Brittany the Keyblade Master! (magic730dreams) wrote in _the_couch_,
Brittany the Keyblade Master!

mod post, and an update!

I was looking through a new book I got, Beat Depression and Reclaim Your Life by: Alexandra Massey, which I am adding to our ever-growing book list on our user info page. If anyone has any books/websites/therapist sites to add, please let me know by making a post of your own or commenting on any one of my posts.

I had another idea-I know I am kinda late in this area of livejournal life, but I have just discovered the joy of tagging things! I was thinking, if we tag our entries from now on with our name (at least our name-topic(s) too if you feel so lead), then people can look us up and see our process/progress, in order to better support us. Not a requirement, but an idea: tag your name on your entries if you feel so lead, it may lead to more comments.

This place has been quiet as of late, and I know I haven't been doing as much with _the_couch_ as I should be doing, and for that I apologize. I know we all understand the issues within depression and whatever else, but it's important to have places like this to lean on each other. I think so anyways. I'm hoping as I start to make more posts, more people will join in again. We also have a banner for advertising, if anyone feels like doing so-let me know and I will be more than happy to link you to it.

I have been getting so stressed about going back home in a couple weeks that I made myself sick. I have bronchitis and a sinus infection, which induced asthma. I was told a year or two ago that my constant allergies and tendency to get bronchitis all the damn time might lead to asthma, but they figured I had until I was at least 23 (I'm 20 now). They said it was probably set off by some extreme stress I may have been under during my illness-cue my mother.

My mom has been sending me nasty, awful emails for days now-along with curse-filled phone messages about how I'm hurtful, ugly, a bad person and generally awful to man-kind. She gets so so nervous and afraid, and that shouldn't be happening. I don't think anyone should have to be afraid of a person that claims to love you...but I am. Nightmare inducing, trips to ER for not breathing type of afraid.

She's mad because I told her I would be alone with her during my trip out to CA. Is it any wonder? She is bad for me, and now that I am finally (FINALLY!) standing on that fact, she is throwing a temper tantrum. Not too fun...

Christina (my therapist and right arm) says that I am doing everything I can to make things polite and clear, while taking care of myself. Without Christina backing me up with her phone messages and making extra time to see me in the last month, I don't think I would be able to be this strong. She fuels me with this confidence and belief that I do deserve to feel safe, respected, and in control of myself. I adore her! :-)

Anyways-that is what I'm mostly going through, and now the physical illness of it all. I'm on a million antibiotics and I have 2 inhalers and all sorts of goodies. I'm working through the mom stuff slowly. I haven't been home in about a year and a half, and I'll only be home for 12 days, which is MORE than enough. Possibly too much...

Also in news of medications, my zoloft is not quite doing it's job. Is anyone else on zoloft and/or knows about how well it works? I am still depressed, although I only take 50 milligrams (milligrams is right, isn't it? I think so...) a day, but still-not working. I want to sleep all the time, and I generally feel like shit. It may be that I've been sick for the last month and am only now taking care of that, but I have been feeling badly with the zoloft for at least 3 months now...anyways-if anyone has some insight, it is welcome.

Hope everyone has a great week-I will be posting again kinda soon, trying to get some movement in here. :-) -Brit
Tags: asthma, books, brittany-mod, depression, family, fear, mod post, zoloft
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