Tags: triggers: reminder of abuser

freaking cycles....

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What do you do when you work with a person and find that you feel threated because of what happened in your past?  She visits frequently....
I feel like I can't just come out and say..."Look I was abused, now cut it out...".  Way to personal for work relations I feel...

Is there ever a time when one is just being a little too sensitive?  

Been in a situation like this....?
off balance


It is around the holidays that I most miss family, the very people that put me through hell. In some ways the abuse doesn't stop even after you leave. No matter how you look at it I am still minus a family. The damage done when I was a child and young adult is difficult to even articulate, let alone process.

Sometimes I don't think survival is a word I can use, the damage runs too deep. I have managed to limp along and I fall way too often and have to grasp for the smallest thread to pull myself along by.

This weekend is one of those falls. Everywhere I look I see despair. My mind reels as it goes back to holidays past. It isn't as simple as a hole inside me, it is filled with the garbage my father filled everyone with in his path.

Self harm may not be a FDA approved method of dealing with intense self loathing, but it works.