J05E04

p.57

"Good morning, master." Cal said with deference. Iason nodded and sat down at the table in front of Riki.

This was what Riki didn't like to see in the early morning.

A bad presentiment rised from Riki's back.

"----What?"

"You are under detention for three weeks."

Riki's hand stopped.

"----For what?"

The direct stare from Riki to Iason was enought not to let Cal, who was serving breakfast efficiently beside Riki, to remain calm anymore.

It didn't convince Riki.

The glare spoke louder than words. Riki had behaved so well that he couldn't recall he had done something wrong that will brought him punishment.

J06
j07
Orange words:
E05
Should be:

p.102

"Isn't it time for us to see Zico's ability? It will ruin the reputation of  "Zico of the Neal-Darts" if he can't even tackle mongrels from Slum. Zico should know this well enough."


j08yellow underlined words were mistranslated on page 104.
p.104

Katze held his breath. A pet telling his master in such terms was unfathomable.

The correct one should be:

Katze held his breath. It was not that a pet telling his master in such terms was unfathomable, it was because Katze felt that he had a glimpse into the dark side of Eos, the dark side that people from outside will never see.

 

Chapter 10 was poorly translated, again red words were missing, most of them discribe the sex scene.
j09

I've no time to translated the missing part, here are the errors underlined in yellow.

E07

p.119

And then, Iason broke into Riki's house at that night, after a year of seperation, when Riki was taken by Iason, he couldn't help but aweared of his hunger to Iason's caress, his body went out of control.

At that moment, it was the first time that Riki desired Iason from the bottom of his heart.

Riki was willing to give up his freedom. For enslavement, to be touched.

However, when Riki returned to Eos, he noticed that he wasn't the only one who had changed, the way Iason had sex with him was also different from the past.


Iason placing his mouth on Riki was proof enough.

E08

"Stop. No. Stop " should be

バカ (ばか/馬鹿) rediculous!

Stop it!

変態! pervert!

chapter 10 was highly condensed, is it because of censorship? But the book is rated as "mature age" so this shouldn't be a problem :/

There're 230 pages for the Japanese version, and only 126 for the English version.

So that's why the book is so tiny!


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Comments

( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
bahen
Nov. 24th, 2012 09:08 pm (UTC)
Wow, that is some list. Then again, I'm not surprised...

As to the book length, I think the problem is the number of novels. Just remember originally when DMP had the license for the 6 novels it was with another Japanese firm. When the new Japanese publisher took over, they rereleased the entire series and changed the way the books were published and put them together differently so the whole series was only 6 books. We on the other hand are going to have a series that consists of 8 books.

Lets just hang in their until, (what is the blasted month now for release June? July) the last book is released and see how big that is going to be because it is going to have to cover alot of ground.
rainbowfam
Nov. 24th, 2012 11:41 pm (UTC)
The japanese book Vol 5, covered the same content as Eng. Vol 7.
Jap vol 1-4 = Eng 1- 6.
But Jap Vol 5 = Eng Vol 7
Jap Vol 6 = Eng Vol 8
bahen
Nov. 24th, 2012 11:55 pm (UTC)
Ok, so we're being screwed. Guess they think they are doing us a big favour by just completing the series.
a_grumble_cake
Nov. 24th, 2012 09:50 pm (UTC)
Ugh that is upsetting. We deserve better than sloppy translations, especially if we're paying $10 for 130 pages with big font text.

Volume 7 has 10 chapters and ends with Iason thinking of Raoul and Orphe's words to him and then a short epilogue. Is this how the Japanese volume ends? Do both versions cover the same chapters?
rainbowfam
Nov. 24th, 2012 11:42 pm (UTC)
Yes, japanese book Vol 5, covered the same content as Eng. Vol 7.
Jap vol 7 has 10 chapters and epilogue too.
a_grumble_cake
Nov. 25th, 2012 12:39 am (UTC)
That is really strange. I compared a few English books translated to Japanese and the amount of pages between the Japanese and English versions does vary by as much as 20% but this is a full 70% difference. It doesn't make sense... surely they didn't chop off that much? And was it intentional or did they simply rely on the translator and did not check his work at all (judging by the book, there was no editing done at all...).

EDIT:
Eng volumes 1-6 = 951 pages
Japanese volumes 1-4 = 1284 pages (according to Amazon at least... I don't own the Japanese books and the numbers might be incorrect).

So with the previous volumes there was a 25% decrease in the number of pages from Japanese to English. With the new volume there is a 45% decrease... that is far too much!

