Tags: support

Flower Power

Stuff I need to get off my mind

On plan, off plan, on plan, off plan. I need to be motivated to continue. I've never been this unhealthy at college. I love my roommates but they're terrible influences on my eating (granted- they don't know I'm doing WW and I don't really want to tell. Maybe I'm being silly). Either way, I have to start back on plan. So this will be my new day 1 and I hope to continue.


I have kind of lost my way when it comes to WW - I have to stop self-sabotaging!  I think I have gained 2 pounds since school started.  Ugh - I am starting again tomorrow (for real) I am just going to have to start tracking and writing down everything!  NO EXCUSES.  I am going to hit up stop and shop tomorrow and stock up on all my fruits and veggies.  I think I may try to walk everyday at lunchtime.  I go on Fridays, but that's not enough!  Need to do a few more days!  If I walk Wed-Fri during my lunch, then I can eat my lunch during my prep.  Can't do Mon-Tue because my preps are in the AM and my lunch is my only break in the PM.

My sister and her family are going to the Bahamas in April and invited me to go...I really want to join them, but I want to be super healthy by then and be LIFETIME with WW, so maybe this is the motivation I need to get back on track!  I met with a personal trainer here at my complex and basically he told me I needed to start working with weights.  He is very expensive and do not have the time to commit to a bunch of training sessions.  I am going to go to the gym here and just figure out what I am doing!

I currently get 19 points, which I struggle with.  Do you think it would help me get back on track if I bumped myself back up to 20 or 21?  It's not that much more than I get, but for some reason I didn't have any problem sticking to those points.  I know I get weekly flex points but I feel like I need to really stick to my dailies. 

I was so close to my goal...3.2 pounds.  Now I am 5 pounds away!!  I am supposed to start working for WW and really wanted to be at goal by that time.  Now they want me to start training next week....crap!  What the heck is wrong with me?????

That's it...I AM DONE!!  I am taking back my life!!!!!

So it's come to this?

A long history of worrying about my weight....

I have worried about my weight for as long as I've been conscious of it. I think kindergarten was when I first started putting emphasis on looks, my own looks and those of other people. I even remember throwing fits about wearing certain outfits if I felt fat when I was FIVE. If I ever have children, I definitely don't want them to even think about going there. It's just not appropriate to feel that way about your body at such a young age. All the same, I felt it.  And I was a perfectly normal size for a five year old little girl. Nothing special.

I started moderately gaining weight when I was in second or third grade. I don't remember how much I weighed during this time, but I think it was a good fifteen lbs heavier than a lot of my other friends. That only managed to get worse around the time fifth grade rolled around. By then, I had acne, oily hair, and was wearing the half-sizes. (Does anyone know what I'm talking about?) All I know is that Limited Too only went up to a size 16 in little girls' sizes and didn't cater to those who needed the half-sizes.

In sixth and seventh grade, full-blown puberty hit and I had a growth spurt, but I was still heavy. If I had a copy of my sixth grade yearbook picture, I would post it here, but I cried so hard on the day I received my yearbook that I CUT it out by applying pressure with a pen. I still remember exactly what it looked like, and it haunts me to this day that there is still an existing record of me looking that bad.

Eighth grade was another bad year ,made worse by the fact that I decided it would be a GREAT idea to get a perm put in my hair. 

By the time I reached high school, I was... still chubby, though I lost some weight my freshman year and put it back on throughout highschool. It fluctuated between the high 150s-low 160s. For the record, I was probably 5'4" at that time. None of that weight contributed to curves; it was all fat. I have a naturally round face, broad shoulders, and no butt whatsoever. Most of this extra weight was pure flab. This was due to the fact that I hated exercising and sweating and general physical exertion, although I was active in drama.

Upon entrance to college, I added about fifteen lbs to my total weight, reaching 175 lbs. I finally hauled my butt to a Weight Watcher meeting after seeing another girl have success with the program. I lost about 27 lbs healthily  and then developed a pretty harsh eating disorder due to not wanting to go over my daily points values.  I feel like that one mistake has majorly altered my metabolism, making it ever so difficult to lose weight easily.  I probably lost another 10 lbs on top of that due to my stupid, unhealthy choices. . .

When I got married, I weighed less than 140 lbs and felt great about the way I looked. I actually felt pretty, acceptable, though in the back of my mind... I still wanted to lose more weight. For me, 125 sounded pretty ideal.

