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A place to vent out

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[05 May 2007|02:52am]

I have not posted in years.

I recovered, and alas.. I realized I cannot do this. I've noticed myself slipping into old habits for a while now... and I had no where to turn. That's when I remembered these old communities I used to be a part of.

Right now, I'm looking for an AIM buddy who is around 21 years old like me. 

I'm sort of desperate to find someone to talk to, I'm feeling really alone. 
Please respond to this asap...


p.s. I'm x-posting this, sorry everybody.
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venting :) [06 Nov 2005|11:09am]

i. hate. recovery. its put me in a limbo.

recovery really does alter your state of mind. like its harder to get back to the same mentality eventhough your body, heart, and soul all want to. argh. so frustrating.

Read more...Collapse )
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[29 Jul 2005|02:40am]

hour 49 of fast. im feeling quite sick...which never happens to em during a fast...so im a lil worried...but im sure ill be fine. im down to 127...that 4 pounds! amazing! im almsot binged..but stopped myself...threw away the steak and chees my bro got me....and then worked out. i need to puke...i have this intense need to throw up evne though i ahvent eaten...and i tried and i couldnt! that NEVER happens...sumthin si up...i need to puke..bad.

fuck.i wanan go for a run but for soem reaosn all my street lights are out...so ima go around 5 am. then work my ass of doing every exercise i can think of. im extending my fast till monday, cuz i gutta eat monday at camp..but im tihnking of bringing a yougrt smoothie or fruit...any ideas girls? is it still a fast if i drink a yougirt smoothie for lunch??...

i wanna be 120 by the end of ym fast so i dont want to end it monday...im hoping the smoothie doesnt count...oh well...ill still be wayunder 200 cals.

stay strong girls

x-posted to...

bodyperfect str1p_it_away face_it_ur_fat edxnos
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[14 Jul 2005|12:16pm]

my fast has been once again fucked up becuase of my mother. i'm running out of excuses to use on her. this fucking bites. she thought i was depressed so she made me pizza and an icecream cone. i felt bad so i ate a slice and half the cone. i wanted to puke, but she was cleaning the bathroom. i think life is out to get me. and i am going to be depressed if i dont lose 20 pounds by august 31st. i figure instead of startign another fast right away i'll restrict to under 400 and on monday i'll start a new 5 day fast. aug 31st is the first day at school, and its another new school. i want to look amazing. not for the boys, cuz im happily married, but for myself. i could care less what other people think, but if im not happy with myself i know i get completely introverted and i shut people out. and i dont want to do that. i've come to the realization that i cant be on a fast when i see my husband becuase it hurts him too much to see me like that,and i dont want him to have to. i love him so much and he is the only person that has ever made me feel beautiful, and i want to respect how he feels. so im trying really hard to eat healthy around him, instead of just not eating, wish me luck girls, im gunna need it. anyone have any advice?

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[13 Jul 2005|06:30pm]

sometimes i think my mother hates me. she will not stop buying yummy icecream and my fav. chips. AAARRGGHHH!! but luckily i actually had some willpower so i stuck to my liquid fast. i had an 80 calorie yogurt smoothie today(thats still liquid right?) anyway i still feel like a fat piece of shit. i cried once again after looking in the mirror for over an hour. my husband who is usually supportive has told me he wont see me until my fast is over. fuck fuck fuck. im ruining my life and his now. i fucking suck.
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[10 Jul 2005|12:06am]
hey girls! I haven't posted in here in soo long, and I'm sorry
I will try to be a little more active.

I really hate asking questions, but I'm worried.
Lately I have had no energy whatsoever, I am constantly tired no matter how much I sleep and I'm dizzy a lot. My parents are threatening to take me for blood work to find out what is wrong with me, if I don't have somewhat of an increase in energy soon. They suspect I'm probably anemic, which wouldn't surprise me. If I end up going to get blood tests done, will the doctors be able to tell that I restrict? If you have any idea, it would be greatly appreciated. Just so I know whether or not to just go along with the tests, or pretend I'm not tired any more.
Thanks girls hope you are all doing well ♥

x-posted to teen_ana, sorry
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sex [28 Jun 2005|07:46pm]

[ mood | pissed off ]

i can't believe how fat and disgusting i am. i feel so full right now, im gunna puke. had moms dinner, whcih was good, excpet i wanted to kill myself with every bite. i never enjoy eaying, and i hate it when i have to. im around 1000 cals today, more than ive been in a LONG time. im down to 127.5, but im going on vaca. firday for 10 days with my husband and his family, and im going to the beach, so that means bikini, which my husband swears i look sexy in, but he's delirious. thankfully i surf so most of the time ill be in board shorts and a wet suit top, but still, those tops are so tight.

the real reason im writing tonight(be warned, some sexual details)Collapse )

x-posted to alot of places

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[24 Jun 2005|07:38pm]

ive been eating and gaining and crying and hating myself. ied in with my mom and its so much harder here. i hate this. im leaving for NC in a few days for 12 dyas with my husband and his family and i hate my body, especially in my bikini. i fucking suck at life.
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[13 Jun 2005|05:07pm]

hey everyone. i didnt see it in the rules, but if this isnt allowed let me know and ill dlete it. thanks!

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[09 Jun 2005|07:48pm]

in my opinion...Collapse )

i just posted this in the wrong community(i.am.an.idiot) but anyway, i figured it would be better off posted here. enjoy.
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[07 Jun 2005|12:14am]

[ mood | stressed ]

ever hospitilized? nope, been thretened many times to be "locked up for awhile" but ive always been able to get out of it b/c my mom used to be ana when she was young, so she knows what its like.
goal: to get under 100 again....id be truely happy if i could reach 90-95lbs
anything else?? cant think of anything right now...so heres some pics of me... Read more...Collapse )

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intro [06 Jun 2005|08:18pm]

[ mood | bored ]

Age: 16
weight: 131
Height: 5'3
LW: 105
HW: 140
ever hospitilized?-once for OD on caffeine pills, i was basically living on them
goal: uner 100
anything else??-i just made this new lj for only ED stuff(i have a diff. one for friends/husband etc.). please comment and add me

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[24 May 2005|09:13am]


hi everyone, i really hope people join this community.  I think people will enjoy it.  What we need is a really great community, something to always turn to. A place to have true friends who honestly know what we are all going through everyday. we are all strong, and can do anything.  But getting a strong support system is the key...everyone needs friends, many people feel alone, and thats not good at all.

Join the community, and promote to whoever you please.

I hope this gets started up soon <33


<3 Gab

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