Amanda (fathoms_deep) wrote in adventchildren_,

~~Cold Dreams~~

Kadaj's feelings for a certain someone are illustrated, and vice versa, in this strange and bizarre nightmare...

Title: Cold Dreams
Author: Fathoms_Deep
Pairings: Kadaj x ??? (not telling)
Warnings: Mildly spoilerific, a little spazzy sexy, and ...weird.
Rating: R
Length: Short ficcy drabble... many paragraphs of spazzy description.
Timeline: Some obscure moment when Kadaj had a few moments to rest, during movie.

* * * * * *

"I don't know Sephiroth. But sometimes I can feel him..."


My mind fled away from me; I struggled to recapture wakefulness, to focus on the dim lights around me. Utter failure. The comforting quiet lulled me, seduced my thoughts into a false sense of security. The deep, rhythmic breathing of my two siblings beside me set me onto an ocean of drowsy ease. I closed my eyes, tilting my head back one last time to breathe.

Blanketed in sleep, so deeply that I didn't feel want of anything else than to simply let it go on. How long since my last proper rest? I never imagined I could sleep so deeply.

Tender, affectionate words came to me. It was a deep and consoling voice in my ear. It was a hand on my forehead, caressing my hair back from my face. I sighed; I whispered, "Mother." A voice like black silk returned again. Malicious laughter.

And then something hard and callous and cold reached into my chest, tearing a high-pitched, agonized scream from somewhere inside my soul. I grasped at my chest and moaned, rolling over onto my side. Black, dead grassland all around me, nothing else save the horizon that went on forever into a crimson sunset. Staring with aching, itchy eyes made my eyes ache, and I slowly rose to my feet, holding a hand over my chest.

No sooner had I regained my legs than weakness seized my buckling legs. I cursed, gasping as I anticipated the embarassing discomfort of falling like a broken tower. Instead, I felt hard, powerful arms grip me under the arms and pull me back. My shoulders then pressed against what felt like a wall of muscle. My eyes closed tightly and I breathed shakily.

A mildly pleasant breeze of chill air breathed just against my ear. "She's not for you," he said.

Stunned with the familiarity of this presence, I looked down and saw his arms in leather, corded muscle grasping firmly at my chest.

"Where am I?" I whispered, for the silence around us was so complete I was afraid to undo it with a brazen voice.

"A dream, brother. A dream that only we can dream together. A dark, cold vision somewhere between this world and the Lifestream." He let go. I staggered forward, and turned around. The dark shadow jumped away, and I watched him haughtily across the distance between us, now some twenty feet.

His cloak rippled. The hiss and whisper of the air through the grass was the same wind that pulled at his long, shining hair and black cloak. I was terrified and in awe all at once. Anger fused in my veins, I sneered and brushed silver hair from my face. "Is that all? Then I'm leaving. Mother will decide which one of us will reign. What makes you think she'll choose you over me?"

My tall and unappreciated brother just gave one of his laughs, and slowly readjusted his footing in the dirt.

"Didn't you fail her once before?" I continued silkily. "When you had come so close to your goal, did you not seek to reach for the stars... and die trying?"

His laughter ceased all at once. He pressed his lips together (and I could see all of this through the haze of the wind-riding dust and dead flower petals), and his eyes burned from the inside.

"Kadaj, don't you understand anything?" Suddenly he was twenty some feet closer, and right in front of me. He reached, his leather gloved hands bent like talons. These talons buried themselves inside of me again. I cried out, and clawed at his forearm. The nightmare did not end - he retracted his arm, and pulled something out of me. I saw the dark metallic hand guard, the black and white sword grip. I fell backwards as the rest of the incredibly long sword came out of me, leaving only an aching, itching burning place where it had come from.

"I hate... you," I gasped, laying helplessly on the ground. My eyes burned; I shuddered and screamed, "I hate you!"

His eyes found mine again. He leaned the sword he had birthed out of my flesh on the ground, pulling me closer until we were nearly nose to nose. It was unnerving, but I no longer had any ambition to fight him.

"But I *love* you, Kadaj," he whispered. Lips like cold, dead flesh traveled a searing path from my cheek to my forehead. I felt them tighten and he kissed my brow. He pulled on my jacket with one hand, then crushing his hard, merciless mouth to mine. He bit my lip; tasting blood, I merely pushed against his chest to no effort at all. I was weak here... and miserably human.

I shut my eyes. But no matter how hard I wished to close them, all I could see was the long, silver hair, and the piercing eyes, and what little of this wretched realm where he had been banished. Most of all was the loneliness that poured out of me. His cruel hands finally released me, and I woke up in the darkness, trembling.

Loz and Kadaj were still asleep beside me. I reached out and touched Yazoo's face gently, caressing his smooth cheek bones and forcing myself not to weep. Did they dream as I dreamed? Were they like myself, tormented by what I could become, or who would replace me? Mother's best son... I hugged my chest, and rolled away from them. The scared boy inside of me wept bitterly, and then the scared child was myself, sobbing quietly.

Don't leave me. Don't leave me alone. Don't leave, Mother.

Laughter trickled through the dark corridors of the forest. I sat up, gripping the sword at my side with a sneer of hatred. As long as I was here, I thought, and didn't sleep or visit that dark, cold dream where my ancient brother was hiding, I'd be safe. I laid back again, gazing through the glowing trees into the stars. I was safe now. Yazoo awoke slowly, turning his head from side to side, until his cool eyes found me.

"Kadaj." He sat up, his deep voice burdened with sleepy sentiments. "Did you have a dream?"

"No," I lied. "No, I just.. can't sleep."

Yazoo clicked his tongue gently, shook his head. Of course I couldn't put it past him to see through my lies. Maybe it was the dream around me still, but he felt it. Instead of turning away, he lifted himself from the ground and sat closer, his legs crossed.

"Well?" he asked warmly, resting a hand against the small of my back. I shut my eyes, and opened them quickly, lest I saw that dark vision again. Dammit, but why did my twisted sibling see into my soul like that?

I sighed, and at once unfolded myself to lay sprawled against his legs. Yazoo rubbed my shoulders for me, lovingly pressing his arms around my chest, while I whispered softly, "No more dreams, brother. Just the stars... and Loz snoring over there... and Mother."
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