Edited at 2012-11-25 12:59 am (UTC)
tigrin
Nov. 25th, 2012 01:44 am (UTC)
I'm not sure if the comparison with page numbers is fair at all? I have the first Harry Potter book in both Japanese and English... I haven't finished reading the Japanese version but it's an almost line-for-line translation of the English... and the Japanese book is 462 pages long, and the English one is a little over 300. Just the way Japanese is written from top to bottom can take up a lot more pages, I'd think. And a literal translation of Japanese is usually longer and more complicated than a shorter phrase in English. Such as above:

Japanese (literal): In that case for Paradita furniture, thinking of the impending trouble brought from the slumdog, the furniture was stressed to a point where it could not handle the routine work," Aisha stated flatly.
Eng: "The Paradita furniture was stressed to the point where it could not function," Aisha stated flatly.

That Japanese translation is really long and cumbersome. It's implied that the Paradita furniture's distress is connected to Riki, so it's not really necessary to mention. The furniture not being able to handle routine work is just about the same as not being able to function at all, since their only function or use is their ability to work anyway. "In that case for Paradita furniture" is an awkward translation in general. When you don't do a literal translation, yeah, you are going to miss something... but sometimes you have to drop things in order to make it sound natural in English.

As to some of the lines dropped altogether, I've got no explanation, except a way too liberal translation. :S
a_grumble_cake
Nov. 25th, 2012 11:32 am (UTC)
Yeah, I know page amounts vary and that's why I compared it to other volumes in the same series and same release. The book size and font size has not changed in all DMP volumes and of course it is the same for all 4 Japanese volumes. The writing style and layout are all the same so it doesn't make sense that earlier version only had a medium difference in the amount of pages and the latest volume suddenly has such a huge difference...

As for the example you gave, the fact the Riki is connected might not be necessary to mention but that is also true for the Japanese text and Rieko Yoshihara and her editor still chose to include it. The translator's job is to translate, not edit and removing a character's name/nickname from a sentence is editing. I'm not a fan of literal translation at all but you have to draw the line somewhere! But yeah, that's not really as important as the sentences that are completely missing...

I'm going to email DMP about this. If they don't know the translation was butchered then they need to know and if they already know then they need to provide an explanation.
tigrin
Nov. 25th, 2012 09:13 pm (UTC)
Yeah I understand, there's editing, and there's just flat-out removing content... I fully support you e-mailing them, though I have a feeling they won't care. :(
a_grumble_cake
Nov. 25th, 2012 09:24 pm (UTC)
I have that feeling too but I will be sure to share their reply if I get one!
kitsunebella
Mar. 28th, 2014 12:35 am (UTC)
Don't be shocked if you don't. They're a company like any other. The impression I get after reading everything I could about fans, industry folks and the like, and my personal gut feeling---they don't care. And they certainly don't care about this very important title. Makes me sad. :(
a_grumble_cake
Sep. 6th, 2014 08:54 pm (UTC)
I only noticed your new comments now and for the record, I did email them and got a notice saying my letter was forwarded to the relevant department. But they didn't contact me after that and I have no way of knowing if anyone important even read my email. Well, I tried :/
kitsunebella
Mar. 28th, 2014 12:39 am (UTC)
DMP need to not only provide an explanation about the botched translation but they also need to make the fans happy by providing a much improved edition---if it means reissuing Vol. 7 with the corrections done, I'd be more than happy with that. But I don't like the feeling that this got censored in some way. I can understand that it could be from a deadline standpoint---if that's the case it needs to be addressed and fixed. But to blatantly remove content that doesn't help the novel but actually hurts it, that's unforgiveable.
rainbowfam
Nov. 25th, 2012 01:55 pm (UTC)
Yes, Japanese is cumbersome, to meet the english reading habits, some of the lines can be condense and still makes no difference.
But it is also interesting to see the facial expression of the character, the interection between blondies, or their minor thoughts and feelings.

For the lines that dropped altogether (page 186 of Japanese vol.),they are not closely related to main story line, It is yoshihara's (political(?)sort of...) thoughts.
I understand why they skipped those lines, but some readers(like me) would like to read that too.

Yoshihara's writing style is clumsy... and probably people complained so they condensed the content.
Overall the translation is fine, (it was a hard work), except for some translation errors, but chapter 10 is unacceptable for me.

The mood/feeling is lost in English translation in chapter 10. (unless due to cencorship...)

Riki was cute in Chapter 10, but some dialogues between him and Iaosn (in the bed :P) were missing, so we can't see it.

For me the bottom line of literal/liberal translation, is that dialogue should be retained.
This is the way to charaterized the character.