Of course, my first full-time job created chaos in my life, and I found myself turning to food for comfort and consolation. By the time Christmas rolled around in 2006, I was weighing 155. By the time Valentine's Day 2007 rolled around, I was at 159.  

On a "low" day, I'm at 162 now.
Today, bloated as ever and on my period, I'm at 170.

I just want to know that it's possible for me to lose again. I'm not crying. I'm not terribly upset. I'm just a little jaded. I wanted to enclose some pictures because I'm proud of what I accomplished throughout 2004-2005.

If anyone of you had success with Weight Watchers the first time and have since gained the weight back, has it been harder your next consecutive efforts at losing weight? I feel like it's almost impossible for me to get back in that same frame of mind where I wanted to be thin so badly.

I guess counseling for the eating disorder put things in perspective for me. Weight is not the most important thing ever, but I still don't want to be THIS weight after all the success I had. I know this program works; I just wanted to vent. I'm probably going to start going to meetings again next week.

Question: How much weight do y'all usually gain when bloated? 

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(no subject)

I feel so queasy.

My stomach has been in knots all day over my personal finances. I will only finally receive my first full paycheck from my new job this Friday and until then money is (and has been since I left my full time job back in March) really tight.

So, feeling all anxious, I decided to do what people with weight problems always do when they are scared/happy/sad/nervous – I spent my lunch break eating until I felt that kind of full that leaves you feeling gross physically as well as leaving you emotionally worse-off than whatever led you to overeat in the first place. I ate my chili that I had brought from home for lunch, but then I also had a bag of Fritos and 3 (!!) cookies leftover from some function here last night. The cookies weren’t even good. And so I ate three of them. Blechhh.

Immediately afterward I felt so guilty that I went jogging in the neighborhood next to campus. I went jogging in my work clothes, with dress shoes on, and on a full stomach. And now I feel even worse yet – ready to hurl, truth be told – in addition to feeling pretty friggin’ crazy.

I had lost around 60 pounds in this past year since having the baby. I’ve gained 5 back in the 6 weeks I’ve been at this job.

(no subject)

Okay, college students. I need your help.

So, I'm a freshman in college. I've been here for over two months now, and I have been SEVERELY off plan the whole time. There is a meeting near me, but I haven't joined for these reasons:

1) My college is in a SMALL town. It's a tiny college, and basically the town is the college. There isn't a health food store nearby or anything like that for me to get myself healthy alternatives.

2) I'm on a meal plan, because again, if I weren't on their meal plan I wouldn't be able to eat, just because there really aren't any alternatives.

3) This is what their meal plan looks like: 3 card swipes a day, and then you enter a huge dining hall with an all-you-can-eat buffet spread out in front of you. Three times a day.

Now, it's bad enough that I'm faced with the all-you-can-eat buffet that often, but what makes it worse is that I have no way of controlling what there is to eat.

When I did ww before I basically got myself off butter completely and used Earth Balance as a healthy alternative, and I got used to using a spritz of olive oil for something instead of a glob of butter or a dolloping of olive oil, and I was getting used to eating things made without sugar, or with sugar alternatives.

Here everything is made with butter--I can taste it in the food, even the stuff that looks more healthy, like grilled vegetables, is doused in butter. Everything that's made here is made with the optimum amount of cream and butter and sugar and flour.

And of course I can forget about all the other crutches I used before--WW bread, rice bread, WW muffins...

How am I supposed to be able to track points when I don't know what's in what I'm eating? When I can't even trust that veggies are zero points?

It's not only that, it's that I can't really control my portion sizes either, because I can't exactly ask them to borrow a measuring cup and make everyone else in line wait ten minutes for me as I measure out everything onto my plate, you know? But that's how I did it before, and I don't know how else I'm supposed to know!

Of course I've considered doing core, but that's a problem because they flat out won't have core friendly foods all the time. There are literally some days where my options are pasta or peanut butter and jelly. The only thing they have daily that's reliably core is the salad, but I can't just eat salad every day!

There's also the fact that I'm a vegetarian, which makes the dining hall selections even more limited.

And let's not forget the willpower thing. Every night, they serve pizza. Every single day, there's doughnuts and muffins and danishes in the morning and cookies and cake in the afternoons and soft serve ice cream and cake and pie or eclairs or whatever poison they feel like serving us for dinner. I'm going crazy here!

I can't be the only one whose had to deal with this problem. Anybody? How did you work through this? Is there a way to do WW still, or am I fucked?