So I was planning to go see One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest in the university's cinema today, but then I saw something else is there today:
Metamorphosis – Special Discussion
Israel, 50 min, Documentary.
Directed by: Neta-lee Baron.
Metamorphosis is a combination between recent rape cases and myths about rape.
A discussion will follow the movie. The women from the movie will talk with the audience.
[taken from bgu4u.co.il]
There's no doubt in my mind I'm going to be there, but I can already feel the anxiety rising.
You know what's the scariest thing for me in these kinds of gatherings? Seeing there women I know. Last year, after there was a rape in campus and there was a discussion group about the myths of rape, meant to promote awareness, I came over and there was this woman that I have a few classes with. We are not close at all, in fact we barely say "hi" to each other - we just never clicked, I guess - but I hated the fact that she was there neverhteless, because I was sitting there before the meeting started and could shake this thought from my head - "maybe R. was *that* too".
You just don't want to see familiar faces because you don't want to deal with the thought that they may have (and if they're there, yeah, they probably were) been *that*. Somehow after that meeting last year I would be in class and I'd think, okay, I know for sure now, there's more than one survivor in this class, it'd make me uncomfortable for some reason. I hate the statistics and I hate the numbers, and trust me I see numbers every day because almost in every stall in the girls' bathrooms in the U there's a sticker of the rape crisis center and hotline. You're sitting there with your pants down and it's right there in front of your face, reminding you.
I don't know where I'm going with this, I'll just shut up now.
[x-posting to my journal and to the survivors community]