Now, this isn't much about abuse or my story, however, my husband is coming home from a few weeks deployment with the Navy, and I just kind of need somewhere personal to talk about these sort of things. Yes, there is some reference to my abuse, but it's not that I'm completely going into it again. It's just, my mother denied it, my family doesn't know, my friends don't know, and in fact I'd rather not disclose that right now to anyone since you all were the first to get the story, any of it, at all (besides that I was abused).( Our RelationshipCollapse )
So, now he's stationed on a boat and he goes to sea for different periods of time, this time a few weeks, next time a few months, then for six months. Luckily, no females work on his ship, or we wouldn't be together. I missed him horribly. Still sort of do, but now he's coming home tomorrow. And at first I was happy, but now I'm scared and mad. Not just because of the past with him, but because he asked me to do something for him. I'd done it before, but he asked me to shave down there. I don't have a huge problem with it, I hate when it grows back, but it's never really bothered me before, and now it is. I think I know why too.( the reason, may be triggeringCollapse )
Is it wrong for me to be so defensive and judgemental? I don't think that any of it is true, but it scares me none the less. It scares me because I think on one hand how if I don't do it, he won't be interested and find someone else. But on the other if I do, then I'll just be throwing myself into the cycle I was before where I don't live for myself, but just live to make everyone happy so that I could pretend I didn't exist in my sorrow. I do think it's just because of my abuse, and all the thoughts and nightmares floating around recently due to finally confronting it. But anyone have suggestions on how to approach this matter? Should I tell him what I'm thinking, even if it's taking steps back on my trust in him? Should I just trust him? I'm so confussed.... thanks for letting me rant.