Free Child

Napowrimo 09/30

Drink coffee.
Look at the blue curtain,
Notice the fan,
Cough.
Quickly scratch head again.
Belly rises and fall,
Notice.
Tears entering behind eye lids,
Fight to keep them there,
And why?
Drink coffee.
Grab pen,
Look at the blooming orchid across the room,
Think about paper,
Be annoyed by that thought,
Notice you’ve been writing.
Think about the people who didn’t give you the respect you deserved,
Which is different from being right,
Which is different from making other wrong.
Think about the people who are interested in your life.
Their questions,
Their gaze,
Their hand on the small of your back.
Think and wonder if wherever you go you are invisible.
Play at being visible,
Play at taking up space,
Play at whatever life hands you.
Fear.
Fear of cancer.
All the dying bodies.
1 degree of separation.
Scared.
Mad at humans.
Mad at corporations,
Mad at the spider that couldn’t climb out of the bathtub and died.
How do we choose to bring new humans into a world,
Which we know is disappearing.
Apologize.
Apologize again.
And then again.
I don’t mean hug a tree.
Fear.
Gripping.
Not enough time.
Missing a deadline.
Catching up to the fire.
Sad now.
Flickering.
Trying to get through it.
Drink coffee.
The corner of the room waits.
Do this for weeks.
Quotes of wisdom on every page.
Don’t flip.
Bathroom break.
Very important.
Stomach churning.
Take everything personally.
Dishwasher hum,
Civilization,
Summer forever falls,
Dying.
That will be me too,
Someday,
Tomorrow,
Now.
Chest to belly,
The ringing of the bells,
All this longing,
The empty breakfast plate,
The scent of a peach,
Sweet and cold,
Not at all complete or perfect,
But here,
Now,
Taking a full sip.

my day in jail and story to tell


How did I get here
It hurts me to tell
Covered in tears
And in a jail cell
My anger went wild
Aggression took over
I acted like a drunk
But was totally sober
My mother’s tears grew
As they cuffed my hands tight
Knowing I’d be locked up
In jail for the night
Too strong to give in
To my immature ways
She said no to bail
Go to court the next day
Having the worse
Thoughts in my mind
Hearing the cop say
You’re in for a long time
I slept in my cell
On a bench three feet long
I lied there restless
With the thought of all I did wrong
Then my sleep aids kicked in
And I fell into slumber
Gave into the fear
Of the roof I slept under
Then the next day I awoke
To do things I rather withhold
Then they brought me somewhere nicer
But much more cold
I got a new cell and an actual bed
Got put on suicide watch
What’s the point I feel dead
I fell asleep quickly
But awoke just as fast
“Ms get all ready”
It’s court at last
I get cuffed and shackled
And locked in a room
With a girl on heroin
Pleading NOT GUILTY too
So I entered the court and gave out my plea
Said I’m not guilty
And got released
So just one day of jail
That will stick in my head
I hope you now can take in
These things I have said

whistling sexy (july 2, 2008)

so whistling is sexy
dire ocean, dire sea
calmly careening
island by island
beach by beach
so whistling is sexy ...
when you do

so words unspoken are true
like the wind, like the sand
underneath our almost bound feet
struggling for thoughts
that the body give away
so easily, so enchantingly
words almost uttered
but then again they were never heard
yet so true, its so true

so the tree, so the rock
he climbed, he trudged
funny, clumsily, and uncanny
like me lying half naked
and you whistling sexy ...
at me
under the scorching march sun
friends, rocks and the boat men
all gone, all done
just you and i
left behind ...



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  • Current Music
    time of your life - chicane

(no subject)

Something’s not right

When a girl like her

Loses faith

In her own beauty

And it becomes a blur

She hears you’re too fat

At one hundred and ten

Voices say drop the food

It’s a killer best friend

Oh the pain she must feel

When she follows society

She loses the weight

But the world’s still not happy

They send out the message

To girls like her

And like you

That you’re way too big

If you wear a size two

Now something’s not right

When every girl has to fight

The scale and the mirror

Every damn night

So how does this effect

Those poor girls in a ten

No way they are fat

they're still beautiful and thin

The world’s message kills

Girls are destroying their health

To be what society says

Is they’re perfect self

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(no subject)

 

I see you can taste

The fear not visible on my face

You love to make me frightened

With my heart at a dangerous pace

I can feel you staring through me

Trying to detect my weakness

Somehow you can grab

A hold of my heart

Taking it every time I need it

I don’t see how you know me so well

When you barely stayed around

I always thought when I’d open up

You wouldn’t hear a sound

Maybe as I spilled my heart

And you were ignoring all my words

You just examined things that tear me apart

That’s why to you my whole past’s been a blur

I just seemed to assume

That when guys would used you

It was for physical enjoyment for them

I never though it could be my father

Pointing at my flaws to avoid all his sins

 

(no subject)

 

I never sleep anymore

You girls who don’t need pills

Are lucky whores

I cannot stand my restlessness

This insomnia is making me pissed

Now I’m full of rage and energy

So I need to go so I can sleep

I think I’m about to lose my mind

I’m freaking out

As I look at the time

If only one day I could breathe

Maybe I’d get back the good in me

make me happy

Make me happy

Make me whole

Someone please

Just save my soul

Try not to pause

Try not to think

I want to be happy

But I’ve grown too weak

I cannot love

And I cannot feel

I’m lost in fantasy

Oblivious to what's real

I need some freedom

Can you cheer me on?

Do you know if it's right?

You say that I’m wrong

I know I’m living

This life in vein

Sinning to take

My mind off my pain

“Social Rules or What make who”

 Without trends

They don’t care who you are

With popular friends

You’re a movie star

Some girls are geeks until they make cheer

They once were called freaks

But she’s sexy this year

Reading’s for nerds

Cheerleaders are stuck up

You’re a total whore

If you’re past a C-cup

Jocks are boneheads

Guys whose best friends are girls

Are always homos

If you cut your wrist

You’re such an emo

If girls wear mini skirts

She wants some action

People only have crazy hair

Just want a reaction

Did you know pretty girls

Have never have problems

Every good-looking guy

Has a wallet full of condoms

What’s wrong with society

Are they trying to fit in

By labeling people

Making up there sins

Why can’t in but

Not be labeled

There are a lot of cool people

That doesn’t sit at the popular table

What started all this

Will it ever end

By judging people by stereotypes

What kind of message do you think that sends

Think about it

When putting everyone in these groups

Have you ever thought of

What people say about you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Without trends

They don’t care who you are

With popular friends

You’re a movie star

Some girls are geeks until they make cheer

They once were called freaks

But she’s sexy this year

Reading’s for nerds

Cheerleaders are stuck up

You’re a total whore

If you’re past a C-cup

Jocks are boneheads

Guys whose best friends are girls

Are always homos

If you cut your wrist

You’re such an emo

If girls wear mini skirts

She wants some action

People only have crazy hair

Just want a reaction

Did you know pretty girls

Have never have problems

Every good-looking guy

Has a wallet full of condoms

What’s wrong with society

Are they trying to fit in

By labeling people

Making up there sins

Why can’t in but

Not be labeled

There are a lot of cool people

That doesn’t sit at the popular table

What started all this

Will it ever end

By judging people by stereotypes

What kind of message do you think that sends

Think about it

When putting everyone in these groups

Have you ever thought of

What people say about