January 7th, 2008

dancing, Alva Bernadine

please help me - confused, afraid, and obsessive

Please read this and help me. I don’t know who I can turn to with this, so I’m turning to perfect strangers. I didn’t know how to tell this without telling the whole story, so this is long; I’m sorry. I’m not suicidal – I’m just stuck and so so very desperate for life to be good again.

“It feels like every time I approach my schoolwork I lose my mind. I either obsessively repeating self-loathing thoughts or am avoiding most thought while in a blind panic. I sob on my floor or I pace my room. I obsessively avoid my housemates, sometimes being quiet and creeping around my room when they’re nearby. I either run or tiptoe to use the bathroom.”

… “My hours reversed completely. I did not leave my room for two weeks, obsessing over my work but doing nothing. I cried, and hated myself, I left my room late at night to eat and use the bathroom. Just as my housemates got up I stopped my crying and slept wherever I happened to be. I slept on the floor and against my desk. I created a “cocoon of light” for myself and would go there and count, and breathe. When not crying I would watch the same movie over and over again, writing notes and memorizing lines.”

…“Please please help, I remember life being so much better than this.”

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