I wrote the other day when I was having a moment of panic and, strangely, the bit of clarity it took to understand that I really need some help. I posted what I wrote in a few different communities hoping for help from somewhere, even though I know that I should go see a doctor. This was the advice most people gave, and I am trying to get one but they seem hard to find where I live.
Here’s what I’m wondering though – if any of you know… the things that I’m experiencing (detailed here: http://community.livejournal.com/_the_couch_/140372.html#cutid1 - in summary it’s a whole lot of panic mixed up with obsessive self-loathing which sometimes result in an inability to leave my room) are they symptoms of some kind of disease? I know it’s bad to diagnose yourself; it would just be really comforting if I knew this was something I could work towards ‘fixing’.
Also: I don’t feel like this all the time. In fact as soon as I’m with people I feel pretty normal and happy. It’s just that every once in a while I fall into a spell where it gets unbelievably difficult to leave my house and put myself in those situations where I’m okay. I’m leaving as of now – I’ve gone to class for the past two days and went out with my classmates. But I haven’t slept for days and every night I briefly experience what I sometimes feel for weeks. It seems every time that I’m alone I begin to panic, but eventually push myself to shower and dress and go into the big wide world. I’m simply worried that I’ll panic for more than a brief time, or fail one day at succeeding with that push and end up trapped again for weeks.
Thank you for the responses last time, and I’m now making calls to find a doctor.