Edited at 2012-11-25 01:57 pm (UTC)
tigrin
Nov. 25th, 2012 09:14 pm (UTC)
Yeah it is really odd to just remove whole lines of dialogue and such. I agree it is a bit too liberal of a translation. The character's thoughts and feelings are important.
kasume224
Nov. 25th, 2012 01:49 am (UTC)
Oh wow. =w= I spent money on this book to only have it being condensed and mistranslated. :/ Oh well. It's AnK, I can't help but buy it and probably buy vol.8 when it comes out in June... or later. Where ever the release date will be lol
Maybe it is because of censorship that they condensed it. but ya it does have mature age reading so.
Well it's a new translator so maybe the person is not as good?? X3
Anyways thank you for telling us! When I was reading it and got to the "Iason came to Riki" part, I was so confused how it suddenly jumped scenes XP
akyore
Nov. 25th, 2012 05:24 am (UTC)
"At that moment, it was the first time that Riki desired Iason from the bottom of his heart."
^ This is such a wonderful line. Why must they excludes this?! I swear I keep having this feeling that Rikki doesn't love Iason as much as Iason have fallen for him, but I see now that this train of thought was just lost inbetween translations. I'm sorry to say, but this subtle expression of love between Rikki and Iason, no matter how trivial it is, needs to be included or otherwise it's lost.

However, (=___=;) I'm not surprise to see this... lost that a long time ago... something that's expected of June. I'll still get the last volume whenever it's out just so I can complete the summary of this series. But, you also hit home that I need to act up on my saving up and buying the Japanese version for collection too. This story is too great not to have the original when the english will always be sloppy coming from June.

Edited at 2012-11-25 05:36 am (UTC)
rainbowfam
Nov. 29th, 2012 11:26 am (UTC)
Yes, this story is too great that I wish I can read the original without looking up the Japanese dictionary!
kiggy007
Nov. 25th, 2012 02:31 pm (UTC)
I wonder if they purposely did the mistranslation, it might be part of their censoring effort *shrug
But it still NOT cool sheesh.
metakite
Nov. 25th, 2012 08:48 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for the comparison, rainbowfam. Reading through the English volume 7, I thought it was missing some details but I ahd nothing to go on because I no longer have the French fan translation from before to compare it to. Now I know I wasn't mistaken in that book was shorter and more compressed. Volume 7 is just a big problem. What also bugs me is volume 7 is a $1.00 more expensive than the previous volumes but it has so many errors and things left out. I really truky hope the delay with volume 8 means they are adressing and fixing any issues like 7 had.
rainbowfam
Nov. 29th, 2012 11:00 am (UTC)
you're welcome, me too I would rather have the release date postponed, than a book with many problems.
prettybadkitty
Nov. 26th, 2012 06:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your insight, I guess translator was lazy or something, then deadline was coming so rushed up his work and nobody supervised if it was done properly.
They don't have love for this story and they don't care about those that do =C
rainbowfam
Nov. 29th, 2012 10:44 am (UTC)
Yes I think the translator rushed toward the dealine, some mistranslation are just careless mistake :C
a_grumble_cake
Dec. 5th, 2012 12:47 am (UTC)
Hi rainbowfam! Do you mind telling me which Japanese version of Ai no Kusabi you used for this? Is it the old Crystal version that was supposed to have 8 volumes or the new version by Chara that had 6 volumes? I am writing an email to June so I want to get all the information right.

By the way, did you ever compare Kelly Quine's translation to the original? I'm curious to know how her translation measures up.
rainbowfam
Dec. 8th, 2012 07:49 am (UTC)
It's the new version by Chara, volume 5 : 間の楔5 (キャラ文庫)
http://www.amazon.co.jp/gp/switch-language/product/419900548X/ref=dp_change_lang?ie=UTF8&language=en_JP

I didn't compare Kelly Quine's translation in details, I only compared some of the chapters in volume 1,4 and 6, overall she had tried to translate every words :)
a_grumble_cake
Dec. 8th, 2012 11:56 am (UTC)
Thank you! And I'm glad to hear Kelly Quine's translation didn't omit anything (that we know!).
rainbowfam
Dec. 8th, 2012 01:24 pm (UTC)
no worries :)
kitsunebella
Mar. 28th, 2014 12:27 am (UTC)
UGH! It disturbs me on any number of levels that there are so many mistranslated parts as well as omissions. It won't surprise me if this was censored. Judging by how 'hard-core' or 'explicit' the sex scenes were in the volumes translated by Kelly Quine, the scenes in the this particular volume were massively watered down to the point of annoyance (I'd prefer my books to be uncut, like my films). It just perturbs me that this occurred. I've also heard that DMP has a rather bad reputation for censoring their yaoi manga--I've done some comparisons between their versions of things and the scanlated versions, I'd take the fan-versions. :)

Thank you very much Rainbowfam for your work on this.
( 28 comments — Leave a comment )