I have just joined this community in hopes in finding healing in sharing with others, hearing their stories, understanding and witnessing their pain, in order to gain further understanding of my own.
I was a victim of rape as a teenager, and recently I have been assaulted and sexually harassed by my boss. I am currently in the process or suing the company which I work for. As they mishandled the case, did a shotty investigation, refused to contact outside witnesses and other victims. In the end of their investigation I was told they couldn't verify my story, so they were keeping him and while they understand if I need to leave, if I stay, I am expected to continue working for him, directly for him. My lawyer is currently working on a settlement, as the sad reality is, they are a 90 billion $ corporation, and I am not.
I have started trying to work with a local RCC, but have not been able to get into any type of group counseling, or group experience. I feel that this is most healthy, as I do not require a therapist. I fallow a tradition which focuses on healing of the soul, and teaches empowerment and the difference between victimhood and woundedness. So I thought it would be good to join a LJ community which could help foster some of the community needs I seem to be having. that said, I am in no way looking to make this a group therapy session, just explain why I chose to join.
I would like to ask more specific questions once I get the feel of the group. So I just wanted to say hello, introduce myself and let everyone know that I am looking forward to getting to know the group.
Hope this cut works because I can never get it to.
crossposted to _lostbeauty_ and also _survivors_ and my journal.
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I don't know. It's just all piling in on me. I want to scream or cry but I can't. At least I haven't cut over this, which for me is an improvement. I just want it all to end because it's getting to the point where I'm not even caring about myself anymore, case in point in the issues at hand...I don't know. I just needed to vent or something. Sorry.
nightmares have returned.
flashes of shakar
i was just thnking of shakar i guess. a few days ago, when i went down town springfield with amy.
i saw shakar outside of his bar.
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me:how's it going?
friend:just got home
me:eh...kinda creeped out. this drunk middle eatern guy was bothering me when I was trying to go for a walk
me:he didn't do anything, but I froze again. I shoulda just walked away. but yeah....he grbbed me a couple times and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away though
me:I'm trying not to make a big deal outta it though. nothin' happened and I just shoulda walked away. still creeped me out though : /
friend:I'm glad it didn't go any further
me:yeah, me too
me:he tried to get me to come into his house
friend:he must be desperate
me:yeah...he was drunk...then he started talking about his ex. he was 27...and he knew how old I am
friend:that is gross
me:yeah. >:P yuck.
me:I'm not going for late night walks anymore...
me:I could smell the alcohol on him...then I asked if he had been drinking and he said yes
friend:its not safe
me:it helps me unwind sometimes, but it isn't worth that happening again
friend:there are other ways to unwind
me:I feel stupid now
me:at least I learned from it
friend:thats the good that came out of it
me:still so yucky though!!!!