A common after-effect of abuse is that survivors become perfectionists. Whether it's because we've been taught that if we weren't perfect, we would be hurt, or whether we hold ourselves to *much* higher standards than we do everyone else - perfectionism is a mix of both helpful and harmful to us.
We have talked about self-forgiveness, about allowing ourselves to make mistakes, and about how to view ourselves in a more positive light so that we can accomplish this. Since looking at our perfectionism and where it comes from is vital to being able to wrangle it into something more helpful than harmful, that is this week's topic.
This week's questions:
- Are you a perfectionist? Are you more of a perfectionist in one area (like your behaviour) than in another (at work, etc.)?
- How does that perfectionism affect you negatively? Does it make it hard to have a good self-image?
- How does that perfectionism affect you positively? Does it help you get better grades or advance yourself creatively (like in art, etc)?
The other thing I have noticed is this; My perfectionist issues. This revolves in any world where there is someone who is looking to me to do a good....and too whom I want to please and excel by. I want to do a good job for myself as well....but just as well for them. Now. This becomes a problem when I'm not moving at the speed, or grasping a concept, that I feel I should. I.E. on register the other day I had a hard times with names of drinks and how to say them right. I got mega frustrated with myself and kind of beat myself up for it. I have to learn not to do that. It was only my second day!!!
This not only effect my day job...but I'm just as hard on myself in the creative field. The first day...if it's not right....I get upset with myself. I have to be reminded that I should be having fun! I say...It's fun! but I have to get it right!
I know that these issues stem from being brought up in an alcholic enviroment. Possible in it's own right....the sexual abuse and consistant movement when I was younger. Trying to make sure everyone's pleased thus everything is perfect thus there are no conflicts.
That is a really hard lesson though for me. I don't know exactlly how to go about begining to learn to handle it correctly. I guess it all goes into acccepting the work I do as good and is as much as I can do at that time.
It's hard for me to even accept the progress I've made in begining to heal because of this. People will say...."you've come so far....your very brave!" I'll just nod my head and shrug my shoulders. I don't really believe it. I don't even know how to understand in beliving it.
Thanks ya'll. Your such a great bunch and help me out into so many ways with your support!