What's the point in sleeping? It just makes me think of Brent. Yes Brent has been gone for about 30 minutes now. He had to leave at 2 AM to be able to get to work in the morning. After the gang left, he was really quiet, and it was scaring me, he wouldn't even look at me, he was so upset. Finally he told me he didn't want to leave. Then he started to cry. After I had been crying out of frusteration that he wouldnt tell me anything. So we spent a good 15 minutes crying together, then I had to take Kari home, it was a quiet ride there. When I got back he hugged me and said he was sorry about before. Then we watched TNA for a bit. After we turned the TV off the tears started by me again, I sobbed in his arms for a good 20 minutes. I just couldn't bare him leaving me again. After a while I got calmed down so we canoodled a bit. Then we just laid in eachothers arms and hugged and kissed. After a bit I told him not to hold his tears anymore, I could see it in his eyes that he was hurting, I don't want him to hide his emotions from me, so I held him in my arms for quite sometime, I am really glad he got it out. THen it was really time to say goodbye. I hate that part. So we cried a bit more, hugged and kissed, then he was gone.
I know alot of you want to say I told you so or you should have known what you were getting into when you started this realationship. I know and I will always know what I got into. I got into a realationship with a man I love with everything that I am. He means everything to me and I want to spend my life with him. Of course I am going to be upset now and than that we aren't always together. Thats what being in love is, missing your loved one when he isnt around. What really keeps me going is knowing that someday we will be together forever and I will never have to wait to see him again, he will already be there. Until then tho, I try to be as strong as I can most of the time, but let out a good cry when needed.
Well the weekend with Brent went wonderful as always.He got here Friday night at about 10:00 he called me saying he was at suoer 8 and I was sapposed to meet him there, but when I went outside to go to my car, there he was! I was so excited! So after a while we decided to go to Wal-Mart why? Why not? So we wandered around Wally WOrld a bit then we went back to wanda's. We spent the whole night canoodeling and talking until about 3. We got up at 8!!! So we hung around and watched some cartoons for a bit, then we went to my grandpa's house to see the twins, and after a bit we went to Culver's for a birthday lunch for Kari. She liked her present which was a ticket to American Idol Live. After that we spent a feww hours at my Grandparents house, looking at old photo books and what not. Then Kari,Brent, and I rented Blade:Trinity, watched that, after the movie, we picked up Denielle (Kari's cousin) did some hanging around, eventually Chris and Charles came along, which after that was complete chaos! Charles is a riot! Hes a 14 year old kid whom you'd think was 19!! It was especially fun to see Charles and Chris play with these rubber stretchy penis' they bought at pure pleasure, why? I dont know! Amanda showed up! I havnt seen her since I graduated!! It was nice to see her. We cut the cookie cake, and ate hotdogs and cake, more craziness went on then we all headed outside for a bonfire. The craziness ensued, it was a bunch of Charles making fun of chris, Charles trying to bend metal when he put it into fire, and me cuddling with Brent :) After an hour we decided to head back downstairs. I put in System of a DOwn's new CD which I am in love with now, anyone want to buy it for me?! Charles decided to start talking to people on my msn, that was fun, he was trying to get Sha to show him her boobies, she wouldnt so I did instead lol. Chris and Charles did a dance to the song Holiday. More penis fights! So I should say Kari had a good birthday!
Well I cant really scream because I'd wake people up. I want to scream because I can't cry. I cant cry because I dont like crying in front of my dad. I want to cry because Brent is upset that we are away from eachother. When he's upset I am. It's not really his fault that I am upset, I just care for him so goddamn much, I want him to be happier, and I don't know what to do! So I get frusterated then I get upset and want to cry. I just wish I could do something! I want to hold him so much! To tell him it will all be ok. I am not giving up on him tho. I know we will be together someday and I just want that to happen, so I need to be strong until then.
Yea I am sitting here crying. I miss Brent with every inch of my emotions and soul and everything else that has feeling. Did that make sense? I dont care. I know I thought about all the pain I would have to go through and what not when I decided to get into a long distance relationship. I just am feeling some of that pain right now, and thats normal. Usually in a relationship, if you want to see your bf, you just go on over to his place, but until he moves here I really can't do that. I have to make due with his pictures and his words he types to me, and sometimes when he calls me I can hear his voice and that feels a little better, to know hes on the otherside, loving me back. The best times in my life are when he comes and visits me in Rochester :) I am free and happy as can be. The man I love is holding me in his arms, and I can touch and feel and hear him all at the same time. Then he leaves me and all that hurt comes back. I know I love this man dearly with every fiber of my being, its just hard to be away from him when I love him so much. I really hope he moves here soon.