I have a friend who tends to do something that triggers me. She is quite a new friend (only a few months) and though I'm fairly open at this stage of my recovery about having been raped and assaulted, the topic hasn't come up with her yet. I actually planned to not bring it up, if possible, ever - not because I don't trust her with that information, but because I wanted to see how long can a friendship go without involving that information, since it bothers me that those past experiences continue to be involved in every little bit of my life. However, because she was doing something that triggered me, I decided that I needed to tell her to stop, and that had to be done with a good explanation, as she is highly sensitive. So I wrote her an email.
Hi- I found this community because I am struggling with something that happened a long time ago. It is stupid and it is anniversary time and I have realized how much these events have shaped my life and the relationships that I have. I would appreciate any feedback and comments that you care to make.
I don't have time the energy for this right now. Why did he have to call again? Why won't he leave me alone? What does he want from me?
This guy Shawn called me again tonight. It's been a month since I heard from him... That time he called but I missed the phone call legitimately. I convinced myself it was an accident. But now he called again, I didn't take the call because I was in a meeting. But dear Lord... this is no accident! I told him to leave me alone in December. I told him to stop calling me. I told him to stop all this stuff, that I did NOT want to date him, that I did NOT want to see him again.
What is he doing? Why is he doing it? Why does he keep calling me? How do I make it go away? I don't even know his last name. I have a cell phone number and a first name (unless that was a lie too). That's it. I have a rough description of him and a rough description of his car. This is so tiring... why did he have to go and call me again? Why is he playing with me?
This is not normal. This is not happening. I don't have the energy to do this again. He harassed me for two months already last semester... I thought it was over. I thought I was free. Then the fluke phone call... now another... which means these aren't flukes. I don't like this. My gut is going into triple knots... it doesn't like this. I don't mean to be paranoid... but I'm freaking out.
What does he want from me? And why won't he leave me alone?!?!?
I have a missed call on my cell phone from a guy... the guy that i went on a date with last halloween, who then called me every week for about 2 months straight. no message, but a missed call.
i haven't heard from this guy since december when he called and i answered and asked him to stop calling me and text mesasgeing me. i told him i didn't want a relationship (which he did), i didn't want to see him again, and i didn't want him contacting me anymore. he had sent me a text message saying it is all a misunderstanding, for me to think it over, and get back to him. of course, i never did. thus alleviating semi-stalker #1.
now a phone call??? why????
i missed the call by chance... i'm staying in tongiht. must have gone down the hall to the bathroom and missed the call. it's very weird that he's called again. hopefully it was just a wrong number... like... he meant to call some other katie and accidentally dialed my number. it's possible. if i get more calls... or if i get a message ever... then it's going to get weird again.
it makes me laugh. it just does. i'm having a really awesome day right now... and this out of the blue occurs. it's probably nothing... but it's like... someone is telling me that's it's okay to be happy... but don't get too happy for too long, or they're going to stir up my psat to come bother me again.
but yeah... i don't like for those chapters to be opened up. and i hope it's a fluke. it better be a fluke. i don't feel like dealing with the stress and the crap that's related to it NOT being a fluke. so we'll see. only time will tell.
thank you for all the support. after i posted last, i got an email from the guy and it reiterated that he was going to send me this gift regardless of what i wanted. that followed me freaking out even more, and sending the email to my supports on campus. by unanimous agreement, i contacted the campus police as well as the univresity judicial system about this, talking/meeting with both sources today. my supervisor at my housing job also got in touch with in response to my request, and he has been incredibly supportive throughout all this... promising me that this guy and i will never again be in the same area work-wise, and that his supervisor and the director know about it. the director issues a directive to cease communication with me to the guy effective immediately. the judical council director also is preparing a letter of decist... making it so he cannot contact me at all without facing repercussions.
and somewhere along the way it was no longer referred to "option 3," which was the 3rd possible explanation for these happenings that one of my supports gave me monday night... and into a "he's stalking you." not so sure how i feel about that... but hopefully it's over. it's out of my control, but it's no longer just in his either. if he does anything else, then the powers that be that i've talked to can bring about serious repercussions... so it's more in their power than anyone else's. and i'm fine with that.
it's been a long day of talking to a lot of people... but hopefully... hopefully... this chapter has come to a close.
he called again tonight. i told him not to call me anymore. he said but... but there's something i want to give you. i said no. i don't think so. don't call me again. and hung up.
it's not a cultural misunderstanding to give a gift to someone. it's not someone being stubborn and not getting subtle clues i don't want to talk to you to give a gift to someone. that involves FINDING them to give it to them, plus the thought process behind it. damn it. this IS NOT happening!
i am officially freaking out. i've talked to the people i work with (as i do work at the women's center no campus) and to the people (who are also my friends) who work the program combating violence against women here. people are aware of what's going on and i know all the stuff... don't walk alone, change your routine, keep a log, etc. but i'm one more phone call away from having an official stalker. and THAT does not sit well with me at all.
i've survived sexual assualt. i've survived dating violence. i've survived rape. now this... how much can one person take?
Wow. Just wow. I have to laugh, or I'd start to cry. Sometimes... I don't know... my life is almost too amusing to be at all grounded in reality. It's like a werid pervision of Ground Hog Day with the same basic storyline repeating over and over and over again. Girl meets guy. Guy is freak. Guy freaks out girl. Guy doesn't leave her alone. Girl left laughing at herself for lack of anything else to do.
So yes, just last Monday I had that conversation with stalker-ish guy #1. The don't call me ever again. Well, tonight will be 1-week if he doesn't call me by 10pm. I hope he doesn't... it'd be nice to just have one of these at a time. Hopefully he got my very blunt hint that we weren't going to have a relationship and he's let go. It would be nice. So on that front, things have calmed down. Granted, I got to make it past 10pm tonight (when he calls on Mondays) before I can rest assured (mostly assured) that he's closed that chapter in my life.
But yes, it happened again! Oh my luck. Oh my damn luck. I have to laugh... I just have to. Because this can't REALLY be happening. It's worse than a bad movie stuck on replay... it's ridiculous. ( Collapse )